LifeRing Recovery

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LifeRing Recovery: a self-help alternative for recovery from alcoholism and other chemical dependency. Group support for abstinence from alcohol and “drugs” by empowering the sober self within you. Completely secular: no prayers, Higher Powers or Steps.

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Not doing AA after 8 years   Migrating from AA or RR

Started Jul-31 by MeliCo; 641 views.
In reply toRe: msg 1

From: LolaBug


Another former AA member here! I started in AA and I think it's a good place to start-- lots of f2f meetings, for one thing. But the longer I was in it, the more disenchanted I became.

Maybe it was the people in my area, but after a while it seemed like I was getting too much attention from the men and not much support from the women. I did try going to women's meetings but still couldn't find a group of women to be friends with. It seemed very cliquey, and I wasn't part of the "in" crowd.

And when I relapsed, I got no support. I felt like a loser, an outcast. It seemed everyone else was doing great. I learned later from someone who also left that many if the people who presented themselves as having solid sobriety actually did not. Some were outright liars and cheats (one woman was collecting disability but working full time under the table. How's that for "rigorous honesty").

So then I found Women For Sobriety online and I much preferred that program. M7ch more positive, less judgemental and shaming. No meetings near me, so I did it all online. Still, after a while I noticed some preachiness seeping in and people being scolded for relapsing, which rubbed me the wrong way.

I fully understand that two strikes might possibly mean *I* am the problem; I've accepted that. However, I think some of the issue is a program that reveres

In reply toRe: msg 4

From: LolaBug


...its founder. There's a "right" way to do things and if you disagree, woe be unto you.

So now I basically follow the guidelines of WFS and I come here to learn more. I also post on the Living Sober New Zealand site, which was started by Lotta Dann, author of "Mrs. D Is Going Without."

I decided that, for myself, there is enough negativity in this world and I don't need preachy people to judge me and tell me I'm doing the program wrong.

Sorry this is so long. This, I think, is the first time I've gotten all that frustration and resentment out.

Anyway, welcome!


From: MaryLouise3


Lola, I'm also a friend of Lotta's and love her approach and friendliness. There's a breezy informality and empathy which is helpful for anyone wanting to find their own way forward. Very like LifeRing.


In reply toRe: msg 6

From: MaryLouise3


Hi MeliCo

Welcome to LifeRing! I do think of the LifeRing approach as adulting because there is no emphasis on a specific programme or the intensive mentoring/sponsoring. People just get on with finding out what works for them.



From: MeliCo


Thank you so much for sharing. It’s interesting thinking about the number of times I’ve read the big book with Sponsee’s and had to translate so much of it in my head to what works for me (gender, ideas of god, the science pieces). I was able to get a lot out of it, but it feels good to not have to do that constant translation anymore. I can focus on living a good life and being a good person just like anyone else and on what works for me and leaving the rest behind. 

In reply toRe: msg 8

From: LolaBug


I just remembered I read a book many years ago, the title was something like, "A Woman's Giude to the Twelve Steps." My take on it was, Well this is refreshing, but I'm seeing none of this in the people I'm meeting in AA.

I also went through a long stint of watching and rewatching episodes of "Mom." I felt like a little kid from a broken home, watching "The Brady Bunch" and wishing that could be MY family.

But I'm good with where I am now. I essentially follow the WFS philosophy and contribute to some forums, like here, so I feel supported.

I hope you are doing well, MeliCo. Please let us know how you're getting on.


From: Rellek


Finally, someone sharing my thoughts exactly. How did the requirement of belief in God ever get wrapped so tightly around recovery from alcoholism? I'm not sure what life ring is, but I'll look into it. Just passed 7 months of sobriety and feeling so good about things now. I've failed miserably at the 12 step program to the point of getting dumped by my sponsor for not embracing God as my personal saviour. Anyway, I have a good non religious support network now. All the best.  

Elsie (Elsiek)

From: Elsie (Elsiek)


Hi Rellek

Same, as my kids say! I just wrote in my journal that it's just so ridiculous when people at AA say that you can take GOD to mean Good Orderly Direction. The assorted acronyms, sayings and stereotypical ideas are just so annoying! 

My AA journey came to a crashing end when my sponsor bullied me into getting down on my knees and 'handing it over' to god. I wasn't sure I believed in god, and I wasn't at all sure what 'it' was, but I'm a nice polite person, so I went through the motions then went home and drank a bottle of wine. I never contacted the sponsor again.

I didn't make any real progress until I found LifeRing and it gave me the confidence to keep the advice that was useful, jettison anything that was not, and forge my own path to sobriety. 

On two or three occasions I have revisited the AA meeting I used to go to. It's like Groundhog Day there. The only thing I commend it for is its presence. it's there in virtually every town and having that port of call is an important first step for many people in not feeling completely alone with their problem. I met a few nice people there too. 

I really recommend Martin Nicolaus' 'Empowering Your Sober Self.' It is really useful for feeling empowered (joy) and his critique of AA is really interesting. 

Nice to make your acquaintance. 

Elsie x


From: Rellek


Hey, got cross talked in an on line AA recovery forum last night and so badly needed either a bottle of Jack Daniel's or a face to face meeting with an AA group. Fortunately, I chose the latter which was listed as "12 Steps". Oh no. Turned out the meeting focused on Step 1 only. I was relieved.

I've been told that the second step in AA is so low you can trip over it. Ahhh, so frustrating.  Not so in my case.

I'm approaching 8 months sobriety now including 30 days in a detox/rehab facility and including a mental health review by Los Angeles County for thoughts of self harm. I'm an addict and an alcoholic, which will remain with me forever, but the Black Dog that has plagued me throughout my adult life has eased. I'm really doing very well. Just need something other than AA.

Anyway, my rant is over. Thanks for listening. I plan to remain sober today.

I'm new to Delphi and if this message goes out to ALL and may help someone else in recovery then that would be great too.

Brian (BrianB125)

From: Brian (BrianB125)


Many of us here started in AA and found, for various reasons, that it wasn't what we needed.  I too never made it through many of the steps.  Thinking of that, the Life Ring approach is that you make your own steps, your own program for recovery. 

Eight months is great, and rants are ok, we all need them from time to time.