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LifeRing Recovery: a self-help alternative for recovery from alcoholism and other chemical dependency. Group support for abstinence from alcohol and “drugs” by empowering the sober self within you. Completely secular: no prayers, Higher Powers or Steps.

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Going Forward (with clarity)   Sobriety/Recovery Journals

Started 2/16/14 by Elsie (Elsiek); 39731 views.
MaryLouise3

From: MaryLouise3

Sep-1

Battle to get in and the screen keeps freezing -- just to say I am reading here and hoping to be able to post soon -- if not I'll reregister as ML 4 or 5!

Is that Beryl Bainbridge novel Every Man for Himself? Loved it, my favourite Titanic novel ever and I have read most of them since A Night to Remember (published 1950s).

Love and hope the pills kick in soon --

xML

Brian (BrianB125)

From: Brian (BrianB125)

Sep-1

There's a genre of Titanic novels?  Who knew?

MaryLouise3

From: MaryLouise3

Sep-2

Another battle this morning because Delphi didn't recognise my password on the first two attempts. But in now.

Brian, I'm not sure I'd call it a genre of books on the Titanic but that sinking in 1912 was quite mysterious and  many researchers wanted to figure out  what happened. Filson Young's account was published just  a month after the ship sank.

Walter Lord's 1955 A Night to Remember  remains the classic for me. He interviewed survivors and  studied the ship-building industry, the wireless systems on  ships before WW1 and problems with sending SOS codes,  the increase in icebergs  in shipping lanes that year etc. I haven't read that much myself -- I'm curious but not preoccupied with the story. Hated the film.

Other non-fiction studies, memoirs and mystery novels include those by Robert Strange, Steve Turner, Judith B Geller and a survivor Colonel Gracie -- one source of public curiosity had to do with the wealthy and famous aboard the Titanic,  John Jacob Astor, Benjamin Guggenheim, Lady Duff Gordon etc. 

Then there is the fiction  around women and romance aboard the ship, the Irish  emigrants to the New World who travelled in steerage, Hazel Gaynor's The Girl who Came Home. Science-fiction  about the sinking too. And the  ship's dog, White Star.

Beryl Bainbridge is by far the best.

xML

In reply toRe: msg 944
Elsie (Elsiek)

From: Elsie (Elsiek)

Sep-12

It's an amazing novel worthy of comparison with The Great Gatsby.

Sorry it's been a while since i have checked in- I only have my password for Delphi on my laptop and I couldn't get my laptop connected to the internet for a full three weeks.

I have successfully dropped my medication from 20mg daily to alternating 20 with 10. Had a very depressed weekend a few weeks ago but managed to ride it and a few days later I actually started to feel a little more cheerful in the mornings. In fact I had a small epiphany- not only do anti depressants level out the difficult feelings, they may well take the edge off the more pleasant happier feelings too. I'm feeling optimistic about coming off them. I shall drop to 10mg daily at the end of this month, for at least 2 months - my husband really recommends I do it as slowly as that, as rushing it might meen I end up back on them. Husband is a doctor if anyone reading this doesn't know.

In other news I am trying not to get too frustrated by our current political situation. I've never seen anything like it in my life. 

Family life has been busy again recently although now my daughter is back at college and  my son returns to his student house next week. I am pleased to report that he has landed himself a placement at the eleventh hour so will be working in the IT department of an NHS hospital as a program analyst for the next year. he got pretty frustrated with the ridiculous number of forms he had to fill in with the same information, plus indecipherable questions that almost certainly weren't relevant. Welcome to the world of work. I'll put Franz Kafka's Metamorphosis on his Christmas List. It will in truth be helpful for him to have a solid year's work experience behind him, plus I'm sure going back into third year at university afterwards will make him really appreciate the privilege of study!

There's been this thing on Facebook- Faces and Voices of Recovery. People are telling their recovery stories. Most of them are very very dramatic involving liver failure and prison sentences. I've got a bit tired of reading them now because they make me feel like my recovery has been easy-peasy with my comfortable life circumstances. Maybe I should write one just to show it isn't only the obvious people who struggle with addiction. Possibly it's also a case of addiction just not being so obvious in more affluent situations, more easily covered up, denied, somehow even more shameful in a way, because what problem was so bad in my life that I need to drink to get away from it?  the vicious cycle of addiction is itself destructive of happiness of course. Depression is also a complex animal, not just related to your actual circumstances but also to do with unrealistic expectations of self. 

