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Tabbi's Journal   Quit Stories and Journals

Started Jan-7 by Tabbi05; 501 views.
Tabbi05

From: Tabbi05

Jan-7

Hello. This is my quit smoking journal. As of 9:00 pm EST today, I've been a former smoker for 72 hours. I just stumbled upon this group through Google trying to find some support. I'm hoping that just being able to get my feelings out will help what I am feeling now. 

The first two days were great. I had a few cravings here and there, but nothing exciting or hard to pass over. This evening however, I've had these thoughts like "Why does this even matter?" And "You only live once, so you might as well enjoy it and smoking is something you enjoy." And it's true, I did enjoy it and I do only have one life to live, but there are reasons and it does matter. 

I started smoking when I was 11. I mean, actually inhaling and becoming addicted to nicotine. I really had my first experience with cigarettes at 7. Today, I am 30 years old with an awesome husband of 13 years and 3 amazing kids. I smoked for 19 years. Almost my entire life. Isn't that just awful? I am smart, caring, and I know better. I know what smoking can do to you, yet I continued smoking for 19 years. I've watched two of the most important people in my life waste away to nothing and die because of smoking related cancers. After watching the second death, I had to be hospitalized in a psychiatric unit. But I still continued to smoke. 

Smoking has consumed me. It was in every piece and part of my life. I have never known what to do without them. They never really made me feel better, but they made me seem like they were. My husband is still smoking and I don't know that he'll ever quit, but I hope that my example can help him.

Now, the reasons it does matter that I stay quit are as follows:

-So that I am no longer a slave

-So I can breathe and not be an old lady chained to an O2 tank.

-So my kids and grandkids don't have to watch me waste away and suffer.

-To save money

-To feel better

-To smell better

And those are only a few. My list could go on forever. 

I also may only live once, but I want to enjoy the life I have. Especially when I'm older. And I really and truly want to experience life without cigarettes. I see people doing it so I know it can be done. 

I'm doing my best to relax tonight and remind myself not to give up. It's just a rough day and I have to keep pushing through to meet my goal. I'm sure it won't be the last rough day either, but if I can build on this day I can be stronger for the next one. <3

breathefree

From: breathefree

Jan-7

Tabbi 05 You have come to the right place.There are many of us who have asked the same questions and I promise you if you join the January group you will get lots of support and homework from a Mod too.

Read as much as you can and post too  and soon you will see the days go past.

Its great you made those first days and once you are past day3 you will be past the physical addiciton.Now its time to change your thinking and kick the voice in your head.Every time you resist the urge to smoke you become stronger .

Triff

Tabbi05

From: Tabbi05

Jan-7

Thank you so much. It's always nice to know that I'm not alone. 

Welcome to the very best place to get the very best chance of actually Quitting. The withdrawal period during Hell Week (week 1) is so tough but you are halfway there so hang on and keep reading so you get an idea of how this addiction can be handled till you finally get free of it. Life truly is better as an exsmoker and those precious children of yours deserve a healthy nice smelling mommy. Children worry that their parents will die by smoking cigarettes so keep committed to ending your drug addiction. Also smoking is no longer socially accepted as it did years ago so get quit and stay quit. Be a great example for your children and an inspiring motivator for your hubby. Quitting is the best thing you could ever do for yourself. Good luck in your quit.

"Quitting isn't for Sissies!" I quit poisoning myself Sept. 27, 2013 

Tabbi05

From: Tabbi05

Jan-7

Thank you so much, Debbie! Besides myself, my kids are my biggest reason for quitting. My daughter worries the most. She's my oldest and she's 11. I have always told them, her especially, how bad smoking is. My greatest fear is that one of them will smoke. I hope by going through this journey with them it will show them not to ever pickup this awful habit. 

VentasSue

From: VentasSue

Jan-8

Hey Tabbi

Your reasons for quitting are incentive enough for you to quit smoking but, as you say, you will enjoy so many more benefits as the weeks of being smoke-free pass.  Some, you will not have even imagined yet.

You really have come to the right place for education, help and support from the wonderful people here.  The great thing is that we are all doing this - some just starting out while others have been smoke-free for years but still have such a great feeling of gratitude that they now stick around or pop in occasionally to help us all out.

You will experience difficult times.  We smoked for many years, so, it takes quite a while for our brains to accustom to functioning without nicotine.  I am managing to get through the process of freeing myself of this addiction by staying very close to this Forum, reading as much as I can and following as much advice as I possibly can.  It's working.  I smoked heavily for 52 years so its not been easy to get free but, with the help of this Forum and the people here, I'm doing it.

It's great that you have decided to quit smoking when your eldest daughter is the same age as you were when you started.  Maybe she could also help you during the more difficult parts of your quit and, then, she may understand that smoking is not just a habit, it is an addiction to nicotine and cigarettes are the complete opposite of our friends and allies - they are our lethal enemies.

You can do this and you're in the right place to do it.  We'll be with you all the way.

Have you found the January 2017 Ex-Smokers group on the left here under 'Introductions/Newcomers Nook?  I'm a member of last year's January group and, although our numbers have dwindled during the year, there are still a few of us strongly carrying on with our commitment to find freedom from nicotine.

Big Hugs, Suestar2star2star2star2star2star2star2star2star2star2star2

Quit 11th January 2016

Tabbi05 said:

Smoking has consumed me. It was in every piece and part of my life. I have never known what to do without them.

Hi Tabbi,

I felt like I was reading about myself when I read this.  The only difference is that I kept right on smoking for 40+ yrs.  There is never a good time to quit so now is the best time.   You have a great list going, keep adding to it and put it in a place where you can see it everyday.

The thoughts of 'what's the use' will come on often and hard.  It's the automatic Junkie Thinking that comes along with the mental withdraw we experience.  You can do this with support.

Carol03Oct

From: Carol03Oct

Jan-8

Hi Tabbi - I read this and thought this could be have been me 27 years ago.   I also started thinking about quitting when I was much younger and did have many attempts over the years.  Just weather through the tough days - just think to yourself that if you want to quit now, you will always want to quit.  Don't let 20 more years go by always trying to quit, having a few months or years of smoking in between continual quits.  Work at this one - it is not impossible - but it does take a very strong will at times.  You will be so much happier if you put it behind you now and leave it there - good going!!  You are well on your way now - hang in there - you can do this!

Carol

Quit Oct 3/16

Tabbi05

From: Tabbi05

Jan-8

Sue, The January group was the first thing I found upon arriving here. It was a wonderful welcome to see last night. Just getting all this out and knowing there are other people going through and feeling the same things I am, is a huge help to me. I recently moved pretty far from most of my family, so I don't have a huge support system here, but the ones I do have, have been really awesome. So it's great to know you and everyone else is here. 

In reply toRe: msg 1
Tabbi05

From: Tabbi05

Jan-8

This getting my feelings out is really helping. So here I go with my thoughts and feeling of Today...

Today I woke up feeling awful and hacking up all the disgusting crap I put in my body for the last 19 years. It wouldn't be so bad, but it's giving me and awful headache. Lots of ibuprofen and water are on tap for the day. I'm really just trying to take it easy and not fight what my body is trying to do to clean itself up. 

I'm not really craving today, I just kind of feel lost on what to do with my hands. Or maybe even like a piece of me is missing. So I'm trying to keep myself busy too. Playing some games with the kids, reading a book, and getting some laundry done. Nothing exciting, but I think that's just the ticket for how I'm feeling today. <3

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