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The Cap’n has finally found his voice!
I concentrate on his “?????????”
So I give it to him straight.
“I am fed up with having my mind read by that knitting machine in the chair over there.
“After consulting the fountain of all knowledge in the Dark Tower Library it showed me a possible escape from her mind scrying activities.
“And that was to get some Magic Pollen from the Northern Kingdom
“But my crow warned me of my doom if I proceeded and while mulling things over at leisure, your dragon plucked me back here and I stand incarcerated in this fence of ice
“It is just not fair and not in the best interests for the harmony of the group.
“Those harridans over there can get away with anything whilst every move I make or intend is analysed and broadcast!”
I see the Cap’n give a little nod to Frosty and my prison bars are melted away.
“Now I have a fall-back Cunning Plan which is a bit more problematical, but simple to do and VERY safe.
“I also got the information from the Dark Tower library in an old tome in the Bookcase.
“It comes under the section of ‘banes’
“It states herbs with names that end in –bane. fleabane really gets rid of fleas Witches use witchbane for spells. Wolfsbane is dangerous to wolves or werewolves
“We can easily test if Charlie has or is using witch-like powers and if so I’ll get some witchbane that will solve the problem.
“So we need to test Charlie!
“I’ll convert my broom into a ducking stool and we can cart it and her down to the moat and duck her in it in true witch determining style!
“What do you all say?”
I look up to see a line of very hostile females facing me in front of Charlie.
Mrs Fletcher is twirling her heavy copper-bottomed sauce boat; Miss Katz has an iron stew pot at the ready and Opel is brandishing her large rolling pin in a very threatening manner. Angel is sharpening all her pencils into needle-like points whilst Roo, Roo has disappeared altogether (gulp!). In front of them all is miss-military-in-charge Penny in a classic karate pose!
Even worse behind them are two enlarged fluffy balls of teeth which seem to be dripping for my blood!
“Ah well it was only a suggestion
“I would have pulled her out before her last gasp and perhaps it would have reduced her powers of observation”
A rumbling emerges from the Cap’n and it does not come from his stomach
“YOU blithering nincompoop. Just sit down HERE in this room while we sort this LITTLE problem out
“If it wasn’t for you and your Cunning Plans there would be NO problem!
“Have you worked that one out, SIR??”
My, my, my.......Mrs Fletcher softly mumbles under Her breath....When is PTG going to understand..."Don't mess with the Female Members in our Special Room Group because it's "Darn Tooting" that We will always stand united together when we can and able to do so!!!........"Now Scoot along with You PTG Pronto!!! Now fellow Tea Room Warriors why don't we put our "Weapons".......to another good reason and cook our dear Friends an scrumptious Meal with all the trimmings ta boot?.....Yum..yum...yum!.......
Although I usually enjoy PTG getting a blasting from Randy, this time the poor man has managed to upset everyone in our group.There is a simple solution...
I raise my hood & walk away unseen while all eyes are on PTG.
At the harbour I wait for Skull Peter to emerge from his ship which has just arrived in The Port.I am approached by a small swarthy shipman who asks if I am “Plying for trade?”.
I reply that I will only trade with Skull Pete.He roars with laughter.
“Good luck lady” he replies.I have no idea what he is talking about but at that moment I see Pete standing on the ships bridge so I climb aboard.I look back to see the shipman & his laughing friends watching me.
I look into the Cargo Hold “Got anything that might interest me Pete?” I ask.
He pulls out a small chest & I hide my excitement as I check the contents.
“Sorry Roo, not much for you this time, some Balmy Hops,Birch Bark, Malt & a bottle of blue powder.The Northern Islands gave us the creeps so we didn’t hang around for long.”
I hand over a few coins & disembark the ship.On the shore the same shipman asks if my visit with Pete was successful.
“Of course it was” I reply quite smugly. “Pete never lets me down.”
A dozen men are falling about laughing but I do not have time to ask why.Men can be such odd creatures!
With my hood up I return to the Tea Room where I see PTG sulking in the corner.He is not happy that the ladies will only serve him ordinary tea & not his special blend.
I quietly walk over to his table & place the bottle of blue powder ( which I know is Magic Pollen) into his jacket pocket which is slung over a chair.I make my exit via the kitchen, lower my hood & enter the Tea Room from the front door.
