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Post your jokes here   Fun and Games

Started 4/20/18 by PTG (anotherPTG); 109201 views.
In reply toRe: msg 628
Di (amina046)

From: Di (amina046)

Dec-22

OLDER LADIES

SHE WALKED UP AND TIED HER OLD MULE TO THE HITCHING POST.  
AS SHE STOOD  THERE, BRUSHING SOME OF THE DUST FROM HER FACE AND CLOTHES, A YOUNG GUNSLINGER STEPPED OUT OF THE SALOON WITH A GUN IN ONE HAND AND A BOTTLE OF WHISKEY IN THE OTHER. 

THE YOUNG GUNSLINGER LOOKED AT THE OLD WOMAN AND LAUGHED, "HEY OLD WOMAN, HAVE YOU EVER DANCED?" 

THE OLD WOMAN LOOKED UP AT THE GUNSLINGER AND SAID, "NO, I NEVER DID DANCE. NEVER REALLY WANTED TO." 

A CROWD HAD GATHERED AS THE GUNSLINGER GRINNED AND SAID,   "WELL, YOU  OLD BAG, YOU'RE GONNA DANCE NOW," AND STARTED SHOOTING AT THE OLD WOMAN'S FEET. 

THE OLD WOMAN PROSPECTOR  —  NOT WANTING TO GET HER TOE BLOWN OFF  --  STARTED HOPPING AROUND. 

EVERYBODY WAS LAUGHING. WHEN HIS LAST BULLET HAD BEEN FIRED, THE YOUNG GUNSLINGER, STILL LAUGHING, HOLSTERED HIS GUN AND TURNED AROUND TO GO BACK INTO THE  SALOON. 

THE OLD WOMAN TURNED TO HER PACK MULE, PULLED OUT A DOUBLE-BARRELED SHOTGUN, AND COCKED BOTH HAMMERS. 

THE LOUD CLICKS CARRIED CLEARLY THROUGH THE DESERT AIR. 

THE CROWD  STOPPED LAUGHING IMMEDIATELY. 

THE YOUNG GUNSLINGER HEARD THE SOUNDS, TOO, AND HE TURNED AROUND VERY SLOWLY.   
THE SILENCE WAS ALMOST DEAFENING. 

THE CROWD WATCHED AS THE YOUNG GUNMAN STARED AT THE OLD WOMAN AND THE LARGE GAPING HOLES OF THOSE TWIN BARRELS. 
THE BARRELS OF THE SHOTGUN NEVER WAVERED IN THE OLD WOMAN'S HANDS,  AS SHE QUIETLY SAID, "SON, HAVE YOU EVER KISSED A MULE'S ASS?" 

THE GUNSLINGER SWALLOWED HARD AND SAID, "NO M'AAM. BUT, I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO." 


THERE ARE A FEW LESSONS HERE FOR ALL OF US: 

1. Never be arrogant. 

2. Don't waste ammunition. 

3. Whiskey makes you think you're smarter than you are. 

4. Always, always make sure you know who has the power. 

5. Don't mess with old women; they didn't get old by being stupid. 
PTG (anotherPTG)

From: PTG (anotherPTG)

Dec-23

How do you know when it is time to

"hang up the car keys"?

I say when your dog has this look on his face!

A picture is worth a thousand words!

(Sorry!)

Di (amina046)

From: Di (amina046)

Dec-23

awaiting breathless the picture to go with your message.

LvlSlgr

From: LvlSlgr

Dec-23

PTG ... Like Di, I too was waiting for the picture. It was worth the wait. Priceless!!!

Di (amina046)

From: Di (amina046)

Dec-29

 

IF MY BODY IS EVER FOUND ON A JOGGING TRAIL, JUST KNOW THAT I WAS MURDERED SOMEWHERE ELSE AND DUMPED THERE. 

RESPECT YOUR ELDERS.   THEY GRADUATED FROM SCHOOL WITHOUT THE INTERNET. 

I'VE DECIDED I'M NOT OLD.  I'M 25  —  PLUS SHIPPING AND HANDLING. 

 BEHIND EVERY ANGRY WOMAN STANDS A MAN WHO HAS ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHAT HE DID WRONG. Of  COURSE .

VEGETARIAN:  ANCIENT TRIBAL NAME FOR THE VILLAGE IDIOT WHO CAN'T HUNT, FISH, OR LIGHT FIRES!

IN MY DEFENSE I WAS LEFT UNSUPERVISED. 

MY DECISION-MAKING SKILLS CLOSELY RESEMBLE THOSE OF A SQUIRREL WHEN CROSSING THE ROAD. 

SOME THINGS ARE JUST BETTER LEFT UNSAID — AND I USUALLY REALIZE IT RIGHT AFTER I SAY THEM. 

CAMPING:  WHERE YOU SPEND A SMALL FORTUNE TO LIVE LIKE A HOMELESS PERSON. 

A WISE MAN ONCE SAID … NOTHING

TinyFaerie
Staff

From: TinyFaerie

Dec-30

LOL Too Funny. I resemble some of those.

KNIMtheTOAD

From: KNIMtheTOAD

Dec-31

You must be spying on me.  KNIMtheTOAD.

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