(Dumping in another little bit I just wrote to a client...we get close in this career...)

Yeah, as weird and intense as the nicotine withdrawal was, the not-smoking has def been the hard part. The first 2.5 weeks I would just wander around the upstairs wondering why I wasn't going outside to smoke. Even sill -- one month tonight! -- I have to sit on the back porch before I go to bed, or it'll be 90 min before I fall asleep. And then there's only getting like 50pp/day done...

So in the middle of today's pouty growly "grown-up" temper tantrum of "I'm gonna end up having one I just know it," I walk past someone smoking and there's just no pull to bum one. So that's cool.

Very cool !! 

Hey Meredith, be happy you can go on your back porch. I can't go out there yet, as that was my place just for smoking. I kid you not the squirrels having been climbing the screens looking for me. My poor plants have mostly died too. I want to enjoy my porch again, but I can only visualize smoking when I even glance towards it. Pathetic. 

All those crappy thoughts you're having......just wait until month 3. Grow out your nails so you can hang on tight. 

Michele

Killed the beast 7/9/19

I dunno about pathetic...I was sitting out there with a whiskey ginger watching the sunset, and not having a smoke in my hand was like an alternate reality, and not the good kind. I still can't fall asleep unless I go sit on the porch right before bed. We wired our brains that porch=smoke, and now we're trying to rewire the whole thing and ooooomg weird and a host of other adjectives, too. And I think it helps that my back porch is also the path to my garage/car, so there's brain patterns other than just smoking.

For whatever it may be worth, my Carr-inspired mindset is "bring it on," that I want to bring all that discomfort to me so I can retrain my brain and get it over with -- esp while I'm still super wary. What I fear is next year, two years, three years, when I've almost forgotten all about how much I hated being so trapped, and then a pattern I hadn't already dealt with comes up and bites me on the nose. I know it'll happen, but I'm super interested in trying to minimize it.

With any luck, I'll be able to remember all of that in the throes of Month 3. Given how "Week 3" lasted pretty much from day 16 to day 29, I have to admit I'm daunted. 'Cause yeah, it doesn't look easy. Maybe I'll get acrylics for the strength to hang on. 

Ooo, that's actually a really good idea. Say a little rhyme, light a little candle, get them taken off when the hell is over...

Oh yeah, and this

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1zm7Hf-2h8c

(Omglol, I totally didn't realize there were Christian overtones in that song....hope you don't mind me borrowing.)

While half the point is to whine to the only people who could possibly understand, I notice that I don't think I've said one thing about actual positive changes or experiences, save the lack of desire to bum a cig at the bus stop the other day. So:

I don't wheeze as I'm falling asleep.

My nose isn't completely congested by bedtime, even if I don't neti pot in the morning.

I hadn't cried over being inspired for a loooong time before last Saturday. 

I don't get a stitch in my side if I do a couple Jazzercise routines at high impact.

My expenses this month will be merely ridiculous, not completely insane.

Some personal power is coming back...actually that's funny, seeing as how I'd started smoking before Doing the Work. Nonetheless, there's this added shred of will or presence or something that wasn't there before.

Life is just that much simpler without having to worry about running out of cigarettes.  

CONGRATULATIONS SUGAR BISCUIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm SO proud of you!  You're right when you say, "Life is much simpler without worrying about running out of cigs".  Ain't THAT the truth.  Thank you for being such a star in my life.    You shine bright like a diamond babe!  xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Meredith (GettinFree) said:

Nonetheless, there's this added shred of will or presence or something that wasn't there before.

I know exactly what you mean and you are right, life is sooooooooo much simpler.  No more cough,(people always asked if I was coming down with a cold) no rattling in the chest, no sinus congestion, no getting nervous when I'm down to the last couple packs, no more stink.  Knowing all of this and loving my freedom, but still knowing I am one puff away from total addiction again.   Some very strange stuff is happening with us, Meredith. 

May we live in interesting times...