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LifeRing Recovery

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LifeRing Recovery: a self-help alternative for recovery from alcoholism and other chemical dependency. Group support for abstinence from alcohol and “drugs” by empowering the sober self within you. Completely secular: no prayers, Higher Powers or Steps.

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Rae returning    Sobriety/Recovery Journals

Started 6/17/08 by Rae (raeanne50); 32364 views.
cookly

From: cookly

Aug-8

Catching up here and sorry to see so many sick. Damn. Hope you are all now on the healing side. 

I'm still enjoying my sober life. Every single aspect of my life is better, and its not the rosy glow of early sobriety at this stage. Life has become simpler and my troubles few. I continue to mend relationships when I have the opportunity and have not been rebuffed by anybody. 

The gardens are lovely still but most of the flowers have slowed down blooming. My marijuana and tomatoes are doing really well. Once a week I drive to a farm and buy whatever they picked that day. We're all anxiously waiting for the corn, which should be ready in a few weeks. So I'm eating well and maintaining my weight. 

There have been no  Covid cases here but there have been outbreaks in a nearby city, and with all the summer visitors driving up and down the valley highways, we are still somewhat at risk. Luckily I have a friend who makes masks. I wear one in the stores but not outside. Most people here are not wearing a mask. We still have a small town attitude that we are somehow immune, and warn each other to stay out of the cities. 

So keep well, everyone. 

love to all, Rae 

Msg 1894.2088 deleted
Brian (BrianB125)

From: Brian (BrianB125)

Aug-10

Great to hear how well you are doing Rae.    I seem to be making a good recovery, still a little short on energy, but I'm getting around.  My garden really suffered with me being away for a month.  We have a real bindweed problem and they strangled my raspberries and tomatoes.  Zucchinis are doing great, nothing ever seems to get them.

We are hunkered down because of Covid, only go to the grocery store and the pharmacy and always wear a mask.  Canada seems to have it much more under control than the US.  I've had thoughts of seeing if I could get my Canadian citizenship back - I was born in Canada.  Just a thought so far, but who knows.

Brian

cookly

From: cookly

Aug-10

I don't think I knew you were  born in Canada, I guess you've already searched the options like duel citizenship.  So where were you born ?  I'm guessing eastern Canada just because its geographically close to  you and where most of the Canadian population is.  Whole huge country west of that. Sure would be fun for you to visit the west, not just the coast but inland too.  Rex did, with no regrets. 

But it must be terrible to even have the thought of having to leave your country just to live in a decent society.  I am keeping close watch and waiting for Nov. 

"Nothing lasts forever" is a comforting thought. 

Stay safe Brian

Brian (BrianB125)

From: Brian (BrianB125)

Aug-10

I was born in Hamilton, Ontario - the hospital on the mountain if you know Hamilton.  My mother was staying with my father's parents.  The thoughts about getting Canadian citizenship have more to do with wanting to be able to leave the US.  I have a cousin who lives in Vancouver and I'd like to be able to visit him again.  I almost made it out to your area a few years ago - when there were all the fires, but we decided to go to Vancouver Island instead.  Maybe next time.

Brian

cookly

From: cookly

Aug-12

Not sure if you mean moving here, or just visiting.  We seem to be very hostile about Americans visiting.. especially those Alaska bound who apparently don't know which route to take.. it doesn't involve the Island  , for example. 

I don't know Hamilton.. its three thousand miles away. You've probably visited eastern Canada more than I have.. been there only twice.. once in my teens for Expo 67 with a school group, and a visit to Ottawa to see my husband's family in the 80's. The only vivid memory I retain after all that is  the library of our Parliament Building.. I'd never seen such a beautiful thing, floor to ceiling shelves of books, all golden, everything glowed gold. My sixteen year old mind seared that one into memory and I can still see it today.

Oh, and in Quebec City, I saw an enormous church made of stone, not wood !...  with wide stone steps, and there were people on each step, on their knees, praying as they crawled up toward the entrance. That got seared into memory too and I can see why;  living in rural BC and raised by atheist parents, of course that would be shocking to me. 

How are you feeling these days ? What a horrible time you had.. wishing you good health, Brian.  

