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Yeah I know the tunnels can be dangerous but I have a solution that I learned from my visit with My Lady,
that is why I am waiting for your workers to tell me where they want there new ones and then I will take over and fortifie
them so they will be 100% safe.
Now Charlie I think it would be a good thing to give the ole boy PTG a hand just a nudge lol
I need you to pack up some TNT and some bombs so that * when * PTG* rescues Jen she can blow those tunnels to hell and back,
Also we need Ghost Pup and PTG's pet crow so he can tell him where and where he finds Jen he then can play Jen;s shining Knight on a white horse *WEG* I will play stupid untill Jen is back then face to face set things straight on a nice way of course.
Oh by the way my boys will be by to clean out your do do pile and take it to the farmers ,,,, you know that arrangement we made with them works out super you get all that do do cleaned out ,,,, the farmers get great fertilizer ( Jacob said they are getting bumper crops with that fertilizer) we in turn get all the veggies Opel and Miss Katt need to feed us and you get all the hay and oats the Zoo needs to make more do do lo it is great oh and the the boys will be going tomorrow to see The Centaur King Chester for our monthly supply of fruits so mark down what you need .
We hear a loud ruckus from the rafters oh calm down you will get your bananas and grape but you share the grapes with the crow no hording them for yourself.
Well we better get a move on so PTG can do his thing and get Jen back then she can do her BOOM and then we can all go to Jacob's for a big corn roast and some much needed R&R
The pig for the corn roast is brining in the bathtub, so we will have to take showers for a few days Opel.
You did wash the tub didn't you Katt?
Well of course I did, LOL, can you just see the looks on peoples faces if we tell them how we got that giant porker ready for roasting?
...laughter spills out of the kitchen...
It is cold, wet and dark at the side of this tunnel.
What makes me feel worse is the fact that there are delicious roast meat smells coming from the guard’s room nearby.
If I do not soon move from my hidden position by a crack in the cave walls I will be discovered by the rumbles in my nether regions (front not back!)
My little rabbit has been gone an inordinate time and I suddenly have a horrible thought!
Perhaps those delicious smells are the result of one barbecued rabbit!
I settle back trying to contain my gastrointestinal aberrations when I suddenly hear two voices arguing loudly and coming down that passage.
Can it be Jen?
But if so, who is she arguing with?
Yet another foe to pacify?
BUT if they don’t soon quieten down the guards will hear them and we all will be DOOMED!
I scuttle towards the noise beyond the bend in the passage with broom at the ready
I feel a warm soft bundle of fur slide up my trouser leg!
It tickles but I have no time to waste on mundane pleasures as the two figures come into view still deep in a somewhat philosophical discourse
My brilliant mind immediately establishes that the bundle of rags on the left has a feminine voice and the other one a threatening somewhat falsetto boom.
Time for action and I aim my broom handle at the middle of the male bundle.
WHOOSH!! and my weapon connects --->
POOOOF!!! and the handle squishes into a lean and taut male midriff which bounced back into me.
Oh dear! He must be a body-builder!
I have only one chance at success in helping us both to escape..
I grab the female bundle of rags staring at me in astonishment and tear down the passage with her as quickly as possible to escape the almost certain wrath that is about to descend on me from her companion.
Also our noisy fracas seems to have instilled some interest in nearby guards.
Only to be brought up short by my feisty female companion.
YOU!--- You blithering fool! That is a FRIEND --- Not a foe!
It is Jen, my beloved partner-in-crime and daring-do!
She rushes back up the passageway to help a gasping male of the species back onto his feet.
In the meantime I have one very contented rabbit munching away in my pocket!
There is much to talk about and I yearn for a nice cup of hong cha to discuss our present situation and Cunning Plan over it.
However my amulet crackles into life.
So it does work down here!
Especially when being used by Cap’n Bob.
“Listen to your crow! And that is an order!”
My usually silent pet now fills me with images of barrels of dynamite, where to put them and a box of matches for Jen to use to set them off!
We will have about three minutes of fuse to escape the tunnels and the cave before the whole thing is no more so I had better use my charabanc transport system with her and now her erstwhile companion, who is still blithering on about ‘ interdimensional shape changes in a confined ecosystem!’
But the Cap'n seems to have forgotten my primary mission for which I still have the Cunning Plan.
That is to disperse this evil greenish mist lurking over all of us and the Realm.
I have worked out the finer points in accomplishing this extraordinary explosion, which has NOTHING to do with dynamite and blowing up tunnels.
