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"Will this epic battle ever get here, or do we have to wait for Randy to complete the impossible and read a book?!"
I decide to take a nap.
This could take months.
"Hey there Young'uns!"......"Wat ya doing out in that there Meadow by the "Children's Bridge"?" "Hi Salty!"......Angel is practicing using her new Mace and Saber that Captain Randy commissioned from that Grumpy Old Blacksmith......know who I mean Salty? Yup! I sure do cause He show's up now and then in My Fine Establishment expecting "Instant Service" which gets my Goat I can tell you! Salty...would you like to watch Angel and I refine our battle techniques? Hummmmm......Well...I do have an little bit of time before I open before the Morning Crowd arrives....Say Angel, Pup...Just maybe Old Salty here can give you Young'uns a tip or two about fighting with that nifty Saber of yours Miss Angel? Salty!........You never before said anything about using "Battle Weapons" to Me? Why Pup, do you honestly believe Captain Randy would'nt instruct capable Castle Folk in the usage of certain weapons when defended the Castle in case of "Sneak Attacks"? Let me walk back to the Tavern, grab my trusty Saber and be back in just a jiffy........"Wow Angel!" I guess we don't know as much as we think we do about our Special MC Folk do we?
"Ouch!"......"Ouch!"...."Hey Angel!" "Ya want me to run back to the Tea Room for a "Padded Coat" cause you sure could use one right about now...hee, hee, hee!"........""Shut Up Pup!'........Remember, Your turn next ha, ha!...."Nope, nope." Not gonna fight Pup while she's using that there Staff of Hers...No siree bob tail! Value these knobby Ol' bow legged knees better then that........"Why Salty...you know I'd take it easy on you....but with Angel now........"My oh my young'uns....look who's coming over the Bridge!....Hummmmm....."Wonder why Opals toting that Big Old Rolling Pin in one fist and Her Cast Iron Skillet in the other?" Maybe She's going to cook us a Special Breakfast after Our Fighting Practice? Yum, yum! Hey Opel dear! Could be your here ta cook for us....."No ya old Coot!" I am here to give Angel and Pup some fine pointers on how to get the best fighting those Nasty Orc's the Captain was talking about......."Sputter..Sputter!".......Wow Opal! You know how to fight Orc's! Pup! I am ashamed of you for even thinking that let alone saying it out loud!........Sorry Miss Opel........You should be young whipper snipper...especially after seeing me in action these past years in the Tea Room....Now who wants ta be first?...."Not Me Angel and Pup call out in unison!" "I gotta head on back to my Inn Salty yells back as he hurry's away....."Chicken!...Chicken!...Opal taunts after Him.....
Walking back to the Tea Room looking forward to a nice hot cup of tea and get at my notes ,,, and thinking every thing was alright Angel was with Pup and Angel would be taught by Pup in how to us her new weapons now what was in my dust bunnie filled head that thought it would be that easy.
I stop as I hear * OUCH OUCH GRRRRRRRR STOP THAT IT HURTS **
I turn around and see Opel ? and Salty on the field Opel swinging her huge rolling pin and cast iron fry pan at Salty and calling him chicken as he scoots back to the Tavern.
I look at this scene before then gasp and go tearing down the hill to the field screaming ANGEL STOP STOP RIGHT NOW BEFORE YOU DECAPITATE YOURSELF,,
I could see her swinging the Mace counter clockwise and not cloak wise but up an down NOT around over the head as it is to be.
CRAPONACRACKER WOMAN YOU TRYING TO BEHEAD YOURSELF??? AND WHAT THE HELL YOU LAUGHING AT PUP?
IS THAT HOW I TAUGHT YOU TO USE A MACE??
And what is hell is that called slapping your sword broadside on bare leg?
Lord love a hairy chicken bare legs really??
I look down and had a flipping fit
Angel what in hell do you have on your feet with a now bloody toe were a spike nicked you,,do you mot own a pair of boots??? or shoes even?
I glare at Pup later you and I right now Opel please return to the Tea Room you will get your chance to use those and not in the kitchen,,, she mummbles in Creole as she leaves.
