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I ripe myself off the door cursing and screaming like a Tasmanian Devil and swear unbridled revenge on both Roo Roo and PTG yeah okay he DID take me and put me to bed BUT he put me in HIS bed and covered me knowing ROO was on her way to beat the crap out of him in payback.
Well seeing those two spoiled rotten children want a war okay game on time for Poppa to hand out some lessons.
I stop for a minute touch my booming forehead and feel the goose sized egg forming and nose pulsing means I am going to look like Hamburlger or Rocky Racoon. GRRRRRRRRRR.
Good thing my special gift from PTG'S Godmother (my pants) came out unscathed my my shirt well that is a waste of my eye sight as I can see it hanging still by those knives and in a shape of my upper body ,,, I smile just for a sec * not bad for an old galoot *
Back to my plan,,, through my Amulet I hear what PTG has done to Roo and Trina OH DEAR what has that idjit done? and to get Mamma Dire in it??? OH DEAR.
But this works in perfect for me off I go to the Tea Room.
I run to my room grab a shirt and head over to see Charlie,,,,,,,,
Hey Charlie where is Pepe La Phew?? as if I have to ask.
She looks at me is about to say what are you up to but decides just to point and say follow the Rose Petals and take a bottel of Champagne with you ,,
$%^&*()(*&^%$# off I scoot to the Kitchen and tell Opel hide the Tomato Juice and where is that bottle of ,,, never mind I know where it is,,, off to the Anniversary Room grab the Rocket and a bottle of bubbly back to the critters.
With bottle in hand I follow the rose petals and find Pepe chasing Stinky who is a cat not a Skunk crazy French Skunk,, as he grabs Stinky and whispers ( French accent here) oh mon amour come wiff moi to da land of love and as Stinky turns green she fly's away to hide,,,
Pepe laughs silly woman you can no hide from da greatest lover in da world MOI
I stand there and say okay world's greatest lover CAN IT I NEED YOU.
OUI OUI moi Capitain at your service.
Come with me and here DO NOT DROP THESE as I hand him the bubbly and the rocket .
We head lickadee split to PTG'S room and I tell Pepe hide in the closet and wait for doorknob to open it,,
I wait in the bathroom this is going to be soooooooo good ,,, seeing I know PTG'S habits so well I do not have to wait long .
I hear PTG enter his room and go to his closet to change into his night shirt.
He opens the door scares Pepe who was not ready and WHHOOOOOOOOOSH lets him have it full force then Pepe laughs pops the cork and sets the rocket off he yells SURPRIZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZE
I am killing myself as tears run down my face wait is that from laughing or Pepe's perfume ??
I run for the door face covered and see PTG bent over and spill out his guts aww no more special tea ALL GONE
LOL he is such a pretty green right now and will be banned from us for awhile having no access to any Tom Juice.
Oh I could use him as a chemical bomb on the enemy good idea LOL
One down ONE to go.
WEG ( wicked evil grin)
With a huge smile on my face and a spring in my steps I head to Roo"s room knowing I am short on time for she is closer tehn I am to her room.
Lickadee split I beat her and get my plan in action.
First to the bathroom ** knowing she will shower to make sure that water was not spiked and grab her bottle of shampoo and change it ,,,
I hear her coming so I hide under her bed ,,,,
she goes right to her shower cursing PTG to the highest man for a tiny Munchkin what a mouth.
I hear the water starts and I creep out with a bag and wait,,,
THERE SHE BLOWS as ROO lets out a blood curdling scream as she stands there her hands GLUED to her hair ( shampoo replaced with my friend Crazy Glue)
I then open my bag and let millions of dust bunnies fly yep right to her and cover her from head to toe.
She screams till her voice is raw and with her foot opens the curtain and see's my standing there arms crossed and a smile from ear to ear.
Well hello Miss Yeti how are you today?
