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LifeRing Recovery: a self-help alternative for recovery from alcoholism and other chemical dependency. Group support for abstinence from alcohol and “drugs” by empowering the sober self within you. Completely secular: no prayers, Higher Powers or Steps.

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Rex's 2nd Time Around Volume 2   Sobriety/Recovery Journals

Started 8/31/12 by Rex (rcclark99); 30737 views.
In reply toRe: msg 53
Rex (rcclark99)

From: Rex (rcclark99)


It's Sunday morning here and it looks like the second grey, rainy, windy dreary day here in succession.

As has become more or less the norm, Judy is spending the weekend with me. She is still enjoying much needed sleep this morning. I know she doesn't get enough during the week due to a stressful job, a 2 hour job commute five days a week and her daughter, son-in-law and and two year old grandson who lives with her. She is trying to change the latter situation but it does seem difficult as I think they enjoy living in a large home with few obligations and it is difficult for a mother to throw her only daughter out in the street.

I am appreciating the "me" time this morning which gives me a chance to put a few things down here.

I think I am essentially happy these days. I am trying to freshen and improve relationships with my biological family (mother and siblings) as they have been greatly ignored for many years.

During our marriage K really wanted a close relationship with her family, so mostly family time was associated with them. Drinking took up several evenings a week and since my family, for the most part is not nearby geographically, they were largely ignored. Now that I have broken up my marriage to a woman they all adored (despite our limited contact with them) I'm trying to make amends for several years of neglect. Part of it has not been easy. My brother and I had an angry exchange of words earlier this week.

It seems that a large part of my sober time has been taken up with trying to change or improve bad decisions I made while drinking.

I don't know where my relationship with Judy is going for the long-term. We are both strong-minded, opinionated people who are  used to being the boss in our workplace, but somehow we seem to communicate very well with each other. This has been the weak point in previous relationships..........she has a knack for sensing when something is not right with me and will not accept an answer of "nothing" when she asks me what is wrong.

I believe we are deeply and mutually in love, which might sound like kind of of a funny way to describe a new relationship between 60 year olds. I don't know how else to put it. Unlike a pair of 20 somethings though, we of course have each acquired a lot of baggage we carry along with us. This is the part that makes everything uncertain.









From: Firenailer


Hey Rex,

Still following the posts here but find I really don't have much to add myself either. It all just begins to move along more naturally as time goes on for me.

I'm glad to hear you sounding happy and healthy again! Glad life is good my friend.

The Family thing is tough, I think it's like that for everyone. It's just me and an older Brother left, and we aren't very close. Part of that is geographical, but a lot of it is that we're just two very different people. He's a good man but we just don't see eye to eye on too many things, so I accept that, and him for the man he is, keep it polite and try to have good visits when I do see him.

Now that my Sister is gone I'm thinking that will probably not be very often. It's just the way life goes. You've heard the expression - " you can pick your friends, but you just get Family". So we keep it light when we talk on the phone, talk about the weather (he's in Fla), Jets and Yankees, ( Can't believe Jeter broke his ankle!), his wife and kids, my adventures, and promise to talk again soon.

Nothings forever bud, just enjoy what you have with your GF for as long as it makes you both happy, and don't worry about the rest. We both know the sun's going to come up tomorrow no matter what we do here today, just be the best we can, be happy with what we have, and accept today for what it is. That's pretty much my philosophy these days and it's serving me well. I'm closing in on my first year and I'm feeling good about it all. Sobriety has become pretty natural for me, I still check on a couple of sites every now and then, read what people are saying about their experiences, but it's not something I dwell on anymore.

OK, back to my Jet game,

Take it easy Rex and stay well!


Susan (swl755)

From: Susan (swl755)


Good to hear about your life these days, Rex.

Age doesn't necessarily confer wisdom, but that baggage you mention must include a lot of experience in relationships and some knowledge about how not to repeat the mistakes of the past. At least you won't have the illusion most of us did at 20 that if it's real love it shouldn't require hard work. :)

I believe we are deeply and mutually in love, which might sound like kind of of a funny way to describe a new relationship between 60 year olds.

No, not funny. Really nice. I'm happy for you.


Susan (swl755)

From: Susan (swl755)


Hey Bob,

Good to hear your voice and that sobriety's agreeing with you.


From: marylouise50


Moving through transition -- and it sounds challenging but good. New connections and reconnections, not easy. It sounds as if Judy's living situation is difficult but the family connection is very important to her. Changes take time -- I agree with you that as we get older we bring more baggage into new relationships  even if we also bring more realistic expectations and  better coping skills. As Susan said.

And I agree with you about the repairwork on  what happened in the drinking years. In my case i often 'went along' with unsatisfactory  ways of relating (not really present, the diminished energies and apathy arising from  heavy drinking much of the week)  and  now  find I have to  push hard to  change that, to not drift along or humour others, take the easier path. Which means conflict.

From: NCorbett3


Hi Rex
I used to think that if this or that happened, life would get more manageable.  And it does, with experience, but there are always new challenges for people like us who are alive and growing.  I met my partner when we were both in our mid-50's, with lots of experience in relationships, parenting etc and we STILL found plenty of blind spots and things to resolve.  We've been together now for almost 15 years and it works for us.  One reason for that is that we fell deeply in love, like you, and that has carried us through some tough situations, including me picking up alcohol again after 12 years' sobriety.  So I wish you and Judy well.  It's worth it.

love, nancy xx
In reply toRe: msg 59
Rex (rcclark99)

From: Rex (rcclark99)


The bikes have been put away for the winter and while we don't have the horrors of the east coast of course, tonight is cold, rainy and terribly windy.

And today, my summer from hell came close to being at an end. I had my umpteenth brain ct scan this morning and this afternoon took the dvd to my neurologist who told me that my subdural hemmorage has disappeared. It's completely gone and left nary a trace after five months of growing and shrinking and growing and shrinking. Dr. Gehring said I no longer have to come back and see his smilling face. Natural healing should take care of the remaining concussion symptoms over the next few months.

I didn't realize how injured and ill I was for most of the last 4-5 months until I started feeling better. Maybe kind of like getting sober and realizing how ill you had really been?

It was the summer from hell only healthwise........I met Judy only ten days before my accident and the past five months has seen our relationship develop very nicely. A love affair between two senior citizens is every bit as exciting as it would have been at any other age. And I've had them in pretty much all age brackets. lol

  • Edited 10/30/2012 8:24 pm by Rex (rcclark99)

From: mkh106


Ah Rex, that all sounds good,  cancer and hematoma disappeared while the new love entered the scene!

and yeah, having just read a lot of  "the book of love letters" , i'll say that the ones between older people sound a lot more appealing than all that rather , uh, slightly-silly-sounding "young" stuff.

(had to toss the book after a while, though, as it got a bit tedious. really, i got tired of it mostly because i'm convinced that i could do a lot better myself! as could you, and most of the people on this forum!)

good winter to you!




From: marylouise50


More good news Rex! I know the feeling you describe and it is similar to  sobering up and suddenly looking back at all those months if not years of being sick and tired. The same thing when I  get through a period of anxiety or  depression and  find I  wake up without a knot  of dread in my stomach.

And good to hear things are going  so well with Judy. How are your kids doing?
Brian (BrianB125)

From: Brian (BrianB125)


Great news Rex, quite an adventurous summer.  It almost sounds like a soap opera - "How I fell off my motorcycle passing an 18 wheeler, almost died, and saved my life!"  Might not believe it if we saw it on TV.  May you have a calmer next year.