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Confused malcontents swilling Chardonnay while awaiting the Zombie Apocalypse.
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More8/24/20
When one door closes and another door opens, you are probably in prison.* * * * * * * * * * * *To me, "drink responsibly" means don't spill it.* * * * * * * * * * * *Age 60 might be thenew 40, but 9:00 pm is the new midnight.* * * * * * * * * * * *It's the start of a brand new day, and I'm off like a herd of turtles.* * * * * * * * * * * *The older I get, the earlier it gets late.* * * * * * * * * * * *When I say, "The other day," I could be referring to any time between yesterday and 15 years ago.* * * * * * * * * * * *I remember being able to get up without making sound effects.* * * * * * * * * * * *I had my patience tested. I'm negative.* * * * * * * * * * * *Remember, if you lose a sock in the dryer, it comes back as a Tupperware lid that doesn't fit any of your containers.* * * * * * * * * * * *If you're sitting in public and a stranger takes the seat next to you, just stare straight ahead and say, "Did you bring the money?"* * * * * * * * * * * *When you ask me what I am doing today, and I say "nothing," it does not mean I am free. It means I am doing nothing.* * * * * * * * * * * *I finally got eight hours of sleep. It took me three days, but whatever.* * * * * * * * * * * *I run like the winded.* * * * * * * * * * * *I hate when a couple argues in public, and I missed the beginning and don't know whose side I'm on.* * * * * * * * * * * *When someone asks what I did over the weekend, I squint and ask, "Why, what did you hear?"* * * * * * * * * * * *When you do squats, are your knees supposed to sound like a goat chewing on an aluminum can stuffed with celery?* * * * * * * * * * * *I don't mean to interrupt people. I just randomly remember things and get really excited.* * * * * * * * * * * *When I ask for directions, please don't use words like "east."* * * * * * * * * * * *Don't bother walking a mile in my shoes. That would be boring. Spend 30 seconds in my head. That'll freak you right out.* * * * * * * * * * * *Sometimes, someone unexpected comes into your life out of nowhere, makes your heart race, and changes you forever. We call those people cops.* * * * * * * * * * * *My luck is like a bald guy who just won a comb. *********************************I would like to add:When I wake up in the morning I wonder how long it'll be before something pisses me off.
8/24/20
Remember, if somebody sneezes, be sure to say, "Bless you. And thank God you're wearing a mask."
8/25/20
Di (amina046) said:Remember, if you lose a sock in the dryer, it comes back as a Tupperware lid that doesn't fit any of your containers.
So true!
8/31/20