Why do you think there are so many catholics in AA meetings? not entirely a rhetorical question. I haven't mentioned my catholic upbringing much recently on here, but I was most certainly indoctrinated with an unfortunate combination of catholic self-flagellation and the Protestant Work Ethic. English Catholicism. Although my mum had Irish ancestry  she was exceptionally straight-laced, my dad was a convert from church of England. I definitely did not have the stereotypical Irish drunkard shaping my childhood world which I do think some people in recovery did have in some shape or form. Anyway it was the phrase 'unrealistic expectations of self' that made me think of my catholic upbringing. 

Enough for today. 

Hope everyone is doing well, and catch you soon. 

E xx

Brian (BrianB125)

From: Brian (BrianB125)

Sep-13

Elsie,

I remember from my days in AA what almost seemed like a competition among drinking stories. I remember thinking "gee, I never did that!"  Maybe it just having a lot of people together - they get competitive.

Good for your son too.  I have my Kaiser laminated health insurance/medicare care with my number embossed on it.  When I check in, they have to manually enter it into their computers - why not just have a card reader?  And now they ask for a picture ID - why not put my picture on the card?  And Kaiser has a very sophisticated computerized medical record system.

Brian

Elsie (Elsiek)

From: Elsie (Elsiek)

Sep-18

My husband has worked for the NHS his whole life so wasn't surprised by the number of (pointless) forms my son had to fill in. Even as a teacher I didn't ever have that much admin to do before starting. I absolutely hate unnecessary paperwork. The necessary stuff is painful enough.

I am getting paranoid about welcoming newcomers. On a couple of occasions they have gone quiet after I have posted and I go over what I've written and feel I've just got it all wrong by writing too much about myself. 

I shall leave the newcomers to more experienced hands like you and Mary. It's hard to say but I feel I'm too self-obsessed. I like expressing myself in writing and get carried away. 

Hope all is well with you Brian. Talk of healthcare in the USA does at least remind me of the good aspects of our NHS. I guess we tend to cope with what we are used to. Or not if we are in active addiction. It is worth reminding ourselves that the drinking life is all behind us- I do forget how shocking I felt for how much of the time. AA talks a lot about gratitude- I'm grateful to this forum and I'm grateful to myself for sticking at it. 

We are enjoying some lovely late summer weather here, hope you are too. 

E x

Brian (BrianB125)

From: Brian (BrianB125)

Sep-18

Elsie,

I don't think you should feel you are doing anything wrong with the newcomers.  Most people who post only do so one or two  times - that's the way it has always been.  But it has been quite for quite a while.  Mary and I have speculated that forums like this are just not very attractive anymore.  And there is nothing wrong with expressing yourself - for as long as you want - I  enjoy reading them - hearing what's happening to other people in other places.

I have a high regard for the NHS - though I've only had one experience with it.  A few years ago we took a trip to Scotland and on a hiking trip my wife tripped and broke her finger.  As she is  very serious amateur musician, this was a big concern.  We went to the NHS in Portree.  All I had to do was get our passports.  They took x-rays and sent them to an orthopedist is Aberdeen who gave instructions on how to apply a cast to take care of her finger.  They didn't have someone who had the skill to apply that kind of cast, so we drove down to Broadford.  They put the cast on, took more x-rays and sent them to the orthopedist again to check.  All this at absolutely no cost to us.  When we got back my wife went to another orthopedist who took off the cast and sent her for physical therapy.  Everything healed perfectly well and she is playing as it never happened.  

Needless to say, someone from another country would not have this experience in the US.  I'm all for medicare for all and hope we start moving toward it - but this is a very conservative country and people are afraid of change - even when things are not going well.

Brian

Elsie (Elsiek)

From: Elsie (Elsiek)

Sep-23

Thank you for your words of encouragement Brian. I am having a minor crisis of confidence in several aspects of my life at the moment. 

