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Ready for The Special Room (latest)   Oh the Absurdity!

Started 4/18/18 by PTG (anotherPTG); 155972 views.
Randytb

From: Randytb

Jun-20

I must stop grinning at Pup for she about to jump out of her skin she is so excited.

Frosts slows till we are side by side with Snow and Pup,,, how are feeling lill one????

HOW AM I FEELING ????????????? OH CAP WHAT A SILLY QUESTION,,,, LIKE I AM ON TOP OF THE WORLD AND ALL MY DREAMS ARE COMING TRUE..

Look we are near Jacob's farm lets go say hell0 and see how things are progressing.

I hear Bear howling a welcome lol he may be old but still a pup when it comes to visitors.

Jacob his wife and there boys are waiting on the porch for us....

We all in turn hug all around,,, it is great to see you all again and things are looking great,,, ** Jacob** Cap I do not know how to pay you back nor thank you for finding and rescuing not only my family but all the others who are my friends and neighbors.

No need Jacob geting everyone that did not perish in the horrific war and geting The Midnight Castle bak to it's rihtfull ruler is my mission.

We are here  for a very short time for we must get back to the Main Camp and our meeting with Her Majesty ,, Jacob looks at me *** WE*** ??

Oh please excuse my manners may I present Dandydog and her Dragon Snow who is Frosts Twin Sister thought to be killed.

Jacob's wife interrupts and says Jacob where are your manners ?? invite them in for a cool drink it being so warm out here,

Jacob says yes please do come in sorry I was so happy to see you again Cap.

Okay but I will have to make it short,,, by the time the lemon aid and snacks where ready I had filled Jacob in on what we were about to do so he understood time was of the essence.

Jacob I have to ask you ,,, that group we flew over near the east ending of your land just before you go into The Centaur's Land are you selling your farm??

Men ?? No Cap I am not selling would NEVER sell my family Farm,, what's going on??

I do not know but I will find out,,, Snow Pup stay here I will not be long.

Frost hover above not to be seen you will know if I need you.

I come up on the men pounding stakes in the ground ,,, another group is measuring , Oh Lord look who it is The lill Rat Tax collector and his mindless merry men.

i shout WHO IS IN CHARGE HERE???

The lill rat comes running over and says I AM AND WHO ARE YOU TO ASK??

i SIR AM THE OWNER OF THE LAND YOU ARE STANDING ON AND POUNDING STAKES INTO,, NOW STATE YOUR REASONS THEN GET OFF MY LAND.

Not so fast there hot shot I am the Tax Collector for the CEO of Midnight Castle and all the surrounding areas so you sir are standing on PRIVATE PROPERTY AND ACCORDING TO MY PAPER YOU ARE IN BIG TROUBLE WITH BACK TAXES TO THE TUNE OF 3,000,000.GOLD COINS.

i LAUGH IN HIS FACE YOU  SERIOUS??

Well I will tell you what you have 5 minutes to pack up your chit and high tail it (tucked between your legs) and tell the CEO ,, nice try BUT THERE IS NO WAY HE WILL GET HIS HANDS ON OUR LAND NOR WILL HE SEE ONE GOLD COIN FROM US... OH AND A WORD TO THE WARLOCK TOUGH KITTY NO NEW DIGS FOR YOU JUST STAY IN YOUR HOLE LIKE THE RAT SNAKE YOU ARE.

NOW SCAT.......................

A few idjits try to come at me but there arrows and swords bounce off my Sai then I hear the screams and see nothing but clouds of dust being kicked up by there heels as the run like scared chitless Hyenas , of course that was due to Frost landing beside me lol .

On our way back to Jacobs still laughing My Amulet almost busts my ear drums....

I hear Opel,, Charlie, Miss Katt and Roo Roo screamingggggggggggggggggggg

craponacracker what the hell has PTG done now???
 I hear Opel yell silence so I kin talk to the Cap.

