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YA YA REVENGE MY SWEET PATOTIE.
DON'T YOU WORRY YOUR SWEET PATOTIE ANGEL YOU ARE MORE THAN READY TO HANDEL TARQUIN AN YOU AND PUP AND I WILL KEEP TRAING YOU FOR THE BIG BATTLE COMING AND BY ALL I HEAR IT IS GOING TO BE EVEN BIGGER THAN ANY THING I HAVE EVEN FACED THAT IS WHY WE NEED ALL THE HELP WE CAN GET ND ALL HANDS ON DECK READY TO BATTLE
I LOOK OVER AT PTG DID HE EVEN HEAR ME??
I YELL PTG FOR GODS SAKE MAN SNAP TO IT STOP PICKING TEA LEAVES FROM YOUR TEETH AND ANSWER US.
MAKE UP YOUR MIND WILL YA I DO NOT HAVE ALL DAY JEN IS IN DEEP DO DO AND IN DIRE NEED FOR US TO FIND HER NOW IF YOU CAN NOT DECIDE ON WHO TO TAKE WITH ( I WOULD LOVE TO SEE HIM AND CHARLIE LOL) YOU I WILL AGAIN STEP IN AND DO YOUR ASSIGNMENT ------ WHY I MADE HIM MY SECOND IN COMMAND WHEN THAT BRILLIANT BRAIN OF HIS TURNS TO BUBBLE GUM WHEN I REALLY NEED HIM !@#$%^&()__)(&^$#%^&
OKAY PTG YOUR ANSWER TIME IS RUNNING SHORT AND WE NEED TO MOVE TO FIND AND SAVE OUR JEN OR GO BACK TO PICKING TEA LEAVES .
Opel and I are busy in the kitchen trying to make as many neuron friendly foods as possible (yes, I said Neuron...that is not a typo so stop thinking bad thoughts - wow, I think I've read too may Jeny Wren posts), when a thought smacks me up-side the head.
Hey, what is Jeny's favorite food? we could make a bunch and place it in different locations to see if we can attract her attention. She found that TNT easy enough after all.
Chocolate cake maybe?
Everyone is badgering me!
“Shall we do this? Shall we do that? You must do that or the other!”
The others have no conception of the complexity of this problem.
Dear stupid Jen who has a penchant for young eligible guards Jen has been captured and may at this moment be molested by nefarious thugs
And we don’t know the who, why or where the problem comes from.
I now have some resplendent fireworks but where and when to set them off. This is in the second phase of my Cunning Plan. I WANT Jen to do it for maximum effect as she seems to be the demolition expert.
So first we find her.
Charlie’s offer of using her Ghost Pup pet is a good one providing our proposed lines of communication work.
But where to start? Jen’s disappearance has left no trail to follow.
“Just down by a lake” I am told by my pets and then they clam up citing Evil Magic.
My broom has also distanced itself. Surely it must know where she is – just not saying for the same reason. That broom is close to extinction at this moment of time and my mentor will no doubt berate me for its demise.
I go over to the Tea Room table where we have spread out a large map of the Realm and begin to discuss between us the probabilities of each nearby lake as the source of Jen’s incarceration.
Cap’n Bob is somewhat emasculated as he is fuming at the lack of communication with Jen’s amulet. He is now sure she is using as an anklet bracelet for decoration!
I have an idea!
When Jen was eventually allowed into Kayley to restock her wardrobe, she was VERY thorough!
Not just buying a dress and some panties but all the accessories to which she is normally accustomed. In fact she nearly gave the Cap’n apoplexy whe he saw the charge on his credit card!
Now she also favours a particular brand of perfume which I call Eau de les Sewers, and she bought a large bottle of that.
Ghost Pup may be a ghost, but it still has all the faculties of a canine. Including its sense of smell.
We can but try to use this.
Charlie and I will stay in the Tea Room with the map and send the pup on its mission round to each lake in turn to locate the particular aromatic source we are looking for. It can communicate with Charlie and she communicates with me.
And I can sip hong cha in comfort while it is doing so.
Once we have located Jen then the next phase of my Cunning Plan will come into force.
“OK then! Is everyone agreed and on board with my idea?”
I look across at Charlie and she nods.
