"Sorry for such a long and abtruse post"
Not at all Mary, in fact that was one of the most interesting posts I've ever read on here! It's always fascinating to me to hear about how different cultures interpret the "same" things.
Thanks for the comment Jem, it seemed a heavy post for a newcomer to this site, but it might help lay the groundwork for other remarks I make later and help people to understand the 'otherness' of where I am posting from.
In some ways the secomd year of sobriety for me has been more difficult than the first, not in terms of wanting to drink, but becase I feel better and normal and don't see why I need to remind myself of the incipient alcoholism. But I have also noticed that if I don't participate within a recovery community, I tend to forget my vulnerabilities and battle to deal with anger and isolating. So I keep telling myself -- 'You need that morning walk. You need that muesli for breakfast. You need to tell F you re pissed off with her. You need to stop procrastinating on the project. And all this connects with you not having a drink today, no matter what.'
When I am around others in earlyish recovery from alcoholism (up to five years sober) I feel encouraged by their commn sense and enjoyment of life. And I sometimes feel I am able to encourage or inspire others. I don't know quite how this works beyond the obvious factors, but it does.
I spent some time this morning reading through the Lifering website and found it interesting. Many key suggestions are identical or similar to those in AA and I don't find the recounting of experiences or 'advice' offered on this forum to differ much from that given in AA. I might be wrong because I am very new here.
It wouldn't bother me to call myself a non-drinker rather than an alcoholic so long as I am not drinking. Sober, the term alcoholic has no stigma for me. If I started to drink again, the term 'alcoholic' would take on a very ngative meaning. Sober I can call myself teetotaller, abstinent, recovring alcoholic, non-drinker or anything else I like.
It mentioned that in 'skin meetings' of Lifering cross-talk is permitted (can't say I would care for that) and no drunkalogues. The term 'Drunkalogue' for me is a reference to the old-fashioned and mostly male habit of recounting great gory tales of how much they drank, how they fought, how they went to prison, how many cars they crashed, all that undisguised bragging that shows very little insight into why drinking did not work for them. Drunkalogues are characterised by gaping ommissions. I have only heard recovering men talk a few times about how they battered or raped women while in near-blackouts but Alanon women talk about it a great deal.
In many of the groups and meetings of AA I have attended, drunkalogues are sen as something of a joke, but they may still be popular in more conservative older communities..
The Lifering emphasis seems to be on how Lifering members have stayed sober in the past week, which keeps things very much in the present.
What I am finding more and more as I stay sober and share on sobriety on my blog and with frineds is how much I enjoy living sober. The honesty and depth of personal relationships has improved enormously since I stopped drinking myself into a coma every other day. Not surprising, but I would hate to lose that intimacy and renewed trust.
Woke up this morning shaking with fear from a nightmare about my father. He has been in a coma and hospitalised for eight months on a distant Hawaiian island for eight months.
I blogged about this and feel calmer but I have been thinking that living sober entails needing to 'feel' much more pain and emotional distress than meandering around drunk and numbed out. Sometimes I have the capacity to hold that pain but sometimes it still feels as if I have not yet found anything to replace the alcohol as an anaesthetic. I don't as yet know how to 'hold' or contain distress.
I love being able to feel everything more intensely and subtly. But the painful realities make me flinch.
I suppose I will get used to it or develop better coping skills as the years go by. Very late and belated learning curve...
"I suppose I will get used to it or develop better coping skills as the years go by"
Yes you will, and then you'll really believe the saying that what doesn't kill us makes us stronger.
Last April, in the course of a week, my wife left me and my dad died. I've never felt raw pain like that before but, even as I felt it, I KNEW it wouldn't crush me and that I now had the tools to deal with both situations.
Most importantly, I was 200% certain that booze wouldn't improve the situation at all.
Hope everyone is having a really enjoyable weekend. It is ferociously hot here and just want to sleep or immerse myself in cold water for much of the day. (I know how strange that sounds for those in a colder hemisphere!) But in the evenings I've been enthralled by the sight of a huge Gemini moon hanging over the back garden. I go outside and just bask in the moonlight.
When I was drinking I had a problem with time. I intended to do so much and never got around to it. Most of what I managed to do was done despite feeling ill and panic-stricken. As a daily drinker, that drinking took up much of my time. For an hour or so I would be energised and exhilarated and then I would be blurry and melancholy and pissed off and too drunk to do anything at all. And the next day I would be waiting to feel well enough to start drinking again.
Now it is such a pleasure to simply be available for whatever comes up and able to respond to opportunities. Friends call and ask me to join them on a picnic,and I am not lying with an ice pack on my forehead or disguising my drunkeness on the phone. I can plan out the day and that is how the day will go. I spend an hour or two in the garden before the heat gets unbearable. I pick up the book I was reading last thing at night and remember what was going on when I put it down! I invite friends around for a brunch, I go swimming in the river above the village, I take armfuls of flowers around to the old age home. Everything flows -- and it still feels like a miracle.
your mention of basking in moonlight made me get this Swampy Cree poem off my bulletin board:
All the warm nights
sleep in moonlight
keep letting it
go into you
all your life
you will shine outward
in old age
the moon will think