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Another Dog lover git.   The Jovial You: Humor, Jokes and Riddles

Started Sep-24 by WALTER784; 41 views.
WALTER784
Staff

From: WALTER784

Sep-24

Another Dog lover git.
 
It's worth reading the whole thing, you'll be laughing~~~~
 
WHAT NOT TO DO…
 
Okay, so my neighbors have been complaining about my dog barking. I hate the electric zap collars, so I went on Amazon and purchased a humane citronella collar. When a dog barks, it shoots a blast of citronella under their nose and apparently, they don't like it. 
This morning I was getting the collar ready and filled it with the citronella liquid…And that's where my morning should have ended.
 
But no, it's me, and I become curious as to “how” the collars actually work, so I'm standing by my back door "barking" at my dog's collar. (Don't judge me lol)
 
Nothing happens. ?????
 
I make sure it's turned on, check the fill level, and go through the "getting started" check list one more time. ?? Again, I bark.
 
Nothing happens. ??
 
Now, I'm not quite sure, why I had this next thought, but I did... I put the collar on. I seriously extended the band and fit the growl box against my throat and barked.
 
Apparently, the collar only works if it feels vibrations, (who knew) because I immediately received a blast of citronella to the face! I began coughing, which only caused the collar to continue squirting citronella spray over and over into my nasal cavity. 
 
I'm now on my hands and knees in my back yard, trying to breathe, and to make matters worse, the dog is barking!
 
So, between coughing and yelling at him to shut up, I've emptied over a dozen blasts of citronella to my face. 
 
During all of this ruckus, I'm trying to undo the clasp of the collar, which has somehow managed to weld shut during this whole fiasco!
 
I finally get the collar off and threw, yes, I THREW that inhumane thing across the yard, and laid in the grass sucking in the hot humid air.
 
In the middle of thinking this is probably the dumbest thing I've done in a while, I hear laughter. MY NEIGHBOR SAW THE WHOLE THING! He was laughing so hard he couldn't breathe. between gasps, he tells me, "I was gonna come help, but every time I started to walk over, you'd set it off again and then I would start laughing and I couldn't make it." (Gee thanks jerkface)
 
So now, not only are my eyes red, but my face and ears are too. After checking to make sure I was ok, we parted ways and I went inside to shower so I wouldn't smell like ode de' Tiki Torch.
 
Lesson learned... next time (yes, there will always be a next time with me) I’ll make sure that:
 
1. Don't fill the collar before trying to set it off.
 
2. Remember my neighbor is not a good source of help in a comedy crisis situation. On the plus side, I won't have a mosquito problem for a few days!(eternal optimist here)
 
3. I hate to break the news that it's a copied story that gave me a good laugh, so feel free to do the same... however... I am going to see if such a thing exists.
 
Have an amazing day!!
 
FWIW
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