Okay Opel thank you the Banish screaming was about to pop me ear drums.

Opel told me all the went on and how every thing was repaired and painted and that Roo and Angel worked all night to get The Tea Room painted BUT CAP YOU WILL NOT BELIEVE IT,,,, IT NOW LOOKS LIKE A BEACH RESORT ON WALLS,,, RIGHT DOWN TO A PILE OF SAND IN FRONT OF THE FIREPLACE CAP ORDER THEM TO PUT IT BACK TO A TEA ROOM .

Calm down Opel ROO answer me ... PTG answer me,,, cowards answer me //// what in hell did you do ,,,

Charlie breaks in CAP GET PTG AND HIS STUPID BROOM IN HERE NOWWWWWWWWW THE FELINES ARE USING THE SAND AS A LITTER BOX AND THE OTHERS TRYING TO CLIMB THE STUPID TREES.

@##$%^&*()_+__)(*&*^%$#@!@#@#$%$^^&()_ Opel get every one out NOW I am sending the workers to you... remove anything that is not what should be in a Tea Room,, strip the walls of those phone beach scene and I give you the power under my orders to make The Tea Room a real Tea Room I am sure you Miss Katt and Mrs Fletcher know exactly what it should look like ,,, like our old Tea Room but much improved.

I leave this in your hands Opel but I must really run the Golden Queen awaits us.

Randytb

From: Randytb

Jun-21

As I stand out in front of the Queens liar my Amulet erupts AGAIN.

!@#$%^&*()__)(*&^%$#@#$%^&()_)(*&^%$#@%^&*() craponacracker WHAT IS WRONG WITH OR SHOULD I SAY WHAT DO THEY NOT UNDERSTAND THAT I AM ON A VERY SERIOUS MISION HERE AND DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS @@#$%^& UNLESS IT IS LIFE THREATENING??

Opel BOOMING Jamaican voice comes crackling through my Amulet,,

CAP CAP CAP KIN YE HEAR ME??

Yes Opel I hear you what is it now??

I thinks ya better clean that gadget The Amulet or ye ears , fer sumthin is deff, or ye misunderstood me.

I AM NOT DEFF AND THE AMULET IS FINE NOW WHAT IN GOD'S NAME GOT YER PANTIES IN A BUNDEL.

Funny man Cap but now listen carefully ok?

OK OK OUT WITH IT WHAT IS SO DAMN PRESSING??

IF YE REMEMBERS ABOUT THE TEA ROOM AND REDECORATING IT ? AND TOLD ME TO MAKE A LIST WHAT I WANTED?

Yes what about it??? I told you to take over seeing there was sea scenes and such pasted on the walls ,,, *Opel** hold on right there Cap that is where the misunderstanding is ,,,,, I said NO ONE BUT NO ONE IS TO ENTER THE KITCHEN AND NOT TO EVEN THINK ABOUT CHANGING A SINGLE SPOON, AND MISS KATT ,, MRS. FLETCHER AND MESELF PLANTED OUR SELVES IN THE DOOR FRAME SO NO ONE COULD PASS AND WE WHERE ALL ARMED.

I do agree the sand has to go getting a tad cheese in there lol.

And if you think about it I have been here with all of you a long time and when I saw the wall it made me think of home ,, did not think so at first but I changes me mind you okay with that* snicker *

Okay ok Opel calm down I told you do as you want but those walls will NOT be permanent * you okay with that * *snicker back*

Now is that all ?? is everything clear?? keep the walls as is FOR NOW and yes get rid of that sand.

Now can I go now Mammie ??? kinda busy here ,

And my sweet Mammie Opel warn everyone NOT to interrupt me again unless it is LIFE OR DEATH,

I must run now and love ya and see you soon.