I have now found that these tunnels are connected to the surface via shafts for the air.
One of these natural cylindrical tubes in the rock will act as a superb channel to direct my very large firework up and into the stratosphere
I have Jen with me; she knows about fuses and things and so can set it off safely and in the right direction.
After all, I want it to go up and NOT down or sideways!
I quickly narrate my Plan to Jen who is all in favour of doing this as quickly as possible.
She thinks it may restore her sanity and her companion’s rationality.
I get my broom to turn into a truck and load the very large firework onto it at the base of one of the air shafts.
Jen looks at me rather quizzically: “you are SURE that this will work?”
“Have no fear! I have checked all the details. As long as the shaft is wide enough it will ‘rocket’ up it!”
We hide behind a rock pulling a rather disgruntled male into position alongside us.
Jen pipes up: “By the way, while we are waiting for this fuse to activate, let me introduce my erstwhile companion.
“He is called by some: Tarquin which is the only non-insulting expression I can think of!”
WHOOOOSH!!!!>>>>>>> and with a loud explosion a large ball of lightening streaks off into the upper atmosphere.
It leaves us coughing and spluttering with the fumes from the ignition.
YYYEESSSS!!!!!! And a cascade of intense lights descends down over the entire valley!
The greenish mist is no more!!
I then give her the matches from Cap’n Bob and explain what he wants her to do.
And she explodes with fury!
I attempt to mollify her and guide her back to the Tea Room with Tarquin in tow in order to remonstrate with Cap’n Bob.
Unfortunately her (?)beau(?) takes exception to this and holding a small piece of the cave clasts manages to clout me with it thus rendering me unconscious
Although not aware of the outcome of this until later, my magical boots immediately kick into action and deposit me in a safe heap in the Tea Room at Cap’n Bob’s feet alongside a chortling Charlie.
This leaves Jen and Tarquin still in the caves!
LOOK, CAP I DO NOT DO TUNNELS, THAT IS YOUR THING. I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE THEY GO AND DON'T WANT TO. TO PUT INTO SIMPLE WORDS YOU WILL UNDERSTAND. I DON'T GO INTO SMALL SPACES. THEY GIVE THE SCREAMING MEEEMIES. THAT IS WHY THE BARN IS SO BIG. WITH LOTS OF OPEN SPACE IT IS NOT JUST FOR THE COMFORT OF THE ANIMALS BUT MY PEACE OF MIND.
SO YOU FIGURE WHERE YOU WANT NEW TUNNELS.
FINN AND HIS ELVES PLAN AND DIG THEIR OWN TUNNELS. BUT TO US THEY WOULD LOOK LIKE CHIPMUNK HOLES AND TUNNELS.
I CAN SEND GHOST PUP BUT I DOUBT THAT IDIOT WOULD PAY HIM A BIT OF ATTENTION. YOU KNOW HIM HE STUMBLES AROUND AND EITHER GETS THE JOB DONE OR GETS CAUGHT AND YOU HAVE TO RESCUE HIM.
AS FOR FRUIT. ORANGES, APPLES LOTS, BANANAS NOT TOO MAY THEY GO BAD. GRAPES ARE GOOD. OOH! I HOPE THERE ARE PEARS AND PEACHES.
I LOOK UP AT THE CROW. WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU WANT TO GO WITH GHOST PUP AND TRY TO GET PTG BACK ON TRACK.
NO REPLY. NOW WHAT?
THEN I GET THE CHAOTIC THOUGHTS THAT CAN ONLY BE PTG.
NOT TO WORRY YEP CAP. THE IDIOT HAS JEN BUT THEY ARE NOT HOME FREE YET. OH! NO!!!
THE CAP HAS ORDERED PTG TO HAVE JEN FINISH BLOWING THE OLD TUNNELS. BUT HE IS NOT HAVING IT.
SORRY CAP, THAT DOOR KNOB AS YOU CALL HIM HAS PLANS OF HIS OWN. ALL THOSE BARRELS OF DYNAMITE AND BOOMS. CAP HAD ASKED FOR. AND HAD PUT IN PLACE. JUST HOPE NO ONE ELSE STRIKES A MATCH OR PUTS A TORCH INSIDE TO SEE WHAT IS IN THEM.
AT THAT MOMENT THERE IS A THUD, AND THERE IN A HEAP ON THE FLOOR IS THE DOOR KNOB.
I TURN TO CAP.
""" I AM GOING TO THE BARN, IF YOU NEED ME CALL.
