Hi Maggie, yes the negative self-talk about being unable to resist or overcome cravings can be a drawback in itself. The more you say no and stay sober through cravings and urges, the easier it will get and the more sense of empowerment you will feel.
I would remind myself that the self-doubting and feelings of helplessness were also functioning as excuses that gave me a reason to give in and drink. What i really wanted was a new life free of addiction and the same-old same-old and to get that long-term goal I had to give up short-term gratification. The habit of drinking was just a habit. It was aa big part of my life then but not as big as the desire to live differently.
If you are with friends who drink, the inward resolve will be sapped by those around you who drink -- in early days are you able to find someone who can help you say no when you're in a group? I would take along a small bottle of mineral water and tell everyone I wasn't able to drink right away.
And when I was alone, I found new rituals for the evening, staying on the Internet to post and chat with sober friends or making myself supper earlier, having treats of fruit or even ice cream instead of a drink. It took persistence, Maggie, and at first I struggled a lot. I did feel I was within a community of sober-minded friends though and that is always a help.
Take care and hang in there