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Although it is not a long journey over to the other Realm, there is time for me to put my feet up and sink back into the luxury of a Regency sofa.
It is then that I notice that both my owl and crow are perched on the arm at the end.
Which I have now determined is owl-speak for ‘I am not happy!’
My crow then enters my mind
It tells me in no uncertain terms: “You are an idiot to even attempt this voyage on your own.
"I have been in contact with members of my family over there and they are lining up to pluck the flesh from your bones!
“Their tables are laid and at the ready!
“Apart from this, you are also insane to want to take such a potion!
“It will make YOU an imbecile who cannot communicate with anyone other than your own kind.
“It will not just be your foes unable to discern your thoughts, but you will not be able to discern theirs either whether vocal or written!
“So please turn back before it is too late, and you are snared into that terrible Realm!
“There must be another way to help you hide your feeble thinking from your fellows!”
Frost lands in the open field and I tell him wait here for me and keep an eye out , I do not like this uneasy feeling I am getting something not right.
I high tail it to the Tea Room and enter.
Man the place looks great the Gnomes did a great job again .
Hey where is every one good way to catch them off gaurde no one knew I was coming lol where is Penny?
I hear a chuckle in my Amulet // it's PTG hum I can hear him and his crow his Crow is having a fit and telling PTG to go back or else.
I then hear and understand why his Crow is freaking out ,, my lame brain idjit doorknob is almost at The Northern Island....
HAS HE TOTALLY LOST HIS MIND AND ALL HIS MARBLES????
WHAT THE $%^&&^^% DOING GOING THERE AND ALONE THE BLUNDERING IDJIT.
WHAT IN HELL DOES HE THINK HE IS GOING TO THERE ?? WHAT IS HE AFTER? WHAT IS HE LOOKING FOR ??
ALL THAT DOORKNOB WILL FIND IS THAT VIKING WARRIOR'S HORNED HELMET UP HIS ARSE AND WOULD NEED A DOUGHNUT PILLOW JUST TO SIT.
HOW MANY BLEEDING TIMES DO I HAVE TO SAY ******** DO NOT GO ANYWHERE OUTSIDE THE TEA ROOM ALONE*******
MY MIND IS AT WAR WITH IT'S SELF,,, THEY ARE A GOOD BUNCH == * YEAH RIGHT DUMB AS A DOOR-NAIL**BUT THEY DO GET SOME THINGS RIGHT** YOU LOST YER MIND**??
OKAY OKAY ENOUGH AS I SCREAM INTO MY AMULET PTGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG YOU FLIPPING DOOR KNOB TURN AROUND THIS VERY SECOND AND GET YER ARSE BACK TO THE TEA ROOM NOT YOUR HIDING HOLE T BUT TO THE TEA ROOM I AM HERE AND YOU GOT 5 SECONDS TO TELL ME YOU ARE ON YOUR WAY OR WILL SEND FROST AFTER YOU
I give him a few more seconds,, nothing and I know he can hear me .
Okay door knob you asked for it.
FROST ==** RIDER**
Go and get that door knob we call PTG he is not far from the Northern Island and heading right for a world of trouble or his death so you have to stop him before the Killer Crows spot him .
I have no choice I have to wait here till you get him and return him.
He has avoided a word of hurt from over there BUT he has no friggen idea what a world og hurt I am going to lay on him here
** Frost answers RIDER meaning he understood and will bring that door nob idjit back.**
I have to inform Our Queen of PTG's blunder == AGAIN .
The Golden Queen answers she already knows and understands that I am doing the right thing in stopping PTG for no one outside that realm knows what a danger it is
I am not to worry about Imp (Gammon) Falga seems to be making progress with her she has calmed down quite a bit and her fever is less.
That is great news My Queen it makes me so very happy,,,,
I turn around and see Miss Katt and Mrs Fletcher with worried looks on the faces,, well hello my two beauty's miss me lol?
