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I decide it is time to have a little pause before we concoct another Cunning Plan.
But the gleam in her eye is not in keeping with my caution.
I need to help her to pause and reflect on our future.
Now - if she does not have the immediate wherewithal to continue with her pyrotechnic activities, then we can have such a pause.
She does not know this, but my scanning of the monitors in our HQ has revealed what she mistakenly calls her “secret room”. And that is where she will prepare her tools for future chaos.
Time to “rein her in” a little!
She goes skipping off towards the Hospital wing with her camera, as she obviously wants more evidence of the ineptness of the CEO.
I smile at her youthful enthusiasm and make my way via the tunnels into her little hide out.
[As I am the Chief Sweeper Upper I have all the master keys to the Castle for immediate access in order to clean]
As I enter the room and survey the utter state of chaos that is before me, I reflect that she is NO housewife!
Unfortunately, I let go of my broom, and despite my protestations and horror, within the blink of an eye it tidies everything up: books, papers, bottles…… everything!
I gulp! “Oh! dear.
Me thinks, “that is a bit over the top.
If it were Grim, I could say she is not going to be a ‘Happy Bunny’!”
Time to leave her not-so ‘hidey-hole’ before she returns and demonstrates what an enraged Roo can do to a poor human male partner!
First I remove her pyrotechnic materials for safety.
Also being brought up in a correct manner, I write her a note, explaining what I have done.
And leave for my own barricaded hide-out!
Mumble, mumble,...snort, snort...Grumble, grumble......Quit yous whining now Bing and get your sorry behind back ta Mrs Fletchers before I's forgets about those awesome sandwiches ya make and toss ya out of this here Drinking Establishment on your bloom'un ear! ...Besides,.... ... was'nt that there Cake Mrs Fletcher assigned over ta you so delicious that Roo design and made you a specially nice "Sandwich-Making" Huggy Jacket with lots and lots of pockets for the sandwich utensils to keep handy while in and around Mrs Fletcher's kitchen....Mumble, mumble....Yes Bing.... I am afraid that you will have to apologize to PTG and His Marvelous Malto-Tasking Broom for the gigantic mess ya made while preparing that there cake....and swear ta never do it again OK?..... Now you scoot Bing cause I's have ta make a whopping huge order for Captain Randy .....Hummmm....Or am I suppose to give it to PTG for the Captain?....Better call ta be sure.......Hiya PTG!...... About that Honey Rum whose it for?..... For the Captain ya say? Ya don't say.....OMG! That bad? He's running around in just one of Roo's sweet "Huggy-Jackets" .....and yelling about an "Evil Murk" pursuing our own dear Friend Arabella?....There's More?.... Whats that oboust Apollo and His Smoke?...PTG this is worse then I thought for our Poor ol' Slightly Insane Capt..... Have it rushed over as soon as it stops fermenting all of it's sweet and tasty goodness......Just hope it will help what ails the Captain Friends....
I sit curled up in my comfy armchair.I always knew this room was temporary,in a few months everyone will want to visit here .
I feel very sad & wonder how PTG could do this to me .
Suddenly I am struck with realisation! This isn't the work of PTG,he would never do anything that involved getting his hands or his huggie jacket dirty.This is that infernal broom of his.
I leap into action & set my plan in motion.After completing a few HOSs to get the items I need (I'm not happy about carrying the bugs but they are essential).My last stop is Kaleys where I find what I'm looking for.
I find the broom at the next trash can.He stops as I say
"There's still a pile of debris at the Castle Gates & PTG asked if you would clean it up"
His eyes light up as he almost drags me there & as he leans over to inspect the pile I promptly hit him on the heart with a horseshoe, he slumps to the ground.
I load him into the rusty cage.Use my scissors to cut off most of his bristles & cover the cage in the fine netting from Kaleys.
As he awakens I throw in the bugs & tell him they are giant termites that are hungry.
I awaken to a new dawn, having slept in the recently refurbished harem quarters in the East region of the MC. Lovely soft cushions and comfy bed, with pleasant bird sounds chirping away.
My contemplation is disturbed however, by a somewhat excited Dandydog brandishing a large flagon of freshly made honey rum, which he intends to take to Cap’n Bob.
But the Cap’n is not so easily to be found at the moment and he is, to put it bluntly, slightly out of his mind.
So I await the outcome with interest!
I realize that there is no altruistic motive in Dandydog’s action as his sooper-dooper-souped-up scooter “borrowed” by our partner needs to be returned to its rightful owner!
My idle thoughts, now that I am fully awake, start to generate the inevitable dust bunnies.
Which scatter onto the carpet?
Where is my very efficient right-hand assistant? Where is my magical broom?
I look at the dust bunnies and then call it into action
Nothing! No physical or mental presence whatsoever.
This increase in my mental faculties generates even more dust bunnies and I begin to worry
Have I been demoted and my broom confiscated again?
It was not I who was the instigator of the splendid explosion that engulfed our unworthy CEO and visiting VIPs, although I did encourage my new partner to do some such activity.
I quit the East Realm and return to home ground and into Grim’s HQ room to survey the all-seeing monitors.
It is at the Castle Gates that I espy a strange cage covered in thin fabric.
From within it is strange chitter-chatter together with grinding noises. Scattered around the cage are bristles jerking up and down and trying to enter the cage.
It is then that I see Roo sitting on the steps with a huge grin on her face and holding a large pair of scissors.
She couldn’t have?
"Drat! and treble Drat!”
That irascible partner of mine, JUST at the last second, let go of my hand as we sped back to the Castle.
So now he is still there and I am here alongside Roo trying to explain why he is not with me.
And I am most upset because I had just concocted yet another Cunning Plan in which he would have been centre stage in his Eastern Potentate gear.
Roo looks up and gives me a smile and it is an impish grin that she wears!
Oh dear! She has plans and I can only hope that Something is NOT afoot just yet!
As I sit down and begin telling of my recent meeting with Cap’n Bob, her pet monkey Fez begin to get very agitated and starts jumping up and down.
It crawls all over my hand which is holding the broom and begins to tug at it.
Once more I wish and wish I could understand animal speak, when Roo tells me that it wants me to go somewhere.
There is a saying; “Let the train take the strain!” > well in this case: train=broom!
Politely asking my partner if she wanted to come along and getting a refusal, I firmly grasp Fez’s neck and think hard to my broom; “let us go where……”
To my amazement we are back in the Eastern Realm in another wing of the Palace.