You two follow me NOW.
We get to the Sleeping Blacksmith's still sleeping until I bellow like a Bull Mose and wakes him up.
Get to work Rip Van Winkle make A light weight but strong Helmet for this dust Bunnie and make sre you put the cheek gaurdes on.
His arms fly hammer fly"s fire and sparks fly and in less time you can say craonacracker the Helmet is done
It is a work of art right down to Our Dragon Trade mark.
Try it on ,,, Angel slips it on and say wow fits like a glove,,
I look at her now we have to fix your hair as I draw my Sai to loop it off to the shoulders ..
They both scream NO CAP NOT HER HAIR I AM SURE WE CAN FIX IT UNDER THE HELMET.
Wait lets go see Charlie she might have an idea well I hope she does if not it will go from waist length to shoulder length.
We head back to The Tea Room leaving ole sleepy head sawing logs/
Cap's right....what was I thinking??!! If I'm going to fight in this epic battle then I need to be properly dressed for it. I just figured my sandals and shorts were ok because we were just practicing. But, I need to get used to fighting in full gear so, from now on, that's what I'm doing.
I really do want to thank you, Cap, for the helmet! It fits perfectly and will serve me well in battle, I'm sure. BUT, you're NOT touching an inch of my hair!! That's where I draw the line. So, you better hope Charlie has something that I can use.
C'mon Pup, let's go practice some more now that I have my helmet. Just give me a minute to change from my shorts and sandals to proper pants and boots.......
ANGEL COMES TO THE BARN, NOW IN PANTS AND BOOTS. IS SHE GOING TO LEND A HAND. A HELPING HAND IS ALWAYS WELCOME.
BUT SHE IS NOT IN THE MOOD TO HELP. I CAN SEE SHE IS UPSET. SHE TELLS ME THE CAP WAS GOING TO CUT OFF HER HAIR BECAUSE IT COULD BE A PROBLEM IN BATTLE.
I COULD SEE CAP'S POINT. LONG HAIR IN A FIGHT IS A HAND HOLD FOR THE ENEMY TO CONTROL A PERSON WITH. I COULD ALSO SEE HER POINT. TAKES A LONG TIME TO GROW HAIR THAT LONG. BEEN THERE DONE THAT IN MY OLD LIFE.
OK, SO YOU WANT A WAY TO KEEP YOUR HAIR AND PLEASE THE CAP.
I GRABBED A STEP STOOL. STOOD BEHIND HER STARTED TO PART HER HAIR DOWN THE MIDDLE.
STOPPED WENT TO MY BAG GOT THE MAGIC KNITTING NEEDLES AND TOLD THEM TO KNIT A FINELY KNITTED SNOOD.
RETURNED TO ANGEL AND BRAIDED HER HAIR IN TWO BRAIDS. THEN CROSSED THEM. TIED THE TWO TOGETHER IN THE MIDDLE AND CONTINUED TO CROSS AND TIE THEY THEY WERE TIGHT TO HER NECK.
THE NEEDLES WERE GOING AT BREAK NECK SPEED. THEY HAS SENSED THAT THERE WAS A HURRY. I HAD TOLD ANGEL WHAT I WAS DOING WHILE I DID IT. THIS WAY IF YOU LOSE YOUR HELMET AND SNOOD THE HAIR IS STILL TIED UP. THE SNOOD FINISHED I SLIPPED IT ON. NOW WITH YOU HELMET ON IT SHOULD STAY SECURELY IN PLACE. I KNOW IT IS NOT THE NEATEST JOB. I DID IT QUICKLY. I AM SURE YOU WILL DO A MUCH BETTER JOB. NOW YOU ARE SET SHOW THE CAP. AND TELL HIM NO MORE TRYING TO CUT FEMALE HAIR. THEN I WINKED AT HER, WE DO OUT NUMBER HIM. THERE ARE 6 OF US, AND THERE IS ONLY HIMSELF AND SOMETIMES PTG.
I was in The Tea Room again trying to wake up PTG i swear I am going to toss him in with the Blacksmith they will look like twins.
