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LifeRing Recovery: a self-help alternative for recovery from alcoholism and other chemical dependency. Group support for abstinence from alcohol and “drugs” by empowering the sober self within you. Completely secular: no prayers, Higher Powers or Steps.

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LolaBug's Recovery Musings   Sobriety/Recovery Journals

Started May-28 by LolaBug; 478 views.
Elsie (Elsiek)

From: Elsie (Elsiek)

Jun-18

Hi Lola

I hope you are well and that the temporary setback was, well, temporary. We all have them. I've had a tricky few weeks, getting ridiculously worked up about the British government's handling of the pandemic, posting far too much on Facebook and seriously risking my peace of mind. I'll admit I've even had drinking thoughts which I haven't had for a very long time. I asked my doctor is I could increase my anti depressants and she agreed- only up to 20mg from 15 but it totally wiped me out so I have dropped back to 15. Also, I can't tell you how hard I have found it to make that reduction from 20 to 15  in the first place and I think I felt a sense of disappointment that all my effort had been for nothing. Feeling a lot more level now. 

Anyway, enough about me! You have four daughters! Wow! How wonderful. what ages are they? You must have had your hands very full when they were younger. I'm sure you enjoyed the visit. I am experiencing the feeling that my son has now properly left home- the first time I have really felt that his home here is no longer his centre of gravity, as it were. It's not easy is it?  He was a late starter with girlfriends but he has been in a steady relationship for 18 months now- that changes their relationship with home too, doesn't it?  My daughter is back home from college during the pandemic and studying online, plus she still has a lot of local friends so she is reasonably settled at home as a result. It can't have been easy being cooped up with us but she has been on good form. 

Do your daughters live a long way from you? The pandemic has been particularly harsh for families that are spread out, but at least these days we have Skype and facetime I suppose. I'm really feeling that my life has shrunk with no visits to or from friends, festivals or guaranteed holidays on the horizon. plus its been pouring with rain here the last few days which makes me feel rather trapped. But I am meditating, reading, and trying to catch up with a few jobs ( which I carry on putting off!) And running out with my dog between downpours. 

Anyway, I hope this week is panning out as a good one for you, take care of yourself xxx

MaryLouise3

From: MaryLouise3

Jun-18

E, I've been thinking of you and that fleeting Brit summer, how unlike any other summer it must be. Usually in June  we watch some Wimbledon tennis at the weekends, looking at people eating strawberries and  looking sunburned.

Here's to the new dosage kicking in soon and helping.

I'm getting over mild  gastric flu (another bout), reading and editing but its too cold to walk much and I keep thinking of warmer days and  a trip to the ocean with safeguards --

xMary

LolaBug

From: LolaBug

Jun-19

Hi, Elsie! Yes, four daughters! And I got to see all four yesterday! We all live in Massachusetts, so nobody had to cross state borders yo get here. MA "suggests" that you self-quarantine for two weeks if you're coming from another state, but I highly doubt that's happening. I live down by Cape Cod. There are a lot of summer homes here and I'm seeing many out-of-state license plates at the grocery store.

Anyway, the daughters: oldest is 37, next just had her birthday Tuesday (hence the gathering) and is 31, next will turn 29 in July, and the youngest, who lives with me, is 27.

Yes, it was tough at times when they were little. My drinking started after my husband died in '99, and moreso after my mom passed in 2000. I got sober on my own and stayed that way for years, until my dad got cancer. I started drinking again around the time he died in 2010.

And here I am now, still not quite getting it, but I'm doing better. I have also decided to seriously work on weight loss, which helps because what's the use of cutting back on what you eat if you're just going to drink your calories? And I'm happy to say that the weight is coming off slowly but steadily, the healthy way.

Well, thank you for your input. Time to start my day!

ScoutMc

From: ScoutMc

Jul-14

Hello,

That’s awesome your family lives nearby(ish)!  I live in NC and have no blood family in this state, though I do have friends that I treat as family. Pandemic or not, it’s great to be able to socialize with family in whatever format it takes.

I live in a tourist lake town and have noticed all the out of state car tags here, too. I do my best to stay home when I can, but my job cannot be done from home. 
Thank you for sharing your journey via journal and may today be a success!

LolaBug

From: LolaBug

Jul-16

Hey, Scout! So happy to see you actively participating here. I just picked up my town's little local paper and the headline is, "Summer visitors down during pandemic." 

I am all in for wearing masks and social distancing and keeping unnecessary business closed or at least restricted, but that doesn't mean I don't worry about the small businesses in town. Especially the ones that are heavily dependent on summer tourists. Nobody wants to live amongst boarded up storefronts.

