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"knock Knock."..."Knock Knock."...Oh dear......"Please PTG open your door." "Mumble, Mumble, Grumble, Grumble."......No dear, I promise that Miss Katt is definitely not with Me with Her big Bottle of Castor Oil.......Instead of the Oil I come bearing a Bowl of My Special Chicken Soup that is widely know to help cure many Illnesses. Also with it I've brought some of my Hot buttered Biscuits to go along with the Soup......Oh! I almost forgot......I have too a Tea Pot filled with your very favorite Tea......????
OUCHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH damn it to hell what is all that tarn nation noise about ready to bust my ear drums??
Who in hell has there Amulet turn to the loudest setting ?? %^&()_)(*&^%$#$%^&*() craponacracker do I have to come back there and bust arse again??
PTG you better tell that toothpick you call a broom to lay off the baby Raven and for your information HER name is Nugget and she is the newest pet so lay off.
Did no one think that maybe just maybe Nugget is hungry?? do babies cry when wet and hungry??
CHARLIE could you please get Nugget and to start her off on food worms will do the trick .
Oh and PTG I hear you are sick so I am asking Opel here to fix up a batch of her fix all potion send your Owl or your Raven to get it and when it gets THERE TAKE IT.
Now if every one is finished screaming I have to get back to the Queen and dear Mrs. Fletcher you take is easy and do not over do it running around okay?
On my way back to the Queens cave a thought came to me well a joke really .
It kinda reminds me of my slightly bent sightly insane gang from the hospital wing with multi colored huggie jackets that escape every so often to drive the rest of MC world MAD lol
*** There were three men who died at the same time.
One a scientist one a mathematician and the third a country hick.
They all met St.Peters at the Pearly gates and was shocked to see The Devil standing beside him.
St.Peter smiled and said welcome and let me explain our visitor .
Heaven is getting very crowded so in order for you to pass the gates you will have to ask The Devil some questions
If he can answer them = you go with him but if he can not you pass the gates.
The scientist thought very hard and came up with a very hard question about space ,
The Devil laughed and answered correctly * guess I am going to Hell the scientist said.
The Mathematician smiled and wrote down a mind bending Math Riddle and handed it to the Devil
The Devil again laughed and wrote down the correct answer * Guess I will be joining you
The Devil then looked at The Hick and snarled whatcha got?
The Hick smiled back and said get me a chair, The Devil did so ,, now drill me seven holes,,, the Devil did so,,, now sit and F**t the Devil did so,,,, now tell me what hole that F**t came out of?
The Devil stood up , studied the chair then pointed that one,,, to that the Hick said
NO you idiot it came out of MY arse hole
SPEAKING INTO MY AMULET I SAID, NOT TO WORRY CAP, I HAVE HAD POE HAVE RAVEN TO RAVEN TALK WITH THE BABY AND IT IS NOW QUIETLY SETTLED ON MY LAP AFTER BEING FED. POE HELPED ME GATHER AND FEED THE BABY, SO YOU WISH TO CALL HER NUGGET, SO IT SHALL BE. THOUGH POE MADE IT VERY CLEAR THAT THE BABY WAS NOT OF HIS DOING. THAT DID GIVE ME A CHUCKLE. AS FOR PTG HIS BROOM WILL NEVER GET CLOSE TO THE BABY AND SURVIVE.
As the door to the Tea Room opened, Agnes entered carrying a plate full of chocolate chip cookies. From the aroma, they must still be warm.
Agnes surveyed the room, but didn’t see PTG anywhere. She had heard he was confined to a hospital bed. She hopes he is much better and will join them soon. When she didn't see PTG, she approached Roo’s table with her typical: “Hello, Dearie” greeting. After placing the plate on the table, she turned to Miss Katt and requested she bring milk, coffee, tea, or whatever everyone prefers to drink while eating chocolate chip cookies.
While sitting down, she quietly asked Roo if she could please call PTG to the room using her Amulet. Before Roo could ask any questions, Agnes added: “I do so hope he comes quickly because I have some urgent news…..and time is of the essence.” She thanked Miss Katt for the warm cup of tea, and helped herself to a cookie while she hoped and waited for PTG to join them.
BANG, BANG< THUMP,THUMP!
Some fiend is pounding on my door as I try to get some rest, hopefully safe under my bed.
Then I hear the dulcet tones of Dear Old Mrs Fletcher telling me that she is outside the door with some of her special chicken soup and crumbly butter biscuits.
Also, NO Castor Oil, just hong cha for my poor dry throat.
I feel so safe and secure here though that it is a great pity to move and let her in
So I just croak “Leave them by the door and I will collect them later”
I then hear the sound outside of her shuffling away and muttering to herself about ‘young whipper snappers not taking care of themselves properly’.
I am just about to enjoy my first “zzzzzzz” when my amulet starts to bounce up and down with an incoming message.
‘Is there no peace at all in this hospital?’ I grumble to myself as the Capn’s stentorian tones vibrate through my poor tortured brain
He takes extra special care to mention that my original torturer - that malevolent bird creature, is known as Nugget and she is to be left alone or else
I already have that message loud and clear from Charlie so that does nothing to improve my sanity.
Then he mentions some potion specially put together by Opel that will make me well again.
That woman is not getting within a mile my poor weakened frame. She is all soldier and I know how they treat the soldiers in the Camp!
But he signs off and all is quiet again.
Now, shall I make a run for the door and slip Mrs Fletchers goodies inside or is that she-fiend Roo, Roo just outside waiting for me to do so?