DAM FOOL NOW WHAT IS HE DOING. GOING TO GET HIMSELF AND JEN CAUGHT IF HE IS NOT CAREFUL
I look at a lump at my feet oh Lord love a hairy duck it is PTG returned,
Um I look around and do not see Jen ????????
Okay PTG what in hell is going on??
Where is Jen you know our blower upper that you were sent to rescue??
Okay spit it out and it better be good.
Okay wait Opel... aw thank you as she hands PTG his favorite brew.
Now come sit take a minute or two ( I think to myself how I am holding back on chocking the life out of him ,,,,but I have to wait to hear what he says)
Miss katt gives him on of he delicious melt in your mouth butter rum cookies,,,, PTG drools.
It take well over an hour before PTG fills me in on what happened and what Jen did ,,, LOOK he says ,,, whoa that is a huge lump she gave you.
What is going on with Jen?? has she finely sniffed to much TNT or smoked some wacky weed or did she get into thos mushrooms???
And teaming up with Tarquin ?????
Does she NOT understand the evil we are fighting?
We are not fighting against the good people of MC land nor any animal, any good Gnome ,,,
We are fighting for them to free them from what they know not off but will if it is not stped and the thing is that some of there own have been turned by the evil have joined them and are being used to show the way to capture everyone and every thing ....
That is how The Lord Of Darkness knows about the tunnels and has wnd will continue to use them,,,
If you had been here PTG you would know of the plans to destroy the old tunnels the ones TLOD knows about and okay let me explain it clearer I wanted Jen to blow up the utterances of the tunnels NOT THE WHOLE DAMN THING and NOT enough to break through to the above ground ,,, what you DO NOT know is when I went to see my Lady she told me about the underground magic spiders,,,, they spin a web so fine yet so strong nothing and I mean nothing can destroy it.
So my plan was to ask the Queen of the spiders for her help in reinforcing the walls ,, ceilings .... and floors so that all use them will be protected even the inhabitants will be safe.
I have not worked out all the details with the Gnomes yet as how they will get in and out of the reinforced rooms and tunnels
But we seem to have a bigger problem here how do we get Jen this information ???
PTG can you remember where you and Jen where?? and can we get back to her??
Hey Charlie I just got an idea,
when we get the Golden spiders to do there magic why can;t the Gnomes build above ground enter and exits in the form of large mushrooms and plant real ones all around the false one?
That way Jen does NOT have to destroy the whole tunnel network and any one living in the network spaces .
Those tunnels are so vast and we know of only a hand full and we are not sure are there inhabitants living down there?
All I am 100% sure of is we have to protect everyone and every thing that lives and breaths in MC Land and KEEP TLOD from coming here seeking revenge /
PTG seems really shaken up I think I should take him to his room and have his pet crow watch him.
Angel you and Pup go to the open field and work out hone your speed your hearing and your eyesight and the best way to do that is take turns hiding then attacking see how long it takes you to sense the danger near and be ready to be attacked keep doing this untill it becomes an instant reflex.
Charlie I know you will be with the Zoo if I need you but ask your workers and Smidge about my idea.
I am going to find that book on TLOD and reread it.
I should be used to this prone position that I currently find myself to be in but I am not. I notice at close quarters that one of the Cp’n s boots is in need of urgent repair!
I lurch and scrabble to my feet being unable to greet him with the slightest of salutes!
I think that I am due for some leave! All this saving the Realm is getting a bit strenuous!
Well I accomplished my mission with that excellent Cunning Plan.
Unfortunately I did not succeed in bringing our feisty partner back to the Tea Room.
I concede that she did have little opportunity to do so, but she does seem to be encumbered or enamoured with a certain very beefy guard who seems to speak with an ancient form of English
A well! I suppose that I must go and retrieve her again ----- and am “brought up short” by the Cap’n
“YOU are not going anywhere!. You are going back to your room with Angel and Pup. First you report on what has happened and then get it written down in triplicate so that History will be the judge of our actions!
“Angel and Pup --- guard over him now that you are warriors and make sure he stays put and does as he is told. I am NOT having my 2ic behaving as a Spoilt brat!”
I sniff at the insult and even Angel looks slightly shocked at the Capn’s tone.
He must have reached the “end of his tether” wherever that may be.
I realize he is in communication with the Queen but I have been and still am in the first line of defense and not tucked away in some fairy Realm!
After all I have just accomplished. He would get nowhere without my expertise and Cunning Plans!