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LifeRing Recovery: a self-help alternative for recovery from alcoholism and other chemical dependency. Group support for abstinence from alcohol and “drugs” by empowering the sober self within you. Completely secular: no prayers, Higher Powers or Steps.

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Rex's 2nd Time Around Volume 2   Sobriety/Recovery Journals

Started 8/31/12 by Rex (rcclark99); 30950 views.

From: mkh106


that's good news, Rex, ....think you've had enough turmoil for a while?


Rex (rcclark99)

From: Rex (rcclark99)


Yes margit, I believe I have, but of course the turmoil is far from over as I endeavor to settle my marital status.

It's a beautiful Saturday morning here and I went out briefly to get a bite of breakfast. And now I find myself back at home relishing the quiet and solitude.

I have a lady friend (Judy) whom I believe I am in love with and vice versa. We spend two to three nights a week together and really enjoy the time spent together. But there are other times when I simply enjoy being alone in my own home which is decorated the way I want and furnished the way I want.

I know you have lived alone for many years and not sure I am cut out for that but really kind of confused as to what I do want.

We have no plans to live together at the present time as she has her daughter and her family living with her now (much to her chagrin) and can't bring herself to put them out on the street. She is trying to resolve that situation now.

If indeed that happens I'm not sure what the next move would be.

I'm rambling but just wondered if this kind of confusion has ever come up in your life. It's really none of my business but thought I would ask anyway.

This of course would also be a question for anyone else on the forum who is in a similar situation or has been in the past......Rae, Mary L among others.

As I have said many times, stopping drinking was fairly easy for me, the challenge now is to live a contented sober life, something I think I might always struggle with.

With the immediate health issues seemingly taken care of or at least being taken care of I am back to living my life, which is not always easy for me............maybe not for anyone. I just don't know.


From: mkh106



yes, those issues have come up, and no, it's not too personal.


when i started living alone, i found i had a lot of preconceived ideas: for example, i was quite convinced i'd rather hate it, and that i would feel very lonely and restless all the time. but none of that turned out to be true. i liked it; i liked it right away.

but, and this is a big BUT: i was drinking at the time, of course, and living alone gave me a freedom to drink more and more often without worrying about hiding. so...entirely different situation there in that way.

i cannot, now, imagine ever sharing physical space with someone 24/7. i can't see how i'd ever want that. and i do think that's "the real me", and not just habit by now. when i go on holiday, i want a place to myself. don't get me wrong, it's not that i don't like to share lots of time talking with people, hanging out, eating together, i can spend all day, but...still, i want "my" evenings. my mornings alone.

seems i need lots of time to digest what i think about, what others say...what i have trouble with, see what fits...all that processing that's important to me.

i was convinced, too, that i'd be bored by myself. hasn't happened. at all.


part of what you call confusion might have to do with expectations: unexamined ones that are ours, those of the other person that you may know, or may assume you know, and those we might call "societal". it seems to be considered odd to say you like living alone. i run into people who tell me, in roundabout ways, that there must be something wrong with me. or others who insist, in various ways, that if "the right one" comes along, i will want to live together with her or him.

no, i don't think i will. the "right one" would likely be right partly because he/she enjoys their own time. and would appreciate, as in be glad/grateful, that i like to be by myself quite a bit.


for myself, i think the ideal situation would be one of living in proximate but separate spaces. but....i have no experience with trying that, and might well find that that is simply another preconceived notion of mine.

i do know that i'm not terrifically willing to make a lot of compromises re my daily living stuff. and that i'm relieved not much is asked of me that way.

any of this speak to what you're talking about?


In reply toRe: msg 47
Rex (rcclark99)

From: Rex (rcclark99)


I'm afraid I have run out of things about sobriety to talk about. I was never a great contributor here but I feel like the well has run dry.

I read discussions here about alcoholism and theories and philosophy and I just can't contribute. I will soon finish up my third sober year and my alcoholism on a daily basis is one of the furthest things from my mind.

I come here and read every day to make sure I keep my eye on the ball but I just can't bring it back to front and center like some seem to be able to.

I feel like a success as a sober person but like a failure as a forum member, if that makes any sense.

Brian (BrianB125)

From: Brian (BrianB125)



Well, you can talk about other things - what's going on in your life, motorcycle trips, your motorcycle business - just anything that comes up.  Nice to hear from you from time to time.


From: marylouise50


Rex I have  days or weeks like that too -- I feel I have said whatever I have to say about staying sober or I feel something is changing but can't be put into words. Then I wonder about some aspect or  respond to someone and off we go again. It will always be one of the themes or problems of my life in one way or another, but  not always urgent. I do make an effort to  stay connected to ideas and  communities of sober friends because I never know when I might  find myself struggling and tempted to drink again, but that is different from being interested in the topic of  sobriety.