There is my partner Cap’n Bob in flowing robes ‘hotfooting it’ in golden slippers down the corridor with a large cow AND the camel in pursuit!
He is not silent. In fact he is bellowing loud enough to waken the dead
Alongside him, keeping in step and chitter-chattering away is another monkey who seems to be familiar.
As soon as it spots Fez and I. it rushes over and does a little dance that only requires the Harbor hurdy-gurdy to complete the scene.
They obviously know one another quite well!
Randy grinds to a halt as he spots me and yells: “GO! GO! GO! Get us all out of here before we are trampled or smothered in gunk by those ebijeebi munsters!”
I am inclined to oblige so gathering up the two monkeys we teleport back to join Roo.>>>>>>>>>
Phew, luckily PTG has gone off with Fez (I don't think he would approve of my friend) so I run of to my hideaway...as I cross the drawbridge I see her covered wagon outside the tavern & run up to meet her.
My friend Cowgirl has answered my plea to replenish my stock of items "with a kick" PTG still hasn't clicked that I always have a plan B.
Looking at all the glasses on the table Cowgirl must have been here for some time.
Having transferred all the explosive materiel to my room, mostly by myself I might add as I did not trust her in her inebriated state. She might end up blowing herself up & me with it .We decide to toddle off to the new Eastern Kingdom.
At the Palace Balcony it is obviously clear that Cap'n Randy has been here before me. The mini cask of brandy is already missing from around the St. Bernard’s neck!!
We enter the Persian Bazaar & immediately Cowgirl sees the cobra, in between screams she tries to shoot it. The snake charmer burst forth with a torrent of what I can only assume is abuse in a foreign language. The only words I understand are "Call the Palace Guard". The monkeys are screeching in fear & the Ox has left a pile of do-do fearing tomorrow he might be Ox burgers.
Our only means of escape is the Flying Carpet so we hop on with absolutely no ideas how to steer it. I find myself wondering, if need be what we can jettison & how much Cowgirl weighs
>>>>>>> It only takes me two blinks of the eye to realize that all is not well!
My anticipation of now being seated in Mrs Fletcher’s pleasant Tea Room, or some other civilized venue in the Castle, is dashed.
Instead we seem to be zooming at an enormous speed down a lush green valley.
My broom is like a hurtling dart with me trailing behind it, and clutching two monkeys.
Cap’n Bob is holding onto its end and to all purposes looks like an enormous billowing kite-like monster from pre-historical times!
On the one side, as we swoop by, I can see a beautiful castle with turrets and minarets and on the other side, on doing an abrupt 90 degrees change in course, the SULTAN’S PALACE.
Holding on for dear life to my broom I quickly glance at my partner Cap’n Bob.
Now he has always let me believe that he is a seasoned traveler used to all kinds of voyaging.
So why I muse, is he a beautiful shade of emerald green at the moment?
Then my two monkeys begin screeching and pointing.
There ahead of us is a small square missile doing some very convoluted
I am then yanked by Fez’s new found friend to gaze behind me.
There, looking the epitome of a maniacal demon from outer space is Dandydog on her souped up two wheeled jalopy, following US!
We close on the square mystical transport ahead and I then see that there are two passengers (if that is the correct word?)
And one of these is ROO!
As if matters cannot get worse, Roo's companion who I can now see more clearly is another of the female of the human species dressed for riding horses and not these magical contraptions.
Neither of them seem to have the faintest idea on how to drive their transportation device, as my protestations on getting them to stop has no effect whatsoever.
Roo just shrugs rather ruefully as we hurtle down this green valley in tandem.
The roar of our following souped up scooter is getting closer and Dandyog seems to be signalling with her horn.
Well that is what I take to be the case, rather than her general over excitement at the chase.
Unfortunately Roo’s companion thinks otherwise and produces a rather large gun which she begins to discharge at Dandydog and her machine!
But not for long as their transport makes a very abrupt stop and deposits both of them in a heap on the grassy sward. Their machine, which I now recognize as being a magic carpet, hovers about six feet above them.
No wonder they could not control it,. It only understands Arabic!
Dandydog, parks her jalopy and we all gather together.
The two monkeys begin dancing and clutching happily to their owners clothingI,
I look up at Mr's Fletcher and man she looks good and smeelll even better and who would thunck she just went ten rounds wiff da Cowgirl *** and won I might add what a woman**** then I spy and smeell at da same time the very large picur of OMG I start to drool of purty yellow ambrosia *** drink of da God;s I kin hardly control me hands as de wrap around the picur and in da wink of an eye to me lips pass me gums look out belly her she comes''
Mr's Fletcher is tickeled pink as I guzzzzzel da sweet nectar she pats me on da shoulder and winks saying easy der honey buns oppsie I mean Cap wimks and walks away ,,,
PTG says Can We Talk?? with dat I miss a drop or two that slides down me chin on to me brand new clean huggie ,, oh well I kin get dat later, I drain da last drop pat me belly and let out a BURB from me toes that rocks da table ,,, I stretch me legs and get bite on me ankle WTH as I flip the cloth and look under da table ,, der be Roo hiding under da table now wipeing her mouth cause she be da one who bite me ankel, I yell at her WOMAN get out of der what in tar nations ya doing under da table??? de ye no know that is reserved fer druncks????
I help Roo up and do I get a thank ya ??? NO I get a humph and Roo fixes her doo and walks over to join Mr's Fletcher ,,,,, but wait Roo I have to talk to you bout sumthin,, but she keeps on walking,, well I never ,,,, sheeeeeeesh women , Oh sorry der PTG you where saying??
We need to talk??? sure but BTW thank ya fer da tea bags but kin you warn me da next time ,, you scared me pants off thought I was blind.......... now what does ya want to talk about?
Dandy Dog!....Get your @#$%^*&^% tail wagg'un Behind out from behind my counter so I's can serve these Fine Simple Room Folk! .... I Can't right this minute Salty. ....Ya Can't?....Why not Dandy Dog?.... .....Cause I keep going .....<<<<<<Poof>>>>>....And I's don't know how ta STOP!....Waaaaaa! .... ....Well now Dandy Dog, quiet your blubber'un and ask one of you's more Intelligent Com-pad-reys.... .....Ya gotta find out Why ya go around Poofing when you least expect it and go from there......Hummmmmm....Ya know Salty,......The <<<<Poofing>>>> all started when We were together in the East Realm..... and who knows just what kinds of Spells, Potions and such are floating around there.. .......Just maybe a Genie Zapped- Dabbed me when we where busy corralling Roo's Cowgirl Friend?......Thanks for the help Salty!.....Anytime Dandy Dog, Now Vaboose! .....See ya later alligator...... ........Brooooom.....Broooom.....Brooooom.....
