Confused malcontents swilling Chardonnay while awaiting the Zombie Apocalypse.
None of those last 3 worked.
I loved the guardian bit, though.
1. Law of Mechanical Repair
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will
begin to itch and you'll have to pee.
2. Law of Gravity
Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to
the least accessible place in the universe.
3. Law of Probability
The probability of being watched is directly proportional
to the stupidity of your act.
4. Law of Random Numbers
If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal;
someone always answers.
5. Variation Law
If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in willalways move faster than the one you are in now.