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LifeRing Recovery

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LifeRing Recovery: a self-help alternative for recovery from alcoholism and other chemical dependency. Group support for abstinence from alcohol and “drugs” by empowering the sober self within you. Completely secular: no prayers, Higher Powers or Steps.

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LolaBug's Recovery Musings   Sobriety/Recovery Journals

Started May-28 by LolaBug; 1107 views.
ScoutMc

From: ScoutMc

Jul-14

Hello,

That’s awesome your family lives nearby(ish)!  I live in NC and have no blood family in this state, though I do have friends that I treat as family. Pandemic or not, it’s great to be able to socialize with family in whatever format it takes.

I live in a tourist lake town and have noticed all the out of state car tags here, too. I do my best to stay home when I can, but my job cannot be done from home. 
Thank you for sharing your journey via journal and may today be a success!

LolaBug

From: LolaBug

Jul-16

Hey, Scout! So happy to see you actively participating here. I just picked up my town's little local paper and the headline is, "Summer visitors down during pandemic." 

I am all in for wearing masks and social distancing and keeping unnecessary business closed or at least restricted, but that doesn't mean I don't worry about the small businesses in town. Especially the ones that are heavily dependent on summer tourists. Nobody wants to live amongst boarded up storefronts.

But as a mother, I worry. One daughter, a nurse, has already had Covid-19. A mild case, but the immunity aspect seems largely unknown, and I've also heard if you've had it once and get it again, it's likely to be worse the second time.

Well, my job right now is to stay sober so I can be of support to them, if need be.

Hope you are doing well today!!!

Elsie (Elsiek)

From: Elsie (Elsiek)

Jul-29

Hi Lola

Yet again I must apologise for taking so long to check in back here and read your reply. Sorry. And thank you for your reply. 

I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your husband and mother so hard on the heels of each other in 99 and 2000.  I know a little about how two bereavements so close in time can impact. in 92 my dad died suddenly, and at the end of the same year my boyfriend moved from the UK to the US (without me), obviously not a bereavement but I had truly believed he was 'the one' and was still at the crazy in love stage. I suspect losing dad had made me even crazier. We staggered along for a while and I came to the US for a long summer break in 93 but I just couldn't cope without him and the fact that he could cope perfectly well without me felt like abandonment. I was an utter mess for a long time, filled the gap with someone I worked with and ended up with a very complicated emotional situation, various finishings and restartings of each relationship, makes me shudder to remember how fraught everything was. I didn't think or realise I had a drink problem back then but looking back now they were big drinking times and that did not help my situation at all. whilst all that romantic drama- and real heartbreak- was going on I didn't really feel the loss of my dad consciously, but we had been very close. I think I only really mourned dad when my mum died in 2016. Experiencing grief when stone cold sober isn't a bundle of laughs but at least you get to experience it. I have dealt with lots of other unprocessed stuff as well since I got sober, but frankly it never seems to stop.

So you had four young daughters when you lost your husband. And our mothers are a natural support for most of us when we become mothers ourselves. It must have been  incredibly difficult and I don't blame you at all for the fact your drinking escalated as a coping mechanism.  The thing is it does seem to help a lot in the very short term which I guess is why we so easily fall into it, but as we know it turns on you.  I feel very fortunate not to have had my children with the boyfriend who went to the US.  In my more rash thoughts I considered getting pregnant 'accidentally on purpose.' Luckily I do have a streak of honesty within me, not always evident in past relationships, but actually I would never have wanted a child unless it was by mutual consent. Or donor -grinning if I had found myself single and childless at 40. Anyway, I take my imaginary hat off to you for getting through the past twenty years and being on good terms with your daughters. It's a life's work having kids. 

It's been so nice having my daughter home since March with the lockdown.  she has just turned 19.  she is great fun, a party animal, very funny, but fair to say rather high maintenance...She ran rings round me with her birthday demands.  Last night I lay awake worrying because since my son came home two weeks ago there is only one car insured for both to use. By default it has been used by my daughter since she passed her test last Christmas as her college is not well served by public transport.  My son is in a city and doesn't really need a car. But we pay for it, repairs, servicing etc, and it is meant for both as a runaround when they are home.  My daughter wants to use it to go away this weekend, my son has his nose out of joint over her hogging it...have had words with daughter this morning about taking the train as its perfectly feasible, and I've yet to see if she's talking to me now!! The car was a replacement for one my son wrote off a year ago, he has barely driven since then and I really want him to get his confidence back. My daughter picked me up in a rainstorm the other day and I'm concerned that her confidence might need curbing a bit.  Tell me, do you EVER get over worrying about your kids driving?  It doesn't help that one of my nephews had a terrible crash a few years ago, his passenger was killed (on his 18th birthday) and my nephew almost lost his life, has definitely been psychologically impacted by what happened, and maybe a little cognitively impaired too. When we had visited my sister in New Zealand he had driven my husband and then very young son back from the airport and when my husband got out he said to me- confidentially- I never want to get in a car with him again, and I don't want him driving the kids.  We didn't say anything though.  I really wish we had. Even if they had been insulted and angry we might have flagged up the possibility  of a tragedy waiting to happen. 