I hug them both good to be back if only for a short time now where is Charlie>>> they both say at the same time with the critters *giggles*
Okay excuse me I must talk to her ==* Mrs Fletcher * Sweetie ( blush deep red ) I mean Captain Miss Katt and I will be making you a bite and it will be ready when you are finished speaking to Charlie.
That would be terrific I could eat a bit and I am sure Penny and Charlie will join me ,,,, Penny is with her right?
Yes and her Mr.T he is adorable LOL yes he us but you would think the same thing is he gets any of those berries and grows as big as a house lol so Penny makes sure they are well hidden and only feeds him when the need arises.
I find Penny and Charlie in deep conversation and I startle me when I say well now what are you two up two,,
Penny jumps and Salutes SIR.
I return the Salute and say Penny here we are less formal and you will get to know when I need the soldier in you but as all the others you will call me Cap or Captain nothing to stress over you will get used to it.
SIR YES SIR
I pick up Mr.T hello you lill dickens long time no see,, he sticks his head way out nips at my nose ,,,, I laugh still as feisty as usual I see Penny yells MR.T stop that right now that is The Captain you are trying to bite.
Sorry Sir he has not seen you in awhile ,,,, it is ok Penny he is fine and I put him down next to a banana he was eating when I picked him up maybe that is why he tried to nip me I disturbed his snack lol.
Charlie I have to say your workers and our friends The Gnomes did a fantastic job in the Tea Room ,,, I do not see them around so would you please pass on my thanks and my gratitude and when we get back we will have a thank you party for them.
Sure Cap I will do that.
Okay what I want to talk to you about is we are going to need to expand the en closer .
She looks at me???
Look I can not get into it yet but soon and you will understand in the mean time keep up the great work and see to it that Penny here gets to know every one and all of you give her help and answer any questions till we return.
I will give her more instructions before I return to The Main Camp .
A word of warning Frost is on his way to return PTG here and if I know that man he will be royally P***** that is where Penny comes in you Charlie ignore his bellows that I am sure he will be screaming at you all.
I go over to Doggie and hug him and scratch his ears ,, hello boy have missed you but I see Charlie has taken are of you very well ,, you look 100% better and I bet you fell it to.
Hey bays and I give him a carrot.
Okay we have time for a bite ourselves come on Charlie ,Penny Miss Katt and Mrs. Fletcher made us a snack so lets go eat and Penny we can talk more about your duties until I return.
I am mulling over what my crow has just told me while we journey onwards to the Northern Kingdom.
Do ANY of my Cunning Plans work? I ask myself
Just then my amulet starts to jump up and down and I cannot help but listen to my dear Cap’n chewing me out yet once more
I do not care for his tone!
“PTGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG YOU FLIPPING DOOR KNOB TURN AROUND THIS VERY SECOND AND GET YER ARSE BACK TO THE TEA ROOM”
And then he starts calling out some stupid numbers.
Let him wait for a moment while I recompose my thoughts about what my crow as told me, when I am aware that night has suddenly fallen!
But there are no twinkling stars or moon to illuminate my way onwards, just a large misshaped black cloud.
This rapidly changes into the form of a very large dragon who I know so well.
“Hi there Frosty!
Are you joining me in my little adventure?”
At this precise moment my sumptuous charabanc disappears leaving me stranded in mid air and subject to the laws of gravity.
My broom has deserted me!
This cannot be good!
But neither is the back flip onto its back as the dragon blasts me into position and we head back to the Tea Room.
“There was no need to do that!” I crossly exclaim.
“I am wearing my boots and am perfectly capable of getting there under my own steam!”
All I get is a grunt (as only large dragons can grunt without decimating the countryside beneath them).
Within seconds I am standing before an apoplectic Cap’n Bob who seems bereft of speech.
The others are still milling round the notice board on which is pinned that offensive letter to me for resigning,
And giggling when they turn and see me!
I go up to the board and remove the note
“All past history now! You all need me too much”
And turn to the Cap’n saying “And so do you too, so be more considerate before sending your lizard to unceremoniously fetch me back!”