"Boy oh boy....Mrs Fletcher wasn't exaggerating one iota when She mention how Beautiful Captain Randy's Land was........"Salty!".......What in the world are you doing here...and...How in the blue blazes did you get here anyway????........"One question at a time will I answer Young'un...Now you just hunker down over on that rock while I will settle myself nice and cozy like in this here rocking chair........."Now question number two...Hummmm...hummmm...No that's not right...hummmm...that's not right neither....Come to think of it I don't really relocate how I did get here........now for the first question...After hearing just how amazing Jacobs Farm was with all the Flower and Vegetable Gardens,...... I started thinking ta myself how wonderful it would be not only for the Special Room Family...but specially Captain Randy...(cause We all know don't we dear Friends just how much He does loves His Honey Rum......!) if I could bring several Honey Bee Hives over an establish a Bee Colony here right next to Jacobs Farm...."Well Salty.".......You'd better discus over with Captain Randy first...but I do know just how much He does love His Honey Rum.......
Oh craponacracker PTG did it this time ,,, he did the one thing (well one of the things) I told him NEVER DO and that is to rial up the women folk
Has he not learned what they can do to us Men folk when we rial them.
He is so damn lucky Opel is not here or God forbid PUP ( who is busy over at The Main Camp helping The Golden Queen with Imp.
He is a blundering idjit a goof a door knob but damn it he is MY idjit , My goof My door knob and a fellow in arms.
At that very moment I am scared for his life and I tell Frost remove the ice barrier so he can run if need be,
*FROST* YES RIDER BUT I WILL COVER HIM IN A SHEET OF ICE IF HE CALLS ME FROSTY ONE MORE TIME,
Calm down brave one He has a way of rubbing us all the wrong way at times but he is still a valued member of this family and I will see no harm come to him unless it is by MY HAND LOL
I watch him go to the far table and sit alone,,, then I see ROO ROO go to him ,, lean over like they are talking then she leaves.
??????????????????? what was that all about??????????????????
I go sit with him and see he has not touched his Tea and it does not look like his favorite blend,,, I take the cup sniff it and look at PTG ,, man they are P**** at you.
Miss Katt please may I speak to you?
She comes over and say yes Cap what may I do for you ,,, but looking at PTG with daggers in her eyes.
I think PTG regrets what he said ** I look at him and I whisper nod man*** he does but with fire in his eyes.
Now would you ladies please take it down a notch and let me handle this and please bring him his tea ,,,, not this as I hand her the cup but his Tea ,
Thank you Miss Katt you are a darlin.
She blush's and in no time returns with PTG pipping hot freshly made Tea.
I look at him and say ,,, I do not want to get into this right now for I am really pressed for time , but what I do want from you is a promise you WILL NEVER GO OFF ALONE INTO UNCHARTED AREAS.
It is to dangerous for you and for us ,,, do you have a death wish man?
You know your position of being My 2cd is an honorary title and given to you because I know yo are an intelligent man , very loyal but because you are NOT reg. Army you have trouble at times following orders and normally you goof up are not that serious and can be fixed but this stunt was deadly to you and us.
We talked for several minutes and he told me how fed up he is of Charlie reading his mind and knowing his thoughts .
I understand that but you do know she was born with that ability and it gets to much even for her at times so that is why *** now listen carefully PTG****** she will go tend the critters or do something that occupies her mind in that time it blocks out the others's thoughts >
I look deep into his eyes got it??
So you NOT need any potions powders creams etc.
When she is distracted === got it?
A smile a mile wide crosses his face ,, then he touches his pocket where the bottel is.
But what about right now??
We are safe she is with Penny and Mr.T and they have returned to the critter in-closer .
By the way Penny is here to help you NOT take over and it is only till I return so she is a friend and is here to help like if that Rat returns she will handle it.
I am glad we got this settled now do I have your word? no going off half cocked or wander away alone?
I extend my hand.
We shake a gentleman's agreement.
I rub my Amulet Penny front and center solider .
She is there in a heart beat and at attention saluting , that I return.
As you where...... every one your attention please ,,, I must return ASAP to the Main Camp so I leave you in the safe hands of PTG ROO ROO and Penny as there back up.
Try your best to stay out of trouble until I return LOL.
I call Frost to be ready I am on my way.
Be good kids as I return to Frost.
