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My head explodes with a sound I have never heard before and most likely never ever hear again I am afraid my ears are bleeding from two busted ear drums.
My eyes feel like The Wheel of Fortune spinning in my head and then there is my hair as I gently reach up and run my hand up to what feels like a Mohake gone crazy and OH DEAR I sure hope that is not brain matter I feel at the tips of those spikes.
Even though I can not see nor hear yet I am so enraged I leap in the direction of where I think the sound came from.
I hear Roo Roo screaming OMG PTG YOU ARE A DEAD RAT.
As I fly through the air to what I hope is my target I yell PTG YOU FLIPPING DOORKNOB IDJIT ,,,, ALL OF A SUDDEN MY FLIGHT STOPS AND I COME CRASHING DOWN hard onto a box? I smell cake?
KERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRPLOP face first onto what is left of a sponge cake ,, what no frosting??
As I wipe cake from my eyes that thankfully have stopped spinning ** ya a Panda Egg*
I look around no PTG and I am so befuffeled siting in a box hair on end smeared with cake I grab the firecracker and as it goes BOOMMMMMMMMMMM I yell surprise and then every thing goes black
As Pup Stands Flummoxed in a dark corner of the Tea Room wondering just where She should step in with Her Dragon Sword and Staff to defend Captain Randy From PTG's on going Shenanigans....A strong soft arm encircles Pups waist drawing Her against Granny Fletcher's ample bosoms. "Leave them be Child........For their battles must always be worked out between themselves and we should never, never interfere unless specifically requested to do so." Now come away and tell your Granny as much as you can about your visit with Our Glorious Queen..."BANG!".... What in the world can we except to happen now Dear Friends...
I AM IN THE KITCHEN DOOR HAVING JUST REMOVED MY BOOTS WHEN I HEAR THE DEAFENING RACKET FROM THE TEA ROOM. OH! I KNEW WHAT PTG WAS UP TO BUT IT SEEMED HARMLESS, SO I DID NOT FOREWARN ANYONE. HE DID NEED TO HAVE A BIT OF HIS OWN ON ROO SINCE SHE HAD PIERCED HIM RATHER BADLY.
WELL I GUESS I SHOULD HAVE SEARCHED HIM OUT AND TOLD HIM TO TONE IT DOWN A BIT. BUT HE IS JUST A BIG KID SOMETIMES. NEVER THINKS THINGS THROUGH WITH ALTERNATE ENDINGS. THIS TIME WOULD HAVE BEEN A GOOD TIME BUT ALAS HE DID NOT.
GUESS I SHOULD GET IN THERE AND SEE WHAT KIND OF A MESS HE HAS LEFT BEHIND THIS TIME.
THERE STANDS ROO WITH A STARTLED LOOK ON HER FACE LOOKING A LITTLE PALE. NOT SURE WHAT CAUSED IT. THE NOISE WHICH HAD BEEN DEAFENING. OR THE FACT THAT THE CAP WAS IN A VERY LARGE BOX. I WAS COMING INTO THE ROOM TO FIND OUT WHAT WAS GOING ON, WHEN A LARGE BOOOOM! CAME FROM THE BOX AND THE CAP SLUMPED. NOT GOOD NOT GOOD AT ALL.
THERE WAS NO WAY I COULD GET THE CAP OUT OF THAT BOX BY MYSELF. I NEEDED HELP. I CALLED INTO MY AMULET, "WHERE IS PENNY. AND ANY OTHER ABLE BODIED HANDS I NEED HELP IN THE TEA ROOM NOW!!!!!! " NOT KNOWING IF FOR SURE ANYONE HAD HEARD ME I STOOD AND WAITED.
My feelings of self-satisfaction are somewhat cut short when I look at Charlie’s face and realize that perhaps all is not now well!
Time to be elsewhere while they are still somewhat recovering and merely screaming revenge.
So I very quickly flee to my room in the Hospital wing with my broom.
Once there I go over to my bed and plump it up until there is the appearance of me still in it.
Then I take one of the clown masks and hats from my Anniversary Room and prop them on the pillow.
Mmmmm! Not a bad deception when viewed quickly by enraged eyes!
I then slip out and nearly bump into the Cap’n, who is totally bemused and so guide him to his bed in ROOM 001.
I plop him down on the bad, muttering incoherencies, arrange him in exactly the same way as I did for myself and once more place a clown hat on his pillow. He is moaning and groaning so I slip him a toddy of his favourite brew which quietens him down.
