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I am relaxing in my hot bubble bath trying to catch duckie when all of a sudden;
A stream of fetid soil cascades down on me from above!
“@#$$%^&*()_)(*&^%$@#$$%^&*()_)(*&^%$ and DOUBLE @#$$%^&*()_)(*&^%$!”
As I emerge from the pile of muck, I look upwards and see the last remnants pour down through a hole from the above ceiling.
These are accompanied by not one but two persons giggling as I espy four bright lights shining down on me.
Enough is enough!
If my previous encounters were skirmishes against those two harridans, then this is WAR!
Struggling to get into an upright position I brush off the offending material and tell my broom to remove the rest to the animal cess pits.
It is most reluctant to do so!
In fact I have to threaten it with an ornate carving on its handle before it complies!
I then shower and dress quickly, with their laughter still ringing in my ears.
I move down to the Tea Room where I should be safe for the moment and then open the secret compartment in the broom’s handle.
I extract a small stick of explosive and light it and then toss it into the hole in the ceiling above.
This was one of the few Jen’s specials that I had managed to save.
NOT a stick of dynamite like the rest of the stashe but a thunder flash!
The attic lights up and the whole of this side of the Castle shudders with the explosion.
It is not fatal to humans but will certainly give anyone in their proximity a severe headache!
Drat it! – the two criminals have fled the scene of their ambush on me.
The explosion has done no good whatsoever.
I turn around and gasp in horror!
My beautiful monochrome painting on the Tea Room wall is now in small pieces on the floor, with my broom vigorously sweep the pieces away.
I get the sense that the walls are chuckling.
And to finish my day off the bucket and mop are still resting by Charlie’s chair and so she too has ignored my instructions to clear up her pet messes!
With pencil and paper I compose a short note to the Cap’n:
I regret, Sir, that I no longer able to carry out the duties that you have bestowed on me and therefore tender my resignation to immediate effect.
I will therefore no longer be constrained in my actions against the females in this coterie and bear no responsibility for their future demise should it occur!
To take effect immediately
Signed PTG (ex 2ic) Chief Sweeper……..
I am now on the warpath with the full resources of the Midnight Castle at my disposal!
"Yes Sweetie I do see that cute little Piggy over there with the cute curly tail." ........."Yes Child that little black piggy indeed does look like it's smiling brightly at us and wishing us a bright and cheery Good Morning.".........(OMG!.........When is Captain Randy coming for me!").....Sigh....."Yes Cutey Pie the Mommy is taking really good care of all the little piggy's.".....Tap...tap tap...tap tap tap....Amulet are you working this very minute?...."Pup to Captain Randy"...Pup to Captain Randy".....Please come rescue Pup from Jacobs Sweet adorable young'uns cause if ya don't She will be going completely Batty by the time you do!........."Wait just one minute here!"........." Young'uns please excuse Pup for a brief minute OK?"......"Amulet are you letting me know that PTG is planning a revolt against the Tea Room Ladies???"........This would mean PTG would be against My Granny Fletcher too and if He harms just one hair on Her head!"...........
As I make my way to Grim’s second very secret observation room I think to myself.
“Well! Have I ‘burned my boats’ in withdrawing from the Tea Room and all its culinary goodies?
“No! I am well stocked with food and drink from the regular HOS and those of the Special Events in the Repository.”
I continue to muse.
First things first! I need to check up on the whereabouts of that troublemaker Roo Roo and the location of her magic cloak.
I won’t borrow it this time, but it will be necessary to find out if SHE is using it in any counter or other nefarious attacks.
Fortunately when she and Angel washed off the fluorescent make up they never found the two small spots of it that I placed on the centre of their craniums (or is it crania?).
So they will be visible on my ‘goggle boxes’ if I need to locate them
The rest of those females I have no need to worry about. They are either too lazy or busy feeding themselves and all around them to stray far.
Opel’s rolling pin may be a formidable weapon, but she confines herself to the kitchen.
