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LifeRing Recovery: a self-help alternative for recovery from alcoholism and other chemical dependency. Group support for abstinence from alcohol and “drugs” by empowering the sober self within you. Completely secular: no prayers, Higher Powers or Steps.

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Rae returning    Sobriety/Recovery Journals

Started 6/17/08 by Rae (raeanne50); 31586 views.
mkh106

From: mkh106

6/21/08

but fear its not going to be enough for me to sustain this precious sobriety.

rae, i agree . fear is not enough. nor, in my "new" opinion, is determination. i think it might take a reason, something that for you makes it worth your while to go through some hardship of beginning sobriety in order to have ongoing sobriety.

for me, i can say it's that i really really want to be a sober person. i have no concrete"i'm doing it for health reasons, or because it's costing too much, or because so-and-so is gonna leave me...". or, to put it differently: i couldn't stand being the drunk i had become .we all know THAT self-disgust, i think.

I have no trust in myself in the long term,no matter how good I feel now.

well, it's kind of hard , isn't it, to trust that this time you will do what you haven't done before. rob once wrote to somone about how to have 100% confidence even when you're not so sure, but i can't remember how that went, so maybe he'll share that idea again with us.

keep going, rae.

margit

Rae (raeanne50)

From: Rae (raeanne50)

6/21/08

Hi Michael,

It really does feel like there is a demon inside me when these compulsions to drink envelop me. So far this time I've haven't had cravings, just periods of anxiety throughout the day that come and go.

However I've been very careful.. I have't had visitors in these past 10 days because I needed to detox alone. But now I'm getting lonely so going out today to visit a friend.

I was delighted yesterday to discover that I can read again if I do it slowly. I've really missed reading; its been my thing all my life but with the booze, it too went by the wayside.

I was sober for seven years once, from 1990-1997 and I can draw on that experience now. I'm remembering the things I used to do.. reading, playing piano, working with my plants, hanging out with sober friends... One by one these things are coming back to me. the rewards are enormous and I need to stay focussed on that.

Rae, 10 days clean and sober.

Rae (raeanne50)

From: Rae (raeanne50)

6/21/08

Hi Margit,

I will keep on going. I'm getting little rewards each day and feel so much better, both physically and emotionally.

Yesterday I told my 25 yr old dtr that I'd quit drinking. She was pleased but cautious. She's been down this road with me before and its hard on her. She had to visit me in hospital after a suicide attempt last summer, and once after I got drunk and totalled my car.. had some small injuries and because I hit the windshield, there was blood all over the car. It fell to her to get my stuff out of the car. She was angry and traumatized for quite awhile over that one. Don't blame her!

So embarking now on day 10; going to break my solitude and go visit some friends.. maybe even hit the library or a book store.

Hanging in, Rae

x (1074michael1)

From: x (1074michael1)

6/22/08

Hey Rae,

You mentioned in one of your posts that you wanted some time to yourself, away from your friends too. I think this a good idea. Many newly sober people are overly concerned with what their friends will think of them in their new sober persona. From my perspective, over 5 years on -- and I'm sure yours too, having been sober for a 7-year stretch -- the concern seems to underestimate the enormity of the change in store for them. Not only will many of the old crowd be left behind, attitudes towards socializing in general, towards entertainment and leisure time, and even towards time itself will change.

Hope you are enjoying your garden today.

Michael 

mkh106

From: mkh106

6/22/08

heya rae, you're at double-digits already! now it's more than you can count on two hands!

good going!

margit

Rob (PiperPayer)

From: Rob (PiperPayer)

6/22/08

Rae,

What has happened before does NOT determine what is happening now. While it is true that you will fail until you succeed, it is also true that you can succeed NOW.

Margit mentioned the 100% confidence idea. I certainly didn't come up with it on my own - kudos to J. Trimpey - but the requirement is simply this:

Arbitrarily set your confidence level to 100%.

No, you don't have a truly valid reason to be 100% confident; none of us does. But you can decide that you are 100% confident anyway, and proceed on that basis. It is paradoxical, but so what? Be 100% confident that this is the moment of success.

Besides which you really do SOUND different this time. I think you have turned a corner, but you don't want to believe it yet for fear of disappointment. (I think I see Tinker Bell up in the corner of the room......)

All the best,
Rob

Rae (raeanne50)

From: Rae (raeanne50)

6/22/08

That sounds like a good idea; 100% confidence. I will try to do that. Its going to take some work, but I'll do my best.

I ventured out of my yard and house finally and visited a friend. It did me wonders. We had a great morning visit over coffee.

I wanted to detox alone for the first while but I found I was getting lonely finally.

My poor banished boyfriend is coming over tomorrow. I didn't even want him around for some reason; just really needed to be alone. He will be good company for me now; rarely drinks.

For someone who didn't want to become 'obsessed' about sobriety I sure seem to be reading and posting here a lot! LOL I think I need daily contact with the group at this point.

sober but not somber, Rae

In reply toRe: msg 24
Rae (raeanne50)

From: Rae (raeanne50)

6/25/08

Hello everyone,

Just a quick note to let you know I'm still sober and doing allright. .getting out more and beginning to socialize again..doing some of the things I've neglected for so long.

Thanks for you continuing support.

Rae, sober two weeks tomorrow!

Sangreluna

From: Sangreluna

6/25/08

WOOHOO! Awesome work Rae! It's amazing what we can do when we beat that monkey on our backs into shape.

~Chris
290 Days Sober

Rae (raeanne50)

From: Rae (raeanne50)

6/25/08

Thanks Chris, I'm pretty pleased myself.

Today I went on an excursion with my dog out to the lake.. wanted to stock my pond with tadpoles and frogs. Didn't see any frogs but managed to net 12 tadpoles.. going to make a terrarium for them until they are frogs as the goldfish would eat them. They'll eat anything!

I love making terrariums.. looking forward to doing that this evening. too hot right now.

Contentedly, Rae

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