None of those last 3 worked.

I loved the guardian bit, though.

1.    Law of Mechanical Repair After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.  2.       Law of Gravity Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible place in the universe.    3.       Law of Probability The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.    4.       Law of Random Numbers If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal; someone always answers.    5.       Variation Law If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now.    6.