PAGE 27

SHELLEY

YES AND YES AND YES!

After reminding people to put their clocks forward, this one here in The Valleys, did all the clocks and forgot the timepiece on her arm.

Can I come in and play, please.

Cheers

Welsh Shelley

GRIM

 I continue where PTG leaves off. "The ferrets and I have been accumulating a fair bit of stuff too. The main two things I want to bring up now are PTG's broom, and also some potential allies."

PTG perks up at the mention of his broom. "Yes?"

"I've searched, and Cash and Wickerbat have searched, and we just can't find any evidence of something called a Union of Mystical Objects or Magical Facilities Union Panel."

"But what if they've changed their name?" asks Jenifer. "UMO is a boring acronym, and MFUP is difficult to pronounce."

"And don't forget the Branch of Wooden Paraphernalia," adds PTG. "BWP doesn't even have a vowel."

"Could be Welsh. I don't speak Welsh."

"Tarquin might be able to. You said he got that job at the Cloud City Times."

"Tarquin can barely handle English! Did you read yesterday's paper?"

"I think Branch of Wooden Paraphernalia is a supposed to be a pun. Gah, forget about the acronyms!" I clutch at my ears. "I think that someone deliberately pulled away PTG's broom and bench to hinder us, and this so-called union is just diversion."

And very diverting it has proved, so far! There is a knock on the door, diverting us even further.

"Tell them we gave at the office," says PTG, but unexpectedly it is Shelley standing there, asking to come in and play.

"Please do," says Jenifer. "Hey, how do you pronounce BWP in Welsh?"

"Branch of Wooden Paraphernalia."

SHELLEY

Shelley stands outside the door, wondering what on earth is going on behind that Green Door. Does she knock twice and ask for Joe or was it Nurse, she can't remember.

Shelley knocks once, the door is opened, Shelley is asked one question, hesitates and says

"Noson fy ffrindiau 'I' Cangen Paraphernalia wooden".

Silence from within room, then "what did she say"?

Is this a test Shelley thinks, silly test, just to get a room, and all because I forgot to put my watch forward 1 hour. What will become of me in October when the clocks go back 1 hour. I think I will become a cuckoo and climb into that clock on the wall up there.

PTG

My first thought on seeing the apparition that has just entered the room is that here we have yet another lunatic who has escaped Nurse’s clutches.

In front of me there is a stranger clad in a long sleeved white jacket.

This is just visible, but it is obscured by leeks and daffodils pinned onto some old bits of lace (which I recognize as coming from the Broken Statue HOS) and all arranged in a haphazard fashion. What is really amazing is the fact that this apparition is wearing a tall black hat (which could only have come from the Elfish Bas Relief HOS)!

Without even blinking Jenny Wren goes over and rearranges the greenery (+ some yellow) into some sort of order. Then stands back and admires her handy work.

I am bemused. I had not realized that other people could access the HOS Returns Repository and even borrow its contents.

So this apparition must be someone worth admitting to our coterie if only to counter-act Ms Wren’s outlandish attire.

Grim meanwhile has sniffed out the leeks and expresses a desire to eat some of them. Jenny Wren tells her that is rude!

My first thought is to pass over an application form and a pencil (specially sharpened for the occasion). Once filled in we three can then decide on how to address him/her and which room and corridor he/she has escaped from.

(There is one corridor in the medical wing) where the seriously deranged are housed and we already have had one partner from there. I don’t think we can absorb a second!)

I look up in my book of strange words (as housed in the Dark Tower Library) and find a suitable greeting:

“Bonjour!”

No reaction!

“Guten morgen!”

No reaction!

“Ni hao!”

No reaction!

Jenny leans over and snatches the book from me. She rummages through the pages until she finds the Index of defunct languages and says:

“Ah! Bore da!”

The apparition bows and doffs said hat. We have “lift off!”

JENIFER

"One final test!" I whip out my scrutinizing fife.

"Oh, welcome Shelley,

You're certainly not smelly

Would you like dome jelly?

I've never been to Delhi"

"Yup! She's in." I nod.

I feed Hoppy her leek. "HEY!"

Shelley stares at us all blankly. "I just came in to check the time."

"Oh, you poor pet." I pat her shoulder while Bell pounces on her dandelion. "You have to realise by now that anyone who strays into this thread becomes trapped forever."

"Anyone spoken to Bing lately?"

"No, but Tarquin's just reported that Jack's been recaptured."

In the distance we hear screaming from a locked pantry.

"Oh, PTG that reminds me, your owl made a mess of Fletcher's hideaway."

PTG sighs and focuses on his new broom. Nothing happens. "Broom! Respond!!"

Grim frowns. "Maybe it has to be enchanted?"

"As in Officially?" I honestly dread going anywhere near any official headquarters without some seriously heavy artillery.

"Could be a good cover." Grim ponders. "After all, PTG is still technically the official head sweeper-upperer."

PTG catches on. "I go in under the guise of official business, distract the CEO, you sneak in and rummage through his office."

It all sounds very official.

We all look to Shelley. I adorn her hat with a bright blue rose. Now the outfit pops. "So! Up for a poorly planned, terribly executed covert mission that's guaranteed to go pear shaped withing five minutes of starting, followed by incarceration and a 97% chance of a large expl

PAGE 28

JENIFER

"Well I was a little off in the timing of when everything would go pear shaped, but we are pretty much on track." I wave to Grim and PTG as they are manhandled out of the elevator. Or bunnyhandled, in the case of Grim.

"You four are guilty of trespassing!" Guard number 1 shouts.

"Hi Mike!"

"Hey Jen."

"I'll handle this." The CEO laces his fingers together and surveys the four of us. "You four are proving to be a major thorn in my side."

"Actually I'm new here." Shelley raises a tentative hand.

"Silence!"

We all look to the floor and toe the carpet sheepishly. However I have never seen a sheep toeing carpet, so am unsure of the validity of that last sentence.

"You!." The CEO turns to PTG who is surreptitiously sweeping some dust bunnies into a pile. "Such a loyal and hard working member of our team. Why would you associate with such idiotic criminals?"

"Hey!"

"I've been asking myself that question for months now." PTG nods.

"And you…"

"I told you, this is my first time" Shelley holds up her hands.

"Splitter!"

"And YOU!"

I Sigh. "I don't think we have to discuss me."

"Every single department from maintenance to medical has complaints, charges and outright calls for your incarceration or banishment!"

"Which is why I said not to discuss it."

"And YOU."

Grim's nose twitches.

"The most dangerous of them all."

"Hey!"

Grim seems pleased.