Within seconds I am ring fenced by tall shards of ice and the thought penetrating my mind like a blizzard:
“My name is Frost, Frosty to my FRIENDS!”
The Cap’n then speaks but my hearing is not so good after the recent events that have befallen me!
The Cap’n has finally found his voice!
I concentrate on his “?????????”
So I give it to him straight.
“I am fed up with having my mind read by that knitting machine in the chair over there.
“After consulting the fountain of all knowledge in the Dark Tower Library it showed me a possible escape from her mind scrying activities.
“And that was to get some Magic Pollen from the Northern Kingdom
“But my crow warned me of my doom if I proceeded and while mulling things over at leisure, your dragon plucked me back here and I stand incarcerated in this fence of ice
“It is just not fair and not in the best interests for the harmony of the group.
“Those harridans over there can get away with anything whilst every move I make or intend is analysed and broadcast!”
I see the Cap’n give a little nod to Frosty and my prison bars are melted away.
“Now I have a fall-back Cunning Plan which is a bit more problematical, but simple to do and VERY safe.
“I also got the information from the Dark Tower library in an old tome in the Bookcase.
“It comes under the section of ‘banes’
“It states herbs with names that end in –bane. fleabane really gets rid of fleas Witches use witchbane for spells. Wolfsbane is dangerous to wolves or werewolves
“We can easily test if Charlie has or is using witch-like powers and if so I’ll get some witchbane that will solve the problem.
“So we need to test Charlie!
“I’ll convert my broom into a ducking stool and we can cart it and her down to the moat and duck her in it in true witch determining style!
“What do you all say?”
I look up to see a line of very hostile females facing me in front of Charlie.
Mrs Fletcher is twirling her heavy copper-bottomed sauce boat; Miss Katz has an iron stew pot at the ready and Opel is brandishing her large rolling pin in a very threatening manner. Angel is sharpening all her pencils into needle-like points whilst Roo, Roo has disappeared altogether (gulp!). In front of them all is miss-military-in-charge Penny in a classic karate pose!
Even worse behind them are two enlarged fluffy balls of teeth which seem to be dripping for my blood!
“Ah well it was only a suggestion
“I would have pulled her out before her last gasp and perhaps it would have reduced her powers of observation”
A rumbling emerges from the Cap’n and it does not come from his stomach
“YOU blithering nincompoop. Just sit down HERE in this room while we sort this LITTLE problem out
“If it wasn’t for you and your Cunning Plans there would be NO problem!
“Have you worked that one out, SIR??”
My, my, my.......Mrs Fletcher softly mumbles under Her breath....When is PTG going to understand..."Don't mess with the Female Members in our Special Room Group because it's "Darn Tooting" that We will always stand united together when we can and able to do so!!!........"Now Scoot along with You PTG Pronto!!! Now fellow Tea Room Warriors why don't we put our "Weapons".......to another good reason and cook our dear Friends an scrumptious Meal with all the trimmings ta boot?.....Yum..yum...yum!.......
Although I usually enjoy PTG getting a blasting from Randy, this time the poor man has managed to upset everyone in our group.There is a simple solution...
I raise my hood & walk away unseen while all eyes are on PTG.
At the harbour I wait for Skull Peter to emerge from his ship which has just arrived in The Port.I am approached by a small swarthy shipman who asks if I am “Plying for trade?”.
I reply that I will only trade with Skull Pete.He roars with laughter.
“Good luck lady” he replies.I have no idea what he is talking about but at that moment I see Pete standing on the ships bridge so I climb aboard.I look back to see the shipman & his laughing friends watching me.
I look into the Cargo Hold “Got anything that might interest me Pete?” I ask.
He pulls out a small chest & I hide my excitement as I check the contents.
“Sorry Roo, not much for you this time, some Balmy Hops,Birch Bark, Malt & a bottle of blue powder.The Northern Islands gave us the creeps so we didn’t hang around for long.”
