Living it! -  Some stuff to amuse non-pagan visitors  (763 views) Notify me whenever anyone posts in this discussion.Subscribe
 
From: Leanan_Sidhe (ALDYTH2)6/30/01 8:52 PM 
To: All  (21 of 111) 
 5706.21 in reply to 5706.1 
How To Tell If Your Next-Door Neighbour is a Witch
By Andie Gilmour

------------------------------------------------------

Fifty sure-fire ways to detect paganism without having to resort to a dunking stool or wart-inspection.

1) Never puts any rubbish out on refuse-collection day. I mean, re-cycling and composting is fine, but you can take it too far.

2) You casually ask what phase the moon is in, and she tells you down to the exact number of days, hour and minute of rising, position on horizon, and current angle of declination.

3) All the stray cats in the neighbourhood tend to congregate in her garden (and use your own as their litter).

4) A screech owl has chosen the lamp-post outside her house as its favorite calling-post. That's just when it's getting warm at night and you like to sleep with the window open.

5) Doesn't cut down the weeds in her garden; in fact it looks more like she's cultivating them. Needless to say, you get the seeds wafting over onto your pristine lawn.

6) Most of her clothes on the washing line are black.

7) The local kids talk in whispers as they go past her house, then start running at the last moment.

8) Nobody trick-or-treats her house; not after the incident when the kids' costumes were less scary than hers when she opened the door to them. (She was embracing the Crone that year no doubt!)

9) Footprints on the roof. And the trees in her flight-path have been pruned down. I swear it's true!

10) She can't even make a simple sandwich without adding fresh herbs to it. And don't ask her for a cup of tea unless you want something yellow coloured and smelling of flowers.

11) She hardly ever gets junk mail. You ask her what her secret is and she confides that she returns it to sender after writing something on in strange curly writing.

12) When you pop next door for a chat, the kettle is always already on.

13) The Jehovah's Witnesses never call (not anymore; not after the last time! :-).

14) Keeps the local scented-candle shop solvent.

15) Has a pond full of frogs (and you haven't seen that bothersome double-glazing salesman around for a while).

16) She's always smiling, darn her!

17) She goes dressed as normal to a Hallowe'en fancy dress party; and wins first prize.

18) Her house always smells of incense.

19) Has named her four cats Beelzebub, Kali, Diana, and Moonbeam. (Or her rats Devon and Cornwall)

20) Her bumper sticker reads "I brake for toads".

21) Frequently gets raided by the drug squad who confiscate large amounts of dried green leaves; they always return them with apologies after analysis.

22) At Christmas, it seems like half the garden has been moved into the house.

23) You sometimes hear the sound of singing and dancing through the wall. If you look out of the window, it is usually a full moon.

24) She was given a bodhram drum for her birthday. And she plays it at midnight in the fields. And she's got a blasted tamborine.

25) You discover that her realistic resin skull ornament in her living room, actually is real.

26) You catch her washing a crystal ball along with the dishes.

27) She wears a lot of silver jewelry, even when doing the gardening. And bat ear-rings for goodness-sake.

28) You knock on her door and she answers it naked except for a toweling robe. You apologize for disturbing her in the bath, but notice that her hair isn't wet.

29) Irritating tendency to hum a lot. What's she got to be so happy about, huh?

30) She has a tame robin that will eat from her hand in the garden. That can't be natural.

31) Never catches a cold, even though she walks barefoot most of the time. In the snow as well.

32) Doesn't kill spiders. Not even big hairy long-legged ones that suddenly appear from the waste-pipe whilst you're having a bath.

33) She listens to what you are saying like she really cares.

34) She has lots of female friends who come round every few months. When you ask what they get up to, she tells you that they just have cakes and ale and a good natter.

35) You catch her hugging a tree.

36) Her dinner-set is decorated with Celtic patterns.

37) She has a mail-order account with a semi-precious gem wholesaler.

38) You notice that the parish priest crosses himself whenever he walks past her house.

39) She never watches television. And she has shelves full of books with black spines and silver-lettered titles.

40) To your certain knowledge she has never set foot in the local church. In fact, you have heard rumours that she has been barred from it.

41) She makes jars of quince and mandrake relish for the Women's Institute coffee morning jumble sale.

42) You ask to borrow a pack of cards for an impromptu bridge evening, and there are 78 in the pack.

43) You have never known her to visit her GP.

44) When you talk with her, she maintains eye contact all the time.

45) Expectant mothers are forever visiting her. Also women who become expectant mothers a month after visiting her.

46) You ask her for suggestions for nice walks in the area, and they all go by way of stone circles and strange earth mounds.