All the same, we are here and sober, can talk about anything really (as Susan says) because we owe it all to that fact that we are not drinking and ill and  frightened by drinking, trapped, all that  old remembered stuff.

I have this problem with blogging too, that sometimes the blog is about anything except alcoholism or recovery, but  I just  write about whatever comes to mind. The alternative would be to not write at all. And when I read other bloggers talking about  canning apples or taking pics of the dog, I know they're in a similar place. We're glad to be sober but nothing to say beyond that.

So just let us know  how things are going -- living alone, the new relationship, the  motorbikes, the  son and daughter --
Elsie (Elsiek)

From: Elsie (Elsiek)


Hi Rex

I have read the last few posts here with interest.  what struck me is that we have all been brought together due to our desire to stop doing this one a newbie I absolutely need to engage with ideas about sobriety to keep me from wobbling at this precarious stage, but I guess it is natural that at some point we just have to get on with life and stop going on about sobriety.

I have already had to face the fact that I may have ongoing problems with depression even if I am not drinking- after all, I had problems with it before I started drinking regularly or heavily, and the question of whether I am capable of living a contented life is one that concerns me as well.  However, I gave up smoking a few years ago, and now I can honestly say that it never occurs to me to smoke, it simply is not on my menu of things to do, as it were. And I don't spend my entire life talking to ex-smokers. And I actually hope that eventually I feel that way about the booze.  So you feeling you have run out of things to say about sobriety is actually a massive achievement viewed from my angle- in the sense that I am currently swapping my fixation with wine for one with sobriety.  But it makes absolute sense that  your interest would eventually drift away from what is essentially a bit of a non-subject...NOT drinking.

I know you have been very unwell (around the time that I joined the forum) and I hope your health continues to improve.  Have a good weekend.

Elsie x

  • Edited 10/12/2012 4:38 am by Elsie (Elsiek)

From: mkh106



about dry wells and having nothing left to say about sobriety:

when i think back to when i was new here, what i most needed was for people to engage with me at the places i was at. what i most benefitted from was the diversity, in experiences, views, input, lengths of sobriety. a whole bunch of people willing to spend time with me about stuff that was of immense importance to ME.

a whole bunch of people, some reassuring me, some provocative and challenging me, some warning me or disagreeing....i needed them all.

not saying that's what every new or newish person here needs, just to say what a loss it would be if the variety of voices here were to keep shrinking because we  "have run out of things about sobriety to talk about."

where would i be if i hadn't had people just like you to talk to when i first got here?


Rex (rcclark99)

From: Rex (rcclark99)


Brian, Mary Louise, Elsie and margit,

I guess sometimes I just feel like I have nothing to say that would help anyone. Maybe I'm wrong and just being here and posting with a signifcant amount of sober time (compared to many) is enough to help some people. I do feel I am an example of what can be achieved through tools learned here and camaraderie from this forum and a little dedication on my own part.

So onward we go. I'll try not to mention this again. It does seem to be a reocurring theme with me as I struggle to find interesting things to type here. Thank you all for your input.

In reply toRe: msg 53
Rex (rcclark99)

From: Rex (rcclark99)


It's Sunday morning here and it looks like the second grey, rainy, windy dreary day here in succession.

As has become more or less the norm, Judy is spending the weekend with me. She is still enjoying much needed sleep this morning. I know she doesn't get enough during the week due to a stressful job, a 2 hour job commute five days a week and her daughter, son-in-law and and two year old grandson who lives with her. She is trying to change the latter situation but it does seem difficult as I think they enjoy living in a large home with few obligations and it is difficult for a mother to throw her only daughter out in the street.

I am appreciating the "me" time this morning which gives me a chance to put a few things down here.

I think I am essentially happy these days. I am trying to freshen and improve relationships with my biological family (mother and siblings) as they have been greatly ignored for many years.

During our marriage K really wanted a close relationship with her family, so mostly family time was associated with them. Drinking took up several evenings a week and since my family, for the most part is not nearby geographically, they were largely ignored. Now that I have broken up my marriage to a woman they all adored (despite our limited contact with them) I'm trying to make amends for several years of neglect. Part of it has not been easy. My brother and I had an angry exchange of words earlier this week.

It seems that a large part of my sober time has been taken up with trying to change or improve bad decisions I made while drinking.

I don't know where my relationship with Judy is going for the long-term. We are both strong-minded, opinionated people who are  used to being the boss in our workplace, but somehow we seem to communicate very well with each other. This has been the weak point in previous relationships..........she has a knack for sensing when something is not right with me and will not accept an answer of "nothing" when she asks me what is wrong.

I believe we are deeply and mutually in love, which might sound like kind of of a funny way to describe a new relationship between 60 year olds. I don't know how else to put it. Unlike a pair of 20 somethings though, we of course have each acquired a lot of baggage we carry along with us. This is the part that makes everything uncertain.