The CEO eyes us all with quiet rage. "What to do with you..."

"Give us all an ice cream and let us go?" I offer.

"No!"

"Worth a shot."

After careful consideration the CEO speaks. "It is obvious that detaining you in our…. err… Wellness and Recuperation Spa-"

"Asylum"

"-is not in the best interests of the safety of the MC community at large."

"We do tend to escape a lot."

"So therefore, it is with a heavy heart that I must insist you be incarcerated in our maximum security prison."

"You mean that one in Cloud City with the mystical handcuffs where you're pretty much left unattended in an open room and people can visit you as often as they wish and even perform tasks for you?"

"Yes."

"Okay."

"But it's my first offence!" Shelley cries.

"As that is true, you will be let off with a warning on one condition."

"Which is?"

"Sing 'Burn My Candle'?"

We all watch Shelley knock it out of that park and applaud. She is let go. We can't even be angry.

"We so need to take the show on the road."

"As for you three!"

Gulp

The mystical handcuffs do have the advantage of not chafing the wrists.

PTG, Grim and I stand side by side on the ledge of the Cloud City Prison, watching the local denizens doing the rounds. An occasional puzzle is brought up in the room and we all try to offer our help.

"No, the same hand! Hey! Watch the twitch! He's changing hands! OHHH! Wrong hand!"

"So what now?" PTG mopes as his bench and broom have again been confiscated.

Grim still has her watch, but using it may result in a splinching - where she teleports away, but her cuffed paws remain.

"I guess this is the final test." I shrug.

"Shelley?" PTG perks up.

"Will she rescue us? Or will she flee and start her own one woman Shirley Bassey tribute show?"

We await the dawn.

Or the announcement of ticket sales

PTG

We hear the Town clock chime in the distance . Our meal is delivered: three avocados and a slab of raw steak

This may suit Grim for culinary reasons and Jenny because she obviously has a weight problem at the moment. But moi, I don’t like raw steak; the avocado takes about ten seconds to consume and I still feel hungry.

I continue to mope with the loss of my lovely paraphernalia.

I look round at my two companions.

Grim appears to be having a conversation in rabbit language with the local inhabitant and begins to look less like a lost soul by the minute.

Jenny Wren is smacking her lips in an effort to persuade herself that she is full. But she is failing miserably.

It is then that I notice that her figure is slightly more rounded, more corpulent.

That is all we need in our incarceration!

I turn to her and ask:

“I don’t quite know how to put this. But are you by any chance, you know, pregnant?” and retreat hastily under the stairs as it is a very personal sort of question to ask a lady.

Instead she smiles and shimmy’s a bundle of papers out from under her redesigned smock and gives them to Grim who is at the moment dancing a little bunny dance with his new-found friend.

There in front of us are the plans for the entire Castle site, in details down to the last stone, nook and cranny.

Her eyes light up (if a giant bunny’s eyes can light up, that is) and she finds the sheet for where we are detained at the moment.

“There!” she announces: “that is our escape route. Now all we have to do is to free ourselves of these mystical handcuffs”

I don’t know who it is that smiles first: Jenny or I but it seems we both have a Cunning Plan!

DANDYDOG

"Top Of The Morning to All of our "Special Room" Inhabitants/Inmates!" Fresh from the paws of our very Own Panda Bear Cub Jr. Reporters, (they work for Bamboo Ya Know) I've been handed some very Special News Indeed!!! According to the Cub's report, we have a "Brand Spanking New" Guest/Inhabitant/Inmate by the the name of "Shelly" and "Guess What!" She's a "Welsh Rabbit!" According to The Jr. Cub's report, Shelly was found just wandering around "The Special Room's" grounds looking kinda Dazed and more then a little Bewildered...."RING!....RING!...RING!" "Special Room New's", Gus Gus Speaking....Oh Hi there Salty, how can I help you? "WHAT!!" Your telling Me that My "Great Late Bre

PAGE 29

GRIM

And as April 3rd dawns across the globe, the ferrets slink back to their hidden havens. Some don't even make it home but sack out wherever they happen to be. For hours afterward sleeping ferrets are found in HOSs: the Metro cars, the Guest Room, the Fabric Shop - anywhere warm or dark with a cuddly bit of fabric to snuggle under.

My own ferrets have yet to return. PTG sweeps the already immaculate tap room, while Shelley studies the cocktail menu and Jenifer improvises a stunning toga from the licensed-character quilting cottons she mistakenly brought with her. I fiddle with my phone to see if I can do an all-call without going back to HQ. "Testing, testing."

We four wince as squeeeeees of feedback resound through the Tavern. "Sorry!" I make an adjustment. "Wickerbat. Cash. It's time for little ferrets."

Wait five seconds, and -- shuffle, shuffle, shuffle.

Wickerbat and Cash arrive from somewhere. Cash has a little padded collar on his neck and is rather the worse for the past 24 hours of ferret rough-housing. Wickerbat grins. I am reminded of my recent conversation with Jenifer about good friends and great friends, and wonder if I need to check for bodies in the ball pit or under the couch.

SHELLEY

Shelley, is just looking at the cocktail menu in Salty's, but isn't taking on board what is listed. She is still nursing the sore bottom and broken ego, after landing with a big thump on the broken carriage, after a gust of wind blew her there. Humphhh she says to herself all those years in the Paras, and I still get it wrong.

"What yer say, Shelley" says PTG

"Oh nothing just hurting that's all. So all this fabric that Jen has got, is it really silk? She can make a fortune selling that, from the fabric counter" I bet Grim didn't realise that when he made up our parachutes"?

"hey Shelley" says Salty "give us a song"

"No" says Shelley "you don't pay enough, I'd get more from busking in Cloud City"

"Bored now" says Shelley, "Isn't about time we caused mayhem somewhere else in the Castle"..........................

......................The other 3 look at each other, with glints in their eyes and huge grins appear on their faces..............oh oh "something is afoot"................PTG is about to say something, when one of Grim's techie thingies starts to flash and make warbling sounds............looks like THE 4 ARE OFF AGAIN................

DANDYDOG

"DandyDog!" "Come to My Office Right Now Stat!".....OMG!......What Now! .....All kinds of thoughts raced through my mind as I Boldly entered The "Cloud City Times" inter Sanctum/ Offices...where I could hear "Editor in Chief Joe J Jones" known fondly by His MC Cronies, as J.J.J.,( Triple "J" for Short), Bellowing,...."Ive gotta stay one Step ahead of those Finagling, Dastardly so called "Do-Gooders" best known now as the "Four Musketeers!" HuH! ......So heres what your gonna do DandyDog! Your gotta keep that Bloodhound "News Sniffing Nose" of yous to the ground ya hearing Me? And bring back to "Yours Truly" any Dirty Dirt ya find on Those 4 Kapish?!" .......Noooooo! Spy on..........My Heroes!.......My Friends....... ?! For a few more Doggy Biscuits a Week?? Hummmmm? ..