47) She only buys organic. And you just bet that she's a vegetarian as well. (Well, maybe not stricly vegetarian....)

48) When you ask her about her vacation plans, she tells you she will be camping in a tee-pee in the Brecon Beacons.

49) There aren't any mirrors in her house. Or clocks.

50) She tells you that she is coming out of the broom closet, joins Witches' Voice, and erects a stained-glass pentacle window in her front door . Ooo what a give-away!


Dungeonkeeper At
The Oubliette
Assistant At
Sinnamon’s Island
Moderator At
Astarte's Pagan Realm
Starlite Bar & Grill
Pagan/Wiccan Girl Scouts
Guest Of
The Coffee Cauldron
Ultima Thule
Pagan Playground
The Flamin Yawn
Tir Nam Beo
Village of Dreams
Savant Society

"...there can be no good without evil... no love without hate... no heaven without hell... no light without darkness. The harmony of the universe depends upon an eternal balance. Out of the struggle to maintain this balance comes the birth of legends." Legend
 
 Reply   Options 

 
From: Tarty (RAVENGIL) DelphiPlus Member Icon7/1/01 12:51 AM 
To: Leanan_Sidhe (ALDYTH2)  (22 of 111) 
 5706.22 in reply to 5706.21 
How about if she is always chanting? I do that :-)


Edited 4/24/2003 1:27:41 AM ET by Tarty (RAVENGIL)
 

 
From: Leanan_Sidhe (ALDYTH2)7/1/01 1:00 AM 
To: Tarty (RAVENGIL) DelphiPlus Member Icon  (23 of 111) 
 5706.23 in reply to 5706.22 
Sure give-away! LOL

:]

What if she makes you stop hacking (horseback) so she can jump down and pick "weeds"... and seems all excited about it? LOL

Dungeonkeeper At
The Oubliette
Assistant At
Sinnamon’s Island
Moderator At
Astarte's Pagan Realm
Starlite Bar & Grill
Pagan/Wiccan Girl Scouts
Guest Of
The Coffee Cauldron
Ultima Thule
Pagan Playground
The Flamin Yawn
Tir Nam Beo
Village of Dreams
Savant Society

"...there can be no good without evil... no love without hate... no heaven without hell... no light without darkness. The harmony of the universe depends upon an eternal balance. Out of the struggle to maintain this balance comes the birth of legends." Legend
 

 
From: Tarty (RAVENGIL) DelphiPlus Member Icon7/1/01 1:02 AM 
To: Leanan_Sidhe (ALDYTH2)  (24 of 111) 
 5706.24 in reply to 5706.23 
Ok..

LOL


Edited 4/24/2003 1:28:14 AM ET by Tarty (RAVENGIL)
 

 
From: Gazza (forestkin) DelphiPlus Member Icon7/1/01 7:51 AM 
To: Leanan_Sidhe (ALDYTH2)  (25 of 111) 
 5706.25 in reply to 5706.21 
how about he.

Some of them suit me, the hugging tree's bit....oops did I give myself away again???

<grin>


 

 
From: Leanan_Sidhe (ALDYTH2)7/5/01 12:54 PM 
To: Leanan_Sidhe (ALDYTH2)  (26 of 111) 
 5706.26 in reply to 5706.1 
Spiritualiy Versus Religion

SPIRITUALITY SAYS THAT GOD IS WITHIN US AND THAT WE DON'T NEED ANYONE ELSE TO MAKE THAT DIVINE CONNECTION FOR US

RELIGION SAYS THAT WE ARE SEPARATED FROM GOD AND THAT WE NEED "THEM" TO MAKE THAT DIVINE CONNECTION

SPIRITUALITY SAYS THAT WE ARE FREE TO MAKE CHOICES ON OUR OWN AND THAT WE MUST TAKE PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY FOR OUR ACTIONS

