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I slip back into the Tea Room on my first venture from my own hospital cot for the last five days.
I have been feeling wretched from some bug that I am sure is alien but cannot source its origin.
As I sit in the corner chair, Miss Katzz takes one look at me and flies back into the Kitchen.
She reappears with Mrs Fletcher who takes one look at me, and mutters to her partner
“Look at him! He is merely a bag of bones. He needs good old-fashioned nourishment to ease his sickness and put some flesh back on him
“Come back into the kitchen and I’ll tell you what to do”
The both disappear back into the Kitchen, leaving me feeling rather sorry for myself.
Matters go downhill from here on!
My head is blasted by “Squawk, squawk” from some bird that seems to have taken residence somewhere in the room.
“Squawk, squawk, squawk”
I turn round but fail to see it.
I peer up into the rafters where my pets are:
“Toot, Toot” which I now recognize as being owl speak for: “it’s nothing to do with me”!
There higher up on a beam is my Raven and I think to it
“That sounds suspiciously like you when you are ‘serenading’ your friends!
“If it is the stop doing it NOW – OR ELSE!”
No reply and again “Squawk, squawk!”
Enough is enough!
I call to my broom: “I don’t care if it is a new acquisition to the BIG C. menagerie or not, just sweep it out of this Room and I don’t care if a few feathers get ruffled or not!”
My broom is just about to go into attack mode when I get the most piercing shriek from Charlie accompanied by croaks and other booming noises from my Raven.
“You mustn’t disturb it or we will have the Developers come and sweep YOU away. It is the new pet from the 5th Anniversary game and is being very helpful to our worthy citizens
“Here, I’ve knitted you a pair of earmuffs which will dull the squawking so put them on and keep quiet
“Do NOT do anything more or you’d better leave the room”
So, I am to be banished from my own place of rest.
Back to my hospital bed.
Puff, Puff , Puff... Oh you poor dear knuckle Head PTG......Puff, Puff, Puff...(Just trying to catch my "Breath" here cause I am getting too darn Old for all this running back and forth between My dear Patients!...) Now don't you worry none because as soon as we can get in touch with Dr Deadman with all of His Metrical Cure All's You will be back to your Ol' Salf in no time at all....Oh! Why here is Miss katt now with the Castor Oil and a spot of you favorite Tea to wash it down with........
I put a sign on the door to say that I am OUT
I then hide under the bed with my pillows around me and prop my broom up against it to deceive anyone coming in
"knock Knock."..."Knock Knock."...Oh dear......"Please PTG open your door." "Mumble, Mumble, Grumble, Grumble."......No dear, I promise that Miss Katt is definitely not with Me with Her big Bottle of Castor Oil.......Instead of the Oil I come bearing a Bowl of My Special Chicken Soup that is widely know to help cure many Illnesses. Also with it I've brought some of my Hot buttered Biscuits to go along with the Soup......Oh! I almost forgot......I have too a Tea Pot filled with your very favorite Tea......????
OUCHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH damn it to hell what is all that tarn nation noise about ready to bust my ear drums??
Who in hell has there Amulet turn to the loudest setting ?? %^&()_)(*&^%$#$%^&*() craponacracker do I have to come back there and bust arse again??
PTG you better tell that toothpick you call a broom to lay off the baby Raven and for your information HER name is Nugget and she is the newest pet so lay off.
Did no one think that maybe just maybe Nugget is hungry?? do babies cry when wet and hungry??
CHARLIE could you please get Nugget and to start her off on food worms will do the trick .
Oh and PTG I hear you are sick so I am asking Opel here to fix up a batch of her fix all potion send your Owl or your Raven to get it and when it gets THERE TAKE IT.
Now if every one is finished screaming I have to get back to the Queen and dear Mrs. Fletcher you take is easy and do not over do it running around okay?
On my way back to the Queens cave a thought came to me well a joke really .
It kinda reminds me of my slightly bent sightly insane gang from the hospital wing with multi colored huggie jackets that escape every so often to drive the rest of MC world MAD lol
*** There were three men who died at the same time.
One a scientist one a mathematician and the third a country hick.
They all met St.Peters at the Pearly gates and was shocked to see The Devil standing beside him.
St.Peter smiled and said welcome and let me explain our visitor .
Heaven is getting very crowded so in order for you to pass the gates you will have to ask The Devil some questions
If he can answer them = you go with him but if he can not you pass the gates.
The scientist thought very hard and came up with a very hard question about space ,
The Devil laughed and answered correctly * guess I am going to Hell the scientist said.
The Mathematician smiled and wrote down a mind bending Math Riddle and handed it to the Devil
The Devil again laughed and wrote down the correct answer * Guess I will be joining you
The Devil then looked at The Hick and snarled whatcha got?