“Cap’n Bob”, I begin and immediately get interrupted by a loud “BURP!”
A sheepish grin spreads all over my partner’s face as he lets rip.
“GRRRRR! That liker is sooooo good!
“I kin no listen with me pecker so parched!”
To my amazement he gets up,now all spry and bouncy while I am still dizzy from the vigorous assault on my person by that raving lunatic of a Cowgirl.
He heads out of the door.
I sigh. No need to ask where he is off to. It must be his regular “tipple time” and only Salty can slake that thirst.
So I follow him up the hill and into the Tavern.
As I enter I notice that he has already given our Drunken Skeleton a rattle as he approaches the bar and Salty.
“Stop ya polishin that pot an fill it wiv my favrit B*r*e*w!"
Salty points round behind the bar and without any comment indicates a rather large and new sign:
‘NO TABS, NO CREDIT, NO CARDS – CASH ONLY!’
How our worthy host survives the next few moments I will never know!
He is pinned down onto a large platter on the counter by an enraged Cap’n who gets his utensils out!
Just before his is stuffed with a piece of his own fruit he manages to croak
The Cap’n releases him and stows his weapons.
A rather shaken Salty fishes under the counter and soon there is the distinctive aroma of the Cap’n’s favorite brew filling the room with its intoxicating (or should I say ‘toxic’?) fumes.
Once more sated by ambrosia he turns to me and asks: “What’s up Doc?” [ well not exactly those words, but you get my meaning].
I clear my dusty throat since my broom has just decided to give the place a 'once over'
When a rather querulous Salty says: “So sorry to interrupt you folks”
“But - my favorite Miss Dandydog was in here just now and she is feeling rather peculiar”
I ask him: “How?”
“Well she keeps on going <<<<<<Poof>>>>>!
“She thinks she’s caught some germy thing in the Eastern Palace and so has just left to find out if there is a cure”
My partner has just gone all quiet (which bodes ill for someone, so I distance myself slightly).
“And how, may I ask, has she gotten there?”
As Salty dives for the cellar trapdoor he replies: “On her sooper doooper scooter”
The Cap’n once more sports a very high blood pressure and scarlet fumed filled face:
“MY FAVRIT JALOPY!!”
Being of military bent, he is SO used to giving orders and I am now at their receiving end:
“Back to the Casbah with your magical broom!. PRONTO!"
Full of spirits and filling purty good I look at PTG and say LET ER RIPE<<<<<<<<
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> WHOOSHHHHHHHHHHH<<<<<<<<<<<<< off we go to da East to find Dandy Dog,, I remind PTG and his crazy broom,,,, DO NOT land us near da spitin Camel or I will have your hide PTG and your briskels hear me broom??
Feel da broon shudder and chuckel thunk it gots me message,,,,,,,,
ZOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM as we fly through da air gettin closer to our objective
there I point to da broom **** not sure it has eye or ears but PTG kin handel it I HOPEland us der BEHIND da Cat on da Palace Square iffin dat id
...Oh...This is sooooo nice just flooooating along without a care in the world.....OH My....I do believe that Cloud over there has Welsh Shelley's little twitchy bunny nose and Cotton Tail............"Snort"..."Snort"......Hee...Hee...That Cloud over there kinda resembles The Captain's cute "widdle" Honey-Rum punch which Mrs Fletcher claims is soooo Darling....."What!"... ...."Where Am ???"....I'm On a "Ding Dang Carpet" Floating over The Eastern Realm!!!" ......Dressed in a Jasmine Like Costume ta boot.... ...Wheeeewie!!!..... I got's ta get this <<<<<<Poofing>>>>>under control before I land in a heap of trouble......Hummmmm.....Just maybe I can control it by THINKING really, really hard about how I'm dressed and where I want to be..... ....."I want to be dressed as Dandy-Dog and near where PTG Is."....ZAP!..POW!.. ...IT Worked!! ....It really WORKED!!!....."Wait a minute now....Wait one darn minute here......Please tell me that I did NOT just hear with my very own Ears that PTG thinks that I should GIve Up My Speciallly Captain Randy Built for Me Super Duper Scooter and drive somet'un a little Easier and Simpler!!!!........ .... Ya Better hold me back Mrs Fletcher cause I is about to do a Bottom-Whopping on PTG unless he takes that back or explains ta me just what he ment by it......
Roo has calmed down again since Randy seems to have escaped from the assault troops who are now pouring over the ruined HOS scene
She starts to fidget. I look at her?
“Why are you not sitting still. Do you not know what happens when clouds collide?
“They produce friction which produces electricity which produces ……”
I sigh. Too late!
She lights up like the Xmas Tree in my Special Room complete with fairy lights from the electrical discharge which has just illuminated her baubles.
It must have looked spectacular from the ground as the odd few Atlanteans, who have begun to gather around the ruined Poseidon Statue now that officialdom has left with the shards look up, gasp and fall to their knees in worship!
I cannot describe her appearance without collapsing in a heap off the cloud, but she will be perfect this coming Halloween!
I cast around to see where my old codger of a partner has gone and am amazed at his agility!
He leaps into the fish tank with some sort of breathing apparatus, presumably to hide from any military incursion that may come over the top of the hill.
He gets caught up in a vortex at the bottom of the tank and disappears!
Is it my lot in life to rescue my fellow Musketeers all the time?
Cannot they just stay still and quiet for a peaceful drink and a piece of cake in Mrs Fletcher’s Tea Rooms?
I get a twitch from my broom and it places itself about a centimeter (or an inch US!) from my nose
In among the bristles there is one h**l of a dust up going on between two little dust bunnies!
Animated dust bunnies?
I look more closely and they are living creatures with pointy hats
And one of them seems to be getting the upper hand.
The smaller of the two seems to concede and proceeds to sulk on the other end of my broom.
The victor approaches and ‘looks me in the eye’ (well one of them).
It waves and points downwards into the Fish tank below.