Ah, the Isle of Skye! I went on holiday there when I was around the age of 10. We rented a cottage attached to a farm and I milked a cow. Blue Peter ( an iconic children's TV programme in the Uk, it's hard to imagine that it might not be world famous!)were doing a Special Assignment there and I went to a crofter's cottage with the farmer's daughter and was filmed pretending to sing songs in Gaelic. Strangely enough it was never televised! The day before we left (day 13 of 14) we discovered that we had a sea view. It had more or less rained for the whole holiday! But I loved it, and am itching to visit the Hebrides again some day, once we haven't got semi-dependent adult children forcing us to go to Greece or Portugal to get a tan. I also have an urge to go to Norway on a camper van trip. Also Ireland, which I have only visited once.

I'm glad you had a good experience of the NHS. I only have one experience of medical treatment in the States- I had a UTI/Kidney infection. Yes it did cost me but I was actually impressed with how seriously they took me and how quickly the relevant tests were made , when here I would certainly have had to wait for a few days for test results, that's if they just didn't send me home with advice to drink more water and stop complaining! My husband does say that over investigation has now become a big problem for the NHS- everyone googles everything and expects every test going, necessary or not. Patients are happy when you over investigate, but its not actually helpful viewed overall as it diverts funds from where they are actually needed. And with a paid service as in the States there is an obvious incentive to over investigate, which is the other side of the coin. 

What does your wife play? How wonderful to be proficient and inspired in musicianship. I have barely touched my musical instruments recently- and this is one of my personal crises. Having learnt piano as a child, I stopped at age 13 and then after my dad died and I inherited a smallish but not insignificant sum for someone in their 20s I bought a good piano and over a long period relearnt and then actually improved my standard to reasonable intermediate level. I like to sing and taught myself to play using chord patterns rather than literal notation. 10 years or so ago I was playing a lot- it was a great outlet for some emotional stuff I was struggling with. I also got a ukulele and leant basic playing so I could sing a different style of song. And then, three years ago I decided to have a go at the violin- it is a beautiful instrument and I love to hear it. I got a teacher and to start I was very enthusiastic, making quick progress to very basic playing and nearing Grade 1 standard. but then it gets much harder, the learning curve between basic and intermediate felt like an increasing slog and I totally lost impetus. Not only have I stopped playing the violin but also the piano and the uke. the phrase that comes to mind is that I've 'lost heart.' It makes me sad writing this and contemplating this loss. I am thinking I should sell the violin- it is a 1930 7/8 German violin, not particularly special but nice enough - I chose it and it fits me comfortably as a small adult. It feels hard to sell it, to say goodbye to this little fantasy that as a 50 something I could learn a very challenging instrument. I should have stuck to the piano. I might not improve that much on the piano now but I can play a decent range of music and just playing frequently means I get more fluent at it. But as it stands I just walk by it and don't sit down to play as I used to (I walk by it to get upstairs or to our living room, I used to stop and play even when I wasn't intending to, when I was supposed to be doing something else)

Anyway, I have lots of things I probably ought to be getting on with today, so enough for now. It's very nice to at least express how I feel about it, even if I'm feeling disappointed that those feelings are rather lacklustre. 

Have a good week Brian, and thank you again.

E xx

Brian (BrianB125)

From: Brian (BrianB125)

Sep-23

Elsie,

My wife plays the recorder - mostly Early Music but some modern things.  She plays in several groups and also organizes concerts with visiting professionals.  It is a wonderful way to spend her retirement.  Unfortunately, I have a completely tin ear so I can't share this with her.  But I do love the sound of her practicing, which she often does for several hours a day.

I like the story of finding you had a sea view on the last day - I think it rained every day we were in Scotland - not hard, but a constant drizzle.  This is a picture from the hike where my wife broke her finger - we had our lunch watching the clouds pour over this mountain. 

Brian

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MaryLouise3

From: MaryLouise3

Sep-23

Hi E

Made it in again after days of having trouble with cookies, passwords, date/time. I called in a technician to help and he told me that  the reason we talk about bugs in the computer is that in Silicon Valley there was a bug running around live inside a motherboard. A kind of wood louse.

Early spring here, very green but cold.

E, I once helped write to new sober people on a LifeRing buddy email system and  not one replied. Very demoralising.

Let me look at threads I've missed and then post again tomorrow. 

Love to you, death to bureaucratic form-fillers.

xM

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