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Confused malcontents swilling Chardonnay while awaiting the Zombie Apocalypse.
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Love a good old fashioned joke!
This thread is "Words of Wisdom"... as in wonderful nuggets of advice or poignant quotes...
Two beggars are sitting side by side on a street in Rome.
One has a cross in front of him; the other one the Star of David.
Many people go by and look at both beggars, but only put money into the hat of the beggar sitting behind the cross.
A priest comes by, stops and watches throngs of people giving money to the beggar behind the cross, but none give to the beggar behind the Star of David.
Finally, the priest goes over to the beggar behind the Star of David and says, "My poor fellow, don't you understand? This is a Catholic country; this city is the seat of Catholicism. People aren't going to give you money if you sit there with a Star of David in front of you, especially when you're sitting beside a beggar who has a cross. In fact, they would probably give to him just out of spite."
The beggar behind the Star of David listened to the priest, turned to the other beggar with the cross and said, "Moishe, look who's trying to teach the Goldstein brothers about marketing."
PLUMBER AWARD - FINALISTS
A farmer was seen in his field earlier today running around shouting and screaming and shooting everything in sight.....
...it was Farmergeddon
Sorry Jenny I took this pic in your bathroom!
"If at first you don't frickassee, fry, fry a hen." -- Robert Kapelke.
A moral Tale
An elderly Florida lady did her shopping and, upon returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her vehicle.
She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at the top of her lungs, "I have a gun, and I know how to use it!
Get out of the car - NOW !"
The four men didn't wait for a second threat.
They got out and ran like mad.
The lady, somewhat shaken, then proceededto load her shopping bags into the back of the car and got into the driver's seat.
She was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition. She tried and tried, and then she realized why.