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Rex's 2nd Time Around Volume 2   Sobriety/Recovery Journals

Started 8/31/12 by Rex (rcclark99); 31280 views.
In reply toRe: msg 94
Rex (rcclark99)
Staff

From: Rex (rcclark99)

11/20/12

I have a 9:00 meeting with my accountant this morning and then an 11:00 with my divorce attorney.

I'm getting too old for this sh*t. Discussion with accountant will center around decision of how to move forward. If the company is worth trying to save; if so, how to go about it and how long will I need to be involved actively.

Discussion with attorney will center around decision of how to move forward. I'm not interested in how to save the marriage. I am a selfish, self-centered bastard and if you don't believe it, just ask my wife.

Judy and I were together all weekend and she said she noticed no difference in the lower-doseage anti-depressed me but there is a difference. I know it. Not altogether pleasant. I don't know how to explain it. Everything just seems more stark and harsh, like someone stripped away a pastel layer covering everything and what is left are shades of grey. Maybe the grey is the real life.

Judy and I are gonna go to couples therapy for a session of two. I know that really sounds screwed up as I am legally married to one woman and going to couples therapy with another but the truth of the matter is she doesn't trust me.

We celebrated my third sober anniversary last week. I met her for dinner after work at a very nice restaurant we both are very fond of. She was running late as she has a tendency to do and I was early as I have a tendency to be. I passed the time with two NA beers. I didn't especially enjoy them but it seemed more appropriate than sitting at the bar alone with two diet cokes.

Well, guess I need to get ready for meetings, they are a considerable distance apart. Lots of time to think on the road between them.......but maybe I think too much.

 

 

  • Edited 11/20/2012 8:23 am by Rex (rcclark99)
MaryLouise2

From: MaryLouise2

11/20/12

This sounds very loaded, my friend -- the lack of trust from Judy and  the intensity of couples therapy and  the marriage  just behind you if it is behind you. And big decisions about the business. I've been there myself and it was a relief when the dust settled.

Take care, Rex.
NCorbett3

From: NCorbett3

11/20/12

Hi Rex
The tone of your last message makes me feel concerned for you.  It's a lot to handle, after all you've recently been through.  Don't know anything useful to say except please be careful and look after yourself, do whatever you need to do to take care of Rex.

love, nancy xx
Susan (swl755)

From: Susan (swl755)

11/20/12

Rex, I know practically nothing about anti-depressants, but I have heard that people can get pretty angry and miserable when they're tapering down, and that it needs to be done very slowly and in small increments--this because I'm noticing the change in tone both Mary and Nancy commented on--not that you aren't allowed a bad day now and then, it's just so different from what we've been hearing.

You've had such massive life changes in such a short time--are you still getting some individual counseling? If it were me, and I'd a) left a marriage, b) started a new relationship, c) had a bad accident, d) had a life-threatening diagnosis and surgery, e) had to deal with a long-time business going south, and f) found out my daughter was an alcoholic and my son had almost died in an attack, all in the space of a few months, I would definitely need some help processing it all.  Just sayin'... :)

Hope your appointments go well.

How's sobriety looking these days?

xx/Susan
Rex (rcclark99)
Staff

From: Rex (rcclark99)

11/20/12

Thanks for your concern ML, Nancy and Susan,

The two meetings actually went ok. Both were mostly fact finding missions and both were successful in that area.

I have vowed to work closer with my accountant and strive for better communciation between us, while changing our software for better paperwork management. Kind of like I need to strive for better communciation in my relationships.

My attorney gave me suggestions on how to proceed with the divorce by working out most of the agreement with my wife, if that's possible. If not, then it will get expensive of course. 

Due my indisgressions of the last two years, Judy is having a hard time trusting me with her heart for the long-term (if indeed we do decide to be together long-term) so we are going as a couple to see the therapist I have seen for the last three plus years.

I am also still seeing her on my own and have a session next week. Yes, a lot of things have happened to me over the last few months but I'm doing ok considering. I feel better this evening than I did this morning so I understand your concerns.

My sobriety is solid. I am not concerned about that. I will never say never but I believe that's the case. I think I am sober for life this time.

Once again, thank you all. Your concern is always appreciated.

Rae (raeanne50)

From: Rae (raeanne50)

11/20/12

Rex my friend,

I thought your post showed anger..not directed at anyone or anything in particular, a perfectly normal reaction to the very tough challeges and life changes that have occurred over a relatively short time period.

I understand Judy's trust issues and I bet you do too. Couples counselling won't hurt but you'll probably hear through that process that only time will fix that lack of trust. " don't tell me, show me", and you can only do that as time passes. No quick fix here, buddy.

Jussayin'..  with love :)  

Rex (rcclark99)
Staff

From: Rex (rcclark99)

11/20/12

Yes Rae, I do understand her trust issues and you're right, only time will inspire her confidence.

And to tell the truth, I have to prove to myself that I am again trustworthy of a woman's love.

JMK100

From: JMK100

11/21/12

Hi Rex,

Just dropping in to say hello and wish you well. 

I have to prove to myself that I am again trustworthy of a woman's love.

I hear you.  As alcoholoics, we know better than most that we can want to do something in our heart but then not do it in actuality.  Here is to hoping that your heart and actions stay in allignment on this one.

Happy Turkey Day too.

Jim

Rex (rcclark99)
Staff

From: Rex (rcclark99)

11/21/12

Happy Thanksgiving to you too Jim.

I'm thinking you and I didn't enjoy that Monday Night Football game nearly as much as Susan did. But at least she's not rubbing it in. That was ugly!

Here is to hoping that your heart and actions stay in allignment on this one.

Yes, as alcoholics we become excellent liars and experts at deception. I'm hoping for that alignment also. Judy is a special woman.

In my mens relationship group, we just finished reading and discussing a book titled "Concious Loving". I know I learned a tremendous amount from it. I just have to make sure I put it in action.

  • Edited 11/21/2012 2:00 pm by Rex (rcclark99)
NCorbett3

From: NCorbett3

11/21/12



{{{{Rex}}}}  Take it easy, friend.  You're a good guy.
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