Coalition of the Confused
Hosted by Jenifer (Zarknorph)
Confused malcontents swilling Chardonnay while awaiting the Zombie Apocalypse.
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Words Of Wisdom The Lounge
From: Jenifer (Zarknorph)
9/16/19
Rodney Dangerfield
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“My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too.”
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“I came from a real tough neighbourhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.”
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“I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous – everyone hasn’t met me yet.”
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“My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.”
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“I stuck my head out the window and got arrested for mooning.”
From: Jenifer (Zarknorph)
9/18/19
Dylan Moran
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“What are children anyway? Midget drunks. They greet you in the morning by kneeing you in the face and talking gibberish. They can’t even walk straight.”
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“I can’t swim. I can’t drive, either. I was going to learn to drive but then I thought, well, what if I crash into a lake?”
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“I don’t do drugs. If I want a rush I just stand up when I’m not expecting it.”
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“It’s easy to smile when you have a squirrel’s intellect.”
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“I don’t have lungs anymore! Just two spare bags that flew in under a bridge one day.”
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“I’m a vegetarian, well I’m not hardcore because I eat meat, but only because I like the taste, and I hate vegetables on a personal level so I’m not too good!”
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“I’m a quitter. I come from a long line of quitters. It’s amazing I’m here at all.”
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“It should not be an act of social disobedience to light a cigarette. Unless you’re actually a doctor working at an incubator.”
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“You’re supposed to eat the cows. They’re great big lumbering stupid things – they’d be everywhere if we didn’t eat them.”
From: Jenifer (Zarknorph)
9/19/19
Frankie Boyle
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“Nobody thought Mel Gibson could play a Scot but look at him now! Alcoholic and a racist!”
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“Don’t you think its quite weird for Prince Harry, getting really stoned and seeing your grans face appearing on your money.”
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“I hate all this terrorist business. I used to love the days when you could look at an unattended bag on the train or bus and think, I’m fucking havin that!'”
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“In the event of a cabin failure, oxygen masks will drop from the ceiling, and untangling them will annoy you before you die.”
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“When I went to school, sex education was mainly muttered warnings about the janitor.”
From: Di (amina046)
9/28/19
Questions with no apparent answers:
. Which letter is silent in the word "Scent," the S or the C?
Do twins ever realize that one of them is unplanned?
. Why is the letter W in English called double U? Shouldn't it be called double V?
.. Every time you clean something, you just make something else dirty.
100 years ago everyone owned a horse and only the rich had cars. Today everyone has cars and only the rich own horses.
Four great confusions still unresolved.
1 At a movie theater, which arm rest is yours?
2. If people evolve from monkeys, why are monkeys still around?
3. Why is there a 'D' in fridge, but not in refrigerator?
4. Who knew what time it was when the first clock was made?