Remember, if somebody sneezes, be sure to say, "Bless you. And thank God you're wearing a mask." 

Di (amina046) said:

Remember, if you lose a sock in the dryer, it comes back as a Tupperware lid that doesn't fit any of your containers.

So true!

I know, I have a few.

I have a collection!

And a LOT of odd socks.

Yesss!

Let's have some Paraprosdokians 

(W. Chuchill loved them)

 

 Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

  

 The last thing I want to do is hurt you.... but it's still on my list.

  

Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

  

 If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

  

 We never really grow up.... we only learn how to act in public.

  

 War does not determine who is right, only who is left.

  

 Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism.   To steal from many is research.

 I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

You do not need a parachute to skydive.   You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.

To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first & call whatever you hit the target.

Going to church doesn't make you a Christian, any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

You're never too old to learn something stupid.

I'm supposed to respect my elders, but it's getting harder & harder for me to find one now.

Dreadful!