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SOS   Quit Support

Started 10/17/19 by KalyaRed; 5381 views.
KalyaRed

From: KalyaRed

10/20/19

I'm sorry. Last night the argument with my husband finished me. I did relapse. I smoked. 

I'm sorry. You all gave me actually a great support, links, videos, websites, it was beautiful and I know I wasted your time. 

This relapse was preparing itself to come already. 

I'm ashamed but I have to be honest with you. 

Jpatrick1996

From: Jpatrick1996

10/20/19

Good morning Kalya,

I'm sorry to read that you had a relapse....it happens!

I think I understand what you are going through, as we both share the same addiction. I used to use the frequent intense arguments with my wife as a reason to return to smoking........every time. Her fault.

WRONG.

After many failed quit attempts, I realized that my arguments with my wife were an EXCUSE, not a REASON. After some further soul searching, I realized and admitted that I actually 'engineered' the majority of the  arguments in order to have an EXCUSE to return to my addiction. Addiction is terrible, makes a person do terrible things......even to themselves.

If I may borrow some inspiring words from 'The Chairman of the Board':

'Now nothing's impossible, I've found for when my chin is on the ground,
I pick myself up, dust myself off, and start all over again.
Don't lose your confidence if you slip, be grateful for a pleasant trip,
And pick yourself up, dust off, start over again.
Work like a soul inspired until the battle of the day is won.
You may be sick and tired, but you be a (wo)man, my (daughter)son.
Will you remember the famous ones who have to fall to rise again,
So take a deep breath, pick yourself up, start all over again.'

?Kudos on your honesty, the only way to beat this, and welcome back!

I wish you peace in your quit, today and everyday.

?Patrick

?Quit - July 16th, 2019

KalyaRed

From: KalyaRed

10/20/19

Hi Patrick, 

I don't know why but your words had the instant effect of releasing some of the tears that were stuck inside and wouldn't get out. 

Thank you for that, I needed it. 

I don't really think it was his fault. And maybe I have in the past but this time I don't think I engineered the arguments either, we've been drifting apart a bit and some of his attitudes have been puzzling not just me but more people around him. 

But still, it was my move to go and smoke. 

I have to take a deep breath, dust myself off and start all over again. 

Thank you!

Jpatrick1996

From: Jpatrick1996

10/20/19

Good morning Kalya,

You are most welcome.

I'm happy if you found some value in me relaying my own experience.

I'm a 55 year old man and I have shed more tears in the past few months than I care to recall. Terrible thing, being addicted......if you choose to continue the addiction, that is. IMHO, if one chooses to fight an addiction and win, it can be a character building experience where one can really get to know and accept one's self, strengths, weaknesses, 'warts and all'..as the saying goes!

Have a wonderful smoke free day!

Patrick

Quit - July 16th, 2019

4quitness

From: 4quitness

10/20/19

I'm so very sorry this happened to you, Kayla. This is my first real quit, so I don't know what it feels like to relapse. I'm sure if you have done it before then you know how to restart.

I do know that all of us our only one puff away from relapsing. I'm wanting to smoke so badly right now, and it's not due to any external stresses. I'm guessing the last of the icky 3's has me in it's jaws and is shaking me half to death.

You didn't have to tell anyone but you did. That shows me right there that you're really feeling bad about relapsing, and you can and will start another quit. Stay close to us here and rant about your husband or whatever helps.

CindiS319

From: CindiS319

10/20/19

Good morning Kalya,

You haven't wasted my time or anyone elses.  Just realize it for what it is... a relapse.  Don't use it as an excuse to going back to smoking full force.  Believe me, I quit so many times it's not funny.  And the arguments with my still smoking husband didn't help.  Just get right back on the band wagon and start over.  You can do this!  And we will continue to be here for you regardless of a relapse.  Big hugs!

KalyaRed

From: KalyaRed

10/20/19

Hi Michele, 

This didn't exactly happen to me as much as I did it to myself. I did get support from this forum. I got all the right answers. But I was too angry and too sad to think straight and be faithful to myself and my pledge. I gave up. See what I mean? 

It happened yes, but I'm not the victim here. I was just a sissy. 

If you could see me now you wouldn't have any desire for a smoke and if I were you I'd read the advice you gave me. Read every answer in this thread as if it was written to you. 

I'll take your offer to rant about my husband though... Because I have to start again now. 

Thank you so much for your support! 

KalyaRed

From: KalyaRed

10/20/19

Hi Cindi, 

The arguments with my still smoking husband and the sound of the door closing behind him after each one to go outside and smoke - yeah so you do know how I feel. 

What do I do now? Do I go to the October quitters group? 

Brenda (1sept19)

From: Brenda (1sept19)

10/20/19

Aww Kalya, you haven't ever wasted our time. Each time you quit smoking, you learn something. You said that you knew this relapse was coming on for awhile.  I knew that too, in my previous attempts, that a relapse was coming.  It was a change in my mindset and attitude and I started listening to the junkie within. I started giving myself excuses to smoke and the addiction won.  I don't want to let the addiction win anymore.  I so hope that you will stay with us and let the relapse be a slip and just get on with your quit. You are worth all the work you put into this and you are worthy of freedom from this addiction.  BIG HUGS  to you.

KalyaRed

From: KalyaRed

10/20/19

Those hugs are precious, Brenda :) 

I'm back on the struggle. I'll have to rethink some things but I want to keep releasing butterflies with you. 

It can't be all or nothing. I have to keep going. 

Hugs to you! 

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