Ah! Small animal speak! This I have had plenty of practice with my owl.
“Yes! We go and follow Cap’n Bob?”
Roo whispers to me that the small creature is called a ‘Piskie’ (by the knowledgeable and ‘Pixie’ by the rest of the world)
It jumps up and down in agreement(?)
OK! We go down and see where he has gone. My derriere was getting quite damp from the cloud anyway and if Cap’n Bob is anywhere subterranean, well then we have Roo to light us up since she is still giving off very visible sparks.
The broom takes us back into the Eastern Realm
Just in time to see a very wet and bedraggled Cap’n Bob leap onto the magic carpet as it flutters by and zoom off into the sunset.
Then my brain catches up with my eyes!
Was there not something tugging at his voluminous Sultan’s pants?
And was that something not a female?
And was she not crying and swearing like a trooper at Randy.
She tries to swat him but desists when his pants are on the point of coming off and revealing all that should not be revealed!
And they are gone!
The small piskie at the other end of my broom saunters along, replaces its sparring partner, smirks and points upwards once more.
We once more soar high into the stratosphere and just as rapidly rush back down again.
I had forgotten Roo quietly accompanying me but now she lets out a scream as some very solid looking terra firma rapidly approaches.
It resolves itself into the very distinctive shape of Mrs Fletcher's Tea Room
So perhaps I can have that cup of tea and piece of cake?
We all seem to arrive safely at Mrs Fletcher’s Tea Room
I feel quite exhausted after the recent events of mayhem and am looking forward to a nice cup of tea.
Mrs Fletcher herself delivers it to me and gives me a broad wink as she inquires after the health of my male partner!
I mumble something nondescript as I don’t want her to know that he has yet another woman literally in tow and attached to his Sultan’s bloomers.
It is then that my owl flutters down and once more I am led a merry dance on trying to understand its toots and what it wants me to do.
Finally I get up, tea still untouched as it is too hot, grasp my broom and think; “Go where my pet owl wants me to”
We are off once more, but this time not for very long or too far.
We end up in Kayley’s Fancy Goods, where all seems to be well. No disaster has struck the furniture nor the fittings and all the fabrics are neatly stacked where they should be.
Just as I reflect that we have been sent on a ‘wild goose chase’, the Telephone rings!
Now in all my years of sweeping and cleaning in the MC that phone has never rung!
It has no dial and it has no telephone number. It is as most ex-directory as one could get.I pick it up wit
Hi Dandy Dog.....it's a pleasure to finally meet you! I'm so sorry to hear of your problems with your super duper souped up scooter. Since Cap'n Randy is so anxious to talk to Roo, and I'm sure she'd love to see you as well, I'll just go up to see if she's finished her shower and I can get her down here pronto. That'll please the Cap.
And, since Dandy Dog knows nothing about me, she takes my offer in stride and smiles as I head up the stairs. As Roo is coming down the stairs, I'm going up. Roo gives me a look but keeps going. Whew! That was close!! At the top of the landing, there just happens to be a window, calling me....so, of course, out I go and I'm off like the wind!
Since I'm still on the trail of my scoop of the century, unbeknownst to my new.....comrades? partners? prison wardens?......I'm hot on PTG's trail to see where he's off to in such a hurry....and more importantly, why?......
I'll have to be REALLY careful though, and make sure I'm well hidden. It's unfortunate I can't take any photos just now and will have to do things the old fashioned way....handwritten notes! ***sigh***
Uh, oh.........I may have underestimated the abilities of PTG's pet owl.........
Pacing again round and around waiting for Roo to appear I hear steps behind me and turn to see a spiffing looking Roo all dolled up and hair perfect every one in place now.
Roo glares at me man if looks could kill lol I would be one dead man,, so I explain to Roo what I meant in the shower statement and after giving her my sweetest smile and shy look she huffs ok ok move on,,
Please Roo sit next to DandyDog and Angel???? I see an empty sit where she was a minute ago,,,@#$%^&*()_+_)(*&^%$#$%^&*()__)(*&^%$ GREAT JUST GREAT not only has PTG gone POOF but Angel to,,,, We all run to the window to see what all the noise and screams are and I start to laugh * sorry but the site is to funny*** there is PTG's Owl with his claws dug deep in Angels hair and trying to pull her back to Salty's
Angel's screams are turning the air blue I almost blush , never knew women could cuss like that.
Angel is screaming that if the Owl does not let her go she is going to make POT PIE and a feather duster out of him,,, in answer the Owl tugs harder .
I go untangel Angel from the talons of the Owl and thank him for his service but your owner is an other matter because when I find him I will dethisel his broom pluck it dry and ground them both.
I get Angel back in side and grab a table cloth * only thing handy** and tie Angels feet and hands to the chair,, see why I can not trust you?
Okay now that is done I can now tell you Roo and DandyDog why I need your help
Roo I need you to make me some sleeping powder and pipe bombs filled with paint , sparkles glue , anything that will stick to when blown up
They both look at me like I have lost my mind,,, okay let me explain,, you know that I have said ever since I got here that this is The Evil Murk and his ugly kid Arabella's dong, they have some how managed to make a second, third maybe even a forth
MC Castle and area that are not real but we think they are and have covered these areas with a magic evil dome some what like our General Anessa Blue did for our Camp* a good magic dome* for our protection before she became total Elven,,,now if my therory is right Murk can move freely back and forth but we can't because we can not see the trap doors and walls
So if Roo could build/make a huge rocket type bomb and fill it with what I hope will stick to the dome then we can see the escape route,,
So Roo what are your thoughts on this ,I am sure you can do this for us.
Now DandyDog I need you and the super duper souped up PUT PUT .**********
I can fix it back to new and while we are working on it Roo would you babysit our escape artist here?
Okay lets get to work.
It takes a couple hours to get the PUT PUT back up and sounds like better than new
I guess I will have to make you an other Manuel for this DandyDog seeing PTG did not give you the one I gave him for you ,maybe he has been into to much of his special tea
Okay ready ?? like I said this could be dangerous but this is where the sleeping powder will come in handy,, DandyDog looks at me like she is supposed to understand all of this and says what in tarnation you talking about man??
I laugh sorry got ahead of myself there okay my plan is for you and I to fly to the Airship,, bomb it with sleeping gas just incase there is someone/thing driving it,, steal it and have it take us to where it takes all our hard earned gold, diamonds and inventory and bring it back,, then we will need it to fly through the barrier because I am not sure the PUT PUT can go that high.
