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AN OPEN LETTER TO THE WIVES AND LOVERS OF MEN WHO WEAR PANTYHOSE - PART1

To the women who are reading this with the hope of trying to understand why your husband/lover loves to wear pantyhose, I hope I can provide some enlightenment and perhaps promote your acceptance of this unconventional, or as you may now see it, bizarre behavior. Those of you who already accept, and in some cases, encourage this practice may find that these words help you realize just what a wonderful man you may have sharing your life.
First, I do not intend to speak for the transgendered or drag queens. They have motivations and experiences, which I don't share. Most of us have no desire to be mistaken for a woman, but as someone who has been attracted to the sight, and more significantly, the feel of nylon, silk, and satin since early childhood, I think I do have some valuable insight to share.
Many of you are probably trying to equate your initial personal views of hosiery and lingerie with our "obsession" and are reaching some disquieting and equally erroneous conclusions. Most women apparently view their starting to wear pantyhose as a rite of passage, a step in becoming a grown woman. You notice men becoming more attentive to you. Pantyhose and lingerie become part of your feminine "arsenal" along with makeup and the changes in your bodies to attract men to you. You feel sexier and more feminine dressed up in hose, heels, and short skirts. Later though, many of you began to view wearing pantyhose (which is the main subject I will focus on) as something you are expected to wear in formal work situations or on special occasions. The thrill has gone. Wearing them is less a pleasure than an obligation. Now they don't fit right, they are hot, they bind, they cut into your thighs, you have to be aware of how you move so you don't snag or run them, and they make your feet sweat. In short, they are a nuisance. You began to view wearing pantyhose with about the same enthusiasm as many men view wearing a buttoned collar, necktie, and suit. You can't wait to take them off. Why in the world are we so enthralled with them?
As for myself, and I believe most male pantyhose wearers (the stories and comments on the Net bear this out), virtually none of your views apply to us - certainly not in the same manner. We do not wear them to imitate or mock women, or attract men, despite some comments you may have read about men exploring their "feminine" side. This applies more to acknowledging the sensitive and sensuous parts of their personalities. Curiosity is the main reason we first tried on a pair, often in adolescence or before. The wonderful, (quite) arousing, erotic feel of them motivated us to continue.
Before I continue with this, I need to digress a bit into the indoctrination of typical male behavior. Through various verbal and non-verbal means, men are taught from early childhood that to be emotionally sensitive is not masculine. It is a sign of weakness that others will use against you. Force wins over reason. "Softness", emotionally or physically, is to be avoided. Satin, silk, nylon, etc. are "sissy" fabrics meant for girls. Welcome to the world of cotton, denim, and skinned knuckles and cut lips. "Big boys don't cry." Men do not "bond" emotionally, certainly not to the extent or depth that women do. Any emotional stress is held in, unresolved, with no one to share it with until it erupts in anger or violence. The end result is a male population that is often a short step away from full neurosis. Most men have never developed the ability to deal constructively with emotional conflict, much less comfortably or honestly discuss interpersonal relationships. Witness the Western divorce rates and the number of battered women incidents.
Back to the pantyhose lover. We are not totally different. As boys we still preferred the rough and tumble to dolls and tea parties. Clothing to us is an issue apart from sexual identity. Picture an age 10 boy (me) heartily engaged in a dirt clod throwing war while secretly wearing stockings (pre-pantyhose) beneath his jeans. Since discovering our hidden passion though, we have wrestled privately with our self-image, having no one with whom to safely discuss our attraction to "unmanly" clothing. As a result we are more in touch with our drives and emotions, and more sensitive to yours, than your typical male. Most of the questions you now have we have asked and answered on our own.
"Do you want to be a woman?" Hell No! We love women (75% anyway) and feel no less a man because of what we wear. We are more honest with ourselves about our emotions, wants, and needs and would be with you if it weren't for the fear of being labeled as weird or "fags" and having the women we adore react with hostility or go running for the exits. Most of us, if ever, only confess our fetish after marriage, hoping the bond will survive the initial strain. If we haven't confessed, we live in constant worry of being caught in the lie, for being caught in one big lie is to be suspected of hiding other lies. "What ELSE have you not told me about?"
"Are you Gay?" Again - No! Sure, there are some who are, but they aren't likely to be seriously involved with women, are they? Being Gay is a matter of sexual orientation, not clothing. There is the stereotype that Gays dress more stylishly, but my instinct is that Gays are not generally interested in pantyhose as an accessory. Surveys indicate that 75% of transvestites are heterosexual men usually involved in a monogamous relationship. Personally, I do not consider myself a transvestite. To me, a transvestite tries to LOOK like a woman by the use of clothing. Note - In the U.S. there is virtually no such thing as a female transvestite. With the exception of an athletic supporter, there is no item of male clothing that women do not have an analog for on their clothing racks. Whatever a woman chooses to wear, it is fashion, not perversion. Is this equality?
