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LifeRing Recovery: a self-help alternative for recovery from alcoholism and other chemical dependency. Group support for abstinence from alcohol and “drugs” by empowering the sober self within you. Completely secular: no prayers, Higher Powers or Steps.

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Going Forward (with clarity)   Sobriety/Recovery Journals

Started 2/16/14 by Elsie (Elsiek); 40998 views.
In reply toRe: msg 6
Elsie (Elsiek)

From: Elsie (Elsiek)

2/18/14

Thanks for your messages. I had been hoping that sobriety would transform my skiing completely- this of course puts too much pressure on sobriety! I remain too cautious,don't much like going really fast, so consequently put in far too many turns and get tired.  Just been for a lesson- same old story, I understand the techniques and have the theoretical ability to ski...but...I lack confidence and struggle to relax and enjoy because it scares me. Ah well, it served to remind me just how early you need to transfer your weight into a turn. Hopefully with that simple awareness I'll ski better tomorrow. 

Not particularly struggling to not drink, but I have a lot of emotions floating around, and I think I'm pretty tired with this emotional transition so mustn't be too hard on myself in my efforts to ski gracefully. The kit alone, boots, skis, poles, layers of clothes, I find very heavy and cumbersome and get me quite grumpy when I'm not actually skiing. And when I do ski, think Bridget Jones in Edge of Reason. I'm not the most intrepid person in the world!

ah well, back now, so time to relax. I'm in my pyjamas at 4.30pm, what's not to like?

hope you are all having a good week, thanks for the words if encouragement.

E x

mkh106

From: mkh106

2/18/14

sounds like the sobriety-thing, Elsie.

knowing theoretically that you can, knowing some techniques, but scared to really "do" it.

of course you ARE doing it, and of course it's clunky and cumbersome and awkward and easy to get grumpy...being graceful takes a long long time, and much practice, whether it's skiing or living soberly or anything else much.

pj's at 4:30 is perfect!

 

Brian (BrianB125)
Staff

From: Brian (BrianB125)

2/18/14

Skiing is something like learning to stop drinking - its not continuous, it comes in lumps.  You go for periods of time when you never seem to get any better, and then all of a sudden you are doing things you couldn't do before.  Main thing I think is just to remember its fun - as you ski better, it becomes more fun, but its still always fun.

I learned to ski in the sixties when we still used leather boots, tied as tight as you could with the laces wrapped several times around the top.  One of the greatest pleasures then was taking your boots off at the end of the day and waiting for the feeling to come back in your feet.

Brian

annie1790

From: annie1790

2/18/14

Hi Brian

I understand what you meant,  sometimes it seems like things aren't changing too much,  then all of a sudden "we are doing things we couldn't do before".  I find being sober,  I am much more even tempered and able to understand people,  where I used to be so jumpy before (when hungover and/or drinking).

 

 

Annie

In reply toRe: msg 10
Elsie (Elsiek)

From: Elsie (Elsiek)

2/26/14

Hi everyone.

i have a lot of fearful emotions this morning. I have a massive list of administrative tasks to complete. All of them are doable, but I worry that I just won't do them.

i am also worried about the forum and about AA meetings. I am very affected by what people say sometimes and I am very worried about saying stuff that might affect someone. I feel I need to think very very hard before I comment on anything that is not strictly about me.

 

I am even worried about the bin. We put the bin out last night. Oh, it's ok, they just emptied it. It was full of plaster and dust from a building job done last week while we were away.