RELIGION SAYS WE MUST MAKE THEIR CHOICES AND ACT THEIR WAY

THE THEME OF SPIRITUALITY IS UNCONDITIONAL LOVE

THE THEME OF RELIGION IS FEAR AND GUILT

SPIRITUALITY DOES NOT REQUIRE US TO MAKE DONATIONS

RELIGION HAS BECOME BIG BUSINESS

SPIRITUALITY SAYS THERE IS NO HELL, NO JUDGEMENT, NO ANGRY GOD... THAT WE ARE LOVED UNCONDITIONALLY

RELIGION SAYS THERE IS A HELL, GOD GETS ANGRY AND JUDGES US... THEREFORE, WE ARE NOT LOVED UNCONDITIONALLY

SPIRITUALITY SAYS WE ARE FREE TO CHOOSE OUR OWN PATH TO GOD

RELIGION COMMANDS US TO DO IT THEIR WAY

SPIRITUALITY SAYS WE GO TO GOD TO LIGHTEN OUR BURDEN

RELIGION HAS TAUGHT US TO FEAR THEIR GOD

SPIRITUALITY SAYS WE SHOULD NOT BE ASHAMED OF OUR SEXUALITY... THAT IT SHOULD BE A SACRED CELEBRATION OF LOVE

RELIGION HAS TAUGHT US TO FEEL ASHAMED, GUILTY AND DIRTY ABOUT OUR SEXUALITY

SPIRITUALITY TEACHES US TO HONOR AND RESPECT MOTHER EARTH

RELIGION HAS TOLD US TO "BE THOU FRUITFUL, MULTIPLY AND SUBDUE THE EARTH" I REPEAT... "SUBDUE THE EARTH"

SPIRITUALITY REMINDS US THAT WE ARE ONE WITH GOD AND ONE WITH EACH OTHER

RELIGION TEACHES DISUNITY AND SEPARATION WHICH IS THE OPPOSITE OF GOD

SPIRITUALITY SAYS GOD IS WITHIN

RELIGION SAYS HE IS IN HEAVEN AND THAT "THEY" ARE THE ONLY INTERMEDIARIES FOR US

SPIRITUALITY SAYS WE ARE BORN IN INNOCENCE AND PURITY

RELIGION SAYS WE ARE BORN WITH SIN

SPIRITUALITY TEACHES THAT WE ARE ON A LONG SPIRITUAL ADVENTURE AND JOURNEY WHICH WILL ULTIMATELY END BY REUNITING WITH OUR SOURCE

RELIGION SAYS WE'VE GOT ONE LIFE TO GET IT ALL RIGHT AND THERE IS NOTHING BUT HEAVEN OR HELL AFTER THAT

SPIRITUALITY SAYS WE ARE FREE TO EXPRESS

RELIGION GAVE US THE DREADED INQUISITION

SPIRITUALITY TEACHES UNCONDITIONAL LOVE FOR ALL

RELIGION GAVE US THE CRUSADES IN WHICH MANY WERE KILLED AND SLAUGHTERED IN THE NAME OF GOD

SPIRITUALITY TEACHES THAT WE SHOULD LOVE ONE ANOTHER UNCONDITIONALLY AND ALWAYS HONOR THE RIGHTS AND CHOICES OF OTHERS

RELIGION TREATED NATIVE AMERICANS, THE MAYANS AND OTHER INDIGENOUS CULTURES AS SAVAGE PRIMITIVES WHO "MUST BE SAVED"

SPIRITUALITY TEACHES PEACE AND HARMONY

RELIGION HAS CAUSED MORE WARS AND MORE KILLING THAN ANY OTHER REASON

SPIRITUALITY SAYS RESPECT ALL LIVING THINGS

I NEVER ONCE HEARD ANY RELIGION SAY STOP SLAUGHTERING MILLIONS OF TREES EVERY YEAR FOR CHRIST'S BIRTHDAY

SPIRITUALITY TEACHES US TO HAVE FAITH IN OURSELVES

RELIGION TEACHES US TO HAVE FAITH IN THEM

SPIRITUALITY SAYS WE HAVE ALL THE ANSWERS... THAT WE CAN FIND THEM BY "GOING WITHIN"

RELIGION TEACHES US THAT IT HAS ALL THE ANSWERS AND ONLY ITS ANSWERS ARE THE RIGHT ONES

SPIRITUALITY TEACHES US TO SEARCH FOR THE UNIVERSAL TRUTHS AND OUR HEARTS WILL TELL US WHEN WE HAVE FOUND THEM

RELIGION TEACHES WE HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO ACCEPT THEIR VERSION OF THE TRUTH

WHICH ONE FEELS BETTER TO YOU? SPIRITUALITY OR RELIGION?

GO TO YOUR HEART FOR THE ANSWER IT WILL NEVER LIE TO YOU

Original author unknown but appreciated


Dungeonkeeper At
The Oubliette
Assistant At
Sinnamon’s Island
Moderator At
Astarte's Pagan Realm
Starlite Bar & Grill
Pagan/Wiccan Girl Scouts
Guest Of
The Coffee Cauldron
Ultima Thule
Pagan Playground
The Flamin Yawn
Tir Nam Beo
Village of Dreams
Savant Society

"...there can be no good without evil... no love without hate... no heaven without hell... no light without darkness. The harmony of the universe depends upon an eternal balance. Out of the struggle to maintain this balance comes the birth of legends." Legend
 

 
From: Tarty (RAVENGIL) DelphiPlus Member Icon7/5/01 12:58 PM 
To: Leanan_Sidhe (ALDYTH2)  (27 of 111) 
 5706.27 in reply to 5706.26 
Hey!

