About Smoking Cessation Forum

Hosted by Terry (abquitsmking)

Formerly known as the About.com Smoking Cessation support forum, this community is open to all who are recovering from nicotine addiction.

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August 2019 Ex-Smokers    Quit Buddies Unite

Started 1/28/19 by Terry (abquitsmking); 24047 views.
VIV691 (NOSMOKING3)

From: VIV691 (NOSMOKING3)

Sep-25

My journal is just under the sectioncalled journals.  It is just called VIV MOVING FORWARD

KalyaRed

From: KalyaRed

Sep-29

Hi Johnson! 

I hadn't been here in a while. Have you been doing ok? Your message didn't have me in cc so I wasn't notified when you wrote it

I'm not in the best place today. I hope you're keeping strong. 

ModAndrea

From: ModAndrea

Oct-2

Hey, Kalya!

I just read your post. How are you doing today? I know how tough this can be at times. What's important is to remember that it does get better. You can do this.

Hugs,

Andrea

KalyaRed

From: KalyaRed

Oct-2

Hi Andrea

Thank you so much for replying! 

The day I posted I almost relapsed. I had a fit of anger and bought a pack of cigarettes.

Then I sat in the same garden where I relapsed two years ago and thought, wow the last time I was strong enough to even take the leap was two years ago. I must have struggled for some 2 or 3 hours with a cigarette in my hands and in my mouth and reading articles about how easy would it be after a relapse, slips, relapse and success rates among depressed patients. Then I re read all the answers from this forum I'd bookmarked before, both in this and the last quit. Your fish was one of them :) 

I had been dreaming a lot about smoking. Most of the times when I was about to cave in my dream I'd pause and think "I can still not do this" 

So I just sat there saying "I can still not do this" out loud, sounding like a maniac to passers-by, remembering the last time I relapsed in that place, how it felt once I Inhaled and realised I'd wasted the worst month ever and thinking of how awful all my relapses tasted. 

I'm in day 48 but I'm a bit shaky all of a sudden. 

Sorry if this answer is a bit incoherent. I'm still a bit confused and just got off work but it really felt good that you remembered to reply :) thank you! 

Brenda (1sept19)

From: Brenda (1sept19)

Oct-2

Incoherent and confused is the primary language on this forum, so we all understand it. wink  Sorry you are going through shakey times, they do come out of nowhere, but it sounds like you did a lot of soul searching in that garden.  You also came through it a winner for another day and a lot of healing took place.  I think you are doing great, pat yourself on the back, be good to yourself and give yourself time.   

KalyaRed

From: KalyaRed

Oct-2

Such a sweet reply, Brenda, thank you! 

We're both releasing butterflies. 

I too like peaceful. It took me three hours to give up on my junkie thinking. I was lucky the dreams prepared me - one of the mornings after dreaming I had smoked I woke up crying and feeling like a failure. I tried to remember that feeling when I was close to giving in :) 

ModAndrea

From: ModAndrea

Oct-2

(((((Kalya)))))

Wow! What you did was HUGE. You literally stared down that cigarette and remained smoke free Well done. blush

It's perfectly normal to feel shaky and confused. Keep moving forward and know that this too will pass. It absolutely does get better.

Hugs,

Andrea

P.S. I'm glad you liked the fish. fishfishfish

KalyaRed

From: KalyaRed

Oct-2

It feels so great to read that! Thank you for the encouragement!

There were two of myself fighting there - one that was just over fighting and struggling and watching every one around me smoke everywhere and my husband going out for a smoke after dinner and after every little argument - and one thinking I don't really want to do this every hour of every day of every week for another year, let alone forever, what am I deciding? It won't be just one. 

I hope I can keep going :) 

Brenda (1sept19)

From: Brenda (1sept19)

Oct-2

We will both find our freedom, Kalya ! One day at a time.

KalyaRed

From: KalyaRed

Oct-2

That's it. One day - one butterfly at a time :) 

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