Now for a Cunning Plan that will inflict maximum discomfort on at least two of them!
Frost lands us on the open field where we are met by Brulee and jewel who have been keeping an eye on things for me while we are away .
Brulee tells me of the revolt by PTG what lead up to it and what he has done.
My blood boils but I refrain from screaming his name,,, I will fix this once and for all enough is enough.
Thank you my beauty's I will leave you and Frost to catch up ,, Jewel looks at me and at something hiding behind me.
Oh craponacracker I am so sorry please excuse my manners ,,, I step aside and look but no one is there I turn my head and there she is ,,,, I take an other step aside and she follows me LOL .
In my haste I grabbed Penny and Mr.T poor thng is not used to seeing a Dragon let alone three and Mr. T is completely inside his shell.
Penny it is okay they are friends and Frost here is my Dragon and I his rider ,
They all nod hello to her and she nods back and still hanging on to my arm.
I yell BUCK UP SOLIDER YOU ARE STILL ON DUTY AND ON A ASSIGNMENT WITH ME.
The solider in her kicks in and she snaps to attention and salutes * SIR YES SIR *
Come with me as I lead her to The Tea Room,,,, upon entering I hear Opel Miss Katt and Mrs Fletcher trying to tell the Gnomes NO NO THAT IS NOT RIGHT AND WE DO NOT CARE WHAT THAT LAME BRAIN PTG SAID PUT IT BACK THE WAY IT WAS NOWWWW.
Okay okay Opel relax sweet one I will fix this...Oh Lordie someone with brains finally welcome back Cap.
Opel this is Penny one of my Troop at the Main Camp she is Army and one of my top ones over there.
I brought her to take over while you and I return to The Main Camp for I need your Talents in Voodoo she opens her mouth but the look on my face tells her I am NOT kidding here.
Okay first things first ,,,
ATTENTION PLEASE,,, I am back but for a short time but there is a lot to be done and little time,,,
Charlies workers I know you have been very busy and very confused lately and looks like PTG has not helped here so lets makes thing clear ,,, your help has been greatly appreciated and all that you help us with to come so to make things very clear we stay with the original agreement made with Charlie and myself and this part is NOT TO BE CHANGED IN ANY WAY UNLESS BY CHARLIE OR MYSELF.
You my dear friends are to take any request or any orders from Charlie myself ** I will assign someone IF and ONLY if CHARLIE or myself can not be reached.
You are to ignore anything from PTG ,,, I hope this is clear.
I turn to Charlie who is rocking with a smile on her face ,,,, CHARLIE my luv good to see you again and give her a quick hug ,,
I see the mess PTG made so lets fix it ,,, Opel speaks up but we are out of paint Cap,,, no worries there is plenty in The HOS that all the stage stuff is and maybe you can find other summery things there ** BUT AS I SAID THIS IS ONLY TEMPORARY**
Now I see the sand has been removed but there is a huge stain left and I take it PTG gave that to you Charlie to clean it up blaming you for that mess?
* yeah he did ha ha thinks I am the stupid one lol*
Okay no need to worry we can get the worker Gnomes to remove the floor that is stained and replace it because no amount of soap water bleach cleaner will get rid of that so ripe it out and replace it.
Okay any questions?
*Opel* What are you going to do about PTG he will get into more trouble ya know.
Here he left this for you.
I read the letter and laughed Oh he thinks so well I have news for him PTG show yourself.
Cap he wrote that then vanished.
oh he did did he well I am pretty sure I know where he is but I have no time to get him so he can read the letter I will write and post it on the bulletin board so you all can read it to for it is not private between him and I but concerns you all as well.