I CALMLY WALK OVER TO PTG. HE IS SULKING NOT ONLY HAS HE TICKED OFF ALL THE WOMEN HERE BUT MY CATS NOW LOOK AT HIM WITH DISTRUST. I STAND NEXT TO HIM AND SAY. I AM SORRY I TEND TO FOIL YOUR PLANS BUT SOME OF THEM ARE THE WRONG WAY TO GO. I MAY NOT LIKE SPIDERS UNLESS THEY ARE OUT DOING WHAT THEY ARE MEANT TO DO. BUT I CAN NOT STAND BY AND LET THEM BE DESTROYED WHICH SOME OF THE COULD HAVE BEEN, IF YOUR LITTLE PLAN HAD GONE FORWARD. IT IS NOT MY FAULT I CAN HEAR YOUR THOUGHTS. I WAS BORN THIS WAY. I TRY NOT TO HEAR PEOPLE BUT IT IS HARD NOT TO WHEN IT SOUNDS LIKE YELLING IN MY HEAD. YOU DO YELL WHEN YOU GET EXCITED ABOUT A PLAN. MOST OF THE TIME YOU ARE JUST AN ANNOYING BUZZ TO MY BRAIN. SO PLEASE TRY NOT TO GET SO EXCITED ABOUT YOUR SO CALLED CUNNING PLANS. ALSO REMEMBER YOUR BROOM MUST NEVER TRY IT'S ANTICS ON ME. I WILL REMOVES ITS BRISTLES ONE WAY OR ANOTHER. I RETURN TO MY CHAIR. WONDERING IF HE HAS EVEN LISTENED TO WHAT I HAVE SAID. I KNOW HIS BROOM HAS. SELF PRESERVATION COMES FIRST TO MOST OF US.
NOW I SET MY MIND TO WHAT CAP HAS SAID ABOUT ENLARGING THE ENCLOSURE. THAT WILL BE EASY ENOUGH BUT I NEED TO KNOW HOW MUCH AND WHAT HIS PLANS ARE. DOES THE BARN ALSO NEED ENLARGED OR JUST THE ENCLOSURE. WELL UNTIL HE TELL ME I WILL JUST HAVE TO LET DINKY AND SMIDGE KNOW THAT THEY WILL NEED TO BE READY TO DO THE CONSTRUCTION.
NOW HE AND THE CAP ARE IN CLOSE CONVERSATION SO I ASK PENNY IF SHE AND MR. T WOULD LIKE TO RETURN TO THE ENCLOSURE WITH ME SO I CAN ASK DINKY AND SMIDGE IF THEY ARE ABLE TO DO THE UPGRADES TO THE ENCLOSURE AND MAYBE THE BARN. AND TO SHOW MR. T AND PENNY THE ENCLOSURE WE HAD ONLY DONE THE BARN. SHE AGREES AND WE LEAVE THROUGH THE BACK DOOR.
I watch Cap’n Bob depart on his dragon for the Camp and reflect on recent events.
One more I have managed with the best of intentions to upset everyone, so I think that I had better keep a low profile in the Tea Room until he returns.
It is on my way back into the Room that I feel a small tube in my pocket.
I take it out and hold it up to the light.
Inside I can see some gold dust swirling about and the thought suddenly hits me!
It can’t be! But it is! The magic pollen from the Northern Islands.
How did it get there? Has my mage come to the rescue?
I am just about to thank her profusely – wherever she is when I remember Roo Roo was absent in the Tea Room just a few minutes ago.
But was she?
She could have been wearing her cloak and had got the pollen herself. But how? My Cunning Plan was scuppered because both the Cap’n and my crow said that such a journey was too fraught with danger.
Anyway, I have the dust.
Mmmm! I think I will try out a little bit of it now.
I look at my hand and it is bloody.
But the Tea Room is warded and safe from attack.
Then I espy my crow cleaning its beak as if butter wouldn’t melt in its mouth and its eyes glaring at me.
“Do you not listen to ANYTHING that I tell you?
“That is Zombie dust and will turn you into an idiot!”
Dabbing my hand clean I slump back into my seat defeated!
“But never mind, the Cap’n has given you a way out, IF you can remember what he said just before he left!
“You need to relax until he returns. He has some powerful allies that he is bringing with him so just relax and play human games or something.”