Okay lets go have a hot cup of Tea and a bite to eat and see what Roo has come with as a plan for us.
Just as I thought that matters could get no worse a large quantity of discarded HOS inventory suddenly appear, which the pixies grab and start hurling at the fairies.
To coin a phrase: “this is like a red rag to a bull”
I could say that this makes my broom ‘fly off the handle’ in anger but that would be an understatement.
It positively gets all its hackles up, attacks both pixies and flattens them before they can do any more damage to the room or its inventory.
It then turns its attention to the fairies, sweeps them up as if they were just small bits of fluff and deposits them all in a nearby sack: which is reserved for flotsam and jetsam!
With a tremendous show of vim and vigor it replaces all the misplaced HOS items, cleans away the barricades and in the ‘twinkling of an eye’ all is back to normal.
Two very sorry looking pixies struggle into a sitting position where the broom threatens them with dire consequences if they move.
The pixies realize that their armor and needle swords are of no use against what is normally an inanimate object and sit sulking.
I borrow some of the straps from the doves, who are decorating the Cloud City Flying Boat, and harness the two little miscreants.
They will be returned to their Welsh mistress when I can find her.
There! Job done! All is now peace and quiet in the Castle corridor.
I quietly sit with my “dead centre” cooling off rapidly in the cold tea.
I, in my haste, have forgotten to provide myself with a change of clothing!
As I sit I feel a little wiggle in my trouser pocket!
Have I caught something unmentionable?
Or have Grim’s Cash and Wickerbat returned to jolly me up?
I tentatively feel the area and find a hard lump and it is INSIDE my pocket!
I do NOT want to become a permanent member of the Sultan’s harem so grab it to stop it wiggling against my still soggy "parts".
I then extract it and find that it is a piece of wood encased in a silk purse
But not any old piece of wood. It is pure ebony with intricate and mystical carving.
Also in the purse is a note and as I read it, my eyes water with pleasure at the fact that there IS someone over me “looking after me”!!
I now have a new magical tool the kind of which is unique in the Castle and befits its Chief Sweeper Upper!
I notice that my partners are about to launch themselves into the stratosphere, so gaze with some interest at what is about to occur.
Suddenly all h***l breaks loose.
My dear scientifically minded partner Roo has forgotten lesson Number One in handling explosive mixtures and rubbed two of her special bombs together.
The resulting friction sets the missiles off: onwards and upwards.
As she has made them only of “medium strength” they have not gone far, but high enough to zap all my kites so carefully put in place to thwart their operation.
Drat and TRIPLE drat!
Not only have they “downed” my flying obstacles but they have proven that the system using the BIG bomb will work!
Ah well! I can console myself with the fact that I have a fully operational magical broom to sweep up all the pieces.
AND if by some miracle Cap’n Bob’s scheme works and he finds these so-called apertures I have a charabanc to transport us there!
"Top of the Morn'un to Ya Mrs Fletcher!"..... ....Oh,...... hi there Salty.........You can put that quadruple order of ..........whatever........ ......in the back and Bing will stack it where it's suppose ta go OK... .....I'll just do that as soon as yous tells me what's caus'un your usual Sweet Granny-Smile ta turn upside down like.......Well Salty, have you noticed that thing's here in the "Slightly Insane Simple Room" are becoming even crazier then usual?.....How so Mrs Fletcher?.... ....PTG ya know is-or-was a best buddy of the Captain?... .....Now I am so darn confused on what their stand is in that there, "Compartment of friend-ship" if'un you know what I mean Salty....sniff..sniff.......And did ya know that PTG has his very own Fairy God Mother?...... .....No I did not know that one......Yes He does and She makes him special wands, ....or was that special Brooms?.....Huummm....... Salty......My Sweet Honey-bun Captain has a brand new Female in his life now that goes by the handle of "Angel" and how can I compete with both an Angel and a Cowgirl?.... .....Mrs Fletcher....What I's does know is that your, "Jump'un the Gun" here a wee bit in all of your in-sup-tions about the "Story Line" that playing out here in the "Simple Room." ........Ya needs ta just sit back...or better yet....continue to make those Delicious Tea Cakes everyone loves.....yum...yum... ....and enjoy youself with the Friends you love and care for.......I'll just do that Salty......And thank you.... ....
As I enter the Tea Room again I notice PTG has a NEW BROOM??? bigger better brighter then the old one still dethiseld at his feet right under his still dripping trousers
I can not help but over hear the conversation between Mrs.Fletcher and dandydog
I walk over and slight cough , excuse me for interrupting but I came to fetch dandydog here as I am ready for stage two of my plan and could not help overhear ,
Now Mrs.Fletcher please put your mind at ease you have nothing to worry about with that lunatic The Cowgirl she is safely locked up, and as for that wanta be Houdini well I do not even know her and do not trust her but I will get to the bottom of the truth with her,,, and what is this PTG has a Fairy God Mother wow who knew?
And you do not have to worry about PTG and I he is a door knob at times and gets bent out of shape when things do not ** turn his way*** but we will be fine..
We all hear a big bang and go runing to the window and see a huge cloud of smoke and tiny bits falling from the sky,, as the smoke clears I see that the kikes have been blow to kingdom come , I look at PTG and can not help I burst out laughing poor PTG another one bites the dust and now what I installed in the PUT PUT can be used for other things.
I turn and pat Mrs Fletcher on her hand and say may I have a few of them delicious goodies you make for a short trip dandydog are going on?? she blushes and scurry's to the back and comes back with a velvet bag filled with her heaven made goodies.. thank you Mrs F,, okay dangdog lets getter down.
Dandydog jumps of her chair like a kid at Christmas clapping her hands and with a huge smile out we go to the waiting PUT PUT************************
Roo is beside the PUT PUT as I asked her to join us so I can see the bombs she made us and to get the sleeping powder,,, I put the powder in the compartment and say very nice Roo and just the right size, now I suggest you go back inside and warn the others there will be a bang soon.