I peer outside his door and sense rather than see a whirlwind of dust bunnies rapidly approaching towards me down the corridor.
It must be Roo, Roo hidden under her cloak. She is on the warpath!
She disappears into my room, screams “YOU VILEST OF EXCREMENTS! Look what you did to my new fashion skirt when I spilt red wine all over it!
“You will pay and begins to lambast my bed until the room is covered in feathers.
My broom is very happy as there is now a mess to clean up!
Then “the penny drops”!
I am not in the bed and she is pummeling it for nothing.
This seems to enrage her more as the sweat drips down her face onto her pristine cloak!
Then from next door, I cough discreetly and wait.
In a flash, my broom still in hand, she is there besides Cap’n Bob’s bed.
“Oh No! I’m not falling for that trick twice!”
But she give the reclining bulk on it a prod.
And gets back in return “AAAHHHRRRR!”
“You ARE there so Take this and Take that!” as a cascade of blows heaps onto the recumbent form of the Cap’n.
Unlike anything I have seen before, in an instant the Cap’n goes into attack mode and still covered in a white bed sheet, like an Arab Sheikh, he descends on his opponent with his sai drawn!!
The duel is very short lived as I leave Roo, Roo sprawled on the floor with a drawn sword pricking her neck and the Cap’n mumbling
“Oh! I am sorry!
“Where is that load of trouble? He is the cause of our confusion!”
Time for me to repair back to the Tea Room for a welcome cup of hong cha!
It has been a momentous morning!
As Mrs Fletcher comes walking calmly forward toward the table where our dear Friend PTG has just settled Himself in with the biggest smile ever. In one hand She carries a large pot of PTG's favorite Hong cha tea, cup and a verity of Opals fabulous Tea Cakes arranged on a delicate English Bone China plate........My oh my PTG...look what you did and it's a good thing that you are our Chief Sweeper here in the Castle....I don't know what we would do without that mighty broom of yours...Before leaving PTG to enjoy His tea Mrs Fletcher gives his shoulder a gentle squeeze, chuckles to herself....and without a backward glance She exits the room..."There's never a dull moment here in the Tea Room is there My Friend....(Whispering can be heard only by Mrs Fletcher responding back...) "Ahhhh yes...I too think we should let PTG, Roo and Captain Randy figure out this latest dilemma and go and find Angel.......to discuss...Shhh!" Here is where I will stop dear Friends but it will be something Fantastic!!!...
As Mrs Fletcher takes Her leave from the Tea Room, She can't help but feel Her dear Friend Captain Randy's poor measurable mighty Headache. Not to mention His confusion of how his headache came to be anyway......."Hummmm...I know just the very thing that will help my dear Old Galoot!!" ....."A strong mug of Honey Rum along with a tray of His very favorite Goodies made just for Him...Yup...That should do the trick!".......
As I lay spread-eagled on the floor with Randy’s sword at my throat I see PTG quietly slither out the door.Under my breathe I mutter.
“You can skulk off my friend but have no doubt, I will find you!!
I return my thoughts to the matter in hand.
“Oh! I am sorry.....is that all you can say after almost severing my head from my body?” I do not give Randy a chance to reply,I pull out a pistol & fire a shot in the air.Randy raises his hands in surrender & backs up to the closed door.
I grab my set of short handled circus knives & carefully throw all 20 of them at Randy! As the last one hits home they form the outline of a man.
Randy finally opens his eyes to find himself pinned to the door by his jacket & trousers.I take off his boots, which leave him 3 inches from the ground & unable to free himself.
Randy is screaming oaths at me which is getting on my nerves so I slam the door against the wall with a little too much force & hear a crack as his forehead hits the wall (oops).I peep round the door & see he is out for the count.
I leave closing the door, placing a ‘Do not disturb” sign on the handle.
And now for PTG......
As expected my plan is working like a dream.I have checked & re-checked my precise calculations several times while PTG has been running around trying to find a safe place to hide.I tuck myself out of sight & wait.......
I hear voices outside, it is PTG talking to a group of citizens queuing at the Broken Well.
He asks them if they have seen me lately & is informed I was in the Belfry earlier but I left after a few minutes & no-one saw me return.
I can almost hear what he is thinking...’If Roo has already searched the Belfry she will have now moved on to search the rest of the castle & I will be safe there for a couple of hours’.