  • Edited June 21, 2019 8:43 pm  by  Randytb
MrsFletcher

From: MrsFletcher

Jun-22

As the Sweet old Codger Captain Randy and myself brace ourselves for whats too come....I couldn't help but hear the Tea Room chuckling merrily  to Herself at the proceedings going on in Her fine Establishment....laughing....You see dear ones, over the many, many years being within The MC's Magical Realm, the Tea Room has taken on and absorbed the personality's of all whom Shes come to love and has combined them all to form one for Herself.   This is why Shes laughing Herself silly over the antics of Her Special dear Friends PTG and  Roo.   Besides isn't a wee bit of a change good for oneself  once in a while just to shake  out of the doldrums and cobwebs????....yum....

MrsFletcher

From: MrsFletcher

Jun-22

Oh!....This doesn't mean that "She" doesn't need to be Protected from any and all of the "Badies"....smiling_imp....that come along...This is why Shes so grateful to those willing like Captain Randy and the Special Room Group defend Her when the need arises....blush....OK....what is everyone just standing around here for????....stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye....Please continue cause I'd love to read what happens next between PTG and Roo....scream..... 

PTG (anotherPTG)

From: PTG (anotherPTG)

Jun-22

I am seated on a bar stool in Salty’s

I have been banished there by Roo Roo and Angel who are most enthusiastic about the prospect of redecorating the Tea Room.

“Hi there Salty! Can You give me a large Pig’s Ear please?”

One foaming tankard of Salty’s best Ale is produced and I relax.

“This is the life!” I think to myself as I slurp and give myself a white ‘moustache’

“Let the others take the strain of doing the actual work!”

Then all, hell breaks loose though my amulet.

Those kitchen harpies have objected to what my 3ic and Official Scribe have done and are complaining to the Cap’n!

After a short whine and wail, he sides with THEM and calls me all the names under the sun for allowing my 3ic to vandalise the Tea Room!

Also there now seems to be a  strong smell of cat pee emanating from within the Tea Room’s doors.

Can’t even Charlie keep her moggies under control when I am away for a minute?

What finally finishes me off is that the very Tea Room walls start to complain!

What bedevilment has Roo stirred up this time

In a thunderous mood I stomp out of Salty’s

(But not before first finishing my mug of alcoholic nectar)

I head back to confront both Roo and Angel with their latest c**k-up!

And find them both zonked out and snoring and snuffling with the appearance of two exhausted nymphs!

Incensed I think to my broom:

“Find me that magic paint brush in the HOS Repository. The one we used to mark with tunnel walls with invisible symbols that glow when illuminated with artificial light”

Within seconds I have this wonderful weapon in my hands.

“SO!! I think to myself

“You two like exotic decorating then. Well here are some personal additions to your faces!”

I shade in their eyebrows, cheeks and neck with the special paint

Done, I withdraw and send back the brush.

They have now been roused from their dream sleeps by the Cap’n’s bellowing’s and most sulkily remove the sand and plants, while the Gnomes do a speedy renovating to the Room.

Roo is at a loss what to do with one big aspidistra so she goes to hide it in her special hidey hole, with Angel in tow holding the base plate.

This happens to be dark, so she switches on the light

Gasps in horror at the wraith in front of her and attacks it with the plant!

Before realising that she is looking at herself in the mirror and my handiwork is revealed.

Angle nearly faints when she is also lit up!

‘The penny drops!’

But I am now nowhere to be seen!

“I have just had a Tea Room message from a very strange source on my amulet:

“What is sauce for the goose is also sauce for the gander!”

Randytb

From: Randytb

Jun-22

OUCHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH as I grab my ear ,,, #$%^&()(&^%$# Opel??

WHAT THE HELL YOU YELLING ABOUT NOW AND TRYING TO BREAK MY EAR DRUMS??

AND I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU NO ONE IS TO GET IN TOUCH WITH ME VIA THE AMULET UNLESS IT WAS LIFE OR DEATH?