Dandydog get in the side car as I turn on the PUT PUT I will be right back,, I walk to the clearing in the other direction and set up the bomb making sure it is aimed just right,,, good , strike the match and race back and jump in the PUT PUT, cover your ears Dandydog **** KABOOM**** that is my signal to goooooooooooo
dandydog looks at me in surprise the PUT PUT is so quite now Cap would did you do??lol put on a muffler as we seem to float now silent as a feather ,,, okay here is the plan,,I am going to board that Air Ship and I am going to get back as much of our stolen items , coins, diamonds chests etc. then see where that thing goes to unloads and come back wanting more, but what do I do Cap. well your job is very important we are going to change places in a bit and you will guide the PUT PUT right up to the Air Ship and hold her steady while I throw
PTGWell Cap’n Bob certainly doesn’t need to tell me to ‘think about it’.
I do little else!
I fully understand that what we have achieved so far in our questing is very little in the grand scheme of things.
We do not yet comprehend what are the root causes of the evil in this Realm and how we can deal with them.
So far we have limped from disaster to disaster and it is a miracle that most of us are still alive particularly as we seemed to have blown things up so many times!
We are at best a very disjointed group with little formal military training or background. Cap’n Bob is our only expert in these fields.
If he says he can fight the good fight in defeating this evil more effectively by moving over to the other Realm with its Camp, soldiers and MASH Unit then, of course, I agree.
The others are ‘a-rarin-to-go’ to complete the third phase of his plan and my offer of immediate assistance is there if he wants it.
The acrid smoke from the burnt offerings has now dissipated somewhat and our good hostess has by some miracle produced another batch of perfectly crafted pancakes and a large jar of honey.
Conversation ceases. Only the soft sounds of munching and murmurs of gastronomic delight pervade the air.
Mrs Fletcher produces a very large pot of tea and we wash the delicious honey coated morsels down with quite a strong brew.
Beaming at the Cap’n she asks him if he will be gone long and does he want a packed lunch.
I notice that the others have already filled large paper napkins with more of the still warm but crispy discs and stowed them away.
Sated, I turn to the Cap’n:
“I will remain here and look after Angel, if you don’t need my help. I think I can get her to stay if I promise to tell her of some of the exploits we 4/5/6 rebel inmates have gotten into within the Castle walls.
“Also there is a little matter of our unworthy CEO to be taken care of.
“I am sure that Angel would like to experience a more active role in our activities so that, as a correspondent, she gets a better understanding of how we ‘operate’!
Sipping the very welcome cup of tea to wash down all those lovely pancake morsels, I think to myself that perhaps the Cap’n needs some sort of demonstration of the capabilities of my new magical broom.
I will help him understand that there is more than one option of inter-Realm travel available to him.
The method he is proposing is beneficial, in the sense that it can also reveal the travel routes taken by Murk and associates.
But I can show him a direct route between the two Realms.
How to best suggest this to him as he is so focused on what he is about to do?
No one is looking so I tell my broom to convert to the comfy charabanc mode and then think hard about a time long ago when I was in the other Realm’s Camp interrogation room talking with a small woman in fatigues.
I am deposited in a bare but immaculate room that I recognize immediately.
I remember that I sat on one side of the table and being quizzed by a small but very fierce female Colonel. One of the others was taking notes on an official looking pad.
The pad is still there. So I move quickly over to it and remove the top bare sheet which is already stamped: FOR IMMEDIATE ATTENTION.
Unfortunately it isn’t signed but it should be enough.
And I am back in the Tea Room with my broom transposed back into a small stick.
Cap’n Bob turns to me as he has sensed that I am ‘up to something’.
Wordlessly, I smile sweetly and hand him the pristine piece of paper.
He barely glances at it at first and then takes a longer second glance with amazement written all over his face.
“Dddddid you? Cccccaaaan you?”
I smile, nod and then have another sip of my still hot tea.
Helloooo?.... ...Helloooo?.... ....Rooooo?...YuuuuuWuuuuu Rooooo?..... Shelleyyyyyy?..... .....Grimmmmmm?...... ....Anybodyyyyyy Here?..... ....I guess no ones down here in the MC's under grown tunnels either Egor...Sighhh... ...Eccck..Ecck..Ecccck?.. ..Where are we going to look next?... .....Hummmm....Well.. so far we've been to all of the other Realms not counting the extra specially sweet visit to the Eastern One where we were once more united with the Friendly Monkey, (Orangutan?) Family....(Isn't their Baby just the Cutest little one ever!!!) ... ...When I asked if they had seen Roo's Monkey Fez ....They told me no.. they've not seen it in quite some time... ...So I think it's time to start worrying a wee bit don't you Egor? ....Ecck, Eccck, EccccK!.... ... You don't need ta shout Egor and yes I do remember that the Captain and PTG have issued a "Gathering of the MC's Slightly Insane Troops" for a special meeting....Ecck..Ecck?. ..About What?.. ...I don't have clearance yet for such <<<<Highly Classified>>>> Information....Sigh....Maybe someday...(In My Dreams Maybe ).....Anyhoo Egor, we best be on our way lickity-split like and report back.....Also I have a certain feeling that we're missing out on a Certain Stack of Mrs Fletcher's Delicious's Pancakes ta boot....So let's get ta Crack'un!!!!....broooom....broooom....(quiet)....broooom....brooooom...
I stand there in front of PTG with my mouth open and chin almost hitting the floor.
My hands start to shake as I hold the paper and read and reread over and over again ,in between lines looking at a beaming PTG stuttering yooou ccccaaann dooo thiiiiss
on your new toy?? but how ?? and if you could why wait till now to tell me??
Okay ok I understand you learning how to use the new toy but but I can not believe this as I reread the paper and see PTG with a smile across his face like a cat that just caught a mouse and sipping his tea.
As I read for about the millionth time my eyes stop at FOR IMMEDIATE ATTENTIONThen the bells go off this looks official but #1This is NOT an official nor standard order #2 there is no Letter Head saying to whom it is addressed #3 it is not signed,#4 Rosie does not have the authority to send an order
I feel entranced with the sparkly air . It soothes me as it calls to me. Moving slightly into the sparkles, the combat boot (not me) trips over a small, smooth stone. I reach to retrieve it.
The stone is cool to the touch. Brushing the dirt away, I see scratches covering the top and bottom sides. Perky-pointer traces the sharp lines on both sides. The stone seems to be getting warmer and I look twice to assure myself the lines begin to glow. I suddenly realize that I have found one of the fabled Rune Stones that should only be found in the Castle proper.
The glowing lines begin to turn red as the stone becomes uncomfortably HOT HOT HOT. Without any thought but to save my hand from burning, I drop it into my velvet pouch.