JENIFER

I adorn my toga with my vast shell collection. There appears to be one in every 3rd HOS. As PTG has once again eaten the crab from the Game Table, I fashion the bright red shell into an elegant hat.

"Now, we need to find out who shot us down." PTG announces.

"Well it looked like another blimp." I frown. Why was that significant.

Grim attends to Cash's overexertion, while questioning Wickerbat sternly. Bell pounces on everything in sight, in order to see what it will do and Hoppy does some filing. Shelley pouts that we never got to Bermuda. I pout a bit too. It sounds lovely.

"KNOCKERS!" I suddenly scream.

"Language!" PTG chokes on his Singapore Sling.

"The door knocker! Where that clandestine cloaked committee met! It was a blimp!"

"So there are two blimps?" Shelley perks up. Bermuda may be on the cards after all.

"There's always one above the Cloud Pier. Even after I've sent the other off with my swiftly dwindling airship inventory."

"So how do we get to it?" PTG asks.

"We have a watch and a broom, but no bench." Grim finishes tending to Cash.

"We need a cunning plan." PTG absentmindedly twiddles his drink umbrella.

Bell leaps out from the bar counter in full upright pounce mode and attacks PTG's arm.

"OWW! Get it off!"

I show him my own scratched and punctured arm. "Yeah, she really goes to town."

Bell becomes instantly distracted and races across the bar and game table before climbing up the drunken skeleton and perching on top of his head.

"Right, we have ten seconds before she gets bored. Let's plan!"

"Wait, what are we planning?"

Bell leaps onto the dice table and proceeds to bat the dice onto the floor.

"Oh good. Now we have forty seconds!"

Grim sighs. "We need to get PTG's bench back and sneak onto the second blimp above Cloud City Pier. Then see what we find."

"The boss is always watching." I quote from my time undercover in full cloaked clandestine garb.

Bell pounces on my arm. "OWW! Get it off!"

PTG

That small black bit of fur and needle like claws has decided that leaping onto us and holding on with her little paws is an excellent game.

Unfortunately neither Jenny Wren nor I think so and I remonstrate with my partner.

“Keep your little cur under control, or I will do something about it!”

A look of horror crosses Jenny’s face and she furiously exclaims:

“Animals have rights too!”

I see in the corner of my eye a twitching of that little body in anticipation of another leap and casually place my broom in its line of sight.

LEAP!

And then gets impaled on the stiff bristles of my broom.

Now my broom is a mystical one and is programmed to tidy or clean everything up.

It was only a little whoosh, but o

PAGE 30

PTG

However, in the back of my mind I am worrying about what disaster my partner Jenny Wren is about to spring on all of us, so there is some urgency in our reading of this ancient text.

While I stumble over some of the language, Shelley seems to be totally familiar with it and is soon nodding as if she uderstands all of it.

I turn to her: "Well, what now?"

But before she can answer>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

SHELLEY

Spot the Ladybird is having a great time with broom, they are playing tag. Then Spot announces she's hungry and decides to fly off in search of her favourite munchies, won't be long she says, there are some great plants by the statue in the thicket, ought to be lots of munchies there.

Atishoo, sneeze, snort, where are my hankies says Shelley, back in a mo, it blew up into the Statue. Racing down the stairs, Shelley stumbles and falls head first into the Labarotory.

Dusting herself down, checking for broken bones and suchlike, she finds a rather nasty scratch on her knee and shin, in the medicine cabinet is a bandage, "sorted" she says.

OOOOO, I like Alchemic Converters, says Shelley, reminds of the time back in the school Lab and our science teacher, oh he was a dream.

"PTG", Shelley shouts, "Can you come here and ring that book with you as well, please"

"Cor" says PTG, "I love experiments"

"That 1st page" says Shelley, "is it really blank or has is it been written in invisible ink?

"I can decipher some of the words on the 2nd page, but I feel we need the help of one Grim's techie thingies for that."

PTG, your the brains, can you make up a potion, so if we paintbrush it over the 1st page, it will reveal all".

"I'll have a go" says PTG,

Just as PTG, is about to look at all the lotions and potions to mix up, we both hear a strange whirring noise and crunch, then the familiar voices of our comrades in arms............. "Spot Spotted us" says Jen and told us where you were, so me and Grim crash landed near the Tower. All for One etc Guys.............Where are you? PTG ? Shelley?.................

JENIFER

As I ponder my current predicament, one thing is overtly apparent. Chain mail itch really is an annoyance.

I shift with discomfort in my stolen suit of armour and try to peer through the eye slit. But my stature, though better than Grim's, is insufficient for the task of proper surveillance.

"Ah, Guard. Are the intruders locked in the cell?"

I cannot nod, so have to answer. I try a deep voice. "Yes, my Lord."

"Good, now onto- … wait. What's wrong with your voice?"

Panic. Think. Respond. "Uh… I'm transitioning. And I ask that you respect my life choice."

A small round of applause is my response. "So brave."

Thank you Caitlyn Jenner.

"Now, on to business. I trust the Spring Event is sufficiently delayed?"

"Yes, my Lord. The update was rolled out days ago. We have kidnapped the pets of the developers and made them wait until the following week to activate the Event."

"Excellent! And the puzzles?"

"We made sure the denizens became complacent that they were financially secure, before ripping it away. We had to kidnap family members for that one."

"Marvellous! Now, onto our problematic people."

"Patient One is missing. There are rumours he has been hospitalised."

"By us?"

"Sadly, no. He was last seen back at his military camp."

"Unacceptable! We cannot reach him there!"

"We could use the capture of his friends to lure him out, my Lord."

"Watch your place, number one. I devise the nefarious schemes around here!"

"Of course, my Lord."

"We will use the capture of his friends to lure him out of hiding!"

More applause. "Excellent plan, My Lord!" "Genius!"

The sycophantism is making me nauseous. Or it could be the sweaty smell of the guard I king hit. Either way, the sooner I get out of this suit, the better.

"Find the Sweeper!"

"Yes my Lord."

"All surveillance teams on it! Him and anyone who associates with him!"

"Should we capture Shirley Bassey too?"

"Hmm… Yes, I could do with some entertainment."

