I don't know what happened to my original sobriety/recovery journal, but I will resume here for right now until I have time to write to Delphi or whatever. My other one stopped working about a week and a half ago.
It has been 10 days since my kidney surgery and today was the first day I felt "good" physically. I have had a lot of problems getting off the pain meds...........not problems with addiction but problems of withdrawel. The walls were changing colors and textures, I was seeing people who weren't there and talking to people who weren't there etc, etc. One night I got up to go to the bathroom and got lost in my home or at least I think I did, and when you live alone that can be a problem.
Anyway, all that is finally past and the good news is, as best they can tell, I am cancer free. I had a partial necrepathy (sp?) in which they robotically removed the tumor and surrounding area of my left kidney and they can find no other cancer.
We are still working on recuperating from concussion but that resumes next week.
It all seems so surreal. 3 months ago I was a member of a family which had hardly any cancer history in it's family tree. I had a really bad motorcycle accident and was told the same day that I had kidney cancer for which surgery is the only treatment. No chemo, no radiation; they won't work on it. We either cut it out and get it all or you die.
Here I sit exactly three months to the day later and I am, if everything goes as predicted, or will be a cancer survivor.
But my whole mindset has sure changed in the last three days, since I got the latest test results. For almost three months of my life, my mind was obsessed with kidney cancer which was thrust upon me one sentence, "Rex, you have kidney cancer". In the last three days it is like it never happened.
I guess if you aren't an alcoholic you really don't think much about it. So many things in this world to occupy our thoughts.
I don't know what I just wrote or what it means but some of it seemed to make sense when I put it down.