I draw golden-strings open, watching as the stone’s lines begin to fade. Looking like any old stone one would find near a riverbed, the surface was polished smooth from eons of water crashing over and around it. If it weren’t for the severely straight lines and the heat, it would definitely be crushed-gravel in a Zen garden.
I feel emboldened and take it in my bare hand again. Tracing the lines brings back the glow and the warmth. I want to continue holding the rune stone and wish I had a sturdy pair of animal-hide gloves. Thinking of them, made it so...each hand now covered with half-finger gloves and the heat, bearable.
The stone went back into the pouch and was snugly cinched closed. The sparkles in the surrounding air still inviting me to walk into it. I started again, glancing around to see that nothing got in my way again.
Just a few moments flitted by and I saw that, true to its smooth form, the stone probably came from the watercourse at my feet. It was not too wide and the water gently tumbled over small stones. It was not deep so, after removing both boots and hiking up the ballooning pantaloons, I make my way across the stream.
My pet owl is still perched on the monitor that was showing the strange room and girl.
As I pass into the tunnel I happen to glance at the screen.
The girl is gone!
My magical broom reverts back to a small cylinder, which I pocket and I head back to the bank of screens.
Nothing! She is nowhere to be seen and those screens cover the entire Castle and its immediate surroundings.
Well, I think, time enough to locate her again but first I must return to the others and see them off (if that is the correct term to use).
In a trice I am back at my table with Mrs Fletcher looking very suspiciously at me.
I show her the empty cup.
Somewhat bemused she returns with the large red tea pot and refills my Worcester porcelain china cup. Which so happens to be the only one left after Roo’s little accident.
Sitting near the burbling stream bank makes me thirsty...and hungry. I left the dingy room earlier this day without the thought of a proper repast.
Leaning to sip the cool water from the crystalline brook, I leaned too far....kersplat!!! Face down staring into the pebbly bottom of the nasty stream...sooooo undignified! Boy! I am glad no one is around to see me now!
I wish..... because, hovering to my right, I see a pale-faced spirit. She must be an apparition since I can see right through her! Her filmy gown floats around her and she emits a faint glow.
I should be frightened but she hasn’t moved so I don’t think she means me harm. She holds an upright banner with symbols I don’t recognize. It doesn’t matter, however, the symbols change every few seconds until finally I can read it ...the Castle provides what you need. WOW! A message for just for me! ....or for all who travel this way????
As she appeared quickly, she disappears, just as fast.
I am feeling the chill. I get out of the water and walk to a sunny patch of grass. Unlike the area around the building I came from, the land on this side of the stream is a beautiful forest with old-growth trees and flowers with colors I have never seen. I actually hear a bird’s solitary whistle. An echo replies.
The sunshine in this golden spot is drying my grab and see that the impromptu soaking cleaned the dirt and dust from my clothes and my person. The Castle does provide. I am clean and ready to find the gruff-voiced man.
Now for some food as I go.
Following a not-so-worn-path in and about the old trees, I catch wisps of pleasant odors. I salivate with each new scent. I wish I had brought a cup of cool water with me from the stream and been more watchful for food of some sort.
An idea flashes before my eyes. I remove the rune stone, cradling it in one gloved-palm while perky-pointer traces the lines. The stone warms and I think of cool water. Cool water dumps over my head and drips down to my booted feet.
I sputter and cough. Well I’ll be ...perched pickle on a plank! I tap my chin with my perky-pointer....thinking....thinking...or is it ‘pickled perch on a plank’!; maybe ‘planked perch on a pickle’ Whatever.....I am astonished!
I stare at the stone. It is still warm. The water had no effect on it. I concentrate on water but imagine it IN A CUP! By gosh and by golly...a cup of cool water in my grasp. I swallow it before it goes away. Picturing the cup with water again and...another cup of cool water.
Although the thought of food lingers, I want to try this out with another idea. I stand facing one of the rough-barked trees nearby. While manipulating the rune stone, I imagine myself climbing through its limbs. A sturdy ladder appears. Leaning against the trunk, it reaches into the dense foliage near the treetop. Up I go!
With the aid of the well-built wooden ladder, I imagined myself a distant relative to a sure-footed monkey in search of fruit. Capturing the tip-top I survey 360 degrees.
I found the edge of the forest opposite in direction of the tiny stream. If I keep going in the opposite direction, I will reach what I think to be smoke coming from a stone chimney, itself, sprouting from the pointed roof of a building. Where there is smoke there might be fire but more important to me, I might find the man with the gruff voice and/or food.As I carefully clamber down the tree limbs, I spy ...a bird’s wing???? EEECK. My morbid curiosity compels me to examine closer. I see that is not a REA
I reach out & clasp Cap'n Randy’s hands in mine. His bravery warms my heart & gives me much needed courage.
"It's ok" I tell him softly, "we will come to no harm" As we leave I turn & can't resist blowing him a kiss ......
When we reach the Sultans Gallery he is already waiting for us (not a good omen) "Roo" he practically shouts at me "your Cowgirl has escaped & she has taken my Sultana with her, You may take whatever you need from my realm but I want them both back. You have 24 hours" With that he turns & strides back to his private chambers.
Angel huffs & says "You mean I have been dragged all the way here for a bunch of dried grapes that can be found in a HOS?"
"Angel" I sigh "A Sultana is the revered wife of a Sultan & if we don't find them quickly we may both loose our heads" We both slump on the cold stone steps & as I try to think of a way out of this predicament. A messenger arrives & informs us that Cowgirl has been spotted in The Town.
We rush out to the Palace Square where I see the Palaquin. Hmmm if we have to take the guards they might as well give us a ride.
to be continued
I still feel the warmth of Roo's hands and feel even deeper the emptiness of The Tea Room, even though this strange lady called DD is siting at the same table , drinking out of the same cup, has that same look on her face * almost blank* she has not moved nor spoken since I sat with her and asked all those questions,
We are in real trouble here, hours have been ticking away while the guards insisted on a regulation sleep break, just in case they are selected for execution duty Every time I closed my eyes I saw & heard the swish of the Blade of Terror!! Angels' mood swings from panic to organised note taking in the blink of an eye. I have to keep stopping to play HOS's for coins to pay for various tolls & fares on our journey & the clock keeps ticking away
Finally we are unceremoniously dumped in front of the City Clock in the Town Square ,we do not have much time left. Fez is sitting on the Flying Carpet pointing at Kaley's & I think he's been there for hours.