FROM THE CAPTAIN
YOUR REQUEST IS DENIED YOU WILL NOT NOR CAN NOT JUST RESIGN FIRST BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT REGULAR ARMY YOUR POST IN BEING MADE MY SECOND IN COMMAND WAS GIVEN TO YOU BY ME AND THEREFORE OFFICIAL UNTIL SUCH TIME I RELEASE YOU FROM THAT OATH SAME GOES FOR ROO ROO.
i CHOICE YOU AS 1ST IN COMMAND BECAUSE YOU ARE A HIGHLY INTELLIGENT MAN CALM COOL AND COLLECTED IN TIMES OF NEED,, OR SO I THOUGHT AND I THOUGHT I/WE COULD ALWAYS COUNT ON YOU BUT THIS IS THE FINAL STRAW YOU THINK YOU CAN JUST WALK OUT IN OUR GREATEST TIME OF NEED??
Okay this is how it works Mr. PTG ,, you want to resign your commission?
Then you will deal with the fall out being you have a choice to stay in The Tea Room with NO POWERS NO SAY IN ANYTHING IN OTHER WORDS YOU WILL BECOME A CITIZEN LIKE OUR NEIGHBORS.
YOU CAN ALSO CHOICE TO RETURN TO THE HOSPITAL WING TO YOUR SPECIAL ROOM THERE.
YOU WILL NOT BE BANISHED BUT ALL YOUR POWERS OF BEING 1ST IN COMMAND WILL BE STRIPED AND YES THAT INCLUDES THE AMULET.
OR YOU CAN RESCIND YOUR REQUEST AND REMAIN THE 1ST IN COMMAND UNDER THE WATCHFUL EYE OF MY SOLIDER FROM THE MAIN CAMP SHE IS AN OFFICER THERE AND WILL BE HERE AS WELL.
PTG I am not jumping all over you and I know ROO ROO have your moments and I will never stop them unless as I said before it puts others in danger,,,, we all love your shanagins and would not change them.
Just remember no harm must come to one on the other end of a pay back.
** signed **
Captain Randy Commander and Chief of The Midnight Castle Troops
I write the letter and post it on the bulletin board .
There is no hide nor hair of ROO ROO nor Angel and I do not have time to wait around or go searching for them.
We must leave
I spot Penny talking to Charlie and looks like she is showing her Mr.T and looks like she is showing her the berries that he loves but can not have because they act on him in like making him as big as a house.
I call Penny and give her specific orders and tell her any trouble use your Amulet.
Opel come we must go,,,, Mrs Fletcher my dear heart do not worry about Pup she will be fine and when we get back you will be very surprised ==I hug her and give her a kiss on her cheek that makes her blush and and start for the door when in comes ROO ROO and Angel.
They both start in on me and I say NO no time I have to leave now ,,, PENNY FRONT AND CENTER,,, * SIR YES SIR*
ROO ROO Angel this is Penny an officer from the Main Camp who I am leaving here for your protection and to clean up this PTG mess and any thing else that needs it so if you have any trouble with PTG (until I return) Penny here will take care of things and I am asking you to help her if she needs it or has any questions you know The Tea Room .
ROO ROO is throwing questions left right and center at me ,,, stop stop Roo Roo I do not have time right now but you will be safe with Penny and a word to the wise remember what the Mage said about your gifts and you remember what happened to your cloak before KEEP A CLOSE EYE ON YOUR CLOAK.
With that I grab Opel and we are gone.
We arrive at the open field and load up and Brulee Jewel Frost Opel and I return to the Main Camp.
All the way back to the Tea Room Angel & I are still laughing.
“It was probably a good move on our part Angel to make ourselves scarce for a while.”
Angel agrees which sends us both into a fit of the giggles again.
“I do hope Opel does not mind that I copied her headscarf, Kaley says all the ladies are wearing them as they are the perfect accessory for the summer.”
“Hmmm...I think I will stick with my Horned Helmet.If PTG hasn’t calmed down it may be useful, ha ha.
At the Tea Room we see that a crowd has gathered at the notice board, the mumbling suggests it is not good news!
We bump into Randy who is on his way out of the Tea Room.Before I have a chance to ask what the heck is going on he sails past us.
“ Not now Roo......blah, blah....” Neither Angel or myself are listening.