I then say pay back is a Bi***
Have a good day Roo Roo
As I walk back down to The Tea Room to have a Honey Rum and talk to the rest of my insane lovable crew a thought hits me
I wonder if PTG'S broom picked up on the dust bunnie invasion and is on it's way to *** sweep them up****
I get to the Tea Room and find it filled with scented candles humm maybe PTG had been here looking for some Tomato Juice
Opel appears with a jug of my Honey Rum smiles then winks before returning to the kitchen.
Everything below my throat is void but I still feel green
I stagger over to my hospital cot fully aware now of the dastardly trick my Cap’n has played on me.
And ALL because of that harridan going over to him and beating him with MY broom.
For starters; has my broom no sense of loyalty?
If so then it is time for a new broom and this thought I transmit to it.
Also it is no comfort to me that he has also got his revenge on Roo, Roo, but at the least she still has her breakfast in place!.
I call for some tomato juice although I have little faith in its efficacy.
In fact I need expert assistance and there is non better available than the little varmint who has caused the problem.
Via my crow I ask:
"How can I cancel out this potent pong?"
But I say this tactfully!
I get a surprising chemical answer whose ingredients are all in the HOS Repository.
Plus a derogatory sniff that if I don’t believe it then check in the Book of Knowledge.
“But what about tomato juice?”
Its reply is to rub its belly and laugh out loud, spewing more of the odours into the atmosphere.
It mutters to my crow something about “tales” and “old wives”, which my crow cannot make head-nor-tail of!
BUT before scampering off it tells me to “use it or lose it” as it is an explosive!
I jot down what I’ve been told on a piece of paper and hand it to my broom.
“Find these things and mix them in my bath tub”
hydrogen peroxide (a quart); baking soda (1/4 cup) and washing up liquid (1tsp)
The mixture bubbles away without any smell so I gingerly immerse myself in it.
I shower the mixture off me and get dressed.
It is then that I look in the mirror and see a stranger staring back at me!
A lily-livered blonde!
What has happened????
Oh! woe is me!
The peroxide has bleached me and my hair.
I collapse back on the bed deflated but immediately I have a thought.
In fact a Cunning Plan!
I ONLY STUCK AROUND LONG ENOUGH TO SEE THE CAP HAULED OUT OF THE BOX. PREFERRING THE BARN AND ENCLOSURE TO THE TEA ROOM. I ONLY STOP IN THE KITCHEN LONG ENOUGH TO HAVE KATT AND CREW PACK ME A BASKET OF FOOD AND A BIG JUG OF COFFEE. TELLING THEM I AM GOING TO STAY THERE UNTIL ALL THIS NONSENSE HAS STOPPED OR TILL THE CAP CALLS ME TO COME TO THE TEA ROOM.
I SETTLE INTO THE NEW ROCKER THE GNOMES HAD MADE FOR THE BARN. THEY SAID IT WAS A GIFT FROM MY ELVES FOR ALL I HAD DONE FOR THEM. I AM JUST HAPPY THEY HAD FOUND A PLACE FAIRLY CLOSE TO REBUILD. QUINN AND MY GNOMES HAD FORMED A CLOSE RELATIONSHIP.
IT WAS QUIET IN THE BARN NO ONE DARED BRING THEIR PRANKS HERE. THE CAP LOOKING WORSE FOR WARE CAME IN AND ASKED WHERE THE ROAMING SKUNK WAS. I JUST POINTED TO THE CATTERY.
I DID NOT BOTHER HIM NOR HE ME. BUT I DO WISH HE WOULD ROMANCE ONE OF HIS OWN KIND. MY CATS AND THEIR FRIENDS WANT NOTHING TO DO WITH HIM.
I SAW THE CAP HEADED OUT SO HE MUST HAVE GOTTEN THE SKUNK TO HELP HIM OR IT HAD REFUSED. IT DID LOOK LIKE HE WAS CARRYING SOMETHING.