 

i am worried about my performance review. My boss rang me yesterday to make sure I was going - 'just asking because you are notoriously bad at getting back to my letters and emails.' Shit, I didn't think I was that bad. Looked at the letter sent, and it said 'please contact me to arrange a different time if not convenient.' I thought I had said it was ok, but hadn't sent an email (checked my sent mail.) I'm just going to have to take any criticism about my organisational skills on the chin and try to improve. But criticism makes me feel sick.

a couple of things at AA yesterday made me feel that ultimately the AA philosophy is rather unsympathetic to these kind of anxieties. It is perceived as self pity, and something we just have to get over. Ok, my problems might be pathetic, but there are people whose psychological issues are very serious and debilitating. And not everything is solved by not drinking. I have a friend who was abused as a child. She never drinks- bad associations with alcohol, but that does not mean she doesn't have major issues in her adult relationships. I know I said the other day about looking forward, but there are things that drag me back, and repressing those feelings is not easy.

anyway, I feel better just to have expressed that. The jobs are pressing, the review is this afternoon, deep breath, do my best to get on now.

Brian (BrianB125)
Staff

From: Brian (BrianB125)

2/26/14

And not everything is solved by not drinking.  Unfortunately, that is exactly true - all of life's problems remain - is just is easier to face them.  Some people just worry about things more than others.  My wife is one, she worries about things I never think of.  This is just the way I think different people are.  She would probably say I'm just oblivious. Looking at what you wrote, all of those are things you could well be worried about, nothing wrong with that, though you want to be careful you don't become obsessive.  Having a performance review is always something to be worried about, and bosses are always a source of worry.  Deep breath, do your best - sounds like just the right plan.

Good luck

Brian

mkh106

From: mkh106

2/26/14

 

 I know I said the other day about looking forward, but there are things that drag me back, and repressing those feelings is not easy.

 

Elsie,

there's a balance there somewhere, or maybe not a balance exactly but finding a different way other than repressing.

i'm reminded of the little conversation Rex and i had a few weeks ago, and the difference between being aware of the past, the feelings and the history of how we got to this here moment, and not living in that past.

i'm expressing this badly, i know.

i'm not sure why you'd try to repress? it's different from letting go...but of course i'm partly talking to myself.

 

Elsie (Elsiek)

From: Elsie (Elsiek)

2/26/14

Yes, it isn't healthy to repress, but I sometimes do live in the past, which isn't healthy either. Today is just one day though, and it doesn't mean tomorrow will feel the same. Had my work review, and it was all good. Just shows I need to try not to anticipate or project.

E x

Rex (rcclark99)

From: Rex (rcclark99)

2/26/14

Yes margit, I remember that well.

I believe basically that you were referring to "learning from the past" and I was thinking about "dwelling in the past". Maybe I'm wrong in this interpretation. If I am please tell me.

I have some of this going on right now. My divorce is now final. I have hurt my former wife terribly with the divorce and I am really having trouble dealing with the guilt. I did not leave her for another woman; there was no other woman at the time. I left her because there were problems in the marriage from my point of view that she didn't want to address. Maybe I should have been more communicative about my disillusion and disappointments but I wasn't. I did let her know about my feelings but perhaps I should have been more adamant about them, at least that's how she feels.

Anyway, in my new relationship, I have conveyed this to J and we have both agreed to always be open to letting our feelings be known. She is very good at it and I am getting better. I attend a men's group twice a month dealing with exactly this; learning to recognize how we feel and to be able to express our feelings properly in a relationship. Most men are terrible at that.

We weren't supposed to have feelings as we were brought up. Just rub some dirt on the cut or scrape and go on playing and for God's sake, don't cry.

So, as you said I am trying to learn from my mistakes in the past as well as the things I did right because as we know, we are all a product of our decisions. That his how we got where we are today.

But I am trying not to dwell on the past and the hurt that those mistakes and decisions might have caused others. If I did it would eat me up.

I don't know if any of this makes any sense or not but was just some of the thoughts I had.

mkh106

From: mkh106

2/26/14

that's great news about the review; i imagine you're much relieved.

i know what you're saying, Elsie, about projecting ahead; and i do it, too. mostly, or almost exclusively, in a negative vein.

was thinking later today about 'repressing', and i don't know enough about this stuff, but think we can't deliberately repress, anyway. maybe supress? (why is spell-check underlining this??)

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