Brian (BrianB125)

From: Brian (BrianB125)

Aug-12

Just to visit, and not until the Covid thing is over.  

You didn't miss much by not seeing Hamilton, it's mainly a steel factory town.  Toronto, Ottawa, Quebec and Montreal are all wonderful, I could see moving to Montreal.

The who illness was much harder on my wife than it was on me.  I was totally out of it for the first three days - couldn't remember seeing the doctor, couldn't remember the CAT scan I had.  When I finally came around on the third day I had two wonderful nurses taking care of me.  And then I started getting better very quickly.  At one point, I told my wife about an "antenna coffee pot."  That really freaked her out.  I got to ride in an ambulance from the hospital to the rehab facility, and that was fun, I could look out the back window.  The rehab facility had better food - I lost almost 20 pounds - and I looked forward to the physical therapy and made quick progress, which was very encouraging.  I'm still not up to full strength and I have some shortness of breath, but on the whole I'm doing a lot better.  What I would like to know is how I caught pneumonia.

Brian

MaryLouise3

From: MaryLouise3

Aug-27

Brian, that sounds tough and I can believe your wife got a fright! I fainted one night while trying to pour myself a glass of water in the kitchen, a burst of stomach pain and I keeled over unconscious. My partner didn't know whether to call for an ambulance but the nearest hospital is an hour away and probably wouldn't arrive before morning. I lay in bed delirious and vomiting for two days, no idea what was going on. Now the local doctors think many locals have been poisoned by E coli in drinking water, a polluted dam in the mountains. 

But I am getting better, still weak and nervous about food, but able to do some editing work and potter around watering planters etc. We're nearly in spring. a lovely season here.

Take care and keep resting.

xMary

cookly

From: cookly

Oct-18

It was one year ago today I quit drinking, or at least began the sobriety process, ( two relapses along the way). I have learned so much.  It's great to have a clear brain but it also reveals unpleasant truths about other people and their relationship to you as an alcoholic. AA is a prime example but they're not alone.  Seems like mainstream agreement is that in every situation, the alcoholic is to blame. It's even written into laws. I understand about taking responsibility and making amends and all that..it's of huge value and must be done. But maybe, just maybe, I took on more than my fair share. I could waste time searching for proof to defend myself.. I almost did but then I stopped.  I have no ability to change another's perceptions or memories. 

We completed the pot harvest yesterday, an enormous relief since frost danger is coming any day now. Just us two women, both good at making an organized plan. Took about three hours. She took two and I kept four, but I remind her, it doesn't really matter where it's  stored, we  share. Neither of us smoke much, but she uses it to relieve pain so she can  sleep better, and I enjoy it because  senses are heightened and I can feel pleasure in everything I see, touch, smell..well not always pleasure, I can smell alcohol a block away.. I can smell someone who had a drink two days ago.

I'm sad because  I'd like to be identified as more than  an alcoholic. I paid my own way through college and university as a single parent with a daughter, ( the one who died when she was 17).  Got a good job at the college, had a baby and supported both the baby, the teenager, and the  spouse who disliked work. Paid for the spouse's education three times.. he finally got a job but didn't care for it so he quit. I kept my job and supported the family.  I took out a small loan so my youngest dtr could go on a trip to europe.. paid for the best food, skiing and swimming lessons, piano and theatre, whatever she wanted. 

But she loves Daddy. He still can't support himself so she gives him money. 

Baffled ! 

Brian (BrianB125)

From: Brian (BrianB125)

Oct-19

"Baffled!" - that about sums up a lot of what I think about what is going on now.  People are just baffling.  No all the time, but quite often.  Then again, maybe it's just me.

As for being an alcoholic, people like to blame other people.  That's still common with most mental illnesses.  It's getting better, but it's still there.  I heard an interview with the chef David Chang, who is bipolar.  They were talking about Anthony Bourdain, the chef who killed himself.  The moderator said "how could this happen, he had it all, how could he be so depressed to kill himself?."  David Chang said, think of it like this,  how could this happen, he had it all, how could he get cancer, or have a heart attack or stroke?  It's not a choice, many people don't understand that.

Keep plugging away, that's all you can do.

Brian

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