I hand over a few coins & disembark the ship.On the shore the same shipman asks if my visit with Pete was successful.
“Of course it was” I reply quite smugly. “Pete never lets me down.”
A dozen men are falling about laughing but I do not have time to ask why.Men can be such odd creatures!
With my hood up I return to the Tea Room where I see PTG sulking in the corner.He is not happy that the ladies will only serve him ordinary tea & not his special blend.
I quietly walk over to his table & place the bottle of blue powder ( which I know is Magic Pollen) into his jacket pocket which is slung over a chair.I make my exit via the kitchen, lower my hood & enter the Tea Room from the front door.
"Boy oh boy....Mrs Fletcher wasn't exaggerating one iota when She mention how Beautiful Captain Randy's Land was........"Salty!".......What in the world are you doing here...and...How in the blue blazes did you get here anyway????........"One question at a time will I answer Young'un...Now you just hunker down over on that rock while I will settle myself nice and cozy like in this here rocking chair........."Now question number two...Hummmm...hummmm...No that's not right...hummmm...that's not right neither....Come to think of it I don't really relocate how I did get here........now for the first question...After hearing just how amazing Jacobs Farm was with all the Flower and Vegetable Gardens,...... I started thinking ta myself how wonderful it would be not only for the Special Room Family...but specially Captain Randy...(cause We all know don't we dear Friends just how much He does loves His Honey Rum......!) if I could bring several Honey Bee Hives over an establish a Bee Colony here right next to Jacobs Farm...."Well Salty.".......You'd better discus over with Captain Randy first...but I do know just how much He does love His Honey Rum.......
Oh craponacracker PTG did it this time ,,, he did the one thing (well one of the things) I told him NEVER DO and that is to rial up the women folk
Has he not learned what they can do to us Men folk when we rial them.
He is so damn lucky Opel is not here or God forbid PUP ( who is busy over at The Main Camp helping The Golden Queen with Imp.
He is a blundering idjit a goof a door knob but damn it he is MY idjit , My goof My door knob and a fellow in arms.
At that very moment I am scared for his life and I tell Frost remove the ice barrier so he can run if need be,
*FROST* YES RIDER BUT I WILL COVER HIM IN A SHEET OF ICE IF HE CALLS ME FROSTY ONE MORE TIME,
Calm down brave one He has a way of rubbing us all the wrong way at times but he is still a valued member of this family and I will see no harm come to him unless it is by MY HAND LOL
I watch him go to the far table and sit alone,,, then I see ROO ROO go to him ,, lean over like they are talking then she leaves.
??????????????????? what was that all about??????????????????
I go sit with him and see he has not touched his Tea and it does not look like his favorite blend,,, I take the cup sniff it and look at PTG ,, man they are P**** at you.
Miss Katt please may I speak to you?
She comes over and say yes Cap what may I do for you ,,, but looking at PTG with daggers in her eyes.
I think PTG regrets what he said ** I look at him and I whisper nod man*** he does but with fire in his eyes.
Now would you ladies please take it down a notch and let me handle this and please bring him his tea ,,,, not this as I hand her the cup but his Tea ,
Thank you Miss Katt you are a darlin.
She blush's and in no time returns with PTG pipping hot freshly made Tea.
I look at him and say ,,, I do not want to get into this right now for I am really pressed for time , but what I do want from you is a promise you WILL NEVER GO OFF ALONE INTO UNCHARTED AREAS.
It is to dangerous for you and for us ,,, do you have a death wish man?
You know your position of being My 2cd is an honorary title and given to you because I know yo are an intelligent man , very loyal but because you are NOT reg. Army you have trouble at times following orders and normally you goof up are not that serious and can be fixed but this stunt was deadly to you and us.
We talked for several minutes and he told me how fed up he is of Charlie reading his mind and knowing his thoughts .