“Ghost Pup has just reached the first lake here”, pointing to a mass of water on the map, which is the nearest one to where Jen disappeared and Tarquin dived into the snow drift.
From that point, the little ghost dog moved out in ever increasing circles sniffing out the possibilities of locating Jen.
By now I could see some very quizzical pairs of eyes looking at me and knowing what they meant!
My Cunning Plan to use the pong of the perfume is a useless waste of time!
By this time, our canine ‘sniffer outer’ has reached what could best described as the intersection between three Kingdoms: Bone, Northern and Trojan on the map.
And I see Charlie immediately perk up and become alert. She is obviously listening to something being told to her internally. At the same time her two immortal feline guardians wrap themselves around her legs in a tight protective mode and seem to glare at ME!
Obviously they are not happy with something being said.
“Ghost Pup has found beneath her the source of the scent that you have given it. But it comes from below ground and is very faint.
“I need to track it more accurately and to do it from there, but evidently my pet has picked VERY strong sensations of evil, particularly to our kind – humans.
“My lions do not want me to go. They say that it is YOUR problem and that I should stay at home!
“But here is the spot”.
She picks up a pen to mark on the map where the little dog is.
So it is up to me once more to overcome the worst that the evils of this Realm can thrust upon us all despite what the Cap'n thinks!
Well that is, if Cap’n Bob lets me!
“I have my magical ‘get me home’ boots on if I get into difficulties and my mentor will surely not let me go if they are ineffective through any evil in the area.
“At the least, let me reconnoitre the area?”
And hope that there are not the Famous Last Words of a stupid Cunning Plan!
HEY, MISS KATT......PUP AND I WOULD LOVE A BIG PIECE OF THAT SCRUMPTIOUS CAKE, WITH A TALL GLASS OF ICE COLD MILK! IT'S JUST THE ADRENALIN RUSH WE NEED SO WE CAN GO PRACTICE MY WARRIOR SKILLS SOME MORE. NOW THAT I KNOW TARQUIN IS HERE, I WANT TO DOUBLE UP MY TRAINING EVERY CHANCE I GET.
WHO KNOWS?! WE MIGHT EVEN GET CALLED IN TO HELP WITH JENNY WREN'S RESCUE ONCE PTG AND CHARLIE HEAR FROM GHOST PUP. THAT IS.....IF CAP IS OK WITH IT! LOL
Here you are Angel, Jumbo cake and ice cold milk - as requested. Put that sugar rush to good use!
Mmmmmm! Thank you, Miss Katt, that was delicious, and hit the spot. C'mon Pup, let's get to training.....who knows how much time we have before all Hell breaks loose around here again!
Cap, we'll be in the field practicing, if you need us.
Well! It is time to get a move on and rescue Jen.
We can’t have her missing for too long from the kitchen or the ‘hills will be alive with the sound of her tummy rumbling!’
One more quick look at the map which I then jab at my broom
“This is where we are going so NO ‘ifs or buts’. No excuses because it is too far or that the weather is inclement.
“We get under the canopy of the greenish mist, locate where it is coming from and I will shut it down.
“Then WE will find and rescue our partner: that fickle fashionista who will welcome us with open arms.
“I have put a slice of cake in my pocket to sustain her if she is a little peckish”
I get the feeling that my broom is doing all of this under duress and this is not helped by the cawing and cooing of my two pets also urging caution.
As we are travelling to the far north I wrap an extra layer or two around my extremities. I also add a few combustible knick-knacks to the pockets.
Finally I test my amulet by telling all and sundry: "Jen I am your knight in shining armour and will shortly rescue you from any fates worse than death you may be suffering at this moment of time!”
Cap’n Bob scowls but nods his approval as he gives an extra burp to send me on my way.
Angel is dreamy eyed as she hones her weapon and thinks of possible future conflicts. She thinks that she is 100% warrior now!
Katt comes bustling out with the emergency vittles’.
Broom in hand we head for the marked spot on the map.
Well! I expected it to be cold but never this cold. IT Is freezing and every shape we pass I consider to be the enemy with the abominable snowman rapidly becoming a reality.
Cautiously I peer around a large rock in the middle of the path and there: lo and behold! A thin evil green mist oozing from a cave disappearing into the hillside.
Unfortunately there is a slight problem!