Unindicted Co-Conspirator 1

"We’ve got lots of theories, we just don’t have the evidence."

I almost feel bad for the guy and how far he has fallen since he was America's Mayor.

We remember the running hair dye

the farting while on an open mic

the embarrassing Borat 2 episode back when he was Trump's attorney where he is seen reaching into his trousers and adjusting his junk, getting ready for some action.

In the latest episode a Mrs Dunphy is suing him since she didn't receive enough money for various services. There are tapes. Why they had to release them I don't know.

MR. G: These breasts belong to me. Nobody else can get near these, okay? I don't care if they're flirting or they give you business cards. These are mine, you got it?

MS. D: Yes.

MR. G: Understand? I'm very possessive. I've gone easy on you.

MS. D: I don't know.

MR. G: I've been easy on you.

MS. D: You're pretty tough on me.

MR. G: I've been easy on you. Give them to me.

The tapes are not all sexy talk:

Passover. "They want to go through that freaking Passover all the time. Get over the Passover. It was like 3,000 years ago. Okay, the Red Sea parted. Big deal. Not the first time that happened."

Back to sexy talk:

"The way natural selection works, Jewish men have small cocks because they can't use them after they get married. Whereas the Italian men use them all their lives so they get bigger,"

Oy vey

Not clear how Matt Damon fits in here. By all accounts he's 5'10 and hetero. "Matt Damon is a faggot. Matt Damon is also 5’2, eyes are blue. Coochie-coochie-coochie-coo." ?

Neither Damon nor Giuliani have responded to requests for comments.

Dogma

• The foreskin of [a holy one] may lie safeguarded in reliquaries made of gold and crystal and inlayed with gems–or it may have ascended into the heavens all by itself. ⁽²⁾


• A race of giants once roamed the earth, the result of women and demi-gods interbreeding. ⁽¹⁾. They lived at the same time as fire breathing dragons. ⁽¹⁾



• Evil spirits can take control of pigs⁽¹⁾



• A talking donkey scolded a prophet. ^{(1, 3)}


• A righteous man can control his wife’s access to eternal paradise. ⁽⁶⁾


• Brown skin is a punishment for disobeying God.⁽⁶⁾


• A prophet once traveled between two cities on a miniature flying horse with the face of a woman and the tail of a peacock. ⁽⁴⁾


• [The Holy One] forbids a cat or dog receiving a blood transfusion and forbids blood meal being used as garden fertilizer. ⁽⁷⁾


• Sacred underwear protects believers from spiritual contamination and, according to some adherents, from fire and speeding bullets ⁽⁶⁾


• When certain rites are performed beforehand, bread turns into human flesh after it is swallowed. ⁽²⁾


• Invisible supernatural beings reveal themselves in mundane objects like oozing paint or cooking food. ⁽²⁾


• In the end times, [the Holy One’s] chosen people will be gathered together in Jackson County, Missouri. ⁽⁶⁾


• Believers can drink poison or get bit by snakes without being harmed. ⁽¹⁾


• Sprinkling water on a newborn, if done correctly, can keep the baby from eons of suffering should he or she die prematurely. ⁽²⁾


• Waving a chicken over your head can take away your sins. ⁽³⁾


• [A holy one] climbed a mountain and could see the whole earth from the mountain peak. ^{(1, 2)}


• Putting a dirty milk glass and a plate from a roast beef sandwich in the same dishwasher can contaminate your soul. ⁽³⁾


• There will be an afterlife in which exactly 144,000 people get to live eternally in Paradise. ⁽⁸⁾


• Each human being contains many alien spirits that were trapped in volcanos by hydrogen bombs. ⁽⁵⁾


• [A supernatural being] cares tremendously what you do with your penis or vagina. ^{(1,2,3,4,6,7,8)}

Key: 1-Evangelical or “Bible Believing” Christianity, 2-Catholic Christianity, 3-Judaism, 4-Islam, 5-Scientology, 6-Mormonism 7-Christian Science 8-Jehovah’s Witness

https://www.alternet.org/weird-religious-beliefs