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LifeRing Recovery: a self-help alternative for recovery from alcoholism and other chemical dependency. Group support for abstinence from alcohol and “drugs” by empowering the sober self within you. Completely secular: no prayers, Higher Powers or Steps.

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Newly Sober-Day 4   Sobriety/Recovery Journals

Started Sep-11 by ptcjstc1984; 190 views.
ptcjstc1984

From: ptcjstc1984

Sep-11

Hi there,

I just wanted to take a moment to introduce myself. My name is Amanda and I am new to sober living. This is Day 4 for me. 

As an atheist and big believer in self-empowerment, I like the format of LifeRing-I participated in my first virtual meeting yesterday and am considering attending an in-person meeting next week. 

I suppose I'm writing just to address some of how I'm feeling today. 

It's a good day over all-I feel my energy and motivation returning to me. I am a little worried about tonight however. I regularly read poetry on Wednesday nights and the venue is a bar-wine and poetry are inseparable in my mind, but I know I don't want to drink anymore. Because I don't know when to quit.  Tonight is going to be a big challenge. I'm fortunate to have a supportive partner at my side as I take on this new life change. I'm lucky he still wants to be with me in all honesty. 

Is it just me or is drinking featured in just about EVERY movie, book, and tv show out there?

Ugh, this is hard. I suppose that means it is worth doing. 

I've realized that I drink to escape reality. I lost my mother to cancer a few years back and it changed me. I know I can never be the person I was prior to her diagnosis, but I hope that perhaps I can be a good person nevertheless. Without alcohol, my antidepressants can finally work for me too. Mixing drugs and booze is never a good idea, and it has taken its toll. I am through. 

Hopefully I'm ready to face tonight's challenge!

Elsie (Elsiek)

From: Elsie (Elsiek)

Sep-12

Hi there Amanda and welcome. 

I hope it went well last night. I like to have my sparkling apple or elderflower in a wine glass in such situations! I seriously object to the grubby tumblers people sometimes give me.

I too drank whilst on anti-depressants- citalopram in my case. I've been sober now for a few years and have continued with the anti-depressants although I'm currently reducing them. I'm sorry to hear about your mother. I know these experiences do change us but without alcohol in our lives we can perhaps regain some positive  aspects of ourselves we thought we had lost. When I was struggling to stop drinking some people on here pointed out that having an alcohol addiction means we don't really think straight- rediscovering clarity as you already are beginning to do gives us hope.  The circumstances of my mum's death three years ago were very different from your mother's as she was 85, with a diagnosis of dementia. It was very challenging and sad, but I got through it completely sober. The same could not be said for me when my dad died very suddenly at the age of 63. I was in my late 20s and drink was already becoming a major prop for me at that time. in some ways I mourned him at the same time I mourned my mum. Obviously I don't know where you are in terms of grief but you may find you have stuff relating to your mum to process. It can be hard but is ultimately positive.

Poetry! I don't read a great deal of poetry at the moment but I have been known to. I have even penned some. I used to be a big reader in my youth - my degree was in English Lit and I taught English for some years. When I drank a lot I hardly read, but in recovery I have rediscovered my love of reading- firstly with lots and lots of recovery literature which really helped me through, now with a whole variety of fiction and non-fiction. it is truly wonderful to have my reading life back.  

Very nice to see you here. This forum has been very supportive in my recovery. It's not always especially active or busy by comparison to some forums but I prefer that relative quietness which means you get to know a few people quite well. It can take a while to get a response sometimes but it will come!

Take care and keep going!

Elsie xx

Brian (BrianB125)

From: Brian (BrianB125)

Sep-12

Welcome to the forum Amanda, day 4 is great.  Having a supportive partner is a big help, and I would recommend face to face meetings if you can find some.  

Yes, it does seem that alcohol is everywhere, but things are changing.  I remember when I first stopped drinking I went to a fancy dinner and there were two wine glasses at every place.  When the waiter first came around with the wine I put my hand over my glass and he moved on.  Then when I was  talking to the person next to me he filled my glass.  I passed it on to another person at the table and the waiter came back with another full glass.  I gave up and just left it there.  That doesn't happen anymore - at least around where I live.  When I pass on wine they simply take the glass and that's an end of it.  

What I would recommend for the poetry night is just get a glass of mineral water or ginger ale - my two drinks of choice - as soon as you get there.

Good luck and come back and tell us how it went.

Brian

ptcjstc1984

From: ptcjstc1984

Sep-24

Thanks for your support. I'm sorry about your parents...my father gambled throughout my childhood and our relationship has never been great. I suppose addiction was always an element of my environment, but I'm trying to do better. I do still grieve my mother, but you're right-alcohol is ultimately problematic. It has kept me from processing what I need to process. I feel very fortunate to have found this group and look forward to seeing what it can offer. I recently bought the Empowering Your Sober Self book and am slowly making my way through it. 

When I say read poetry, I mean read aloud...all of the poetry I read is my own. 

Writing is my therapy since I cannot afford to see an actual therapist. 

I like the idea of drinking sparkling juice from a wineglass. 

-Amanda

ptcjstc1984

From: ptcjstc1984

Sep-24

Thanks for your response. I know several friends who do not drink...I have no excuse. You're right. The culture surrounding alcohol is changing, ever so slightly.  I love Ginger Beer and that is my reliable go-to. I must admit I've fallen a few times, particularly when I become stressed. Something in me feels different this time around though. I'm starting to like being sober more than I like the opposite, and that feels hopeful to me. I think I need to learn to manage my stress responsibly. That's where I fall apart. 

I work out and meditate, but it's hard to do those things when I feel out of control. 

It is a process. 

Elsie (Elsiek)

From: Elsie (Elsiek)

Sep-24

Hi again Amanda, good to hear from you. 

Reading Empowering Your sober self was a real turning point for me. I think it does what it says on the tin, as it were. I felt much more confident in my ability to get through after reading. 

Writing is brilliant therapy. It's wonderful that you are a poet blush 

Writing here is a big help too. 

Take care, onwards and upwards

E xx

MaryLouise3

From: MaryLouise3

Sep-25

Hi Amanda and good to see you here.

I still have a few champagne flutes and use them for non-alcoholic fruit juices and  a very delicious organic apple juice we get here in summer. I set out tall jugs of it and many guests prefer the juice to a glass of champagne or wine.

Mary

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