We only went shopping for a couple of hours & now there is chaos in the Tea Room.
Where is PTG & why is my cloak in danger??
Hummmmmm.........Because The Captain is going to be going with Miss Opal to His Main Camp for awhile, I believe via the Ambulate I'll ask Him if it would be alright if I invited Granny Fletcher.......... for a few days visit. While telling Mrs Jacob about my Granny , she got all bright eye and grinny like expressing a fond idea about inviting Granny over to Jacobs Farm cause She gets a wee bit lonely for another Female about Her own age, (Only the Captain, Salty and I know just how Ancient Granny Fletcher really is...........) to talk too here on the Farm. This way I could have a few hours a day to practice some more with the Dragon Sword and the Staff also...... maybe show Jacob and the older young'uns some ways to defend the Farm from all those "Badies" out there like the Bone King.....Ohhhhh! Do I ever despise that Dude!.........
Sitting in my secret observation room, so thoughtfully furnished by Grimm all those moons ago, I watch with some interest the others milling around the Tea Room as well as outside its front door.
Cap’n Bob has pinned up a note and it is addressed to me.
Essentially what he is saying is “put up or shut up!”
I can’t “resign” my 2ic position. I can only quit and become an ordinary MC citizen.
Well, that is what I feel like doing at this moment, but deeper thoughts come to the surface concerning our unworthy CEO and his wizards
That Bone Kingdom sorcerer is still here and there are other cronies together with the more serious threats from Murk and other creatures of the underworld.
All these need to be defeated if the MC is to survive as an independent Realm and I can not possibly help accomplish this as an ‘ordinary’ citizen.
Fortunately, Cap’n Bob has put a female soldier from the Camp in charge of the area so I can take a couple of days off.
I cannot be AWOL if I am not a soldier. So he cannot have it both ways!
But first to deal with the irritation of Roo Roo and her accomplice Angel.
The rest of the female coterie are just bystanders in the latest assault on my sensibilities.
Time to implement my Cunning Plan!
I go to the HOS Repository and get a couple of empty sacks. One of these I fill with Rare pet food, and the other thousands of those horrible shiny bugs that are crawling all over the HOS containers.
I then search the shelves assigned to me for storing my pets until I find the Pensive Spider hidden beneath a leaf to protect it from my hungry Wise Toad.
Time for me to have a little chat with it.
I show it the large sack bulging with its pet food and tell it that I want to exchange one can of food for one baby spider.
Will it make the swap?
Now that sack was VERY heavy, but in no time at all I have it as light as a feather but now bouncing and wriggling inside as hundreds of tiny spiders’ crawl all over one another to escape.
Finally I swish over them, using my magical broom as an Eternal Wand, the chant I found in the Book of Knowledge Lost Pages that will give these creatures immunity from any physical or magical “zapping”!
(Except by me of course!)
Back to Grimm’s observation room where I look on the moving pictures to locate Roo and Angel.
There they are still yapping away ten to the dozen in the Tea Room while scoffing delicious food that they certainly haven’t earned.
Ah well! My lot is never a happy one but hopefully neither will theirs be shortly.
I had at first thought to locate Roo’s cloak and Angel’s baby-doll nightie and fill them with the 'creepie crawlies'.
But a little alarm bell tinkles in my head concerning the safety of Roo’s cloak which could only have come from my mage!
So I use the nearby apertures and slip into their bedrooms having first cancelling out temporarily the magical wards that Roo has placed all over the place.
There I remake their beds but with certain additions!
I return to my observation post and wait!
EVERYONE IS MILLING AROUND THE TEA ROOM. I HEAR WHAT PTG IS THINKING AND UP TO. HE FORGETS I CAN HEAR HIS THOUGHTS. I QUICKLY WRITE A NOTE AND HAND IT TO ANGEL PLACING A FINGER TO MY LIPS , HOPING SHE UNDERSTAND NOT TO SAY ANYTHING OUT LOUD. THEN NOD TOWARD ROO.