"Do you not worry about friends/neighbors/family finding out?" Yes, we do. We long for the day when all clothing is regarded as nothing more than a personal fashion choice and the psychosexual connotations were not so prominent. North American and European women already enjoy this luxury. Perhaps you need to think back only a few decades to when girls were not allowed to wear pants to school, and a woman who wore a pair of pants with a front fly was regarded as trying to look like a man (Women's zippers belonged on the side or back!). A lot of women took a lot of grief for the fashion freedom you now take as granted. Today there are a number of men willing to risk the same, if not greater, criticism (mostly from other men) for that same freedom of choice. The rest hide, knowing that we are basically normal, but fearing that we will be judged principally as the weird guy who wears hose, panties, or whatever. Subconsciously we probably want to be "outed" so we can stop living a life of quiet frustration and deceit. It is somewhat ironic that though I am personally averse to homosexuals, I have a certain empathy toward their frustration in once having to hide their sexual orientation in order to be otherwise accepted, and a simultaneous envy of the current politically correct acceptability of homosexuality in many countries. Nobody ever successfully claimed that life was fair.
"What else have you been wearing?" Odds are that we have tried just about everything at least once. We have already crossed the line with hosiery, might as well find out what the other things feel like. Quite a few probably also like wearing panties, though if men's briefs were readily available in similar fabrics and styles, we would opt for those. For a while in the 70's I could find them in stores and I still have some. No crotch panel and wide enough between the legs. Same feel, much better fit.
"What is the big attraction with pantyhose?" I believe that men who love wearing pantyhose are very "tactile" oriented because it is mainly the way they feel on our legs, crotch, and torso that attracts us. It is the smooth, slick, soft feel and gentle pressure on our bodies that answers every knee bend and ankle flex with a light tug that reminds us that we are wearing them. It is also the smooth feel under our fingers as we run our hands along them. Not just any style of pantyhose will do. I am personally much more selective of the pantyhose I wear than my wife. I doubt that she ever paid close to $10.00 for a pair of pantyhose. I have. This graduates to an increased appreciation of their appearance. Virtually ALL men are visually aroused. Assuming the legs are not very hairy, or preferably shaved, men's legs do not look bad at all in hose. If your man has not tried shaving his legs, he has probably thought about it. Pantyhose feel VERY different on shaved legs. Even without hose, shaved legs feel more sensuous. Historically, body hair removal has been practiced since the time of the Pharaohs (waxing). Face it - if shaved legs did not look and feel nicer, you women would not spend so much time and effort keeping them that way. Until recently, leg hair removal has been quite impractical for men. The hair on our legs is coarser and thicker (a secondary sex characteristic) and shaving often results in ingrown hairs, stubble the texture of sandpaper, and a maddening itch. Developments in depilatories and epilators have made hair removal easier and more lasting. What was once a woman's domain, practically speaking, has now opened for men. Hairy legs, even on men, is generally considered less attractive. With or without hose, I predict this will become more common. I see it fairly regularly in the summer.
I personally believe we are more sensual lovers. I love to see and feel my wife in nice hosiery and lingerie. I also love to caress her bare body from head to toes. I'm in no hurry - I want the experience to last. I am attentive to her reactions as I touch her. Having sex is a full sensory and emotional adventure. The smoothness of your skin feels wonderful under our fingers. We want to touch your entire bodies with ours. Silky hose and lingerie, whether you alone are wearing it, or the both of you, is like frosting on an already delicious cake. Are we making love to your lingerie instead of you? No. It is a total experience and you are the center of it. Welcome it. Revel in it. Accept us as we are and you may find a motivated lover that other women dream of having.
Do we speak much of our second passion (You are our first.)? Probably not. We know or suspect that this makes you uncomfortable and we do not wish to cause you any more discomfort than you already feel. If you wish to understand us, you may have to open the discussion. We would love to have someone we can talk with openly about it. One caveat though - You may wish to "reform" us but your chance of success (my apology for the bad news) is somewhere between remote and none. We do not feel as though we are doing anything inherently wrong. Would you be willing to forego wearing pants? Of course not. You would regard that as an arbitrary restriction, fundamentally unjust, and would resent the suggestion. For us it is an equivalent issue. You have no fences around what you can wear - why should we? To touch back on an earlier point, you might be viewing this as competing or robbing you of part of your sexual identity. That is not our intent. Clothes alone do not define a man, nor a woman. Additionally, if you reject a man's passions (and if it were not a passion we would have stopped long ago) you reject a part of the man, for our drives and passions define a large part of who we are.
