LifeRing Recovery: a self-help alternative for recovery from alcoholism and other chemical dependency. Group support for abstinence from alcohol and “drugs” by empowering the sober self within you. Completely secular: no prayers, Higher Powers or Steps.
I have been sober once for almost two years and then a lot of horrible things happened, I stopped taking my depression medication that I should have been taking. I got a DUII. And my ex-husband got sole custody of our children because I was drunk when CPS came to my home to check on them. I basically threw my life away. And I still can't seem to get my drinking under control. I got sad yesterday because it's been a month since I've seen my children and the first thing I did was buy and finish off a bottle of tequila. I feel so ashamed and guilty (I'm currently living with my parents again at 37 years old) and I spent all day hiding from them because I know they are disappointed with me. I'm disappointed with me. But I found LifeRing today and I got some quit lit from the library. I want to do this. I NEED to do this so I can see my kids again. So I can get a job. Go to nursing school as I wanted to. I know I need more support than I have been seeking out.
Welcome to the forum, glad you found us. One thing to keep in mind, what ever reasons people have for starting drinking, once they become alcoholics that all changes. An alcoholics drinking is basically irrational - there is no longer any reason for it, it's just something we want to do - one psychiatrist called it a "bare want" That's why it so hard to resist. But you can learn to resist it and the fact that you are posting here shows that you are making the effort. And if we could stop drinking, so can you, there is nothing special about us - we've all been where you are right now.
Are there any AA groups or other groups around you. I'm not advocating for AA, but it does help to be physically around other people trying to stop drinking - the one on one interaction does seems to help - and you can just ignore the parts of the AA message you don't like - that's what I did for several years.
Reading quit lit will also help - you can also read around some of the journals here which will shows you the steps we went through.
,And keep coming back here and letting us know how you are doing, we are all rooting for you.
Good luck to you friend. Taking the time to post here might seem like a small step, but you can get a lot of support here and there are a lot of very helpful people here that are willing to lend you support. Try checking out the online chat schedules & online meeting schedules. Also, there's a book called "Powerless No Longer: Reprogramming Your Addictive Behavior" that was very helpful for me. Maybe check it out it you can. There's an audio book version too.
I am so sorry to hear about your children and being a mother myself I have a bit of an idea of how terrible that is. At AA I did meet a woman who had been through a similar thing, it was a long term project getting and staying sober to begin with, then plugging away at getting her children back, but get them back she did. The thing is we are probably worst at looking after ourselves when it's most important to do so. Had a bad day? eat some junk food and crack open a beer...we actively do things that we know will make us feel worse. Even though I no longer drink alcohol I will drink far too much coffee and eat terrible food as a stress response.
AA did not particularly suit me in the long run but it was very helpful at the start. As Brian says, it is good to realise you are not alone. And there is a place for some of their little slogans- I was thinking 'one day at a time' is maybe a helpful thing for you. It's building from the small things, baby steps is another thing they say. Your long term plan might be Nursing School but that might feel like too much of a mountain right now? You may well get there, but for now you actually have bigger fish to fry- getting your health back, returning to equilibrium.
How do you get on with your parents? Obviously I don't know what they are like but they may well come up trumps for you beyond your expectations. I came from a very catholic background and when my first marriage failed ( my choice and my 'fault') I thought my parents would be furious. But in actual fact they were very supportive and helped me raise the funds to buy my ex out of the little house we had bought together. They are your parents- you know how you feel about your kids- and they will have that same desire for your happiness I'm sure.
You say you have been sober before so you know you can do it. Of course its hard but that is the nature of addiction. we feel we can't stop, and the first push requires what feels at the time like superhuman willpower, but many people have managed it- and every single person who has recovered has at some point thought they would never be able to do it. I think the 'one day at a time' concept helps, sometimes people have to take it one hour at a time. when I was in the grip of terrible cravings in the evening I would say to myself- if I feel the same tomorrow, then I can drink. Guaranteed that the following morning I would be so pleased I hadn't succumbed, and that small victory really shored me up to try the next day.
Have a good day Pen, keep posting, and take good care of yourself.
What you say strikes a chord with me. The key thing in finally getting sober was recognising I needed more help than I'd tried to get before, and what kind of help it might be. I devoured sobriety literature and went out for coffee and conversation with sober friends. I went off to meetings for the first year and a half. Following suggestions, I changed many of my routines and made sure I had projects to do in the evenings, stayed away from pubs or places which were all about drinking.
Later on, I could relax as the desire to drink lessened -- I made different choices, felt more comfortable around others drinking, didn't need meetings.
But for those first months I was vigilant as a lion and accepted any help offered. I was ready for stints in rehab or hospital wards or taking Antabuse -- none of that was necessary but I would have done it if I had relapsed again. I was so desperate and that helped too!
Good to see you here, I hope this week goes well.