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36 hours ...sort of   Quit Stories and Journals

Started 9/4/19 by Meredith (GettinFree); 11712 views.
In reply toRe: msg 33
Meredith (GettinFree)

From: Meredith (GettinFree)

9/20/19

Ohohoh, becoming an ex-smoker is like having your period: lots of people know what you're going through, but not everyone, and those who don't know have no clue that there's a whole world of things about it.

Head is much calmer today. I even had a second dream in one week! This was also about school (i.e., retraining, i.e., becoming an ex-smoker), but rather than getting rejected for licensure and crying like I used to, I was getting settled in a dorm room and prepping for classes. The song Calling All Angels featured, which I take as indication to enlist the support of my Superfriends, Quan Yin, Jesus, and White Buffalo Calf Woman. Woke up with a different song in my head:

Come here. No, I won't say please. One more look at the ghost before I'm gonna make him leave.
Come here. I got the pieces here. Gonna gather up the splinters, build a casket for my tears.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KRUErh47sao

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o3lBF2h-Pl0

In reply toRe: msg 40
Meredith (GettinFree)

From: Meredith (GettinFree)

9/21/19

Said the other tings to the person (by email, what a chicken), and yeah, okay, embarrassment is a trigger for sure. I could murder a cigarette right about now.

But instead I'll murder a nicodemon, and drink some water.

alexisfree

From: alexisfree

9/21/19

Good job Meredith!  I’m drinking water right now.  Today was a little heavier on the cravings for me as well.  Just gotta make it til bedtime!  blush

In reply toRe: msg 41
Meredith (GettinFree)

From: Meredith (GettinFree)

9/24/19

Welp, three weeks here in about an hour. With any luck last week's depression hole /was/ the ickiness. We shall see. 

Less active here partly because I seem to have gotten some of my ability to work back. Two days of a normal amount of work isn't yet a pattern but here's hoping. (Then I can start working on the amount of work I should be doing to pay off that resort vacation I'd bought...)

I guess that's the theme here: cautious optimism. 

And hold the perky...also why I haven't been super active. Just not much cheerleader over here the last couple days. Maybe it'll come back; maybe it won't. It's a discovery, what I've got to work with now, which bits are the real me...

In reply toRe: msg 43
Meredith (GettinFree)

From: Meredith (GettinFree)

9/24/19

 Two years ago I turned to my 16yo niece and said, "Don't do it. It's a trap." Since then the trap'd been getting more and more unbearable. 

We're getting free!

 "Say I really quit"...dealt with the same, smoking herbal cigs the first few days post nicotine. 

I went the other way around, with herbal cigs, until I let Allen Carr convince me otherwise and I declared myself quit-quit. Now I'm not so sure I wasn't right (for me) with my original plan to stay on the herbals for another little while after I got over the nicotine. Or that's the junkie thinking talking. Mistake or no, the deed is done and I won't renege, but I still wonder if this is just another instance of going someone else's way instead of my own. 

That, or this bout of resignation is being brought to you by the 3-week ickiness.

We shall see.

alexisfree

From: alexisfree

9/24/19

Meredith (GettinFree) said:

That, or this bout of resignation is being brought to you by the 3-week ickiness.

Excellent analysis.  Yeah, I'm feeling the blues over here.  Overwhelmed by work.  Hating EVERYTHING.  Apparently my brain decided to stop working today.  WTF.

Meredith (GettinFree)

From: Meredith (GettinFree)

9/24/19

Dumb and angry is just about my least favorite set of mental states ever. Yuuuck. purple_heart 

Let's just get through today and see if we can't go to bed a little early tonight, get this poo of a day over with so we can be bright and shiny and smart and productive tomorrow.

alexisfree

From: alexisfree

9/24/19

Right????? Ok let’s do this

In reply toRe: msg 44
Meredith (GettinFree)

From: Meredith (GettinFree)

9/26/19

TED talk "Everything you think you know about addiction is wrong"

https://www.ted.com/talks/johann_hari_everything_you_think_you_know_about_addiction_is_wrong

Thank goodness for this forum.

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