Opel is screaming so loud all I can make out is walls PTG ,, so I have to scream OPELLLLLLLLLLL OPELLLLLLLLLL SHUT UP CALM DOWN AND TELL ME WHAT THE HELL HAS YER APRON IN A KNOT? AND WHAT WALLS AND WHAT ABOUT PTG??

She lowers her voice from a sonic boom just plain screaming,,,, well it is life or death meaning PTG'S life I am going to bop him with my rolling pin ,, he has the gnomes changing everything and taking down the beach scenes and THAT IS WHAT I WANTED,, now you deal with him or i will.

@#$%^&*()_)_((&^%$#@$@!~@###%$^%&*()*(__)(&^%$#$@!~!@#$%^&*()_+_)(*&^%$#@!!@#$%^&*()_+_)(*&^%$#@

I yell PTGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG WHAT THE HELL YOU THINKING YOU DOORKNOB.

YOU HAVE OPEL IN A TITHER AND READY TO CROWN YOU IDJIT OF THE MONTH WITH HER ROLLING PIN.

Have you been into the Pig's Ear again do I have to say this in Pig Latin?

And what the Hell did you do to Roo Roo and Angel?? Opel said you painted them to with that magic brush and now they glow in the dark good God man ya lost your marbles??

Never mind answering me just fix things back to what you messed up and tell Roo Roo and Angel how to get that paint off there faces.

I will deal with you on my return CAP OUT.............

PTG (anotherPTG)

From: PTG (anotherPTG)

Jun-23

NOTHING is ever right in this place! NOTHING!

If I say go left, then that is wrong, If I say go right then that is wrong!

I get the broom to causally flick the last few sand grains out of the window onto the front porch where we have deposited the rest of the fetid damp material.

The floor is now swept clean of its additions.

There is only the large damp stain in the middle of it where Charlie’s moggies had ‘performed’ to such good effect

I conjure up the bucket and mop from the HOS Repository and deposit them by Charlie.

“Now it’s your turn to make good the mess your pets have caused!”

The door to Roo Ro’s so-called secret cupboard is rattling louder and louder and its human contents producing oaths of the like I never wish to hear again!

But I have locked it from the outside and barred its opening until I have got the Tea Room spotless again.

I am just about to sit back and relax once more when I get another blast through my amulet

This time what I am hearing from the Cap’n is unbelievable!

Those fickle females of the kitchen have now decided that they LIKED the new scenery and want it restored!

Well, for one thing, it was tasteless in my opinion, two – it was over the top, and three we have run out of paint.!

So what to do now?

I pay a quick visit to the library and get down a volume on MONOCHROME sunny seaside pictures and flick through it.

YES!

This one will do I think, and I can do it myself to save unnecessary expenditure!

Also not too complicated for a simple MC  Sweeper Upper like myself!

When finished I order a cup of very welcoming hong cha and wait for the adulation from the kitchen harpies.

MrsFletcher

From: MrsFletcher

Jun-23

As I stroll through the vast Jacob Farmlands which remind me so much like my Uncles back in Fairyland Realm, My Amulet begins to send me the strangest and plain weird voice and image messages ever!!! ....astonished....What the heck!....PTG did "What" to the Tea Room??....And did "What" to Charlie and Roo too???....scream....Boy is PTG ever going to be in "Big Trouble" with Captain Randy now I can tell you dear Friends....Hee..Hee..Hee!!!....stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye....Oh!  There's  Granny Fletcher, bless Her Soul all tuck away in Her little corner fast asleep...blush....Oh my word...is that Opal all rallied up and swinging Her Mighty Rolling Pin around and around the Tea Room Kitchen hollering unmentionable epitaphs at Captain Randy of all thing's?...confused...."Come on Miss Dandydog...we have so much more to show you before Captain Randy returns...relaxed...Gotta go for now, but when the Captain returns for me.......all the questions I'll have for Him...wink..Whoee!