There is a bubbling excitement among the clandestine cloaked coven at the idea of a free concert.

"Now leave me!" The Evil Overlord barks his command.

Through the slit in my helmet I watch red, black, purple, blue and green cloaked figures walk past me in single file. I guess the doctor survived the explosion. Or he was replaced.

I turn to clank out after them.

"Wait, guard!"

I sigh, turn back and stand in tippee-toes to catch any glimpse of the leader. I can only see the top of his hood. It is a splendid shimmering gold. He is seated in the captains chair on the bridge of the airship, looking out through the glass.

"Why is the Griffin loose?!"

We both watch Gary fly past.

"I'll check on it right away, my Lord."

I clank out and head straight back to the cells where I find Grim. The guard is still unconscious. I gratefully remove my helmet and hand her the phone that was strapped to my head.

"Great. I was getting worried." Grim starts tapping the little pictures on the screen before the whole bridge event begins to replay on the phone.

"They know Gary is loose."

"Maybe that will distract them for a while." Grim studies the phone carefully.

"Can you see any faces?"

"No, and the leader never turns around." Grim frowns. "But we do have proof of interference in the MC realm."

"Do you think the pets are up here too?" I feel antsy at the thought of a poor poodle in chains, or a pitiable parakeet bound and gagged.

"I don't know." Grim sighs at her broken watch. "But we have to get out of here."

"You think Gary will help?"

"The second we got the shackles off he bowled us over and flew awa

PAGE 31

GRIM

PTG does not explode literally, fortunately, but he does manage to spray the remains his foul concoction all over me. I am also annoyed that he lumps my very successful one-rabbit rescue of Jenifer in with the cunning group plans that so often gang a-gley.

With great enthusiasm Jenifer offers to assist with the clothing fail, and she and I retreat to the secret passage for privacy. Our best efforts result in something unfortunately like a Little Red Riding Hood getup. I put my new top hat away, as it looks rather silly with the hood.

Jenifer studies me critically. "Yeah, we're getting you a replacement doublet and vest

"I can't go back out there looking like this!" I protest. The corset and little skirt come to my knees, and the red cape to my ankles. The much-anticipated release of the House of Schpadoinkle is just not working for me.

"You can't go out naked!" exclaims Jenifer. "Well, maybe you could…. You are covered in fur all over.

"We are SOOO not going there! Can't you take me over to Kaley's now?"

"But we just got the gang all back together," pouts Jenifer. "Except for Cap'n PogoRandy. Maybe I should write him another get well poem." She opens the secret door into the Library. "PTG, do you think I should write Randy another poem?"

The response appears to be an explosion of green smoke.

PTG

With Jenny Wren and Grim temporarily out of the room as they rearrange their dress (or whatever serves for clothing) I turn back to Shelley and say:

“Well, what does it say?”

In her excitement she has reverted to her mother tongue and a stream of gibberish pours from her lips.

Fortunately I still have the little Babelfish in my ear and so:

"There are many things to tell you PTG and really we should wait until the other two return before I continue”

I snort! In my experience any two females in a dress shop can spend the day there, including coffee and tea breaks, without purchasing anything at all!

It is their “hobby” or “vocation in life”. I have even known them to do such “shopping” without any money at all to buy anything with.

“Let’s just begin and I’ll repeat anything important when they return, OK?"

“Well”, she continues, “It is stated here that the Castle was built on old ruins of a preexisting mystical structure. There are in fact some of the remaining old stones around the front of the Source Gates. There are tunnels behind that barred door. There is another entrance to these tunnels behind the door with the fluorescent Runes and these are even today guarded by the floating Avengers.”

“These are ancient – much older than the Castle itself.

And in these tunnels are dwellings that house (or have housed) the Ancients”

I nod and begin to form a Cunning Plan!

If the Ancients are still there they will be able to tell us how to defeat the evil that has permeated the Castle and so restore peace and harmony to all its citizens!

But how to gain access to them?

I smile as the other two members of our little coterie return once more all bedaubed in the last year’s sale items from a jumble-sale. These were even rejected from the HOS storeroom.

Jenny once more knocks over the retort and the few drops remaining in it touch the floor and sputter in a cloud of obnoxious vapour.

We do now have a demolition expert with us and we do have a tunneling expert with us.

We can probe with our pets until we find where they are or were.

“Grim, have you any idea where we can find some explosives?”

Jenny Wren’s eyes light up like Christmas tree baubles and all her adornments on MY hammock begin to sway, until the baby crocodile pinned to one sleeve begins to escape its shell.

Grim, ever the logical one asks: “Why?” And is sharply elbowed it her ribs (as rabbits also have ribs which cause sudden pain when elbowed?)

She follows this up with another pertinent question: “Where are we going?”

Shelley replies: “To the deep tunnels in Cloud City”

Grim frowns, which is an unusual sight in a large rabbit, and usually means that it is hungry.

“There aren’t any, I’ve explored all round there and there are only surface tunnels”

Shelley grins and points to Page 666 of the Book of Knowledge: “As it is in black and white, it is bound to be right, and it is all written down…..”

Grim brusquely interrupts her: “Where’s the map”

Shelley and I both look at one another somewhat discomforted, and then at Page 666. In minute handwriting at the bottom of the page, however, is an Addendum: Map on page 6666.

I sigh and return to the laboratory!>>>>>>>>>>

ADA

Hey y'all--Randy really is sick because he finally posted-----but it's in the wrong place. Check out my Friends of Eastendteddy thread! Hilarious!!!!!!!

RANDY

I slowly open one eye muttering WHAT THE H*** is that noise, jingel bells?? in April, it is April no?? I try to sit up and notice me hands and footies are bound,,handcuffed to a bed?

Wait a cotton picckin minute , last thin I remebers is doing a walk about trying to figure out how to bust out of this crazy jello 3 d world we stuck in,,I tug wiff all me might and snap

goes on cuff, grunt groan and one footie free,, grunt groannnnn and stop mid air for I hears footie steps heading me way, my eyeballs bulge outs me head what the H*** Larry,

Curly, Moe comin at me wiff a hugmungus syringeie thinie takes two to carry the D*** thin

OH NO WAY IN H*** are they stickin moi wiff dat der thin I wait till they get close then wham bang boom round house kick scoreeeeeeeeeeee twoferone,, dat leave Curly fast like a bunnie I start a joke and Curly laughs so hard he falls over and clunck on da door ,,

out like a light,,I resume me grunts and break me otter footie loss, and jump offs dat table and yep you guessed it BANG on me face you #$%^&*( idjit the otter hand still cuffed ,, no matter I take off like a bat out of H*** and not thinking as I go through da door the table is sideways and as I fall sliding face first down da hall the otter cuff breaks

PAGE 32

JENIFER

PTG hands out shovels.