I JUST SHRUG AND DECIDE I MIGHT AS WELL CHECK ON THE ZOO THEN HAVE SOMETHING TO EAT. DON'T THINK I WILL BE GOING TO THE TEA ROOM FOR A HOT MEAL.
Yummmmmmy Honey Rum and finger sandwiches hit the spot.
I see Charlie come in them out with a basket lol she must be heading back to her critters and staying away from the the mayhem here .
My mind is a buzz hummmmmmmmm sumthin tellin me trouble in da air and not from da enemy this is home based.
I thank the ladies and see Pup siting with Mrs.Fletcher who seems to have dozed off ,,, I wink at Pup and point to the Amulet that means call if needed she nods and I head to my cottage my room I can do later snicker snicker
I think I need to stock up so that calls for a fast trip to some HOS;S
Back pack in hand off I go ,,,, nails,, hammer,,, saw,,, screw driver,,, small planks,,,, nets,,,, rope,,,, pitchers,,,,, buckets,,,,, getting heavy so I take this back and drop my back pack off, now for the good part,,,, lotions ,,, creams,,,, shampoo,,,,, soap..... how to the critters,,,, hey Charlie just in and out as I give Doggie a hug and a carrot,,,, I grab a big bucket and scoop up critter droppings and some hay this should do for now oh wait I need bells and the mega horn .
I look for Pepe but he is gone chasing that poor kitty but I wonder if he left any after thought behind LOL,,, sniff sniff nope oh well
Now off to make ** MY CUNNING PLAN*** WEG
RANDY COMES TO THE BARN AND GATHERS SOME STRANGE THING. NOPE, NOT GETTING INVOLVED. OFF HE GOES.
I am just about to sit down in my favourite Tea Room chair and sip from my delicate bone china cup when there is a hammering on the door followed by a most ungentlemanly like bellow
“We know you are in there, you baseless cur of a caretaker!
“Open this door and let us do our lawful duty as charged by his Most Excellent Eminence on High of the Midnight Castle.
“If you do not immediately open this door then we have no alternative but to enact our legal obligation and delete you from the Midnight Castle and its environs!
“You will be erased from this Realm!”
Now this sounds a bit serious, so calling out to those outside to wait a moment, I don my special boots and slip into the kitchen and out of there by the back door.
I creep around the corner of the Castle to see who and what is facing me, if I open the Tea Room door.
There are about fifty burly guards all primed up to rush the door the minute it is opened.
Obviously they have tried to enter secretly but our wards and protections have prevented them from doing so.
I grab my broom, convert it quickly into a sumptuous charabanc and climb onto it.
Rising up into the air to about 8 feet (Just beyond a spear throw’s range) I turn the corner and call out:
“Hey there, What’s up doc?!”
After the initial confusion and obvious embarrassment at failing to take me by force, a small dark suited figure emerges from their midst holding one of the dreaded parchment MC invoices.
“You owe us damages from the devastation you have cause in the Belfry. Several worthy citizens were rendered unable to carry on with their play due to deafness from the ringing of bells. There is now a large hole in the side wall of the Belfry bringing in a howling icy cold wind to those players. And you have destroyed property belonging to the Castle, to wit one bathtub!
“You must pay OR ELSE!”
“How much do I owe, just to keep you quiet and go away?”
“Can I see the bill please?”
A small piece of parchment floated over to me which clearly says $1,000,000 fine and reparations.
“And what about$2, 3, 4, and 5, 000,000?. What is the justification for that amount?”
The little man gave a smirk and carefully explains:
“The first million is for the Midnight Castle team, the rest for our most noble CEO who has been inconvenienced so much by you!”
“OK then! Here is the first $1,000,000 in gold. The rest of the money I have converted into dynamite sticks and they are now placed in your CEO’s office!
“Do you want the debt discharged now?
“Oh! And here are a couple of samples to help you on your way!”
Oh! They can get a move on when necessary. Within seconds they have all disappeared as I catch a small piece of parchment with Receipt printed on it!