The Hick smiled back and said get me a chair, The Devil did so ,, now drill me seven holes,,, the Devil did so,,, now sit and F**t the Devil did so,,,, now tell me what hole that F**t came out of?
The Devil stood up , studied the chair then pointed that one,,, to that the Hick said
NO you idiot it came out of MY arse hole
SPEAKING INTO MY AMULET I SAID, NOT TO WORRY CAP, I HAVE HAD POE HAVE RAVEN TO RAVEN TALK WITH THE BABY AND IT IS NOW QUIETLY SETTLED ON MY LAP AFTER BEING FED. POE HELPED ME GATHER AND FEED THE BABY, SO YOU WISH TO CALL HER NUGGET, SO IT SHALL BE. THOUGH POE MADE IT VERY CLEAR THAT THE BABY WAS NOT OF HIS DOING. THAT DID GIVE ME A CHUCKLE. AS FOR PTG HIS BROOM WILL NEVER GET CLOSE TO THE BABY AND SURVIVE.
As the door to the Tea Room opened, Agnes entered carrying a plate full of chocolate chip cookies. From the aroma, they must still be warm.
Agnes surveyed the room, but didn’t see PTG anywhere. She had heard he was confined to a hospital bed. She hopes he is much better and will join them soon. When she didn't see PTG, she approached Roo’s table with her typical: “Hello, Dearie” greeting. After placing the plate on the table, she turned to Miss Katt and requested she bring milk, coffee, tea, or whatever everyone prefers to drink while eating chocolate chip cookies.
While sitting down, she quietly asked Roo if she could please call PTG to the room using her Amulet. Before Roo could ask any questions, Agnes added: “I do so hope he comes quickly because I have some urgent news…..and time is of the essence.” She thanked Miss Katt for the warm cup of tea, and helped herself to a cookie while she hoped and waited for PTG to join them.
BANG, BANG< THUMP,THUMP!
Some fiend is pounding on my door as I try to get some rest, hopefully safe under my bed.
Then I hear the dulcet tones of Dear Old Mrs Fletcher telling me that she is outside the door with some of her special chicken soup and crumbly butter biscuits.
Also, NO Castor Oil, just hong cha for my poor dry throat.
I feel so safe and secure here though that it is a great pity to move and let her in
So I just croak “Leave them by the door and I will collect them later”
I then hear the sound outside of her shuffling away and muttering to herself about ‘young whipper snappers not taking care of themselves properly’.
I am just about to enjoy my first “zzzzzzz” when my amulet starts to bounce up and down with an incoming message.
‘Is there no peace at all in this hospital?’ I grumble to myself as the Capn’s stentorian tones vibrate through my poor tortured brain
He takes extra special care to mention that my original torturer - that malevolent bird creature, is known as Nugget and she is to be left alone or else
I already have that message loud and clear from Charlie so that does nothing to improve my sanity.
Then he mentions some potion specially put together by Opel that will make me well again.
That woman is not getting within a mile my poor weakened frame. She is all soldier and I know how they treat the soldiers in the Camp!
But he signs off and all is quiet again.
Now, shall I make a run for the door and slip Mrs Fletchers goodies inside or is that she-fiend Roo, Roo just outside waiting for me to do so?
Or has she added a little potion of her own?
My tummy starts to rumble
I’ll risk it. NO use asking my broom to help. I don’t trust it any longer in my unhinged state of mind.
I open my door and slide the tray inside. The delicious smell of home-made cooking makes me drool!
The first spoonful is pure culinary heaven, but the second is spoilt by the raucous tones of Roo, Roo bellowing into my amulet
“Get your scraggy bones down here pronto or else we will come and fetch you!”
Is there no peace as I protest:
“I am sick and need some comfort, not orders and especially not from you!”
I try to barricade myself in my room, but my broom has disappeared!
I am inclined to follow Charlie’s suggestion and create a load of pencils for Angel, but just then a sumptuous charabanc appears without me even thinking about any carriage.
My Crow calms me down and whispers that the matter seems to be urgent.
What could go wrong now?
I am delighted to see Agnes enter the Tea Room, as Agnes places the plate of delicious cookies in front of me I wonder what trouble is ahead.
I feel slightly uneasy that the cookies may come with a price tag.
I make an Amulet call to PTG & hope he will put in an appearance quickly, although if his mood does not improve before he gets here I may be tempted to toss him in a cold bath to lower his temperature and his temper ha ha.
I move my chair closer to Agnes & place a chair for PTG on the opposite side of the table.I do not want PTG sharing whatever ailment he has been inflicted with.
While we wait I try to pry a little information from Agnes but she cleverly avoids my questions with “ All will be revealed soon” answers.
If PTG does not make an entrance soon I may have to find another way to convince him it would not be in his best interest to keep us waiting.Hmmm.....