I peek into Kaley’s window & spy the Sultana. The poor woman has been dressed in an outfit that can only be described as a showgirl in a saloon of yesteryear. Cowgirl would never be a fashionista. he Sultana catches my eye & I put my finger to my lips hoping she understands shush.
I turn to Angel "You have to go in there & distract Cowgirl "
"Why me?" she protests
"Because she knows me & would suspect a trap just talk about Rodeos or Randy, that will keep her attention". I sense that Angel is not convinced so I draw my finger across my neck then Angel willingly obliges. The guards have already refused to enter Kaley’s emporium as it's now break-time!
The Sultana, being quick to catch on runs out the door the moment Cowgirls back is turned. Cowgirl tries to give chase but I dash in just as Angel sticks out a foot & trips Cowgirl up. Angel reaches up to hang on to anything & dislodges a newly delivered urn of carrot coloured fabric dye. We slither around on the floor trying to restrain Cowgirl & finally the guards enter,lift her up & toss her into the Palanquin.
It only takes a few moments to change the Sultanas clothes, place her on the Flying Carpet & send her home. Phew....
Our only problem now is to get back to my hideout without anyone seeing us or any bunnies trying to eat us before this dye washes off !!!
This is getting out of hand, me pacing the floor like this trying to decide what to do stay here and try to talk some sense into DD I stop and almost Gibb slap myself, like she is going to answer after what how many hours here in the same spot with that blasted cup hanging and steaming mid air.. or stay here and talk to myself until someone shows up or wait a minute maybe I do need some Honey Rum at least then it would not take so long for what is happening here to sink in, I might be as loonie as a toonie * or so I have heard ** but at least I would be doing something God only knows what but at least it would be action.|
Come on man you are a solider and an officer that has seen more battles and been through H*** and back and yet look at you siting here going in circles trying to find what way is up,, BUCK UP MAN I yell to myself.
I grab one of the old wanted posters still hanging on the wall from way back when that Mrs Fletcher turned around and used the back as a Daily Menu and write a note*****
Cap. Randy Here To Anyone Who Reads This**********
I am off to try and
I remained seated...mindless of all, including my own person, around me. I ‘came to’ when a gawd-awful sound shattered my quiet void. Near my side, doleful eyes winking/blinking at me, was my alabaster friend, Ally. Thing is, he is no longer a knickknack in my pouch! He is squealing a real porcine squeal as if someone pinched him or pulled hard on his curly tail.
Just as Angel and I finish the last morsel of ** if I may say so** a great meal **** but then again an old shoe would taste good when you are really hunger ****
It is then that I notice our run a way PTG siting alone by the window,, must be the sunlight blinding him because I wave him over but he seems glassy eyed and does not see me, so I shout BLIMEY BLOKE you blind ?? we are over here , he jumps at my voice maybe his mind was still in the wild blue yonder from wench he just returned
Just as I am about to go get him I am stopped in my tracks by a very very upset and a tad orange Roo?? if that is not enough I look behind her and see the one called DD reach for a floating cup that explodes and shatters to pieces but then reappears whole and still steaming ?? then we see her hit the floor and cover her eyes,then she gets up and sits with a bewildered frightened doe like look on her face it is then we all notice a alabaster pig???
We all watch in stunned amazement as DD cuddles on her lap what is now a baby pot bellied piglet and again is on the floor *** my head whirls**** but this time as she raises from the floor she dusts her cloths and holding for dear life to the piglet to her side she begins to speak with a very shaky voice ** you can tell she is terrified and wants to run ,,, she spurts out questions at us so I step forward and show her my empty hands easy it is okay we mean you no harm,, I am glad to see you returned and can now speak to us,, please forgive me let me answer your questions,,, I am Captain Randy leader of this group of captives in this mirror image of our MC,, by the window is PTG my second in command,,,next to me is Angel who we are still getting to know, and over there is our beloved Auntie Roo whom we all call Roo our apprentice piro maker of all
things that go bomb (a little joke to ease the tension ) making of potions and spinier or spells she is taking over the place of our dearly beloved Jenny Wren who is no longer with us,, you will also meet Dandydog general entrepreneur and driver/owner of a new souped up Put Put * will explain that later* and our dear Mrs Fletcher owner /operator of this The Tea Room, and of course Salty owner/operator of The Tavern..
and of course there is Egor, Fex, PTG pet Owl, and many more for you to meet when we can get out of this false MC and back to the real one,,, more on that later,
We are all trying to get away from here ever since we found out this is NOT the real MC and is a mirror world made by Murk and his off spring Arabella.
Getting out of here is exactly what I am working on and if you would like to get back to the real MC I can help you do that no you do not have to leave you stay right here with us you will be look after and protected , now please lets all sit and have a hot tea and welcome our new friend here and her lill friend what is his/her name may I ask??
Hello to all. Thank you Captain Randy. My little pigglywiggly is Ally-short for alabaster...He was just a little porcelain trinket but somehow he became a real boy.
I would love to try your tea. My last attempt at making my own with magic sent me on an unscheduled flight to ....not sure exactly where.
I hope Ally will stay in this form.
Oh Roo did you hear that ? our new friend DD here has magical powers I bet you two become tight friends, but I must warn you DD our Roo try\s her best but does not quite have the hang of it yet especially when it comes to things that go BOOM lol
But God love her she does her best, and I would highly advice not to use to much of your magic here seeing this is a mirror /phony MC and things happen and we have no idea why right PTG.
One minute you are here the next POOFFFFFFFFF your gone.
But we stick together and some how manage to get back here to The Tea Room.
You are most welcome DD and I tickle Ally under his chin what a handsome boy you are.
Please excuse me a minute I think the kettle is ready tea for all??
I am agog to see Angel sitting at the table. Well she didn't escape very far!!
What is this I see? Angel is wearing an outfit exactly the same as my new outfit which is hanging on the back of my door. I have to say mine doesn't have steak juice or melted butter down the front of it
Kaley promised me it was an exclusive design & as rare as a unique stamp hmmm...
That reminds me I must write a note for Fez to give to Egor, to pass on to Dandydog who in turn will give it to Mrs Fletcher (phew)
Cancel hog roast on Saturday night, will explain later.
I doubt any of us could eat it having looked at DD's cute little pet Ally.Oooh! I spot