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I am sitting back in my chair having supped my tea and eaten a delicious cheese scone, freshy baked and buttered.
There is a pleasant buzz is the background as the gals in the kitchen “plot” to provide a festive evening for us all since the 5th Anniversary activity has just ended.
My trusted broom has just returned having cleaned up all the dust bunnies from those recent activities.
But it is not happy. In fact, it is distinctly unhappy!
By coaxing and cajoling I get it to tell me that is has not been able to visit its “dear friend”!
This is the curvaceous besom from the East Realm which at present resides in the HOS Repository after being zapped by one of our worthy citizens.
I am just about to investigate further when I casually glance out of the Tea Room window.
Oh! No! Not again!
Down by the bridge across the moat there is a contingent of armed guards surrounding workmen.
These are erecting a barricade across the bridge which effectively bars anyone from crossing it if these guards say no!
Another attack imminent?
But no! After the workmen have finished, they depart and leave the guards lounging around the barrier.
They just turn away anyone trying to cross and come into the Castle. There is no toll booth so that little creep is not trying to raise more taxes this way.
Then I note that all is quiet in the Tea Room and Salty’s. We have NO customers!
The corridors outside our area are also quiet although things seem to be normal elsewhere in the Castle.
My broom has disappeared. Obviously sulking, but it soon returns wafting a piece of paper in front of me.
I read it:
(by order of the Chief Executive Officer of the Midnight Castle)
The Tea Room and its environs are hereby quarantined with immediate effect due to an infestation of dark magic.
No persons, goods or chattels will be allowed to enter or leave this area and wards have been put into place to enforce this edict by our resident Magician.
Around this area our noble guards have been seconded for your safety and to ensure any contained vermin are apprehended immediately and to be dealt with most severely.
The edict will lapse on completion of this cleansing.
Oh dear! And I am now assailed by a wailing and gnashing of teeth from the kitchen as I have left my amulet on open and broadcast the note’s contents to the entire world.
This is followed by a torrent of most unladylike expletives from Charlie who has just been bowled over by an unknown force at her front door.
She is confined in the Castle with the rest of us;
She, however, is now separated from her beloved zoo!
We need an emergency meeting of our little band of warriors, but where are the others?
$%^&*()_+_)(*&^%$#&()_)(*&^%$ craponacracker here we go again
What the hell is that lill stinker of a rat up to now???
Okay he wants to play hard ball bring it on.
I rub my Amulet and call for Doc.Deadman and Nurse Krachet to bring me the horse needles and plenty of ******
Next I call The Dragons and tell Frost to arrange them around the back so the rats can not escape that way.
Next I call Smoke come my boy with the family and hide behind the Fallen Carriage
I wait for The Doc and Krachet .
What a mess and Opel such language I am shocked at you lol good thing it is in Creole and no one understands you lol
Aw hello Doc ,, Krachet,,, did you bring me what I asked??
He holds up his big bag and nods and smiles.
Good come with me.
We head to the bridge and reach the barrier ,,, the idjiots hold up there swords and shout HALT WHO GOES THERE ?
Not only stupid but must be blind as well sheesh.
It is Captain Randy leader here now what the H*** is going on here how dare you say we are Quarantined and from what or who do these orders come from??
One Idjiot steps up and says that is none of your business no get back ,,, oh but it is my business if there is any danger to my people I need to know what it is and I have our Doctor and his nurse here to see we are safe.
Oh by the way if there is any danger here such as a plague or what ever then you all to are in danger as well as all of us ... so I have an idea I wull get Doc here with Nurse Krachet to inoculate all of us and then you will be safe and return to The CEO with any sickness from here and tell him all is safe now or you could take a chance and go back with what ever and make everyone including your CEO deadly sick is that what you want?
The gather and mutter together,,,,, okay but you get shots first in front of us so I can see you are not pulling a fast one on us.
I whisper to The Dires and my Dragons get ready.
Sure thing just to prove to you the injections are safe we will go first.
Good thing PTG is not here he faints at the sight of needles lol lol the doorknob.
Doc gets my injection ready *** filled with water of course**** and as the head idjit watches I get my shot,,,, next is krachet Doc injects her ,,,,, the she injects the Doc.
There see I told you it is safe ,,, but to make you feel better lets wait 30 minutes then you will see there is no danger and you will be protected..... in the mean time Doc prepares the *other* injections *** the horse needles filled with laxative a very strong one (wohahahahahaha)
30 minutes pass and the head gaurde watches us like a hawk.
Okay your tyrn.
As Doc gets ready for the first one he yells HEY why so big???
Relax it is because you are so much bigger then us you need more to match our dosage oh ok.