One more digression to the behavior of the "typical" male. Many men I know or have observed are distinctly uncomfortable being in the lingerie and hosiery departments, though women are quite at ease shopping for men's underwear. Why is that? My belief is that most men enjoy the satiny feel of lingerie and hosiery, but their reaction to touching these fabrics when not on their female companions (we ALL love to feel and see you wearing them) violates their manly training. "I hope there is not something WRONG with me." They are also concerned that someone they know might see them there and wonder if they are shopping for themselves, regardless of the truth. Or perhaps they are remembering their own childhood experiences and fear someone might suspect the real truth. Many men can not articulate their discomfort, they just know that they feel self-conscious being there. Who is more well adjusted here - us or them? You may find this hard to relate to. No one will assume you are shopping for yourself in the men's department because there is no reason to. You can find the equivalent to anything you find there in your own department. Obviously the reverse is not the case.
I need to amplify this point. As women, you know that the sight of you and touching you in silk and nylon turns us men on. Have you given much thought as to why? Of course these items enhance your appearance and alter the lines of your silhouette to give the illusion of longer legs and lift your breasts. Cotton could do the same. It's my contention that virtually all men are attracted to the smooth feel and shine of silk, satin, and nylon. You know we are. It attracts us to you like moths to a flame. Think not? Compared to nylon or silk, how many men do you think would regard a flannel nightgown as sexy? Most men are hung up on masculine/feminine stereotypes as they apply to clothing. Fabric is fabric and other than through common usage, there is nothing inherently masculine or feminine about nylon, silk, or satin.
(or skirts for that matter. There is no functional difference between a kilt and a skirt) Aside from our body differences, masculinity or femininity is a state of mind. Some of us have the intelligence/imagination/
curiosity/free will (call it what you like) to see beyond the stereotypes and have come to enjoy the sight and feel of certain items without the sexual overtones. Personally, I don't feel the least bit "feminine" when I wear pantyhose. I simply love the way they feel and look. How can this be so wrong?
At this point you may be thinking "Why me? Why can't he be like other men?" Would you prefer a husband/lover who spends his evenings out with "the guys", or one who is indifferent or reluctant to engage in discussions deeper than what is on television tonight? My point is twofold. Hardly any relationship is perfect, and in your case you may eventually find that you have a man who is more open, caring, and devoted to you than the other women you may be envying at the moment. Pantyhose aside, isn't this the kind of man most women long to find? Though you may not feel so at the moment, you could be a very lucky woman.
If you still feel uneasy, perhaps you are also a victim of social "conditioning". Could it be you are more concerned over your possible embarrassment if you friends find out and think you have settled for less than a "real" man? Perhaps if your friends knew your man's qualities, they would be envious of YOU! Stand by your man, be proud of him. An otherwise close and loving relationship is too valuable to squander over someone else's possible misunderstanding.
What I have written here is by no means complete nor universal in addressing this issue. These are my views, and from what I have seen on the Net are common to many of us. There is more I can say from both a broader and more personal perspective and I am working on that. This is just a starting point. For now, you have a lot to discuss with you man and I hope you can reach a mutually agreeable (and pleasurable) arrangement. Good luck to you both.
An afterthought - If you have been searching the Net on this subject, you may have read of men
interested in skirts and more feminine styled shoes. While I am personally indifferent to these items, I can make a few educated observations. Skirts - nothing in the way of nylon covered legs from brushing against each other. Light, loose, airy, comfortable. Shoes - Men's shoes are principally designed to protect and support the foot. Appearance is secondary to function. Heavy, clunky. Women's shoes are primarily designed to flatter the foot and accent the leg. Lighter weight, smaller silhouette, much more variety in style. All men are vain, some are just more honest about it.

A NOTE TO THE MEN - If you haven't already shared your love of wearing pantyhose (and anything else) with her, and you love each other, I suggest you do so. Soon. I am neither a psychiatrist nor a marriage counselor and can offer no guarantees, but neither can anyone else. The big difference is that I have been where you are now. I kept my secret for years and it nearly wrecked my marriage. The deceit eats at you and causes an emotional distance as you subconsciously prepare for her possible departure when she accidentally discovers the truth, and you "know" that someday she will. It wasn't easy for me to tell my wife, and she is still not comfortable with my attraction to pantyhose, but her biggest reaction was over the LIE! She was genuinely hurt and justifiably so. A relationship as close as a marriage requires trust and honesty. Now that it is being restored, we have a closer relationship and a genuine affection that I would not trade for anything.
The reason that I wrote this letter is to hopefully help both you and your lady. It reflects many things that need to be understood between you to help you both get through an awkward and possibly tense situation. Some of the questions are those my wife asked me and some are questions I wish she had asked that day. Many thoughts I wanted to express but could not find the words for are also included. You may find that your lady readily accepts your unconventional passion, in which case consider yourself blessed and never forget what a rare jewel of a woman she is. Never pass on an opportunity to let her know that you love her. If your lady does have problems, maybe showing her this letter will promote discussion and understanding. She will need your love and consideration as much as you need hers. Again, best of luck to you both.

The Roadrunner
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Tony Miller
Legwear as Unisex Fashion
tony@thefrozentundra.com
Come see what real men wear under their shorts!