$%^&*())(*&^%$%^&()_+_)(*&^ craponacracker PTG WAKE UP no amount of beauty sleep is going to help you now GET UP
Okay you asked for it I dosed him with a picture of ice cold water == nothing .
Okay time to bring out the big guns ==== JENNY YOUR ASSISTANCE IS NEEDED IN THE TEA ROOM COME ARMED
As I wait for Jen Angel comes in with a smile ear to ear .
I look her over and am happy with what I see all except her pants and boots but I can fix that.
Very well done with your hair and because Penny has long hair to she will show you how to put it up in under 30 seconds when we are called to battel
Now the last thing you need are proper boots and a wrap around waist to knee protection.
Come I have just the thing for you,,,, We arrive at my storage shed were I find what I am looking for.
I hand her the boot that are a light steel that goes from toe to knee and in a wing shape so the legs are protected but air can still flow.
Next I hand her he wrap around it looks heavy byt like all our battle gear is made from a special light weight steel.
the skirt part is webbed to the thigh and the tear drop slates go to the knee cap.
There you go you are all set now not only do you need practice with your new weapons you will also know how to dress in a heart beat Pup will help you with that as well she will show you how to have all this ready at arms reach you will get to the point that you will be fully battle ready in about 30 seconds.
Angel looks at me like my dust bunnies stole my marbles.
You will see it will come so easy when you get used to it so Pup no fooling around now get serious and you two go train Angel says in all this ??? Cap I can barely walk ..
I laugh take a few steps,, she frowns at me ... go on do it.
Gingerly she takes her first step in full gear ,,,, then another then she does a short jog WOW WOW WOW Cap ot fells like nothing on me.
That is the secret to our special steel made by The Elven Clan.
When we wear our battle gear the steel heated by our body forms to our shape like a second skin.
Now go practice and no monkey business,
I head back to The Tea Room ,, rubbing my Amulet JEN on my way back meet you in The Tea Room .
Rubbing agai I call Frost----- ***RIDER*******
Take the Dragons do a recon I do not have a good feeling today ***** RIDER ******
Smoke ----- *** LEADER****
Take the family on a hunt and search the areas for any thing out of place ***** LEADER *****
I wake up from my deep slumber. "What? Has Randy finished his book?"
I'm handed cake and a lighter.
"Finally!" I jump up and straighten my oven mitts. "Just tell me who you want blown up."
Oh Jenny you know who but not blow up blow up just wake the lug head up
And be on stand by I am getting rumbles of enemy action on the shore line of The Bone Kingdom and you my dear boomer really have to remember the Portals you found we have to find them and you do your thing KABOOMMMMMMMMMMM
I slowly become aware of my surroundings in the Tea Room
From the hustle and bustle around me I am made aware of the fact that there is “Something afoot” and that this is imminent.
I am somewhat to see Angel and Pup bedecked in a shiny steel armour of the like that has not graced these halls for millennia
Even more remarkable appears to be the fact that thy are holding real weapons. When oh! when did Angel learn to use them?
The Cap’n as usual is chivvying them to fall into line and it dawns on me that they are prepared to do battle.
But who with?
As far as I can see there is no foe!
I turn a bleary eye to the Chair that Charlie normally sits in and notices that she is surrounded by HER best and fiercest animal troops.
This is serious!
Jenifer, determined as ever, not to be outdone, has her own fashion sense of militaria! She has spheres of several shapes and sizes hung from her waist with bits of candles sticking from their ends.
She is obviously aching to be off and attacking some foe who to me is invisible.
I turn to my broom
“Who and where is the enemy?”
I call up to the rafters to my friendly crow and ask the same question
I get a picture in my minds eye of the nearby deep tunnels filling with alien creatures and more recognisable troops, all with silver markings on their shields.
The Northern Kingdom is invading us from below?
Stray subconscious thoughts flood back as I begin to remember the recent events of the Realm that have occurred in the past few weeks.
I need to consult the archivists who have scribbled the most recent events and quickly as I have the ominous thoughts that the Capn’s strategy is not going to prevail against these new hoards