Watching my wound slowly heal itself I ponder on my crow’s words.
Yes, ponder as I like to use that word!
I dissect each phrase, each letter of the Cap’n’s last comments before he left, and the penny suddenly drops!
Well actually, do nothing while Charlie is in close proximity. If she is in the zoo, mucking out then it becomes safe for me to think!
Safe to PLAN, and I rub my hands together in glee at the thought.
And she is not around at the moment.
I barely whisper to myself in my head what needs to be done.
Placate the kitchen brigade. When all is said and done, they were only protecting one of their kind
Think up some small discomfort for Angel. I SAW those points on her pencils!
I am a bit ambivalent about Roo. If she was the one to give me the Magic Pollen, then she is in my good books. But on the other hand, there is such a backlog of her messing me about and making me look stupid.
A voice in my head says; “But you ARE stupid! That is why I like you humans so much. We in our crow family get hysterics when I relate to them some of the things you have done!
“And she has had the grace to warn you. She will ALWAYS succeed in thwarting you and giving us something to laugh about!”
I feel suddenly hot.
I need to go outside and use one of the outdoor tables. The air temperature around me has got considerably hotter and so have I!
My hong cha is not soothing me and I cannot formulate any Plan while perspiring so much.
I call back inside to Miss Katz. “Can you please swap my tea for a Citron Pressé.” Perhaps that will cool me off, and I like preparing one to my taste in such weather.
Voila! I am soon sipping a juice that would beat any amount of honey rum!
Now, where was I?
Ah yes! A new Cunning Plan!
After spending an hour or so helping Falga make up Imps bed and make certain Imps surroundings were in a nice and comfy order for our Patient I received a Message from The Golden Queen to report to Her Master Swords Man for a Practice Demo on How well I was doing with the Dragon Sword........Gulp!....Boy was I so grateful to Captain Randy at this moment for all the time we spent together training.........even if it meant a smack or two once and a while!.........When caught off guard!...."Young Pup, I must let our Captain Randy know how pleased I am with the progress you've demonstrated this afternoon with the Dragon Sword.........Our Captain will be arriving soon, so young Pup I'll give you permission to leave Me now and make yourself presentable for His arrival.." Because one should never turn their back on their Queen, I bowed and walked backward from the throne with the Biggest Grin. (Cause My Captain Randy was coming at last and couldn't help showing it!........) Inside my chest my heart was doing somersaults I was so Happy! Yeaaaahhhh!......
OK! Time to test and see if the Cap’n is correct.
The fact that away from the Tea Room and especially in her zoo enclosures, Charlie’s tuning into my head isn’t so good.
I am a bit restricted on what I can do to her as ‘pay back’ for all her ‘interference’ in my nefarious activities:
But I mustn’t use creepy crawlies, and no mistreatment of any animal life whatsoever.
Then I have to keep out of the way from any ‘fall-back’ from her two overstuffed cats when they realize that their mistress has been ‘discommoded’ by me.
Tricky! But I have the time to hatch a small Cunning Plan and to put it into effect before she returns to the Tea Room.
It just might work!
Phase one: I get a cushion from the HOS Repository and ‘adapt it’ somewhat!
This I replace on her chair seat, and hide her regular cushion.
Phase 2: I wait until she returns and just as she is about to enter:
Phase 3: I begin to hum Beethoven’s famous tune – “Ode to Joy”
„Freude, schöner Götterfunken,
Tochter aus Elysium“
I can’t remember the rest so I continue:
„Pom, pom, pom, pom,
pom, pom, pom, pom“
Even remembering the tune taxes my poor brain blotting out all other thoughts, but I persist.
Charlie goes over to her chair and sits down in it smiling at us all as she takes up her knitting.
She has been gazumped by my improvised whoopee cushion!
The Cap’n’s hint works.
It is rather unfortunate that just at this moment her two feline guardians have expanded dramatically in shape just as Miss Katz is passing by with a tray of scrumptious cakes.
She screams fearing attack and then bursts into fits of laughter when she realizes what has happened and what SHE has just done.
Cake fragments, lashings of cream and fruit cover the heads of both Angel and Roo, Roo!
They had realized what had happened to Charlie and begun to hoot with mirth when Miss Katz fell on top of them!
I give a little sigh of pleasure!
Three for the price of one!
The day just couldn’t get better, or could it?