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LifeRing Recovery: a self-help alternative for recovery from alcoholism and other chemical dependency. Group support for abstinence from alcohol and “drugs” by empowering the sober self within you. Completely secular: no prayers, Higher Powers or Steps.

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Rae returning    Sobriety/Recovery Journals

Started 6/17/08 by Rae (raeanne50); 31601 views.
Rae (raeanne50)

From: Rae (raeanne50)

6/18/08

Hi Margit,

I'm starting my sixth day today.. got up earlier than usual feeling pretty good and looking forward to my day.

The sugar cravings have kicked in and I'm allowing myself to indulge.. I am chronically underweight and need every calorie I can get. With losing all those empty booze calories I need to replace it with something,at least for now.

I'm rewarding myself in other ways; all that money I haven't spend on wine, I spent at the garden centre ! That sure felt good.

All for now but back soon,

Rae

mkh106

From: mkh106

6/18/08

hi rae,

yes, the money saved adds up surprisingly quickly.i had been functioning well enough to keep my decent job going, but did carry a small balance on my credit card which was creeping upwards by increments. nothing major, but i sue didn't like it.

it's long paid off, and i have this weirdly strange account sitting there that i opened a few weeks after i quit drinking. i HAD to, see, cause i had this money left over every payday, and i had to put it somewhere. i'm still not used to having it, so still live frugally (part of my nature, i think)(rob, i DID go and buy myself a very cool black and gold fountain pen ),and wonder what i'll do with this rather hefty chunk of money that keeps growing. (no ,guys, i'm not buying a bridge in brooklyn...)

going for calories sounds wonderful! combined with garden purchases it sounds magnificent!

rae, i remember some of your story from before, so i just want to say how great it is to see you be sober , looking forward to this day, and a week tomorrow!

greetings,

margit

 

  • Edited 6/18/2008 9:59 pm by mkh106
Sangreluna

From: Sangreluna

6/19/08

Hi Rae and welcome back! It looks like I'm a little late to the party... fashionably New Orleanian. :D Anyway, congratulation on 7 days (?) now. Hey, that's a week!

~Chris
284 Days Sober

Rae (raeanne50)

From: Rae (raeanne50)

6/19/08

Hi Chris, and thanks,

Yes, I made it one whole week! I am very pleased and relieved I could do this. Now onto week two.

Its good to be able to discuss this here,because I haven't told anyone I've quit drinking.. said it too many times in the past only to go back to the bottle again. This past week I told my b/f and a few friends I needed a week alone to do my gardening and recover from the multitudes of company I had the week before I quit. They understand as I tend to need a lot of alone time and they know that.
None of these people drink but I still get anxieties when others are around so don't want to risk it yet.. maybe in another few days...

You know what else? I feel cleaner ! ..physically cleaner ! I suppose thats the self disgust gradually leaving me.

I care about the things I love again.. How sweet is that !!

Hugs, Rae

alceon

From: alceon

6/19/08

Welcome back Rae and super huge congratulations on week one!!

And it just gets better and better :-)

MJK (MJK2111)

From: MJK (MJK2111)

6/20/08

Congratulations, Rae, on your sobriety. I hope you succeed this time around, however you might define success!

 

Good luck,

Mike

Rae (raeanne50)

From: Rae (raeanne50)

6/20/08

Hello Mike and you other folks,

Day nine today and its going well.Its early afternoon,the skies are clearing up and the sun is coming out. I have big plans for the afternoon. Going to train and play with my puppy, plant a few things, do battle with my grape vine,sit by the pond and try to read a book,( gee that would be nice.. to be able to read again..),and just generally putter about outside.

On one level, I feel all pleased and proud of myself but on a darker deeper level, I have great fears. I have no trust in myself in the long term,no matter how good I feel now. Sooner or later,that crazy, all powerful thing switches on in my brain and I drink again..I stuff down the sadness and disappointment and disgust and grief, and commence down into darkness world again,the one where nothing else happens and nothing else matters.

I have to have hope and faith in myself as well as determination. I have the determination but fear its not going to be enough for me to sustain this precious sobriety.

But.. I'm not going to dwell on that.I'm going to continue enjoying each minute of sobriety and keep on being busy doing things I love. Its worked for nine days so far !

Hopefully, Rae

Kat (katkins7)

From: Kat (katkins7)

6/20/08

Hi Rae

It has taken a few of my sober weeks to start reading again but it helps relaxation. I know those dark thoughts and fer too but I think fear of where I'll end up if I start to drink again overcomes that. As Jerry has said, I fear going back to it will end up a whole lot worse this time.

Congratulations on day 9, double figures tomorrow! (As you'll find out, I'm the complulsive counter on the forum!!)

Rae (raeanne50)

From: Rae (raeanne50)

6/20/08

Hi Kat,

I'm glad you're a compulsive counter because sometimes I get the # of days confused and have to check a calender again..

First day of sobriety: june 12/08.

having some anxieties and generally out of sorts today,tired, but feeling good about myself too.

Rae

x (1074michael1)

From: x (1074michael1)

6/21/08

On one level, I feel all pleased and proud of myself but on a darker deeper level, I have great fears... Sooner or later,that crazy, all powerful thing switches on in my brain and I drink again..I stuff down the sadness and disappointment and disgust and grief, and commence down into darkness world again,the one where nothing else happens and nothing else matters.

Hi Rae,

Addiction to alcohol can lead us to believe that we have two selves, or that the self consists of several independent parts, or that there is a little beast inside us who can take over at any time. This may be an accurate representation of how we feel, but we are, each of us, just one person, one self, albeit addicted to alcohol.

If we refrain from drinking long enough, the need to drink subsides, and all those extraneous entities in the mind seem to disappear. That's why the DDNMW mantra is so useful at the beginning.

Stay with it.

Michael

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