"Can we PLEASE get back to the plot?"

I frown. "We have a plot?"

PTG

The three females of the species: Jenny Wren, Shelley and Roo look at the garden implement with wonder as they have never indulged in any actual digging before.

Such matters had been left to the male of the species.

Grim is exempt from the hand out as she is fully experienced in the art of excavation and tunneling.

I explain, if only to get their open mouths shut and quiet for a while. The last thing that I want is a chorus of “Heigh-Ho, Heigh-Ho, it's off to work we go”.

“Grim has correlated the set of maps we ‘borrowed’ from the CEO’s office with the ancients scroll revealed by the magical ink.

“Where we are standing in the Library are TWO sets of tunnels - one under the other.

“If we move the lectern with the Book of Knowledge and dig underneath it we will reach first the upper one and then below it the older one.

Grim sighs. She points out: “There is no need to dig down to the upper one as there is an aperture to get us there”.

The other three are now slightly more impressed as they rest on their pristine shovels.

Jenny Wren asks: “What then?”

I smile: “You dig!”

There is an explosion of the disgruntled female members of the now SIX Musketeers

“All for one and one for all!” I remind them.

“I am the planner and Cap’n Bob, in that abomination of theatrical attire that passes for Aussie fashion, is not fit to hop on one leg and dig with the other”

“You are the grunts so start digging! I cannot find a JCB in the HOS inventory so it is spade-work in its most literal sense!”

I may have been abrupt in my last remark as I am felled by at least one of the others, but it may have been due to their lack of expertise in wielding this tool.

ROO

"Aah "says Roo."I'm sorry but I couldn't possibly use this shovel.Its a right handed one & I'm left handed".

GRIM

I'm feeling perverse. I grin, take Roo's shovel, invert the handle and give it back.

"Here. Now it is a left-handed shovel!"

(In an alternate world I am the odd one out in a house of lefties. I know how to make do!)

JENIFER

Meanwhile I am completely unable to do any manual labour as I am on the ground laughing at PTG's hilariously genuine remark.

“I am the planner..."

Just recalling those words has me doubled over in hysterics.

I finally manage to compose myself to ask the ultimate question.

"PTG? Do you have a cunning plan?"

From that point onward no-one can do any digging whatsoever.

Oh, the joy of laughter...

ROO

How about we get the captain to press gang the gnomes, they're a lot closer to the ground than we are & digging should be easy for them.

RANDY

I go over to da corner #$%^&**()_+_)(*&^ all da way and tearing off da <<<<I'am with stupid>>>>>>> T shirt and PINK I mean PINK cumberbutt really Jen?? I am nw in me Tarzan outfit bare chested and loin clothed yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh a few adjustie and I get a banger of an seeing we no longer have da Moles ,, how I miss dem wittel fur balls, but that gives me an ideara.

I start ripping apart da book stands the desk da chairs and neatly pile up da wood.

Now I need nails, gears, chains,oh oh and man could I use dat mine cart PERFECTTTTTT

Ummmm what kin I use fer a scoop??I need to lay down da wood fer a track thinie,, oh oh oh gots it I kin get da Blacksmitie to weld all kinds of metal itno a scoop yeahhhhhh now I is cooking wiff gas, oppsie sowwie wrong gas I feel Jen breating over me shoulder, whatcha doing Cap robot Tarzan Randy?Go away you female lunnie toonie you would not understand and iffin ya smuck me I will throw you in dat worm hole .

Perfect plan Roo PTG and Grim join me in da corner and all of a sudden ROO says oh oh what a great idea ,,, what is it???? PTG gives me da cause he gots it what I plan to do,,,, I look at da otters and say with a huge sigh**** okay iffin you be that much of a gang of idjiots and thunck more about cloths and craponacracker , let me clue you in,

See da wood layed out like tracks?? they all say uh huh and I get the otter stuff I need I will build a plow,,you do know what a plow is right????dat way we will be dugged outahere in no time

ROO

"excuse me "said Roo. "Me & the girls ain't moving an inch 'til we know who's going to pull that big old plough"

JENIFER

I am mortified at what Randy has done to his outfit, but at least he's keeping the glittered cod piece.

In the distance we hear a megaphone.

"Squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee- OW! Mike, watch the feedback! Okay... Ahem ahem! ATTENTION ALL OUTLAWS, MISCREANTS, TROUBLEMAKERS AND ESCAPED MENTAL PATIENTS! YOU ARE SURROUNDED! YOU HAVE FIVE MINUTES TO COME OUT PEACEFULLY WITH YOUR HANDS UP OR WE WILL HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO TAKE YOU BY FORCE!"

"Heavens to Betsy!" I cry. "That sounds mighty ominous!"

While PTG straightens the tracks, Randy start barking out instructions on how to build a plow. Grim, however just Googles it, then shows us all pictures with handy instructions involving household odds and ends.

"Ohhhh!" All the ladies are far more impressed with these instructions, than Randy's nonsensical ramblings.

Within four and a half minutes we have lashed together every spade we can find and attached them to the front of Randy's Rocket Wheelchair.

As we know Randy has the perfect amount of ballast necessary to break through any stone surface, we strap him into the chair and point him in the direction PTG suggests.

"Is this safe?" Roo inquires.

We all shrug and Grim and I take an axe to each regulator in perfect unison.

Captain RoboRocketRandy plows through the floor, leaving a Captain RoboRocketRandy-in-a-Rocket-powered-Wheelchair shaped hole.

The noise seems to take forever to stop. Though it does become quieter over time. PTG gathers books and ink while we wait. I turn Randy

PAGE 33

PTG

Since Grim has mollified Salty with the only thing that he really loves: money , we are no longer persona non grata in the Tavern.

However our visit is a very brief one as we need to find the nearest spa facilities to remove the unique odour of mature bat poo. In this we are actively encouraged by Salty who has found us some soap and towel left in a HOS locker

Even Cap’n Bob is not minded to tarry over a bevvie or three as he probably outdoes us all the odiferous stakes.

Jenny Wren chooses the Underground Grotto pool despite the fact that it is infested with crocodiles.

But then I would be surprised if any reptilian monster would dare to interfere with her ablutions.

Dutifully the other females of various species follow her.

She is singing joyfully as she plans her new outfit.

Oh what a beautiful morning…..

I’ll be wearing ole PTGs Spring awning

With baubles anew and free from all goo

All the guys over me will be fawning!