I understand that but you do know she was born with that ability and it gets to much even for her at times so that is why *** now listen carefully PTG****** she will go tend the critters or do something that occupies her mind in that time it blocks out the others's thoughts >
I look deep into his eyes got it??
So you NOT need any potions powders creams etc.
When she is distracted === got it?
A smile a mile wide crosses his face ,, then he touches his pocket where the bottel is.
But what about right now??
We are safe she is with Penny and Mr.T and they have returned to the critter in-closer .
By the way Penny is here to help you NOT take over and it is only till I return so she is a friend and is here to help like if that Rat returns she will handle it.
I am glad we got this settled now do I have your word? no going off half cocked or wander away alone?
I extend my hand.
We shake a gentleman's agreement.
I rub my Amulet Penny front and center solider .
She is there in a heart beat and at attention saluting , that I return.
As you where...... every one your attention please ,,, I must return ASAP to the Main Camp so I leave you in the safe hands of PTG ROO ROO and Penny as there back up.
Try your best to stay out of trouble until I return LOL.
I call Frost to be ready I am on my way.
Be good kids as I return to Frost.
I CALMLY WALK OVER TO PTG. HE IS SULKING NOT ONLY HAS HE TICKED OFF ALL THE WOMEN HERE BUT MY CATS NOW LOOK AT HIM WITH DISTRUST. I STAND NEXT TO HIM AND SAY. I AM SORRY I TEND TO FOIL YOUR PLANS BUT SOME OF THEM ARE THE WRONG WAY TO GO. I MAY NOT LIKE SPIDERS UNLESS THEY ARE OUT DOING WHAT THEY ARE MEANT TO DO. BUT I CAN NOT STAND BY AND LET THEM BE DESTROYED WHICH SOME OF THE COULD HAVE BEEN, IF YOUR LITTLE PLAN HAD GONE FORWARD. IT IS NOT MY FAULT I CAN HEAR YOUR THOUGHTS. I WAS BORN THIS WAY. I TRY NOT TO HEAR PEOPLE BUT IT IS HARD NOT TO WHEN IT SOUNDS LIKE YELLING IN MY HEAD. YOU DO YELL WHEN YOU GET EXCITED ABOUT A PLAN. MOST OF THE TIME YOU ARE JUST AN ANNOYING BUZZ TO MY BRAIN. SO PLEASE TRY NOT TO GET SO EXCITED ABOUT YOUR SO CALLED CUNNING PLANS. ALSO REMEMBER YOUR BROOM MUST NEVER TRY IT'S ANTICS ON ME. I WILL REMOVES ITS BRISTLES ONE WAY OR ANOTHER. I RETURN TO MY CHAIR. WONDERING IF HE HAS EVEN LISTENED TO WHAT I HAVE SAID. I KNOW HIS BROOM HAS. SELF PRESERVATION COMES FIRST TO MOST OF US.
NOW I SET MY MIND TO WHAT CAP HAS SAID ABOUT ENLARGING THE ENCLOSURE. THAT WILL BE EASY ENOUGH BUT I NEED TO KNOW HOW MUCH AND WHAT HIS PLANS ARE. DOES THE BARN ALSO NEED ENLARGED OR JUST THE ENCLOSURE. WELL UNTIL HE TELL ME I WILL JUST HAVE TO LET DINKY AND SMIDGE KNOW THAT THEY WILL NEED TO BE READY TO DO THE CONSTRUCTION.
NOW HE AND THE CAP ARE IN CLOSE CONVERSATION SO I ASK PENNY IF SHE AND MR. T WOULD LIKE TO RETURN TO THE ENCLOSURE WITH ME SO I CAN ASK DINKY AND SMIDGE IF THEY ARE ABLE TO DO THE UPGRADES TO THE ENCLOSURE AND MAYBE THE BARN. AND TO SHOW MR. T AND PENNY THE ENCLOSURE WE HAD ONLY DONE THE BARN. SHE AGREES AND WE LEAVE THROUGH THE BACK DOOR.