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Other Legal-Lawyer Related   The Jovial You: Humor, Jokes and Riddles

Started Sep-28 by WALTER784; 92 views.
WALTER784

From: WALTER784

Sep-28

Other Legal-Lawyer Related
 
Found in the April 1992 issue of "The Working Communicator":
 
From the Salt Lake City Deseret News: "Juvenile Court To Try Shooting Defendant"
 
From the Jackson, Mississippi Clarion-Ledger: "Suicides Asked To Reconsider"
 
From the Sacramento Bee: "Drug Firm Ordered To Supply Women"
 
From the San Francisco Examiner: "New Autos To Hit 5 Million"
 
From the Honolulu Pacific Business News: "Office Building Permits Plunge"
 
The lawsuit Irene Geschke, then age 55, filed against a mortgage company in 1979 in Chicago has passed its 15th anniversary without coming to trial. There have been more than 530 motions and orders, and nine dates for trial have come and gone. Geschke claims the mortgage company caused her to go out of business when it wrongly foreclosed on a loan and is now acting as her lawyer, managing the one ton of legal documents involved in the case.
 
Apparently weary of inter-family bickering in the federal bankruptcy case of Judith Herskowitz of Florida, Judge Jay Cristol ordered Herskowitz in March to "obtain and mail to" her sister Susan Charney, at least five days before Susan's next birthday, a card which reads "Happy Birthday, Sister" and contains the signature of Ms. Herskowitz. Further, Cristol ordered that "the card shall not contain any negative, inflammatory, or unkind remarks."
 
In Pittsburgh in March of 1994, Donita Jo Artis, 24, told prosecutors and the judge, after being denied custody of her 3-year-old son and sentenced to prison for beating him until he was blind, deaf, and unable to walk, "You guys are so unfair."
 
In June 1994 in London, lawyers for convicted murderer Stephen Young filed an appeal after learning from one juror that three other jurors had conducted a Ouija board seance during jury deliberations and "contacted" the dead man, who named Young as the killer.
 
Prosecutor: Did you kill the victim?
Defendant: No, I did not.
Prosecutor: Do you know what the penalties are for perjury?
Defendant: Yes, I do. And they're a hell of a lot better than the penalty for murder.
 
Judge: Why did you kick Mr. Smith in the crotch?
Defendant: How was I supposed to know he was going to suddenly turn around?
 
The following is a courtroom exchange between a defense attorney and a farmer with a bodily injury claim.
It came from a Houston, Texas insurance agent.
 
Attorney: At the scene of the accident, did you tell the constable you had never felt better in your life?
Farmer: That's right.
Attorney: Well, then, how is it that you are now claiming you were seriously injured when my client's auto hit your wagon?
Farmer: When the constable arrived, he went over to my horse, who had a broken leg, and shot him. Then he went over to Rover, my dog, who was all banged up, and shot him. When he asked me how I felt, I just thought under the circumstances, it was a wise choice of words to say I've never felt better in my life.
 
Mary Louise Gilman, the venerable editor of the National Shorthand Reporter has collected many of the more hilarious courtroom bloopers in two books, 'Humor in the Court' (1977) and 'More Humor in the Court', published a few months ago.
From Mrs. Gilman's two volumes, here are some of my favorite transquips, all recorded by America's keepers of the word:
 
Q: What is your brother-in-law's name?
A: Borofkin.
 
Q: What's his first name?
A: I can't remember.
 
Q: He's been your brother-in-law for years, and you can't remember his first name?
A: No. I tell you I'm too excited. (Rising from the witness chair and pointing to Mr. Borofkin.) Nathan, for God's sake, tell them your first name!
 
Q: Did you ever stay all night with this man in New York?
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