I puke (metaphorically speaking)

Randy and I opt for the Elyvn Forest pool which is heated by underground volcanoes. I add a dash of cinnamon spice to give us a manly afterglow (purely for personal reasons as I know that women prefer the scent of musk which we don’t have).

Fortunately there is a supply of new hospital gowns and jackets left over from the days when Ilreth was wounded.

"It is time", I say to him, "that we renew our travels and seek out the underlying evil that is below us. We have the means and we have the will"

He agrees and so we go to join the pampered ladies.

DANDYDOG

It was just about Midnight as the "Slightly Insane" inhabitants slumbered snugly away in Their cozy beds and cots ....All except the "Special Room's" "Awesome Protectors" of course, (who were away doing what they otta be doing!)... A Mournful, (maybe a wee bit Sinister and Girly too) Cry could be heard through out the MC's lands and tunnals below...........Aaahhhhhrrrroooo! Squeak, Aaaahhhhrrrrrooooo! Squeak!....."Hey Jenny-Wren, Do ya think My Aahroo's had just the right amount,........Oh, I don't know,........ "Dark Evil" in them?" ....... And I believe my "Pudding Knee's" need refill'un cause their Squeaking worse then Captain Randy's" Widdle Moles!!"

RANDY

back to great da ladies , man it fees so good to get dat smelly uggy Scat AKA guano as they dat live in Peru call it ,hey PTG did ya know der is an Island named after that gunk?

Called = wait fer it === Guano seems when one of da Presidents found it wayyyyyyyyy back when** no I don't know his name I am Canadian sheeeeeeeeeeshhhhhhhhhhhhhh*

and found it full of Bird and Bat Poo and one of his assiences lol told him the use *The Good Use* as fertiliiezer this would be a farmers golds mine so TA DA thus da name.

Yeah I know in answer to PTG WTH look of wonderment at all da useless info in me head and da on his face ohhhhh dat is now like mine all shaved hair cut and we smill purty

Oh wait maybe we better grab a whip or two to keep da ladies in line , would not want dem messin up or clean hospickal gowns now would we.

Tra La tweedley de

It's off to meet da Ladies we be

Yep PTG just you and me

Oh wait I has to P****

PTG

    eastendteddy wrote:

   “ Tra La tweedley de

    It's off to meet da Ladies we be

    Yep PTG just you and me

    Oh wait I has to P****”

I sigh a MEGA sigh and say:

"Keep the rhyming ditties for those who know how to do them!

P**** does NOT rhyme and don't make the excuse that you cant spell!

It is P**! Or as we Brits prefer; a Jimmy Riddle ( for P*****) although that does not rhyme, but you could have tried:

Oh! la la tune and a diddle

It's off to see the ladies fiddle

Yep PTG just give me a riddle

Oh! wait I have to Jimmy Riddle"

RANDY

PTG +++++++++++++ HUGE RASBERRY coming yer way.

Yes it does P** not P***

And seeing there is no Loo around I will have to use a tree to P**

ROO

you could ask the drunken skeleton in the tavern how he manages to hold his drink .I can't wait to hear the answer to that question.

JENIFER

"Alright THAT IS ENOUGH!" I cry. "Oh, not you Kevin..." I detach the cute mini crocodile from my arm and set him free in the pond. "Off you pop."

I am pleased that I managed to get my hammock and straitjacket ensemble clean, but I couldn't save the Easter egg adornments. Mostly because I'd eaten them. So I compensate with jewelry and a tiara for the immediate future.

But I am NOT pleased with the abysmal poetry being bandied about the grotto! Especially when it is echoed back in my face!

I whip out my duelling lute - won from non other than Chris the Bard.

I must chastise this group!

Who are gladly free of goop,

But I still can see some poop,

Adorning this poor troop.

I appreciate a rhyme

I do it all the time!

But your words were a crime!

I AM the poet prime!

Though Randy earns a hand

His poem was well planned

The final line was grand

And those are the hard ones think up!

So take heed PTG

You carping little flea!

You will not nitpick thee

Or I'll kick you in the knee

Meanwhile Grim the Bunny

Is fronting all the money

With disposition sunny

She's just filled with honey!

Now let's switch to the new

Our ranks they have a-grew

We have an Auntie Roo!

We need to find her shoe

We have a dandy dog!

Who's

PAGE 34

JENIFER

I survey everyone's outfits while pacing back and forth.

"Are you sure Randy will be safe here?" Grim ruffles her new embroidered doublet.

We all look to Captain Post-op RoboRandy, frozen in carbonite.

"There's a release switch on the inside." I give him a knock. "It's operated by gas."

Roo has decided that pudding is no longer a viable lubricant for her mechanical knees, so Grim finds some oil, while I add some more bows to her crop-top poncho which sets off her glitter disco pants nicely.

I tend to Katie, who has come in for a standard issue straitjacket upgrade. They are all so plain and boring! Five minutes with a bedazzling gun and some leftover lobster shells has her feeling fantastic. She feels ready to go to her art therapy class now. We wonder if we will ever see her again.

We still don't know where Shelley is, so I lay out a Shirley Bassey knockout for her with a note to guard Captain Frozen-Post-op-RoboRandy.

Dandy Dog has gone to Salty's. My attempts to introduce her to the barnacle range of hotpants were not successful. So I'm wearing them instead.

"OKAY!" I clap my hands. "I think we're all ready!"

Grim produces the PLANS. "Okay… we are here and they are there."

"Question?" I raise my hand.

"Jenifer." Grim acknowledges.

"Who are they?"

We all look about with uncertainty.

"I thought you knew!"

"Only enemies I know of are in the blimp over the Cloud City."

"So who are they?"

"That's what I asked!"

PTG falls through the crack in the floor, which is the ceiling of The House of Schpadoinkle.

"Watch your step!"

He looks very cranky.

We await the scolding, while I hold material swatches up to his rather purple face.

"Definitely a winter!" I immediately head to my bell and faux fur collection.

PTG seems to suffer an aneurysm as he tries to choose his first sentence. "We're supposed to be on a mission!"

"Not in that outfit."

PTG

As I sit there in the peace and quiet of solitude I ponder on how on earth I am going to find them all again. Even Cap’n Bob, who when I last saw him was almost comatose and on a gurney has vanished.

I then look at Ms Wren’s note a little more carefully. The receipt is date and time stamped and indicates she made this purchase only about 10 minutes ago.

“Knowing” her from old, she can spend an entire afternoon looking for a reel of white cotton so she must be in seventh heaven purchasing vast amounts of frippery for all of them.