All 8 are done and I give the order NOW My Dragons fly to the end of the bridge,,,, The Diers stand behind me snarrling and drolling
The gaurds are frozen to the spot can not run forward or backwards ,,,, Okay you blubbering idjits go back and tell you head nut HE WILL NEVER WIN WITH US.
But but but where do we go you have us blocked in and that is when the Laxative hits /
YAHOO THERE SHE BLOWSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
With screams of belly craps and ***** running down the legs they have no choice but to dive off the bridge and swim for the lives fighting there bulging pants from sinking them like a rock to the bottom.
Doc Krachet and I are laughing so hard we can barley see ,,, then we spot lumps?? floating on the water??
OH HHAHAHAHAHAHAHA they are now bare butt they removed the pants to save there lives .
I look at Doc so how long will that stuff last?
Oh a few days or more lol
I give the order to stand down to my Dragons and the Dires that I swear are all laughing with us.
Come on Doc I owe you a drink ,,, yeah you can come to Krachet
Off we go holding our sore sides from laughing .
I hear a very loud ZAp ZIITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT and turn around to see PTG hovering just above the ground arms and legs straight out shaking like he is doing the hoochie coochie and teeth clacking and oh dear look at his silver main or should I say his grey red black tipped Mohawk and sparkles to boot.
Out of the corner of my eyes I see our playful ellefunck charging PTG and WHOOSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH lets PTG have it .
Well the flames are out but poor Ptg going hurt tomorrow maybe Charlie can make him a temp wig to cover what I am sure will be a some what spot and bald head.
I am sure Charlie has enough wool or she might knit him a cap lol.
Doc ,, K ratchet and me are trying so hard not to burst out laughing cause as you all know been there done that and wrote the book and it does not tickle I would not want to add insult to injury but daumnnnnnnn it is funny to see ... now I know what I looked like when I got Zapped.
I call Frost to come bust the barrier so no one else gets zapped.
That being taken care of I hear Opel stomping up behind me and saying got it covered Cap I will fix Mr PTG up right as rain you and the others go inside I made you all a light lunch now off with you.
ROT ROUH I spy Opel's fix all cure all *** toxic waste*** in her hand oh craponacracker as if my poor doorknob has not suffered enough he now faces that rank rancid potion of Opel's it is horrid but it does work.
We hear PTG scream NO NO NO OPEL I AM FINE AND I DO NOT NEED THAT===GURGLE GURGLE as Opel pours the potion in his mouth and to be sure he swallows she pinches he nose and clamps her huge hand over his mouth.
I shudder poor PTG know what ya goin through .
WITH A SIGH OF RELIEF, I SEE THE BARRIER DISAPPEAR, TOO BAD PTG DID NOT NOTICE IT WAS STILL IN PLACE BEFORE HE TRIED TO LEAVE THE TEA ROOM. ELLIE WAS JUST TRYING TO SHOW HER LOVE FOR US BUT IT IS QUITE A SHOCK WHEN SHE DOES. TOO BAD IT WAS NOT THOSE IDIOTS FOULING HER HOME SHE ATTACKED.
THEN I LOOKED AGAIN, AND LAUGHED LONG AND HARD. HER LITTLE ONES WERE HAVING FUN WITH THE GUARDS. THEIR ZAPS WERE NOT AS POWERFUL AS ELLIE'S BUT THEY STILL HAD EFFECT. THE GUARDS NOT ONLY WERE FOULING THE MOAT BUT WERE SQUAWKING, LIKE A FLOCK OF STARLINGS IN THE FALL, AND FLAYING AROUND IN THE WATER SO MUCH THEY WERE GOING TO DROWN IF SOMEONE DOES NOT COME TO THEIR RESCUE.
THE MORE THEY STRUGGLED THE MORE THEY GOT SHOCKED.
THEN I THOUGHT TO ELLIE, BEST GATHER YOUR LITTLE ONES AND GO TO THE FOUNTAIN, THE WATER THERE IS CLEANER, AND YOU DO WANT THOSE WHO ARE FOULING IT GONE DO YOU NOT.
WITH THAT THE ZAPPING STOPPED THE THE GUARD AGAIN WERE MAKING THEIR WAY OUT OF THE MOAT.
GOOD GIRL ELLIE. NOW JUST LET THE MESS SETTLE AND YOUR HOME WILL BE AS IT WAS.
NOW FOR SOME FOOD, AND FRESH COFFEE.
I GUESS I WILL ASK PTG IF HE WOULD LIKE A NICE WOOL WATCH CAP TO KEEP HIS HEAD WARM TILL HIS HAIR GROWS BACK. ELLIE SURE FRIED IT.