As I hear PTG’s heavy footsteps coming up the stairs to the top of the Belfry I smile & thank goodness for his predictable reasoning.
He enters the bell tower, has a quick look around, turns the lock in the door & heaves a huge sigh of relief when he sees the pristine rug on the floor.He sits & takes off his boots which are still damp, then as he rubs his sore toes I give the command for my Flying Carpet to start the action....
The carpet rises & swirls around the bells at lightning speed.This disturbs the bats & they attack.PTG releases one of his hands, that have been firmly attached to the edge of the carpet to swat the bats.As previously instructed the Flying Carpet dips & rises like a ship on the high seas, PTG has no choice but to hang on with both hands.I stand in the middle of the room & roar with laughter.
The sight of me sends PTG into a rage as a light flickers on in his head, ha ha.
PTG has been screaming & cussing at me for about 5 minutes as the carpet continues to circle around & around & around again.
“ENOUGH! “ I shout.”You are wasting your time, I am still temporarily deaf from your Bullhorn & cannot hear a single word”.I command the Flying Carpet to stop circling & hover next to the huge bell.PTG lunges for the bell & hangs on for dear life as he dangles 15 feet from the ground.At the same time I remove the cover from the bathtub filled with ice cubes that is directly below him.As he lunges forward his broom falls out of his pocket & sinks to the bottom of the tub.Instinct kicks in & the broom goes into a state of hibernation.
Tsk, tsk....sigh.....he is going to be sooooo....sorry he did that.
The Flying Carpet descends to the ground to rest at my feet.
“Now PTG I suggest you listen very carefully as your life depends on it!”
PTG falls silent as I continue.
I remove the cover from the Steam Mechanism & start placing coins in the pay slot.
“As you are aware the Steam Mechanism ‘Lets out a lot of hot air’, this will melt all the ice cubes in the bathtub in about 20 minutes.You may not have noticed that the bell rope is also attached to the Steam Mechanism, as the cogs rotate to produce steam the bell will ring & you will swing back & forth.Your only avenue of escape is to fall into the bathtub, but beware my friend....If you jump before the ice cubes have melted you will not have any water to put out the 25 minute fuses on the dynamite placed around the room.
I light the fuses & head for the door, picking up PTG’s boots & placing them outside the door.I turn back to PTG to say
“Have a nice day” & close the door as I leave. (ha ha ha ha).
I stop at Trina’s room on the way out & give her 200 postcards to take the wolf & puppies for a long walk.I explain what is about to happen upstairs emphasising the fact that her home is safe as there are only a few specks of explosive material in the dynamite sticks, at worst this will create a small firework display.
I am appalled!
There is no other word strong enough to use – I am appalled!
The ever volatile 3ic (aka Roo, Roo) has just skewered my Cap’n to the wall with lethal daggers and then rendered a coup de grace, by knocking him out on that nearby wall.
If that is what she is capable of when he is just exerting his authority then God help me when she catches me!
I need both to disappear and form a Cunning Plan marked MOST URGENT! to counter her present madness.
But I am appalled!
Her weapons are lethal and many but mine are not inconsiderable either.
I need to attack before I am attacked, but how and where?
In the blink of an eye I rummage around the HOS Repository with my broom’s help and then have a rather unpleasant tussle with a large swan who wishes to keep her fishing net.
I had always thought that a swan’s beak was rounded but this one was a fish piercing blade that easily nicked my hands and arms until they were a sea of hasty and bloody dressings!
I then “doctor” the net to render it impenetrable to cutting, chopping, slicing or otherwise able to free anyone or anything trapped in it.
I gather together the rest of my “armoury” and set off up into the Castle
That harridan could be anywhere so I instruct my broom to tell me if she is about as I climb up the hill .
I also ask any passers-by if they have seen her or even any unexplained dust whirlwinds in the area.
Finally a sighting!
She has been spotted in the Belfry peering out of its large windows.
I creep up the stairs to the door and place my reinforced fishnet around the door frame. Then I quietly open the door and make as if to enter – at the same time closing the trap on…
Oh! She is not there!
Well if she has gone elsewhere then that’s a relief and I can relax here for a few seconds.
All this activity has made me tired and thirsty as well and those special boots are feeling a bit tight as they are still wet.
I shuck them off for a moment and wriggle my toes in the soft plush rug!