Kayley’s store then is the starting point for finding them. The only problem is that I am here and that is there and I have no map or clue how to get from one to t’other.

But Grim must have found an aperture so all I have to do is to locate their trail.

I notice that there are some damp patches in one particular spot.

Ah! That is where someone has recently dried off from their bathing activity.

I go over and sure enough an aperture opens like magic. (Well, it is magical!)

I stride through expecting to find another tunnel and end up flat on my face and peering up at four grinning females who do not seem at all surprised at my entrance.

They are all wearing ghastly outfits which could only have been concocted by that crazy Aussie fashionista.

Getting to my feet in as dignified manner as possible I am assailed by her holding a swatch of the most hideous purple satin.

No greeting! No: “How are you today?” Nothing! Just muttering about my complexion, attiring me in fur and then disappearing back among the rolls of material.

Before the air turns blue with VERY rude Cockney expletives I notice a young open mouthed lass in fancy dress at the side of the shop, who Roo is busily trying to shield from my wrath.

“Her name is Katie and she is just leaving”. Roo then quickly escorts her from the store while I compose myself.Since shouting has no effect on these harbingers of chaos and doom, I try another voice (when I have found it):

“We are supposed to be on a mission”.

And am elbowed out of the way by a very determined Grim holding a sheath of maps and diagrams.

She opens up the large scroll: “we are here and want to know where there is!”

“Ask him”, I reply pointing to Cap’n Bob who seems to be very still and isn’t talking.

It is then I notice that he has been entombed in some diabolical medical apparatus and metaphorically speaking is ‘no longer with us’

“Oh! I need a cup of tea and a search through my memory banks for previous conversations with our dear Cap’n!"

I sit down and notice Jenny Wren slyly smiling at Grim. They think that they have escaped my wrath.

They haven’t – it is just been put temporarily on hold!

JENIFER

I hand PTG a strong cup of English Breakfast while swaddling him in a mixture of violet, maroon and puce velvet.

"Is that my hammock?" His tea cup shakes violently against the saucer. He appears to be transfixed with some discarded linen on the floor.

"Shhh,.. never mind that now..." I cajole, while deciding on shoulder pads verses epaulets. I decide on the latter. They better compliment his jodhpurs.

PTG seems astonishingly calm as we force him into his new outfit. There are "oooh's" and "ahhh's" as we admire his quite regal commanding appearance.

The vein on his temple is positively POPPING with joy.

"SO!" I call, after the applause has died down. "Who are they?"

PTG very, very carefully sets his finished cup of tea down on the porch. He straightens his double-breasted violet/maroon/puce military jacket and takes a breath.

"WAIT!" I shout in utter exuberance. "LOOK! I'm an Angelfish!!!!"

PTG lunges at my throat.

The bets are back on.

PTG

She has a very nice throat. It is neither too big nor too small

My hands fit round it quite snugly, especially if I give them a little squeeze.

Also, the gurgling sound that emerges from deep within her is very satisfying.

Unfortuna

PAGE 35

GRIM

Am I next? Probably.

I scramble to an unknown countdown. I leave the little Rainbow rabbit a supply of carrots. All devices are charged. I've stuffed my backpack full to bursting with everything I can think in anticipation of my impending departure. Which somehow fails to open.

My phone buzzes with an incoming message:

"Dear Ggrim I found the letter writing part of the phone but I don’t know how to do punctuation the red cloak has me I don’t have time he is coming I have to"

PTG

The problem this time is that it is “Cunning” but not exactly a “Plan”!

I recall that when we were marooned in the alternative desert dimension Randy kept on muttering what a stupid “idjit” he was for not picking up some kind of amulet before sallying forth to do some exploration of the tunnels.

Although he never said anything to me directly, I got the sense that when his “pet” dragon Frosty appears they converse though their minds without speaking.

They can also travel distances and perhaps even time. He was very reluctant to talk about it, but often it was via this amulet.

So my “Plan” is to recover the lost amulet and give it to him.

He may be in a catatonic state at the moment, but what the h***, that is normal behavior for him!

This device must be in the other dimension or else Grim would have known about it.

I need to go there and seek it or find a replacement.

And that is where my “Plan” has some deficiency!

My problem is how to get there, since the trans-dimensional watch device “borrowed” from Tarquin and used to get us back to the Castle was broken and these devices are certainly not in the HOS Repository.

There are a few dust-bunnies scattered around the room and I get a gentle tug from my mystical broom as it wants to sweep them up.

I grasp my broom firmly and think hard:

“Take me to the broken watch that once belonged to Tarquin”.

Whooooosh!

I am transported to a pile of rubbish just outside the Castle walls which contains a mass of bits and pieces of broken equipment from all over the Castle.

There are bits of arms and legs from the automata; broken crockery and shards from the Tavern’s smashed glasses.

“Find me the broken bits of watch!”

The broom burrows into the discarded pile of rubbish and begins to flick bits of the watch back to me.

It finishes and returns to my side.

I now ask it to fetch me a screwdriver, table and chair from the HOS Repository, which it obligingly does.

Thus prepared I begin to put the watch back together again. I soon have it mended since I have been fixing things that I have broken all my life.

It is time to test it. If it does not work then I have no Plan B and will retire to have a mega-sulk!

I put the watch on and think: “coordinates for Fletcher’s Tea Room please”.

The little screen lights up and a set of figures appear.

There is a large button on the watch’s side and when I press it, I am back in the Tea Room with the tea that I ordered still warm.

I smile to myself!

Success!

NOW for my Cunning Plan” – Phase Two!

GHOST JENIFER

[Removed by Moderator]

PTG

Now for the difficult part of the Plan!

When I was in the “other” dimension I had noticed that the hills and possible civilization were quite far away.

Too far to walk and so I need transport

Is the “sooper-dooper” scooter that has just returned to Fletcher’s Tea House with a load of wine robust enough for that terrain?

It will have to do and I will go slowly, instructing my magical broom to sweep a clear path before me.

I also sincerely hope that there are no land-mines in this area (with a MASH unit nearby and possible enemy not too far away).

My broom would not like being blown up!

I will go “where no man has gone before”, mount the machine with my broom safely tucked away and instruct the watch to seek the base of those hills whose image I clearly hold in my mind.

Whoooosh!

I am enthralled at the sight before me

I am at the edge of a series of cultivated fields with bountiful crops growing in them. In the near distance there is the beginning of a row of dwellings which wind up the hill and a fortified manor house atop it.

Beyond this there are more low hills and these appear to be dotted with dark hollows (caves?).

