Formerly known as the About.com Smoking Cessation support forum, this community is open to all who are recovering from nicotine addiction.
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So I am new to this forum idea for support and thought I'd give it a try. However, I am not new to the quitting smoking idea. I have tried numerous times and "successfully" quit with all three of my pregnancies (years ago) and sporadic quitting attempts using cessation aids like the patches. I have been a "closet" smoker for years. I have kept it "hidden" from my husband (who is a non smoker and the topic of my smoking has been such a sore subject we no longer talk about it. Out of sight out of mind.). I have hidden it from my four children as well. They all know and have confronted me about it. I always vow to them I'll quit. I decided about two months ago I was going to try again. I picked thanksgiving to be my quit day. Every cigarette I smoked (between 8-10 a day) for the month before thanksgiving I'd focus on one of my many reasons for quitting. Three days before my quit day I found a beach rock one of my kids had given me. It is small and smooth and fits into the palm of my hand perfectly. I held that rock and put upon it all my reasons for quitting. I keep it in the car (my refuge place to smoke, complete with air freshener, wet one wipes, and breath mints - all of which are gone since quitting). I clutch that rock while driving to keep my hands busy and my mind focused on quitting. It keeps me from pulling in the nearest gas station to buy a pack. I am now almost two weeks into this journey and have not had a cigarette. I also have not had any support outside of my own head. It is so very difficult to do on my own. I did tell my husband and he is proud of me. I'm sure he won't speak of it again and my mentioning it to him will not give me the kind of support I believe I need from people who have been through it and are going through it. I am hosting a very large Christmas party in a couple weeks and many of my close friends are smokers (all of whom I have been avoiding these past couple weeks). I am afraid I will slip up. I've already had thoughts of "maybe I'll just have one with them". And so here I am. Looking for your support and insight into how to handle this night. I will have my rock with me but just feeling like I need a little more to stand on at this point
it is very important to continue with life and break associations with smoking. if you dont smoke at this party the next party you have will be easier. allen carr book explains this better. choose an award you can give to yourself after the party is over. also i recommend not drinking. no smoking inside. burn scent candles. drink calming tea throughout. keep reminding yourself it is marvelous to be a nonsmoker. you dont smell. you dont have to leave a party to smoke. rudely end a conersation because you need a fix. if you dont smoke you are still killing the nicotine monster. remember to take control. you get overwhelmed take a break at your party. wish you the best
You have made a wise choice joining this forum for support. Here you will find loads of imformation about understanding and beating this horrid addiction, one day at a time. Here we all support one another and are guided by our wonderful moderators.
You have taken the first big step on your journey and have managed on your own not to smoke for two whole weeks, be proud of yourself because that takes some courage and is quite an acheivement so far. Having found this forum you no longer have to feel alone as we all know and understand what your going through. My advice to you is read as much as possible on the forum and keep posting for help and support.
Take this one minute, then one day at a time. You can do this.
First of all, huge congratulations on almost two weeks' smoke-free. Secondly, I truly think that finding this Forum and posting here will be the thing which can, with a lot of hard work on your part, make this your final quit.
My heart went out to you when you describe how you've been a 'closet' smoker for so very long. It must have torn you in two to be putting on a pretense all the time - even worse when you knew that your family were aware of what you were doing. Every fibre of your body must want to quit and I just know that each day you go without smoking, your self-esteem will be so much higher.
I love the idea of using your smooth rock as a talisman and distraction from smoking. Here you will also find many, many more tips on how we can succeed in our quits. You can choose to join a Group here. I think you said that you quit in November, so that group is now called 'NOPEembers 2017' and you will see their thread on the left under the grey heading of 'Quit Buddies Unite'. However, you can post anywhere you wish on the Forum and if you're more comfortable joining the other new-comers, post in the 'Welcome December 2017 Ex-Smokers' thread, again on the left but under the heading of 'Introductions/Newcomers Nook'. Read as much as you can on the Forum - an educated quit is a successful quit!
The best way to deal with your party is to pull up every ounce of determination you have and swear to yourself that you will not smoke a day at a time. This does, of course, include the day of the party when it comes around. Post here whenever you feel shaky and need support. Stress goes with entertaining and it is inevitable that you will feel tempted to relieve this stress by smoking. I can assure you that, although we have for many, many years (52 on my part) thought of cigarettes as our friends who helped us through difficult times, we were totally wrong. I can now handle any situation - happy, sad or stressful - better than I did when I smoked. This is due to the huge amount of self-respect and love I now feel for myself since I quit. Boy, if I can quit smoking - I can do anything!!
So, if you want to succeed, keep in touch with us here. Post often and read whenever possible. Time and patience are necessary for us to quit but it's quite incredible how, looking back now, the time I have been a non-smoker seems to have flown past. You will never regret quitting but you would regret smoking again. That I know for a fact.
Have a lovely smoke-free day.
Welcome to the forum. Education on nicotine addiction and support are both a very important park of the process of quitting. This place was a lifeline to me and can be for you. As a former closet smoker I feel for you. It's an exhausting life style keeping the addiction under wraps. Anyway, keep your chair pulled up and read and post. You may like to join a few others who quit in November, just click on the NOPEembers `17 link below. Also check out all the links in the Welcome December 2017 Ex-Smokers thread. There are wonderful articles and tips.
Thank you for the links to these articles and for your support. Some of the things that were said in the closet smoker articles really hit home for me. So much so that I cried... I really thought I was alone in my secret habit. I will keep reading and learning. Feeling confident today. Thanks. (And I will check out the November group for posting).
Thank you so much for your understanding and support. I am feeling good today. So happy to have found this site. I will check out the NOPEember group for posting. I will "rock on!" (Reference to my talisman rock. Lol).
You are not alone in having been a closet smoker. I dug up this thread you might like to read through. Getting the nicodemon off our backs once and for all is truly liberating.
I was a closet smoker - I found refuge behind grocery stores, in far away parking lots, back alleys; any place where judgmental eyes would be minimized.
Funny but many smokers cite the social aspect as being a reason they started smoking - I found it isolating.
I am glad I don't need to live a life of shame - one big reason why not smoking is so great
Thank you for that thread. I see myself in ALL of them! The paranoid driving afraid I'd see someone in the car next to me I knew... Windows open and heat blasting in the dead of winter... I even had a towel handy in my car to put over the controls on the door so I could open my window in the rain without getting the electronics wet... I would even be so paranoid about seeing someone I knew while smoking in my car that I'd only take a drag when the car coming toward me was a safe distance away. I could write a book on how to be a deceitful, lying, selfish person in order to get a nicotine fix. I am/was the master of it. It is truly exhausting. I am just so tired.