Or has she added a little potion of her own?
My tummy starts to rumble
I’ll risk it. NO use asking my broom to help. I don’t trust it any longer in my unhinged state of mind.
I open my door and slide the tray inside. The delicious smell of home-made cooking makes me drool!
The first spoonful is pure culinary heaven, but the second is spoilt by the raucous tones of Roo, Roo bellowing into my amulet
“Get your scraggy bones down here pronto or else we will come and fetch you!”
Is there no peace as I protest:
“I am sick and need some comfort, not orders and especially not from you!”
I try to barricade myself in my room, but my broom has disappeared!
I am inclined to follow Charlie’s suggestion and create a load of pencils for Angel, but just then a sumptuous charabanc appears without me even thinking about any carriage.
My Crow calms me down and whispers that the matter seems to be urgent.
What could go wrong now?
I am delighted to see Agnes enter the Tea Room, as Agnes places the plate of delicious cookies in front of me I wonder what trouble is ahead.
I feel slightly uneasy that the cookies may come with a price tag.
I make an Amulet call to PTG & hope he will put in an appearance quickly, although if his mood does not improve before he gets here I may be tempted to toss him in a cold bath to lower his temperature and his temper ha ha.
I move my chair closer to Agnes & place a chair for PTG on the opposite side of the table.I do not want PTG sharing whatever ailment he has been inflicted with.
While we wait I try to pry a little information from Agnes but she cleverly avoids my questions with “ All will be revealed soon” answers.
If PTG does not make an entrance soon I may have to find another way to convince him it would not be in his best interest to keep us waiting.Hmmm.....
After Roo contacted PTG by Amulet, she peppered Agnes with questions (some subtle; some direct). This curiosity was expected, and Agnes deflected each question without providing any additional information.
It wasn’t absolutely necessary that PTG be present……Agnes just preferred to tell the story only one time. She knew the Amulet would carry her voice, but she didn’t entirely trust the transmission to remain static free. (The reception in the hospital wing can sometimes be intermittent.)
While they waited to see if PTG would be able to join them (or reply via his Amulet that he felt a “conference call” was a better alternative), Agnes suggested that someone close the shutters on the windows and activate the sound deflectors. She wanted no possibility of her story being overheard by anyone other than her friends. Several confused faces looked at her when she insisted that the door to the Tea Room NOT be secured or prevented from being opened.
I sit back in the charabanc seat and am transported NOT back to the Tea Room but to the neighbouring Hospital bathroom in the corridor.
At the same time, I get the message from Roo, Roo through my amulet
“We have a guest!
“We are NOT accepting a dirty smelly PTG but a clean shaven one befitting the 2ic of this band of warriors.
“So get to it smartish!
“Then you must put on a clean huggie jacket that has not see the underneath of a hospital bed with a trail of dust bunnies!”
Thus attired and now totally deflated, I do as ordered and then climb back onto my ride.
Within a blink of an eye I am ensconced in a chair in the Tea Room and looking across at me from the other side is Roo with squirrel like pouches in her cheeks as they bulge with the freshly prepared cookies and ????Agness!!!
They are obviously waiting for me to speak
“Any cha possible, doesn’t have to be hong?”
From a quick glance around me it is obvious that no one present has a clue as to what is about to happen.
So it is up to me to take over the proceedings
“My dear visitor, how may we be of assistance?”
And get a furious diatribe from Roo
“Are your brains scrambled or what? THIS IS AGNES!”
When PTG joined them, Agnes began: “The time has come to tell you who I am and how I came to this place. It’s also time to show you what the ‘real me’ looks like.”
Agnes stood and shape shifted into a man who was 6 foot 6 inches in height. He looked like he weighed about 230 pounds – all of it pure muscle. His handsome, intelligent face bore a small star-shaped scar on his forehead. He also very much reminded Roo of another man she had recently met. Roo was about to say something when the man sat down and continued speaking:
“My name is Jayben. My brother, Phil, and I found several artifacts while were exploring a cave about 15 years ago. So when I picked up the vase and started to wipe it off, neither of us paid much attention. However, the more dirt I wiped off, the stranger the vase felt in my hands. I sensed something unpleasant was going to happen, so I immediately called to my brother. When he came closer, I used all the force I could muster to deliver a swift right hook to his jaw.”
Seeing their look of confusion, Jayben explained that Phil had a tendency to strike first and ask questions later. Somehow he knew that was not how this threat should be handled. Continuing his story:
“When the vase was wiped completely clean, there stood before me a very ordinary looking man, except for his eyes. They were cold and black….as if there were no soul behind them. The man requested ‘his property’ but said he would not be entirely unreasonable. If I gave it to him, he would grant me 2 requests. I replied that if he first granted my two requests, I would hand it over. ….He hesitated a moment, but then he agreed. So, I continued.
“My first request was that he not harm either of us in any manner. Clearly, this had been his intent because it was with great difficulty that he finally consented. My second request was for him to give me magical powers. He asked me if I was sure, and I said yes. It was then that he transformed me into the person you know as Agnes, complete with a wand in her hand.
“He laughed at my reaction. He said it probably wasn’t what I expected, but it’s what I got. He then showed me a glass jar with a lovely white butterfly struggling to escape. My curious expression caused him to explain that since he couldn’t harm either of us, he was taking my brother’s wife as a souvenir of our meeting. Then he disappeared.”
(to be continued)