COME TO THINK OF IT I DO HAVE THE MAGIC NEEDLES. OK, NEEDLES USE THE WHITE WOOL. MAKE A WATCH CAP WITH A FLAP DOWN THE BACK TO COVER HIS NECK TO KEEP IT WARM. AND DOG EARS ON THE SIDES TO KEEP HIS EARS WARM.
IN JUST A FEW MINUTES IT WAS DONE. I TAKE IT TO THE TABLE WHERE THE CAP IS. HERE GIVE THIS TO PTG WHEN HE SHOWS UP. SINCE THE HAT WAS YOUR IDEA, HOPE THIS IS WHAT YOU WERE THINKING OF. LAY IT NEXT TO THE CAP. IF YOU NEED ME I WILL BE IN THE BARN. THEN TURN AND LEAVE THROUGH THE KITCHEN. THANKING OPAL AND KAT FOR THE LUNCH. OPAL HANDS ME A THERMOS OF COFFEE. I LEAVE SMILING TO MYSELF.
I WAS HAVING A BALL WATCHING FROM THE TEA ROOM WINDOW.
IT WAS HYSTERICAL WATCHING THOSE IDJOTS TRYING TO AVOID GETTING ZAPPED AND TRYING TO SWIM AND NOT DROWN.
THEN I SEE ELLIE'S LILL ONES JOIN THE FUN MAN WHAT A BALL THEY WERE HAVING EVEN THOUGH THERE ZAP'S WHERE NOT AS STRONG YET AS MAMMA'S BUT THEY SURE WERE DOING THE TRICK.
THERE FUN STOPPED WHEN CHARLIE TOLD ELLIE BETTER GATHER THE KIDDIES AND GET TO CLEANER WATER AND LET THE MOAT SETTLE DOWN AND THE THET COULD GO BACK TO A FRESH CLEAN HOME.
MY SIDES HURT FROM LAUGHING SO HARD I DID NOT HEAR CHARLIE COME TO MY TABLE,,, SHE PLACED A CAP BY MY ARM AND SAID HERE YA GO YOU CAN GIVE THIS TO PTG SEEING IT WAS YOUR IDEA.
GOOD THING I DID NOT HAVE A MOUTH FULL OF TEA OR IT WOULD HAVE SPLATTERED ALL OVER.
A CAP WITH A BUILT IN NECK WARMER AND PUPPY EAR FLAP TO KEEP HIS EARS WARM,, INGENIOUS BUT DO I GIVE HIM A BONE WITH IT??? *weg***
I WATCH CHARLIE HEAD BACK TO THE CRITTERS WITH HER BOXED LUNCH FROM MISS KATT AND OPEL AND A VERY LARGE THERMOS OF COFFEE.
i FINISH MY TEA ,,, GRAB THE CAP AND GO LOOKING FOR PTG HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
i WALK AROUND LOOKING FOR MY DOORKNOB.
I SO WANT TO SET HIS NEW HAT CHARLIE MADE HIM ON HIS HEAD .
NOW WHERE IN HELL IS THAT MAN HIDING OH PTGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG WHERE ARE YOU HIDING I HAVE A GIFT FOR YOU .
COMONE HERE BOY COME GET IT.
HUMM MAYBE HE IS THE HOSPITAL WING LETS GO SEE.
I WALK THE HALLS IN THE DIRECTION OF PTG'S ROOM AND EVERY ONE I PASS BOBS THE HEAD IN A HELLO THEM WALK AWAY GIGGLING??
WHAT IS IT THEY FIND SO FUNNY,,, DO I HAVE SPINACH IN ME TOFFIES???
IS MY NOSE ON BACKWARDS??
I LOOK DOWN NOPE GARAGE DOOR CLOSED WHEW,,,,,,,,,,
THEN IT HITS ME GOT TIRED OF CARRYING THE CAP SO I SLAPPED IN ON MY HEAD KINDS CROOKED TO .
AS I PASSED THE NURSES STATION I SAW MY REFLECTION IN THE DOOR WELL LETS JUST SAY I SPENT THE NEXT HALF HOUR HOWLING ON THE FLOOR AND EVER TIME I GOT UP I WOULD SEE MY SELF AND HOWL AGAIN.
ANY ONE GOT A DEPENDS I MIGHT NEED IT.
WOHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH COUGH COUGH WOHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
OH MY CHEEKS HURT WOHAHAHAHA OH MY POOR SIDES WOHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
JUST HEARD FROM THE CAP. SO ELLIE AND HER BROOD LIKE WORMS AND LARVA. THE WORMS SHOULD BE EASY, IF WE FIND LARVA THAT WILL BE A BONUS.
I CALL SNOOP AND AND NOSE. SORRY TROUBLE BUT UNTIL YOU CAN STAY OUT OF TROUBLE YOU MUCH STAY WHERE BABY CAN WATCH YOU.