AuntieRoo

From: AuntieRoo

Jun-23

Angel is frantic & threatening never to leave the room!! She is screaming oaths directed at PTG & how he will suffer for this assault.

“ROO, you must have something, anything to get rid of this paint.”

I open a drawer & pull out a very small pot of lotion. 

“I do have this Angel but I was saving it for the future” Angel opens the lid & sniffs the contents.Angel sneezes as some of the Magic Pollen is release into the atmosphere.

“I had intended to make tons of it & sell it to the ladies.I could make a fortune.It is called Luxurious Fading & it removes wrinkles.”

I do not know if it will work on PTG’s magic paint but now is a good time to test it on Angel.

Angel is more intent on plastering her face with the lotion than listening to me but I can see that the lotion is working & the paint is fading so I grab the pot & follow suit (to PTG ).

We try to open the door but no matter how hard we pull & twist the handle it does not budge an inch.

Angel is furiously pounding with her fists, kicking the door & screaming at the top of her voice.

“Angel Stop making such a racket” I call out, “ The door has been locked, the only way out is the window so come & help me tie the sheets together.

We are on the ground shortly after.As we make our way to the kitchen at the rear, I notice the bin of empty pet food sacks which are waiting for collection in order to be refilled.A wonderful idea springs to mind.....

“Angel grab the sacks while I get two shovels.”

We fill the sacks with the soiled sand & quietly haul them up to the attic.PTG is nowhere to be seen but I can hear him which reveals where he currently is.As we pass we see that our artistic work has been obliterated & we both agree that Opel will not be ha
...[Message truncated]
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PTG (anotherPTG)

From: PTG (anotherPTG)

Jun-25

I am relaxing in my hot bubble bath trying to catch duckie when all of a sudden;

WHOOOSSHHHH!!

A stream of fetid soil cascades down on me from above!

“@#$$%^&*()_)(*&^%$@#$$%^&*()_)(*&^%$ and DOUBLE @#$$%^&*()_)(*&^%$!”

As I emerge from the pile of muck, I look upwards and see the last remnants pour down through a hole from the above ceiling.

These are accompanied by not one but two persons giggling as I espy four bright lights shining down on me.

Enough is enough!

If my previous encounters were skirmishes against those two harridans, then this is WAR!

Struggling to get into an upright position I brush off the offending material and tell my broom to remove the rest to the animal cess pits.

It is most reluctant to do so!

In fact I have to threaten it with an ornate carving on its handle before it complies!

I then shower and dress quickly, with their laughter still ringing in my ears.

I move down to the Tea Room where I should be safe for the moment and then open the secret compartment in the broom’s handle.

I extract a small stick of explosive and light it and then toss it into the hole in the ceiling above.

BANGG!! BOOOMMM!!!

This was one of the few Jen’s specials that I had managed to save.

NOT a stick of dynamite like the rest of the stashe but a thunder flash!

The attic lights up and the whole of this side of the Castle shudders with the explosion.

It is not fatal to humans but will certainly give anyone in their proximity a severe headache!

SILENCE!

Drat it! – the two criminals have fled the scene of their ambush on me.

The explosion has done no good whatsoever.

I turn around and gasp in horror!

My beautiful monochrome painting on the Tea Room wall is now in small pieces on the floor, with my broom vigorously sweep the pieces away.

I get the sense that the walls are chuckling.

And to finish my day off the bucket and mop are still resting by Charlie’s chair and so she too has ignored my instructions to clear up her pet messes!

With pencil and paper I compose a short note to the Cap’n:

I regret, Sir, that I no longer able to carry out the duties that you have bestowed on me and therefore tender my resignation to immediate effect.

I will therefore no longer be constrained in my actions against the females in this coterie and bear no responsibility for their future demise should it occur!

To take effect immediately

Signed PTG (ex 2ic) Chief Sweeper……..

I am now on the warpath with the full resources of the Midnight Castle at my disposal!

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