That's not funny...it's true

:-p


Edited 4/24/2003 1:29:42 AM ET by Tarty (RAVENGIL)
 

 
From: Leanan_Sidhe (ALDYTH2)7/5/01 1:02 PM 
To: All  (28 of 111) 
 5706.28 in reply to 5706.1 
Signs That Your Parent Might Be a Witch

--------------------------------------------------
Your Mother Might Be A Witch If ...

She uses a butterknife for an athame, so that it won't harm any little hands.

She uses birthday candles; one, they are more economical; two, they can finish burning out by the time the child wakes up from their nap.

She starts to chant to the tunes of nursery rhymes.

When she invokes a Goddess, she first asks that the Goddess not wake up her child.

When she wants to call the quarters she uses legos; since they do come in blue, green, red and yellow. She simply builds a tower when calling the quarter, then kicks the tower over when she is finished.

Her ceremonial clothes are anything in the house that is still clean.

She uses essential oils on the baby wipes for her cleansing baths before rites.

She begins every spell with "Don't let the baby wake up before this spell is cast" and ends the spell with "Blessed be the Goddess for keeping the baby asleep! So mote it be!"
____________________________________________

Your Father Might Be A Witch If ...

He uses a screwdriver for an athame because everything in the house is falling apart.

He chants spells before and while opening a box for the new toy; in hopes that the instructions are in English and that he can follow them.

He now uses candles and wine as seduction tools for casting a circle around his wife; convincing her that he is invoking the Goddess within her.

His book of shadows now consists of instructions on what to do when mom decides to take off for the day.

He tells everyone they need haircuts; so secretly he can cast spells like: the baby will sleep the whole night through, and the wife will get her "before she was pregnant" sex drive back.


Dungeonkeeper At
The Oubliette
Assistant At
Sinnamon’s Island
Moderator At
Astarte's Pagan Realm
Starlite Bar & Grill
Pagan/Wiccan Girl Scouts
Guest Of
The Coffee Cauldron
Ultima Thule
Pagan Playground
The Flamin Yawn
Tir Nam Beo
Village of Dreams
Savant Society

"...there can be no good without evil... no love without hate... no heaven without hell... no light without darkness. The harmony of the universe depends upon an eternal balance. Out of the struggle to maintain this balance comes the birth of legends." Legend
 

 
From: Leanan_Sidhe (ALDYTH2)7/5/01 1:13 PM 
To: Tarty (RAVENGIL) DelphiPlus Member Icon  (29 of 111) 
 5706.29 in reply to 5706.27 
and VERY true at that! But perhaps placing it here will get the non-pagans to understand our veiws! Remember, I started this thread to try and come to a civil "meeting of the worlds" between the factions!

:]

Dungeonkeeper At
The Oubliette
Assistant At
Sinnamon’s Island
Moderator At
Astarte's Pagan Realm
Starlite Bar & Grill
Pagan/Wiccan Girl Scouts
Guest Of
The Coffee Cauldron
Ultima Thule
Pagan Playground
The Flamin Yawn
Tir Nam Beo
Village of Dreams
Savant Society

"...there can be no good without evil... no love without hate... no heaven without hell... no light without darkness. The harmony of the universe depends upon an eternal balance. Out of the struggle to maintain this balance comes the birth of legends." Legend
 

 
From: Tarty (RAVENGIL) DelphiPlus Member Icon7/5/01 1:53 PM 
To: Leanan_Sidhe (ALDYTH2)  (30 of 111) 
 5706.30 in reply to 5706.29 
And I think it is a wonderful thread!

Edited 4/24/2003 1:30:18 AM ET by Tarty (RAVENGIL)
 

 
Navigate this discussion: 1-10 11-20 21-30 31-40 41-50 ... 91-100 101-110 111
Adjust text size:
Using a mobile device? Switch to the Mobile Site.

Welcome, guest! Get more out of Delphi Forums by logging in.

New to Delphi Forums? You can log in with your Facebook, Twitter, or Google account or use the New Member Login option and log in with any email address.

Home | Help | Forums | Chat | Blogs | Advertising | Membership Plans
© Delphi Forums LLC All rights reserved. Privacy Policy. Terms of Service.