My kids get so pissed off with me when I point such things out, but its my job isn't it? And the tale of my nephew is a seriously salutary one. 

On a totally different subject, I very much liked what I saw of Massachusetts. In that summer of 93 we travelled up the East coast through MA for a week or so and up to Maine.  Beautiful, and the cooler weather there than in Philly suited me as a Brit! All in all it feels like a different lifetime now though.  I can hardly believe its 2020. 

All the best, I'll try not to leave it  6 weeks before I come back here!

Elsie xxx

In reply toRe: msg 19
MaryLouise3

From: MaryLouise3

Aug-6

I've also been missing these last weeks, still struggling with a gastric upset and  slow to get energy back.

I've started a kombucha brew with a scoy froma friend, hope more probiotics might help -- I do eat plenty of yoghurt, like pickle and sauerkraut, but thought I might explore kombucha and kefir.

More later

xmary

LolaBug

From: LolaBug

Aug-6

Well, I guess that makes three of us; I haven't been around much, either. First I was doing wonderful things like going to my re-opened gym (masks mandatory, lots of cleaning) and going swimming at the cove every day, then I got sick. 

Of course that happened over the weekend and as I did not want to chance having to go to the ER, i waited until Monday to call my doctor.

Turns out I have diverticulitis and am now on THREE antibiotics. Very relieved, as the pain felt like ovarian pain (had a cyst once) so of course my mind went to cancer. Google comforted me as the symptoms didn't match, especially loss of appetite and unexplained weight loss . Weight loss is definitely not happening!

Interesting though, one of my meds says, "Do not drink alcohol." Not, "Reduce alcohol consumption" or, "Avoid alcohol." I looked up the reason and it sounds like a similar reaction to taking Antabuse. 

I've never used that, but have heard people talk about it. I have to say, I get it now. It's actually quite freeing to think, Nope; I absolutely cannot drink. Not an option.

I started feeling better yesterday after two of 10 days of meds. Felt like I was back in the land of the living! Mary, I went to the store yesterday and got lots of yogurt.

Elise, thank you for the lovely response. I will have to re-read it and respond properly.

Off to start my day!

In reply toRe: msg 21
LolaBug

From: LolaBug

Aug-15

Done with the antibiotics and back to going swimming and to the gym. Feeling wonderful, and I see no reason to risk that for a drink.

Hope everyone is doing well!

In reply toRe: msg 22
LolaBug

From: LolaBug

Aug-26

It is so nice to wake up early and without a hangover. Sipping coffee, watching the sky change color, listening to the crickets and enjoying the morning.

I hope everyone is doing well today.

MaryLouise3

From: MaryLouise3

Aug-27

Hi Lola

Hope you're getting better on the antibiotics -- interesting that 'freedom' from knowing you cannot drink, it sounds similar to what many people have found when taking Antabuse each morning, knowing that they will get extremely ill if they try to drink. So the choice has been taken away, as happens in rehab. And with that false power of choice gone, the tug-of-war within stops, the idea of drinking is shelved.

I've also had a grim few months and  am slowly getting better -- not Covid-19 but contaminated water and possibly Hepatitis A as well as IBS. Ironic, because I eat  in a reasonably healthy way (vegetables, salads, roughage, fish, little dairy or sugar) and have  always thought of myself as having a cast-iron digestive system. Not so.

Take care

MaryLouise

LolaBug

From: LolaBug

Aug-28

Yikes, MaryLouise, hep A and IBS??? That's a lot at once!

I am feeling muuuuuch better, am off antibiotics and still not drinking. Funny how the thoughts started creeping back in once I was off the meds. But now I tell myself, You were perfectly happy with not drinking when you were on the antibiotics, so you don't need it now. 

And I don't! I am so much more active and productive. I've been swimming, going to the gym, sewing, knitting, crocheting, and I'm going to try my hand at some watercolor painting. 

One thing I'm still working on, though, is food. I was also in a really good place with that until I spent 2 nights away from home and I realized I have a hard time getting back on track once I'm knocked out of my routine. But now that I'm aware of that, I can be better prepared in the future. 

I also may possibly be hoarding food. Been prowling the markdown rack at Stop & Shop and have been bringing home a fair number of dented cans. This is more in response to the pandemic, I think, so I'll give myself some slack. At least I'm not focusing on squirrelling away booze! Any food shortages, you're all invited to my house for rice and beans!

Anyway, happy to be awake so early and with no hangover. I raise my mug of tea to another day of sobriety!

MaryLouise3

From: MaryLouise3

Aug-31

Yes, do cut yourself some slack when it comes to shopping, hoarding, indulging in food during this weird time. Everyone has resorted to compensatory stuff and so long as you don't drink, everything else can be balanced and set right.

One reason I am so keen on long periods of consistent unbroken sobriety is that they set down a  solid memory track of how much better off we are when sober and how possible it is to go without alcohol. Some people here on the forum used Antabuse for a while and then realised they didn't need the Antabuse as a deterrent because they were used to thinking of each day as sober and enjoyable, no need to drink at all.

And I had no idea that I am really a morning person at heart and like starting my days clearheaded with a large mug of tea!

Take care and good to hear from you.

xMary

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