THE THREE OF US GO, ME WITH MY BAG AND AN EMPTY BUCKET. AND HEAD TO THE EDGE OF THE WOODS. I ASK SNOOP AND NOSE TO DIG HOLES. AS THEY DO I GATHER THE WORMS AND A FEW LARVA THE TOSS BEHIND THEM. INTO THE BUCKET, WITH JUST ENOUGH OF THE DAMP SOIL TO COVER THEM. WHEN I THINK WE HAVE ENOUGH I TELL THE BOYS, OK, GO WADE IN THE STREAM TO CLEAN OFF. OR IT WILL BE BATHS FOR BOTH OF YOU. OFF THEY GO AND CHASE ONE ANOTHER BACK TO THE ENCLOSURE IN THE SMALL STREAM THAT RUNS THROUGH IT.
I LAUGH AT THE SIGHT OF THEM. I WILL HAVE TO TOWEL THEM OFF ON MY RETURN SINCE IT SEEMS WHOEVER IS CHASING CATCHES THE OTHER BY KNOCKING OFF BALANCE IN THE STREAM.
I FILL THE HOLES BACK IN AND TAKE THE BUCKET TO THE FOUNTAIN, NOPE THE MOAT MUST HAVE SETTLED SO I GO TO THE EDGE AND CALL ELLIE.
IN SHE COME WITH HER BROOD IN TOW. ELLIE FOR YOUR GREAT HELP TODAY I HAVE BROUGHT YOU WHAT THE CAP. SAID WAS A TREAT FOR YOU AND DUMPED THE BUCKET OF WORMS AND LARVA INTO THE WATER. SUCH SPLASHING AND DASHING. THEN ALL WAS QUIET.
WELL I GUESS THAT WAS A HIT. AND HEAD BACK TO THE BARN TO DRY OFF A COUPLE OF VERY WET K-NINES.
So much for trying to warn the others!
Once more I am poleaxed by Cap’n Bob’s over an enthusiastic elongated fish charged with electricity.
I had the misfortune to be recognised as one of my leader’s friends and am cuddled by several feet of eeliness.
The net result is that I am zapped into unconsciousness with my last memory being of burnt hair.
When I surface back into consciousness, I find myself being held down by very muscular arms and fed foul poisons by a female harpy with the admonition that “it is good for me”!
Still struggling into a more modest position, seeing that my huggie jacket is burnt to a crisp, the Cap’n with his usual silly grin plastered all over his face slaps some sort of wool cap on me and then sits back roaring with laughter.
My body is on fire, my mind is bemused. I want PEACE AND QUIET in a haven of rest
My Hospital Room is what I most desire – So with gurgles and chortles of feminine laughter surrounding me I slide over to the far wall, and before anyone can stop me pass through an aperture that will then lead me to the Hospital Wing.
But I know that they will think that my room is the destination so I will fool them. I head for the HOS Repository where there is also a comfortable chair.
Peace at last. Whatever it was that Opel forced into me seems to have done the trick as I now feel fully compos mentis!
I take off the headgear slapped onto me and feel – NOTHING!!!!!
I fish around the room to find one of the many mirrors and gaze at myself.
In the middle of my skull there is a bright red bald patch where I must have been zapped.
Charlie downstairs must have cobbled together what she thinks is an amusing solution to my cranial nakedness. I will remember my little one!
Mmmmmm! With a tonsure, I sure do look distinguished! It will make a splendid disguise in what may be my next Cunning Plan
This woolen monstrosity however looks very fetching as a scarf tied as an off-the-shoulder addition to a monk’s habit.
Time to venture forth into the corridor.
Several worthy citizens approach and on passing me fall back and bow, muttering “Your Grace!”
No howls of laughter there!
Things are looking up after my recent disasters!
As I move on I hear one of the citizens exclaim; “Did you see a shining halo just above his pate?”
Time for the CEO and his side-kick magician!
Having returned from the office to post my latest articles for The Cloud City Times, I walk in to see Miss Opel pouring something down PTG's throat and he is NOT happy about it! I also notice a huge bald spot on his head just before Cap plants some type of cap on PTG's head. Oh dear, what a scene! It's never a dull moment around here, I'm thinking to myself, as I roar with laughter. PTG takes off like he's been shot out of a cannon. I don't think I've ever seen him move so fast before! Hahahaha
Anyway, I call to Cap to let him know the news of an upcoming party has been posted and that's when he tells me there's been some changes that need to be made. He's decided that since MC has already had their own Anniversary party, thanks to Mrs. Fletcher's idea, our party will now be a combination Harvest/Halloween party! Oh great...make the ace reporter look inept! You couldn't have let me know this via amulet before I sent my articles to print?!?!?! **sigh**