Coalition of the Confused

Hosted by Jenifer (Zarknorph)

Confused malcontents swilling Chardonnay while awaiting the Zombie Apocalypse.

  • 931
    MEMBERS
  • 53615
    MESSAGES
  • 11
    POSTS TODAY

Discussions

Comic Relief   The Lounge

Started 7/25/17 by Jenifer (Zarknorph); 233661 views.
Di (amina046)

From: Di (amina046)

12/17/19

As always, it was worth waiting for!!! smilesmilesmile

PTG (anotherPTG)

From: PTG (anotherPTG)

12/19/19

Crude but effective!


 

 

 

A horse, a chicken and a Harley


On the farm lived a chicken and a horse, both of whom loved to play
together. One  day the two were playing, when the horse fell into a bog and
began to sink. Scared for his life, the horse whinnied for the chicken to go
get the farmer for help! Off  the chicken ran, back to the farm. Arriving at
the farm, he searched and searched for the farmer, but to no avail, for he
had gone to town with the only tractor.

Running around, the chicken spied the farmer's new Harley.
Finding the keys in the ignition, the chicken sped off with a length of rope
hoping he still had time to save his friend's life. Back at the bog, the
horse was surprised, but happy,  to see the chicken arrive on the shiny
Harley, and he managed to get a hold of the loop of rope the chicken tossed
to him.  After  tying the other end to the rear bumper of the farmer's bike,
the chicken then drove slowly forward and, with the aid of the powerful
bike, rescued the horse!  Happy  and proud, the chicken rode the Harley back
to the farmhouse, and the farmer was none the wiser when he returned.

The friendship between the two animals was cemented: Best Buddies, Best
Pals.A few weeks later, the chicken fell into a mud pit, and soon, he too,
began to sink and cried out to the horse to save his life! The  horse
thought a moment, walked over, and straddled the large puddle.
Looking underneath, he told the chicken to grab his 'hangy-down'
thing and he would then lift him out of the pit. The chicken got a good
grip, and the horse pulled him up and out,  saving his life........The moral
of the story? (yep, you betcha, there IS a moral!)

Scroll  down  ......











"When You're Hung Like A Horse, You Don't Need A Harley To Pick Up Chicks"

Jenifer (Zarknorph)
Host

From: Jenifer (Zarknorph)

12/20/19

That last one was brilliant!

PTG (anotherPTG)

From: PTG (anotherPTG)

12/21/19

Relief? Guess what mine is!

About Dencorub

Dencorub offers you a range of pain relieving creams, gels and patches suitable for a variety of muscular and joint aches and pains.

What kind of pain relief product
are you looking for?

Di (amina046)

From: Di (amina046)

12/22/19

Di (amina046)

From: Di (amina046)

12/22/19

SHE WALKED UP AND TIED HER OLD MULE TO THE HITCHING POST.  
AS SHE STOOD  THERE, BRUSHING SOME OF THE DUST FROM HER FACE AND CLOTHES, A YOUNG GUNSLINGER STEPPED OUT OF THE SALOON WITH A GUN IN ONE HAND AND A BOTTLE OF WHISKEY IN THE OTHER. 

THE YOUNG GUNSLINGER LOOKED AT THE OLD WOMAN AND LAUGHED, "HEY OLD WOMAN, HAVE YOU EVER DANCED?" 

THE OLD WOMAN LOOKED UP AT THE GUNSLINGER AND SAID, "NO, I NEVER DID DANCE. NEVER REALLY WANTED TO." 

A CROWD HAD GATHERED AS THE GUNSLINGER GRINNED AND SAID,   "WELL, YOU  OLD BAG, YOU'RE GONNA DANCE NOW," AND STARTED SHOOTING AT THE OLD WOMAN'S FEET. 

THE OLD WOMAN PROSPECTOR  —  NOT WANTING TO GET HER TOE BLOWN OFF  --  STARTED HOPPING AROUND. 

EVERYBODY WAS LAUGHING. WHEN HIS LAST BULLET HAD BEEN FIRED, THE YOUNG GUNSLINGER, STILL LAUGHING, HOLSTERED HIS GUN AND TURNED AROUND TO GO BACK INTO THE  SALOON. 

THE OLD WOMAN TURNED TO HER PACK MULE, PULLED OUT A DOUBLE-BARRELED SHOTGUN, AND COCKED BOTH HAMMERS. 

THE LOUD CLICKS CARRIED CLEARLY THROUGH THE DESERT AIR. 

THE CROWD  STOPPED LAUGHING IMMEDIATELY. 

THE YOUNG GUNSLINGER HEARD THE SOUNDS, TOO, AND HE TURNED AROUND VERY SLOWLY.   
THE SILENCE WAS ALMOST DEAFENING. 

THE CROWD WATCHED AS THE YOUNG GUNMAN STARED AT THE OLD WOMAN AND THE LARGE GAPING HOLES OF THOSE TWIN BARRELS. 
THE BARRELS OF THE SHOTGUN NEVER WAVERED IN THE OLD WOMAN'S HANDS,  AS SHE QUIETLY SAID, "SON, HAVE YOU EVER KISSED A MULE'S ASS?" 

THE GUNSLINGER SWALLOWED HARD AND SAID, "NO M'AAM. BUT, I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO." 


THERE ARE A FEW LESSONS HERE FOR ALL OF US: 

1. Never be arrogant. 

2. Don't waste ammunition. 

3. Whiskey makes you think you're smarter than you are. 

4. Always, always make sure you know who has the power. 

5. Don't mess with old women; they didn't get old by being stupid. 
PTG (anotherPTG)

From: PTG (anotherPTG)

12/28/19

Alas! Alas! My poor Canary is Dead!

Telemann: Canary Cantata (Funeral for a Dead Canary) - Jeffrey Strauss/Apollo's Fire

G. P. TELEMANN Funeral Cantata for an Artistically Trained Canary-Bird Whose Demise Brought the Greatest Sorrow to its Master Jeffrey Strauss, baritone APOLL...

TOP