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on the right side of the grass, sober and going for a good time on friday....yay!
gl;ad to hear it, Rex.
Probably much to the relief of all of you I am about finished writing about my physical condition because there will soon be very little to write about.
As I said earlier this week apparently I am 95% sure of dying from something other than kidney cancer. Today I had my fourth colonoscopy and for the first time ever had no polyps that needed removing, so it looks like it will be something other than colon cancer also. lol
I am enjoying an evening alone with absolutely nothing to do except watch my White Sox blow the lead they had until two days ago in the American League Central Division to the hated Detroit Tigers.
My friend Judy is baby-sitting for the weekend with two small grandchildren so maybe I'll do a little motorcycle maintenance tomorrow which of course will involve some riding. Past time for an oil change and a bath wouldn't hurt it either.
My wife of record is trying to cause a lot of problems within my own family about our separation but I know this happens.......I've been through it once before and am surprised at nothing. Mistruths, half truths and hearsay is being spread through my mother and siblings. I have said nothing bad about her and probably will not.
The cancer episode has strengthened my belief to live in the here and now and let all my tomorrows take care of themselves. I intend to get up clear headed each morning and go to bed sober each night. What happens in between will be the rest of my life.
I don't really know what to say about my sobriety anymore. I come here 3-4 times a day and read but other than that seldom think about it. It just seems so remote to me. I am of course aware that that could change at some point but it sure seems remote now.
that's good news, Rex, ....think you've had enough turmoil for a while?
Yes margit, I believe I have, but of course the turmoil is far from over as I endeavor to settle my marital status.
It's a beautiful Saturday morning here and I went out briefly to get a bite of breakfast. And now I find myself back at home relishing the quiet and solitude.
I have a lady friend (Judy) whom I believe I am in love with and vice versa. We spend two to three nights a week together and really enjoy the time spent together. But there are other times when I simply enjoy being alone in my own home which is decorated the way I want and furnished the way I want.
I know you have lived alone for many years and not sure I am cut out for that but really kind of confused as to what I do want.
We have no plans to live together at the present time as she has her daughter and her family living with her now (much to her chagrin) and can't bring herself to put them out on the street. She is trying to resolve that situation now.
If indeed that happens I'm not sure what the next move would be.
I'm rambling but just wondered if this kind of confusion has ever come up in your life. It's really none of my business but thought I would ask anyway.
This of course would also be a question for anyone else on the forum who is in a similar situation or has been in the past......Rae, Mary L among others.
As I have said many times, stopping drinking was fairly easy for me, the challenge now is to live a contented sober life, something I think I might always struggle with.
With the immediate health issues seemingly taken care of or at least being taken care of I am back to living my life, which is not always easy for me............maybe not for anyone. I just don't know.
yes, those issues have come up, and no, it's not too personal.
when i started living alone, i found i had a lot of preconceived ideas: for example, i was quite convinced i'd rather hate it, and that i would feel very lonely and restless all the time. but none of that turned out to be true. i liked it; i liked it right away.
but, and this is a big BUT: i was drinking at the time, of course, and living alone gave me a freedom to drink more and more often without worrying about hiding. so...entirely different situation there in that way.
i cannot, now, imagine ever sharing physical space with someone 24/7. i can't see how i'd ever want that. and i do think that's "the real me", and not just habit by now. when i go on holiday, i want a place to myself. don't get me wrong, it's not that i don't like to share lots of time talking with people, hanging out, eating together, i can spend all day, but...still, i want "my" evenings. my mornings alone.
seems i need lots of time to digest what i think about, what others say...what i have trouble with, see what fits...all that processing that's important to me.
i was convinced, too, that i'd be bored by myself. hasn't happened. at all.
part of what you call confusion might have to do with expectations: unexamined ones that are ours, those of the other person that you may know, or may assume you know, and those we might call "societal". it seems to be considered odd to say you like living alone. i run into people who tell me, in roundabout ways, that there must be something wrong with me. or others who insist, in various ways, that if "the right one" comes along, i will want to live together with her or him.
no, i don't think i will. the "right one" would likely be right partly because he/she enjoys their own time. and would appreciate, as in be glad/grateful, that i like to be by myself quite a bit.
for myself, i think the ideal situation would be one of living in proximate but separate spaces. but....i have no experience with trying that, and might well find that that is simply another preconceived notion of mine.
i do know that i'm not terrifically willing to make a lot of compromises re my daily living stuff. and that i'm relieved not much is asked of me that way.
any of this speak to what you're talking about?