I start up my trusty mechanical steed, move to the first path towards the village and am immediately assailed by a dive bombing flying lizard!

Within seconds I am prevented from going any further by more such small rainbow coloured lizards (or are they miniature dragons?)

And then a dark shadow blots out the sun!

To be continued!

GRIM

"Jenifer!" I scream into the phone. "Jenifer!"

There is no answer. Not even when I actually call Jenifer's phone.

I return to my monitors where I am momentarily stunned. The Desert Whiptail Lizard Fun Run has been overtaken by a Cat Girl Marathon. I watch as Tarquin goes down in a crowd of nekomimi and tiger tamers. He surfaces briefly, then vanishes a second time. I do not see him again.

I call up all cameras, audio feeds and other data sources near the phone's coordinates. This appears to be the uncharted scrubland between Rocksville and the Harbor, with little to offer in terms of visuals or audio. Nothing official anyway, and as I recall the couple of tunnels are long, empty and creepy.

So is Jenifer aimlessly lost in the scrub?

On one monitor, the cat girls surge into Cloud City. I give them a distracted glance, then look more closely. The airship, usually moored over the Customs House, is still missing. Of course! Jenifer's text did mention the Red Cloaked villain. Some fine tuning and finagling of the cameras on the top of the Dark Tower and… aha!

There is the airship, currently drifting at the coordinates that match Jenifer's phone.

Hang on, Jenifer, I'm on my way!

BfgBellerophon

Blah, blah blah [my words!]

PAGE 36

PTG

"It is just as well that we are here in the Special Room thread and not the Call-to-Arms thread since it prevents me from immediately demoting you or even calling for a court-marshal for dereliction of duty!"

He says all this through clenched teeth, and then continues to hiss:

"I left you as 2nd in command of our band of daring doers and you have lost ALL of them? "(with his voice rising all the time )

I smile a very wan smile and wait for his next comment/command/oath which can only be an improvement on what has just been bawled at me.

I was wrong!

"Well find them then you blithering idjut!!"

With Cap’n Bob’s command ringing in my ears I make a hasty retreat from the room.

I still haven’t a clue where to go though in order to find the others.

As I sit outside Mrs Fletcher’s Tea Rooms, which is still closed, I realize that the air around me is silent. The animals keening has stopped.

I glance upwards once more and locate my owl, still perched in the tree. Since an order for him to come to me doesn’t work I try pleading with him and to my surprise he glides down onto my shoulder.

He seems fully aware of my situation in locating the others because he then starts to tug at me to go with him towards the Dark Tower.

Well as I have nothing to lose, I follow him and in minutes he is perched on top of the Sepulcher.

He then starts to toot and claw into the ground. I am at a loss what he is trying to say or do. But suddenly he disappears!

I look at where this has happened and there is one of Grim’s apertures. It goes downward into the bowels of the earth.

I am just about to follow my owl when my mystical broom stops me.

It bundles me away from the aperture and urges me to take it in my hand.

I can take a hint!

I grasp its handle and Whooooosh!

We are in the HOS Repository where my broom starts to frantically cast inventory aside in all directions.

However, within a few minutes a little pile of items forms at my feet.

Picking them up and examining each of the items I find that they are all Craft Items and not ZZ: There is a Burden of Obedience, a Magic Caster and a Cannon of Purification among others.

I fill my pockets and hold onto my broom and once more Whooooosh!

We are back peering into the aperture down below the Sepulcher.

My owl flutters down into the passage way and then back up again tugging at my sleeve.

It is obvious where I need to go so I begin a long dark downward descent.

ventually the tunnel opens into a large hall which is also dark, dim and dank and other dismal words that start with D.

"Hello, is there anyone there?"

I've been all over the Castle for many years and faced worse that this. So why am I scared?

A soft light appears at the end of the tunnel. and I find another door. This one has no obvious lock and it appears that there is a magical barrier.

I am bemused. Have I come this far to be stopped by magic?

It is then that I notice that there is a keypad instead of a lock which is showing green.

In my book green means ‘Open’ so I try passing inside and find to my utter amazement Grim on the floor sobbing her heart out.

I sit beside her, hug her, and try to comfort her in the dark, dank room but there is no consoling her.

I get my flask of honey rum out (which I keep for medicinal purposes) and hand it to her. Between sobs she swallows a mouthful and begins to calm down.

In a quiet voice she begins one of the most remarkable and saddest tales of our world

"I had worked out that Jenifer had gone to the floating airship in Cloud City after seeing action on one of my monitors and a brief message from 'Jenny Wren' on my communication device.

"So it was rescue time once more!

But when I got beneath the blimp I saw a ghostly figure dropping from the gondola, and whoever it was - the outfit was amazing!

I called out: "Jenny Wren?!"

The House of Schpadoinkle outfit was unmistakable - but the person wearing seemed to be just a shadow of the Jenifer: a ghost!

As she fell towards me, with her hand stretched out in almost desperation, my instinct was to reach out although I have never touched a ghost before.

I barely had time to finish my existential musings before I was grabbed by the hand by this non-existential being and dragged below the earth.

And we were underground; then we began to move in a different direction until there was only blackness

All this time I was reflecting; why did I trust her? Why didn’t I let go?

But this hand was the very hand that had lured me out of my safe haven. This same hand had seen me imprisoned, abused, burnt, shackled, dangled over a vat and just plain blown up all since I met her!

So WHY was I still holding it?

We suddenly slowly stopped under the Sepulcher where there was a large opening waiting for us to venture forward.

We stopped at a large steel door with a password keypad grabbing my attention. Nine digits; only a minimum of 362880 combinations. Had to be a ‘snap’, so I pulled out my laptop and got to work.

This ghost which I now accepted as a form of Jenifer tried to say something, but I couldn't hear her and she passed through the steel door to my astonishment beckoning me to follow.

We ended up here since I left the door open for you.

I just knew you would find me!

“As I watched this apparition she put a finger to her lips.

“After all this time cavorting with malcontents, I knew when I'm being told to shut up, so I did.

There were voices behind the door which became clearer… "No, it's FIVE hundred orbs for the achievement, not just getting one of each!"

"WHAT?! When did that happen?!"

"ALWAYS! Just start grabbing any orb at this point! The Castle challenge is OVER! JUST GRAB ORBS!"

I didn't even have to look at my well-dressed ghost pal. I knew what she's saying and when she extended her ghostly hand I took it without question.

We passed though the opened door with me a step behind to find two startled guards at our sudden appearance.

I shouted to them: "Hey! I got the unicorn!" which distracted one of them.

Jenifer, in her usual