But as a mother, I worry. One daughter, a nurse, has already had Covid-19. A mild case, but the immunity aspect seems largely unknown, and I've also heard if you've had it once and get it again, it's likely to be worse the second time.

Well, my job right now is to stay sober so I can be of support to them, if need be.

Hope you are doing well today!!!

Elsie (Elsiek)

From: Elsie (Elsiek)

Jul-29

Hi Lola

Yet again I must apologise for taking so long to check in back here and read your reply. Sorry. And thank you for your reply. 

I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your husband and mother so hard on the heels of each other in 99 and 2000.  I know a little about how two bereavements so close in time can impact. in 92 my dad died suddenly, and at the end of the same year my boyfriend moved from the UK to the US (without me), obviously not a bereavement but I had truly believed he was 'the one' and was still at the crazy in love stage. I suspect losing dad had made me even crazier. We staggered along for a while and I came to the US for a long summer break in 93 but I just couldn't cope without him and the fact that he could cope perfectly well without me felt like abandonment. I was an utter mess for a long time, filled the gap with someone I worked with and ended up with a very complicated emotional situation, various finishings and restartings of each relationship, makes me shudder to remember how fraught everything was. I didn't think or realise I had a drink problem back then but looking back now they were big drinking times and that did not help my situation at all. whilst all that romantic drama- and real heartbreak- was going on I didn't really feel the loss of my dad consciously, but we had been very close. I think I only really mourned dad when my mum died in 2016. Experiencing grief when stone cold sober isn't a bundle of laughs but at least you get to experience it. I have dealt with lots of other unprocessed stuff as well since I got sober, but frankly it never seems to stop.

So you had four young daughters when you lost your husband. And our mothers are a natural support for most of us when we become mothers ourselves. It must have been  incredibly difficult and I don't blame you at all for the fact your drinking escalated as a coping mechanism.  The thing is it does seem to help a lot in the very short term which I guess is why we so easily fall into it, but as we know it turns on you.  I feel very fortunate not to have had my children with the boyfriend who went to the US.  In my more rash thoughts I considered getting pregnant 'accidentally on purpose.' Luckily I do have a streak of honesty within me, not always evident in past relationships, but actually I would never have wanted a child unless it was by mutual consent. Or donor -grinning if I had found myself single and childless at 40. Anyway, I take my imaginary hat off to you for getting through the past twenty years and being on good terms with your daughters. It's a life's work having kids. 

It's been so nice having my daughter home since March with the lockdown.  she has just turned 19.  she is great fun, a party animal, very funny, but fair to say rather high maintenance...She ran rings round me with her birthday demands.  Last night I lay awake worrying because since my son came home two weeks ago there is only one car insured for both to use. By default it has been used by my daughter since she passed her test last Christmas as her college is not well served by public transport.  My son is in a city and doesn't really need a car. But we pay for it, repairs, servicing etc, and it is meant for both as a runaround when they are home.  My daughter wants to use it to go away this weekend, my son has his nose out of joint over her hogging it...have had words with daughter this morning about taking the train as its perfectly feasible, and I've yet to see if she's talking to me now!! The car was a replacement for one my son wrote off a year ago, he has barely driven since then and I really want him to get his confidence back. My daughter picked me up in a rainstorm the other day and I'm concerned that her confidence might need curbing a bit.  Tell me, do you EVER get over worrying about your kids driving?  It doesn't help that one of my nephews had a terrible crash a few years ago, his passenger was killed (on his 18th birthday) and my nephew almost lost his life, has definitely been psychologically impacted by what happened, and maybe a little cognitively impaired too. When we had visited my sister in New Zealand he had driven my husband and then very young son back from the airport and when my husband got out he said to me- confidentially- I never want to get in a car with him again, and I don't want him driving the kids.  We didn't say anything though.  I really wish we had. Even if they had been insulted and angry we might have flagged up the possibility  of a tragedy waiting to happen. 

My kids get so pissed off with me when I point such things out, but its my job isn't it? And the tale of my nephew is a seriously salutary one. 

On a totally different subject, I very much liked what I saw of Massachusetts. In that summer of 93 we travelled up the East coast through MA for a week or so and up to Maine.  Beautiful, and the cooler weather there than in Philly suited me as a Brit! All in all it feels like a different lifetime now though.  I can hardly believe its 2020. 

All the best, I'll try not to leave it  6 weeks before I come back here!

Elsie xxx

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